The Weekend in Review

Well, the resident family mechanic looked at my van. He replaced the transmission filter, but could not repair the seal, since all three need to be replaced, and one requires dropping the tranny. That's a 2-day job so probably won't be tackled until after the new year.

My family got to see the fridge that was sent up yesterday. In all fairness (or maybe because I believe in the good in most people) the landlord has not seen the refrigerator. He was at his FT job while all this transpired. I didn't even have the desire to call about it yesterday. I will however be looking for my own fridge today.

My nine-year-old niece got the shock o f her life yesterday when, while playing in her dad's pickup truck, she popped it out of park and it rolled down the driveway into the street! She was fine and no cars were coming. She was sent inside and told to sit down on the couch by her mother, where she stayed until they left several minutes later. She was bawling by the time I got in there, and Mom was talking to her. Then her dad came in a few minutes later and she started again. She's definitely not the cry-baby type of kid either. I explained to her that nobody else there knows how she was feeling more than Tee-Tee because it happened to me at that age too. I told her I know she was terrified, but be thankful that nothing bad happened because I had to be immobile for two weeks for busting my knees wide open. I am 33 years old and still have the scars til this day.

I didn't get to relax my hair this weekend. So if it all falls out, you will know why.

The New Guy came over last night and didn't leave until about 2a this time. What we do is he comes over after I have put the kids to bed, that way they don't have to see him yet. Not until I am ready for them to ideally, which may be a few weeks from now. I am still on the fence about this one. Here's why. He's a bit larger than I am used to. I would not call him fat. I would say more like 'some extra pounds'. Losing 40 pounds wouldn't be too much. Never mind the woman in the picture (a staff member at Urban Network Magazine) this is good comparison to The New Guy's size:

That man, by the way, is the late Gerald Levert. Just passed this November at the tender age of 40 years old. The same age as The New Guy, I might add.

So, I don't what is holding me back here besides possibly fear of repetition. Maybe it's that intuition thing telling me to be wary. Or maybe I am just being paranoid about this one because of the last one. Everything else is there. We can laugh, we can talk, he has a real relationship with his children, he seems to be very involved at church and have a relationship with God, he has a great smile, and is handsome to me. He already seems to adore me, and has gone more out of his way in the first weeks of this relationship than most of the men in my past ever did. I can honestly say that if, when I first met him, he were smaller, I would be denying myself the ability to tell him I was falling in love with him.

Am I that shallow? I thought my vanity had toned down significantly over the years. But maybe it hadn't. I am not unattracted to him either. We have definitely gotten into some passionate kissing and even a wandering hand (or two). I wasn't grossed out or anything close to that. It was exactly the opposite, actually (blush). Maybe I feel like because he is not in better physical shape that I am settling for "less than the best"? But for pete's sake, is all the things I've never had before at the same time, in one man still not enough to trump one thing?

What the hell is wrong with me?!

Will work for free therapy sessions...

Playing Hooky

So here I am on a Sunday afternoon, NOT at church. Church where my nine-year old man is singing a solo today with the children's choir. Church where I share a very good relationship with 'my girl' the Pastor. Church where I was once the secretary before full-time employment got in the way. I am home.

So your first question is why am I home, and my child is not? Well, my oldest two caught a ride with my oldest sister today. No, I'm not that much of a slacker mom! I was waiting on our resident family mechanic to get here to hopefully fix my transmission. I am totally sure God understands.

I am also still tickled about the peice of crap refrigerator that the landlord had sent to this house yesterday. People, it is filthy on the outside. Like to the point of only wanting to touch it with the tips of your pointy finger and thumb filthy. But wait! There's more! On the door of the fridge part at the bottom, where there's supposed to be a bar to keep the food from sliding out? There is brown tape!! No really, I'm totally serious. And now for the icing on this 3-year-old fruitcake:
The top freezer part has black mold in it!!! Ummm-mmmm.

He could have just slapped me, and it would have been less insulting.

On a much brighter note, The New Guy let it slip that he is falling in love with me yesterday!

The New Guy

So where do I begin with the new guy? Well, there isn't a joke that I throw that he doesn't get. We can laugh about anything. We can talk about anything. It's great!
People. He digs Prince. AND Terrance Trent D'Arby. Wow!
Okay, so here are the stats: He's 40, twice-divorced (like me), two children (ages 9 & 10), very involved at church, working on his Associate's Degree in Theology to become a licensed minister, great smile, warm heart, genuine personality, great sense of humor. There is a comfortableness between us that is rather uncanny. The same comfortableness that I have with Can't Get Right/The One.

sidebar -- For once and for all I want to get over The One. I have realized as of the last few months that I have idealized the relationship so much that in reality, it could NEVER live up to the dream in my head and heart. So, he gets divorced (finally) and we get married. Now what? He will still be working ridiculous hours, and sleeping the rest. Still unable to make important functions, or even a date, because the job will call. As deep as the love I have for him is, I want/need/deserve more than that. So I have to seriously let go this time.

Back to The New Guy. He drove all the way from his place to my job -which was about 50min with traffic- to see me and give me a ride to my car!!! It was raining, so he picked me up at the door and drove me down the parking lot to my car! Then he did it again the next day!!! This time he came armed with a single pink rose on a 2-foot stem. Maybe not exactly 24 inches, but it had to be close. I am totally smitten with him! BUT, I am staying very careful and trying to keep things slow. He has admitted me is a "quick-to-fall" person, as am I. So this definitely takes some effort! I totally think he is falling for me already!

BUT, I have to get my stuff together. I just don't feel like I am quite there yet. I have a lot more to bring to the table the table than say, when PsychoRev and I first hooked up. I didn't even have a full-time job then. I just need to continue trying to repair my credit and getting ahead of these bills. I will not let myself get sidetracked into love and not line everything up for StarrDom by 2nd quarter 2007 (at the latest). I also want to get myself together physically as well. I absolutely HAVE TO drop 30 pounds by spring! I am sick of carrying it around! I figure that'll allow me about 10pounds a month. Totally doable, right? Right?

Guess Who's Back!!

Man, it's been a minute, but here I am! A few things have happened, including the MidWest Ice Storm.
Over 600,000 people in the St. Louis area were without power, some for a day and some for almost a week. EVen though my family was directly afflicted by the power outage, I have to say, it was a disaster girl's dream!!! The beauty of the ice was only matched by it's destruction. The majority of the tree in my backyard is actually in my backyard. We'll see how long it takes my slacker landlord to fix that.

Speaking of slacker landlord, my 30+ year old fridge died. It had been leaking for about a week. I opened it this past Saturday morning, and the waffles were already unthawed. So I emptied the food from the freezer into the deep freezer. I put the egg tray in the garage, though honestly they had already gotten a little too warm for my comfort to EVER eat. I finally told him about it Monday morning -along with the fact that rent would be terribly delayed- and was told we need to arrange a time when my schedule allows to get a repairman out to look at it. A repairman!!! I work Monday thru Friday, all day. I won't have time to be here until Saturday!!! Are you freakin' kidding me!!!???
Guess I better borrow my sister's ice chest.

My transmission is not shifting past second gear, so the highest speed I can go is 45...and that's really pushing it. I see the tread on one of my tires. My daycare bill is creeping towards $800. I haven't paid anything on cable/phone/internet, or water. If it wasn't for Can't Get Right borrowing from his mother, the cell phone would be off. My financial life blows big time, but that's a blog all in itself. Not just a topic...but a whole blog!

My job reminded me why I don't like corporate America. Even though the National Guard was called in to help with the disaster area, my job informed us that if we missed Friday from work, it would be held against us! Sure you could get paid for it, but it still counted against you. Don't you feel all warm and fuzzy inside right now?
Yeah, me neither.

The one guy from the dating site never emailed me back. I took it as a personal insult initially. Then I remembered it was HIS loss, not mine. I have actually met someone else, but we'll save that discussion for later this evening!

Hey, I'm trying to end this on a suspenseful yet positive note. Work with me people!

Updates

Okay, so never take that much time off at once and DO NOTHING!! It makes it very hard to get back to the daily grind!

My car was the water pump. Our resident mechanic -my sister's BD (baby-daddy)- said he has never seen one that bad before and was suprised it lasted that long. I told that van has the best coverage around. It is covered in prayer daily!! It still won't shift from second gear, and I need to have front brakes put on this weekend. But I'm getting from home to work -and all points in between- so that's the blessing!

The one guy that I sent an email to never responded. I am shocked, but I guess it happens to the best of us! I began chatting with someone I thought was an okay guy. Surely had a few issues, very sad story about wife and daughter killed in car accident and hasn't dated in five years. (hear the violin) I thought that was a little fishy, but I am open and honest and I expect the same. Sorry, sorry, my fault! The first time we chatted was cool...or so I thought. It was actually the setup. A few days went by and then he starts laying it on about how his mom really needed this surgery but he didn't have all the money he needed and what was he going to do. I forgot to mention he says he's in another country taking care of her, but usually lives in LA. So if he could just find someone in the states to open a citibank account and then his mom's friend in the Samoan Islands would wire the money there and then that someone could withdraw the money and send it to him then his mother would live. I know it was run-on, but you get the effect right?

All kinds of sirens were going off in my head by that time. When the chat first started last night, I got one or two warning signs, then went from there. He wasn't walking about any of the relationship stuff we chatted about the time before, any "getting to know you" stuff. This time he was crying because if his mother --who has leukemia, by the way-- doesn't get this surgery, she will die. I didn't know surgery can cure leukemia, but hey, I'm not a doctor either! So apparently the hook is to scour dating sights, pick someone under the guise of being interested in dating them, and then do this scam thing about the bank accounts. That's a shame, but it doesn't deter me from online dating.

Why?

Before online dating, I met my share of scammers in real world situations!!! Remind me to tell you about the WonderTwins father. If he didn't "borrow" my debit card from my purse a dozen times, he didn't do it once!! Not to mention the $1000 calling card (that was stolen) bill!

So anyway, I'll keep you posted occasionally on how the situation pans out. Maybe I'll find someone or maybe it's just not the season. I am working on being content either way.

On a good note physically, I am still consistent on my 100/100 challenge!! I have not missed a day, and I can feel my core strength and endurance increasing! Before I could only manage to do 50 at a time...and barely! That's why I broke it up into morning and night sets. But laziness in the morning has caused me to put it off until night. So for about a week now I've been doing 100 at night and... It's not killing me!!! I actually feel after 100 now like I did after 50 a couple of weeks ago!! WooHoo!!

Go me! Go me! Go me!

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, a day to stuff ourselves to oblivion and visit with our family.

Nooooo... Let's try that again.

Today is a day to spend with family (and friends) and reflect upon the things in this life we are thankful for. So here are some of mine.

• I am thankful for DJ, Starr, Champagne, and Bruzer. Those are my children.
• I am thankful for my mother, my sisters, my nieces, and my friends.
• I am thankful that my children and my nieces know so well their 85-year-old great-grandmother.
• I am thankful for the large house I now live in, compared to the 2 bedroom townhouse all five us were in for far too long.
• I am thankful for the job that God has blessed me with. It pays well and I love what I do.
• I am thankful for my health, and for all the things that could be wrong with me but are not.
• I am thankful for every red light I was caught by, or every slow driver I was stuck behind who probably kept me from an "accident waiting to happen" ahead.
• I am thankful for the four major times that God spared my life. It reminds me that I have a purpose and I have work to do.
• I am thankful for the freedom to know God, to accept Jesus as my savior, and to be able to teach my children the same.
• I am also thankful that whatever is wrong with my car happened on a Wednesday evening before this 4-day Thanksgiving Weekend, and not when I had to go to work the next day!!!
  

Praise God!!! Hallelujah!!!!

What are you thankful for?

Breakin' The Rules

See, this is my problem. I make rules, and then I bend them. No, no, not break, just kinda curve to the side a little!

I know, you're not buying it. Neither am I...really.

I was looking around at Match.com this morning, something I never really did when I created my profile. Out of four pages of very specifically matched criteria search results, I saw one! I looked all through his profile, read what he wrote, looked at the pictures, and I like! So, since I'm not a subscriber, I sent a wink. That's a very generic way of letting that person know you're interested.

I guess if he winks back, I'll do the three day free membership to get his email address and we can communicate. If he winks back.

So..... I did my crunches this morning! That counts for the good, right?

Right?

A Day Off!!!

I had a day off today. From my FT day job that is. I'm at the PT WAH gig right now. Yeah, I know, it never stops.

But today, I did nothing. I had a loveseat full of clean clothes, and I didn't touch them! I watched Janet Jackson on The Tyra Banks Show. I ate a McDonald's Deluxe Breakfast Platter --then subsuquently ate no lunch. I played on myspace.com all day. Go see my page, it's really cute! I emailed back and forth with a guy I used to work with. He intimidates me because he is so fit. I don't mean like bodybuilder no-neck fit. I mean like 'everyday guy, nice arms, nice shoulders, nice chest, nice abs 'cause he works out' kind of fit.
And we all know I am big fat slob right now!

I reconnected with a couple of old acquaintances on myspace today. One of them, I'll call him Adonis, was very dear to me. I think I goofed that one up myself! I was all into The One back then. (and that's different from now, how exactly?) This was a few months before Alyssa was conceived. Also during my impending divorce. He told me one day while we were seeing each other that 'it's not like we could get serious or anything' because I was married. Well, I took that to mean he wasn't interested in getting serious because he was a few years younger than me, yet I was only 23. So the divorce was final in October 1997, we continued to 'kick it' as we had been. Even though he was Jehovah's Witness and didn't celebrate Christmas, he came to my family dinner. He invited me to his relatives' Friday night Fish Fry. What an idiot I was!!! Now looking back, we were really an item weren't we?
So what did I do? Well, at the same time this was going on, my ex-husband and his mistress were about to drive me bananas -- literally. So I went to visit The One is San Diego where he was stationed with the Army and fell in love! I was in travel at the time and had a free airline ticket and vacation. From the moment I stepped out of the terminal, I was in love!
Not with The One, with San Diego! El Nino was cuttin' up and my hotel (and the surrounding blocks) experienced a power loss. Unbeknownst to us, Alyssa was concieved. What else were we supposed to do in the dark?! Two weeks later on my next visit, I was looking at apartments and interviewing for jobs. I put a deposit down on a place before the week was up.

For the record: I only saw The One one time each visit. So I was not...I repeat...I was not moving 2200 miles with a 9-month-old to be with that man!

Back to Adonis. I, in my usual flippant and nonchalant style, broke the news to him that I was moving to San Diego. I am sure The One came up in the conversation too. I vaguely remember a 'What about us?" kind of question, and I made reference to his previous statement about us getting serious. He vehemently reminded me that I was no longer married!!! oops, Space Captain strikes again. (I have to be Captain now, since Alyssa is the Cadet)

I talked to him while I lived in San Diego. We even 'hooked up' a time or two when I moved back here. But, as usual, life moved on. At least we have myspace.

Then I went to pick up the kids, came home, cooked, did the mommying, watched Heroes, and headed up to work. I'm working 2 hours, then I'll do my 100 crunches and head to bed.

The Dating Game

Okay, so I think I have allowed sufficient time to heal from the PsychoRev (as he is not-so-affectionately known) and the Marriage That Thank God Never Was! So I have decided to put myself back on the market!
I could have been back "out there" but I was kind of holding out for The One or, as he currently known, Can't Get Right. Looks like I'm gonna have to let that situation go completely!

Once and for all.

Forever.

Dramatic? Yes, but it totally applies in this situation.

So what have I done asks the inquiring minds? I have spruced up my Yahoo!Personals online profile, and made it searchable again. It had been unsearchable since May of last year. I am registered with eHarmony, but my budget cannot afford to become a full member there! It's like $56 a month! I know, I know. I'm worth it and so is the Right Man. But, so is the water bill, ya feel me?

I also made a profile on Match.com as well. I am also just a member there, but I do plan to subscribe in the next month or so. I will do this the Genesis way, however. I have absolutely no intention of initiating contact with anyone. I don't care how fine or how perfect a match he is. If he doesn't "find me", it won't happen.

There are a lot more people under Match than YP, so I am kind of excited about that. We will see what happens. In the meantime, I may try to make an offline connection as well with a former co-worker. We'll see what he does with the information he's been given.

So why online dating? Because I don't go anywhere for one. I figure, if I shop online for everything else, why not this too? I put my priorities right out front, so if he doesn't like something...keep browsing man, keep browsing! Provided they are being honest (even if only for the most part), I get more of out looking at what they say on their profiles than by looking at them in a club. From there, I control exactly how fast or slow -or if at all- I want things to go. Do I just want to keep chatting or emailing for awhile? Do I want to give him my phone number? Is this someone I feel comfortable meeting in person? Each is different, and you have to go with your gut.

I'll keep you posted. Who knows? I may actually get to go out on a d-a-t-e!

Challenge!

So last night I started my 100 Crunches/100 Days challenge. I would like to see at least 2-3 inches off this waist by the new year. I break it up into morning and night sets, 50 each. To be quite honest with you, I feel like I have really accomplished something! I will finish this successfully, I love this feeling of accomplishment!
I have to start planning my reward for completion. NO!!! It will not be food!
Let's see...(checking the calendar)...100 days from yesterday is...February 23, 2007. Maybe a pedicure would be a great reward. Or a manicure. Or both. Or a massage. (this could go on forever)
I'll keep you posted.

Taking info from another blog I read, I plan on going on a fruit fast soon. I need to cleanse and detoxify my body, hopefully losing some unwanted poundage in the process.
Well, duh! Of course it will be after Thanksgiving!
That will be in the form of a challenge as well. Perhaps 10-14 days. The reward for that one? Hopefully fitting back into my fabulous jeans!
No, for the record, these are not BabyPhat or AppleBottoms or any other premium-priced pairs of jeans.
These are Newport News, bought them on sale for $9.99/pair, 33-34 inch inseams, dark denim, bootcut jeans. I feel great in them because I look great in them. My butt is off-the-chain in these jeans!!!
I am fascinated my my derriere, I will admit. I am very pleased to have one. A Real One. Not the little bump that most non-ethnic women call a butt. I've actually got "junk in my trunk"! Woohoo!!!

How did I get there? Oh yeah, rewards for challenges. One more.

30 Minutes/30 Days. Guess what that is? Yep 30 minutes of sustained exercise daily for 30 days straight. Perhaps November 20-December 20 sounds like a plan? The reward for completing this challenge? See the tangent above about my jeans!

Just Some Things On My Mind

1) I did 50 crunches last night before bed! AND, 50 crunches this morning when I first woke up!
Hot Stuff, Baby!!!! I'm on a personal 100 day/100 crunches challenge.

2) Can't Get Right still hasn't called or text messaged me to say Happy Birthday. Even after I sent him a message calling him out on it.

3) I am still financially challanged!

4) I'm still 190 pounds.

5) Baby, it's cold outside!

6) I've played hooky from church for one reason or another for the past several weeks.

7) I don't have to work Monday!

8) I may have a d-a-t-e Monday!

9) I need to clean my room! An accurate description would be it looks like it was hit by an F4 tornado!

10) I have officially begun full-fledged potty training for the Bruzer!!

That is all.

The Weekend Review

This past weekend was my great-aunt Mildred Helm's funeral. This was my grandmother's younger sister. She was 80 years old and lost a very long and very arduous battle with cancer. I initially hadn't planned on going to the funeral, since I didn't know her very well. But I decided to go for the sake of my grandmother. I'm glad I did.

But let's back it up to Friday first. I had to work that day. But, my oldest two children's daycare -which is also a Christian Church and K-3 school- closed at 2p that day in honor of Veteran's Day. Luckily, my mom works for the state so she was off work. She came to pick up my minivan then pick up all of my kids. She has a minivan too. I have a 1996 Dodge Grand Caravan (yeah I know, BIG BALLER) and she has a 1997 Chrysler Town and Country. Same vehicle, with a few minor details different. One major difference is that hers is missing the entire back bench! It's in my sister's basment. When I moved, I took both captain's chairs and the back bench out for more space. So, then she discovered she could do it too! For a goodwilling, yard-saling junkie, THIS IS NOT GOOD. I moved the last week in July, need I say more?

She ordered pizza and we stayed there at my sister's house until about 930p, then headed home. Saturday we got up early and were out of the house by about 1045a to get to the funeral on time.
Regarding the funeral. A word of advice. The following scripture is NOT APPROPRIATE for a funeral:

19
And many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them about their brother.
20
When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him; but Mary sat at home.
21
Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

From the book of John. Yeah, they really used that scripture. Even for the eulogy!
And I forgot about the most priceless line EVER heard at a funeral. I swear this was said to my great uncle Eddie by the evangelical minister:
(ahem)
'You can't bring her back. But you can go to where she is."

I am not kidding! He really did say it! As he looked him in the eye and laid a gentle hand of comfort on his shoulder.

I know where he was going with that, and one more line after that would have made the difference. Something like, "We all can when we get to heaven." But nooooo, he was so pleased with himself, and he went and sat down!

So, then later ...
No, I can say nothing else about the funeral. I think that last bit was enough, right?
We went to the repass (when the family gets together to eat after the burial) at the church. Then headed to Grandmother's, where there was more food. From there after a few hours, we migrated up to my oldest sister's house. Our cousin Tanisha along with her husband Pete and four children came up for the funeral as well. So they stayed at Grandmother's house Friday night and Audra's house Saturday night. The kids and I stayed over there until about 10P, then got up early Sunday morning and headed back over there to fix and eat breakfast.

After a diaper/pull-up/wipes run to Wal-Mart, we headed down to Grandmother's house for Sunday dinner. Tanisha and the fam were already on their way back to Mississippi. I left Grandmother's at about 430p and tried to make it home before dark (ie, 5P).

Then I did nothing until it was time for me to go to bed and prepare mentally for the workweek.
I'm still working on that last part!

Happy Birthday To Me...

Today's the day! Officially 33 years old! I am very proud of my age, and see absolutely no reason to lie about it. There are some I know that didn't make it this far.

What did I do for my birthday? I got up and continued reading my current book, Girl, Get Your Money Straight by Glinda Bridgforth. This will be the first book I have read start to finish in several months. And in less than a week too!!!

After about half an hour, I got up an began to get ready. I greeted my girlfriend who was dropping her 2 kids off so she can go to work. Then I proceeded to drop six children off at schools and daycares (total of 4 stops), and go to work. Yeah, WORK. The show must go on -- especially if I'm the star!

My two coworkers treated me to lunch at Carlos OKelly's Mexican Restaurant. We only get half an hour, so they paid for mine and I went to pick it up. Lindsay and I ate, while Laverne is currently fasting. I got so full, but it was so good! I had a piece of Alyssa's birthday cake this evening -which is still really moist after four days.

I treated the kids to Sonic when I picked them up this evening. It was definitely a treat because everyone got their own Kid's Meal! That doesn't usually happen for two reasons.
1) My budget can't really afford it.
2) I don't want twenty-gagillion trinket toys in my house!

I came home and printed my Cold Stone Creamery birthday coupon I received by email. Yes, of course I joined their birthday club! Hello? Free Ice Cream?

Then, tomorrow I get to go to work and do it all over again! Woohoo!!!! Meanwhile, the focus shifts from me to Kyla, since her birthday is tomorrow!

Alyssa's Birthday Weekend

So Alyssa turned 8 on Nov 2. But since that was a Thursday, we waited until the weekend to really celebrate. On her actual birthday, they had McDonald's and I gave her gifts to her. Nothing fancy, just some girlie stuff. Lip gloss (Bratz), bangle bracelets and a Tinkerbell purse. The purse is actually for grownups, which is even better. It's girlie, but "hip" at the same time.

Saturday, we did absolutely nothing all day. Laundry for the most part. I washed and dried Kyla's hair. I worked with Chandler on the potty training thing. I must proudly say that he officially has 'Number 2' all figured out! If we just get him tuned in to 'Number 1'...

Sunday was the Build-A-Bear day. We didn't do a party there. My kids will have (semi) big deal parties every other year. Since Kyla's birthday is the 10th, I decided I would just let both of them pick out their bears as a birthday present. It wasn't supposed to be that big of a burden for me since Alyssa's father (aka Can't Get Right, aka The One) was supposed to meet me there and pay for Alyssa's. Low and behold, they are just picking out animals and here he is calling. "I am so sorry. We are in a meeting downtown and I just can't get away. Blah, blah, blah. I am so sorry. Blah, blah, blah. I WILL pay you back." Really, I swear I heard the blah,blah,blah part. He'll hide in a corner for awhile and then he'll surface. He's licking his wounds, thinking I'm mad at him. I know him too well to be mad.

Of course I didn't tell Alyssa he was supposed to be there! What? Is this the first time something like this has happened with my kids? Um, no.

Trust me, all you other solo mommies out there, take note to this trick. NEVER tell your children their father (notice I didn't say dad, those guys are a whole different breed -- sighing wistfully) is going to do ANYTHING. EVER. If it happens or they show up, let it be a wonderful surprise. Otherwise, protect your child from unnecessary heartbreak.

I was one of those kids.

Anyway, Alyssa picked a cool fuzzy pink bear and named her Alison. Kyla picked Hello Kitty and named her Hello Kitty Bear. She's almost 4, what do you expect? We've already worked out nicknames like 'Kitty' and 'KittyBear'.

They each got one outfit and shoes. Both of the animals are wearing skirts with no undies; because I don't pay $3.50 a pair for my own!!!! Maybe next trip we'll make them a respectable "cubbette" and kitten. I bought the boys a little already stuffed dog. A palm-sized Malamute! I couldn't not get them anything! After we left there, I had to go sit down on a bench, since I had become a little lightheaded. Why, you ask?

Trip to Build-A-Bear's Flagship Store at St. Louis Galleria: $102.00
Feeding a Family of Five off the Burger King Dollar Menu: $8.00
Seeing the joy that I brought to my children's faces: PRICELESS

Then, after a cake run to Sam's and some home-cleaning, everyone came over for hot dogs, cake and ice cream! Simple, yes. It's all about family. That's what I've learned.

Sometimes He calms the storm...

You know what the clouds look like far away when a storm is brewing? Just a kind of faint darkness, no thunder, no lightening. But you know it's coming.

That's what my life feels like right now. I know it's coming, and I'm bracing myself for it.

I know that storms aren't all bad though. You know how we like to say rain is just God's way of washing everything clean? Well, sometimes you wash things on gentle cycle...and sometimes you wash them on heavy duty!

That's the way I see a storm. Sometimes, to get things clean, you have to really scrub them. Like, elbow grease, scrub. But after you are done with that steel wool pad on the bottom of that pan, doesn't it look good? Sure, it was difficult when you were scrubbing. The muscles in your arm were starting to fatigue. You may have even broke out in a sweat. You know it needed to be done, you couldn't not do it. It would be much worse to just leave it that way, continually getting worse. Thus making your scrubbing job harder later. Whew, you're done! Doesn't it look good shining like new?! The hard work was worth it! Now, you can hang it on that cool cookware rack over your center island, instead of down in the cabinet where it's been.

Have you noticed how after a really good storm, there are little tree limbs all over the place? That's God's Heavy Duty scrub cycle for His world. Those twigs and leaves and branches needed to come off, they just needed some help. Most likely, they were probably already no good for the tree, or they were about to be no good for it, so they were "pruned" away for the good of the whole tree.

Knowing that has helped me look forward to the storms that will inevitably come. I hope my analogy has helped you too. It will be difficult. There will be days when I'll want to just take cover and come out when it's over. But, if I focus on the end result - that I'll be better when it's over - I'll make it through just fine.

There is a hymn that pretty much sums it up perfectly:

I REALIZE THAT SOMETIMES IN THIS LIFE WE'RE GONNA BE TOSSED BY THE WAVES AND CURRENTS THAT SEEM SO FIERCE, BUT IN THE WORD OF GOD I-I-I'VE GOT AN ANCHOR AND IT KEEPS ME STEADFAST & UNMOVABLE DESPITE THE TIDES. BUT IF THE STORMS DON'T CEASE. And JUST IN CASE THE WIND KEEPS ON BLOWING IN MY LIFE MY SOUL HAS BEEN ANCHORED IN THE LORD

Commit it to memory, for those days when you can "see" the dark clouds in the distance.

Tired and Tired

So I caved today and allowed my children to go trick-or-treating with my brother-in-law and neices. They even dressed in costumes.

Why is that caving? Because we as a family do not celebrate Halloween. I don't agree with what it stands for or what its origins were. My oldest two understand that, and even more so as they've gotten older. They still participate in their Halloween parties at school. I'm not that bad! But as far as spending money on costumes, never been my thing. But I guess it's not about me, is it?

Yes, for those of you that have wondered, I dressed up as a kid for Halloween. I enjoyed myself. Well, actually it mainly the candy I enjoyed. They get that too. DJ was a soldier dressed in fatigues. Starr was an angel, complete with halo. Bruzer was Winnie the Pooh. Champagne preferred to stay at my other sister's house with Cheyanne, her cousin of the same age.

I could have told my sister when she asked if they could go trick-or-treating 'No'. Knowing how I feel about it, she would have understood. DJ and Starr would have "understood" too. But how could any mother who cares an inkling about her children have done that? I know it may seem like a small thing to some, but I wouldn't have been able to look at myself in the mirror. Due to my scheduled work hours, I have already had to take my kids out of the only things they had going for them outside of school and family - scouts. They haven't even sang in the choir at church for a few months, because I'm getting off work when practice starts. So, as a solomommy would do, I beat myself up frequently for the things they don't get to do.

Because, you know, the world really is on my shoulders.

But, what matters most is that they had a good time. I've got enough candy to last until Valentine's Day, but they had a good time! My work here is done! (sigh in faux exasperation)

So, it's not about me, is it?

I'm Thankful

I thought I would just repost this blog I wrote a few days ago on my MySpace page:

As I sit here at my computer -which is where I destress from the day- I am thankful. Thankful it's Friday, yes. But more importantly, I am thankful I have a "Friday" to be thankful for. Those out there who have a sincere love for God, as I do, understand my previous statement. For those of you who haven't yet "got there", let me break it down for you.
At work, our internet usage is censored from certain sites. Oh, not just porn and crap like that, but non-work email accounts, myspace, blogs, entertainment sites, and stuff like that too. So to keep up with the world, I watch cnn.com, where I get a bit of everything. I see so much bad and good there. I like it better than watching the daily news, because I CHOOSE what I want to see. Not like the nightly news where you see 10 minutes of murder, corruption, destruction, stealing, robbing, carjacking, etc etc. Then, after the weather and sports and more weather, you get one good news story at the very end.

Occasionally, I read a particularly sad story. Like a whole family shot on a Florida highway - with the mother holding her children in her arms. Like an 18 year old and her 2, 1, and 2-week old children dying in a fire. Or, very close to home, another young pregnant mother killed brutally and her 3 children murdered as well. Those are the stories that make me realize how BLESSED I am. I have four, healthy, beautiful, smart (see my blog for that definition) and very cute children. I was recently blessed from a 2BR (older) townhouse to a 1650 sq ft 3BR home. I was also recently blessed with a great paying job to cover costs, plus a work-at-home gig to help finance my self-employed (near) future. I have a mother who would literally lay down her life for me. I have two sisters who are more than a mere mortal could ask for. Friends that are like family. A great friendship with my pastor. But most importantly, I have Jesus Christ as my Savior and Redeemer, and the Love of God in my soul.

Who couldn't be thankful for that!!!

The different degrees of SMART

Where I come from, there are two kinds of "smart". There's common sense - otherwise known as "street smarts". The other is book sense, aka "book smarts". There have been many a heated debate about which is more important for a child to have. My opinion is that it should be a perfect combination of the two. A lot of times what you see however, is one or the other.

Which leads me to my oldest two, DJ and Starr, boy and girl respectively. Both of them are straight A students. DJ is in the 4th grade and loves school. School loves him back by giving him teachers yearly that adore him! Great little system the two have worked out. Starr, though only 17 months younger than DJ but with a late birthday is in 2nd grade now. I saw her first quarter grading report while conferencing with her teacher and had to explain the look on my face. "I'm sorry," I said "I'm just not used to seeing B's!" They have both been selected to be in their school's Challenge class program, Starr being the only one chosen in her class. DJ has a gift for writing, while DJ is more artistically inclined. Yes, I'm bragging and yes, I'm spoiled because they are just so smart!! Probably between the two of them is a cure for cancer, at the very least. Then after that, they could solve world hunger and achieve world peace later.

What? It could happen!

The drawback to all this brainpower? A serious deficiency in common sense. Yes, I can admit it, it's pretty bad. The title "space cadet" has found a home on my daughter...as it did her mother so many years ago. Starr, I am convinced, has ADD (attention deficit disorder). Nope, not taking her to the doctor just for that. Those that her know her best call it "StarrWorld" when she spaces out the way she does. DJ, well, he has testosterone as his shortcoming. He can "manlook" like the best of them! What's "manlook"-ing? Ask your husband or boyfriend to find something that you put nearly right in front of them...except you put something on top of it! Example: the jewelry box on your dresser, but you tossed a scarf on it! He'll come back and say "I can't find it!" That is "manlook"-ing. I am working with the two of them to hopefully even out the balance a bit. Perhaps they can pick up on the common sense things a little earlier than I did. Yeah, she got the SpaceCadet trait from me!

Now the Wondertwins? Totally street smarts, and they're only 3 and 2! I don't know what school is going to be like, as I do have a few years for that. Thank goodness because when Bruzer gets into school, I'll need to be self-employed for the flexibility required to be in the principal's office so much! As far as grades, I am definitely hoping they inherited Mommy's smarts. Their father was most definitely gifted with an overabundance of street smarts, which of course caused a serious deficit on the book smart (and relationship!) end. It became commonplace for me to have to define a word I had just said to him. He couldn't even get it from the context of the sentence! So between his abundant supply of street smarts and my more-than-ample book smarts, those two crazy kids may just have a shot!

So then while DJ and Starr are taking care of cancer, world hunger, and peace on earth, Champagne and Bruzer will have built successful corporations from the ground up and be their older siblings' major research contributors. Everybody knows that entrepreneurs need both street and book smarts to be successful at what they do. Or at least they do now. Meanwhile, Mommy will be living out her years fairly well to do (thanks to the kids of course) somewhere in one of the warmer southern states, and travelling rather extensively whenever I get the itch to get away.

What?!

It could happen, you know!

My Theme Song

I prettied up my site a bit. I'm pretty pleased with it. After I am done, loading these new pics onto my desktop, who knows? I may actually load a picture! Look out now!

Regarding the song? Oh yeah, you have to excuse me, I'm AADD. At least, according to my self-diagnosis from the commercial I am! You know the one where the lady is in the meeting and she totally can't concentrate because her mind looks like she's flicking channels on the TV? That is surely me! I am okay with my "illness", I have learned to live with it. Well no, I haven't told my doctor --and actually don't plan to either. I 've been known as a "space cadet" to my family most of my life, why would I go and ruin that for them now!! Then again, having four kids on top of that didn't help the old attention span one bit now did it?!

ANYWAY, back to subject. When I first heard this song and listened to the words, I thought of myself and my love life over the years in some ways. So I decided to share this part of me with you:




Let me know what you think.

On a less dramatic note, this one had me ROTFLMAO!! Enjoy!

Solo Mommy's Sick Day

I had to leave work early yesterday. It started out an okay day. I thought I was on the right track with the weight issue by drinking a SlimFast shake in the morning. Well, by the time I got to work at 930a, I wasn’t feeling the best. I hadn’t eaten or drank anything the night before. By 1030a, I was actually running to the bathroom! Of course when I got there into the stall, the sensation was gone. But smart girl I am, I waited!! It only took 2 minutes for the torrent to begin.
I am not a total germophobe, but I am also NOT kneeling over a public bathroom toilet either! So after the deed was done, my back was hurting immensely to due the wrenching of dry-heaves at a bending-over-at-the-waist position. Yeah, not-so-good. But I felt better afterwards…for a little while.

Within a half hour, things were not so great. My body began aching from the neck down. Like hurting to the touch aching. I was freezing, f-r-e-e-z-i-n-g cold. Finally I departed work at about 135P. A trooper, I know, so brave!

I got home and gingerly changed into some sweats and a shirt, then wrapped up in my comforter and passed out. I could have very easily slept all day…if I was a guy. But hey, the title of this blog explains it doesn’t it? Solo mommy!? Instead, I regained consciousness between 4p-415 and dragged myself back into my clothes to pickup the kids. I wanted to make sure my oldest sister hadn’t come across town to pick up my oldest two –as is her daily routine- since I was right there. I also picked up my youngest at daycare, got my neice from her friend’s house where she goes after school and then headed to “the middle child’s” (my other sister) house for her birthday. I didn’t want to miss it and I didn’t want the kids to miss it.

I stayed on the couch the whole time –maybe 2 hours- and was able to follow along with most of the conversation in the adjacent dining room. The Bruzer came over and was trying to talk to me with hot dog in his mouth and Holy Moses! How do you shoo away a little kid who’s just trying to be nice to his mommy while trying not to blow chunks at the same time?! You hold your breath, smile, and say ‘Go back to the table and finish eating sweetie’ while silently thanking the Lord for your lung capacity! I did manage to drink a kid-size mandarin orange juice, bringing my daily food intake to water, 2 snack cups of applesauce and that juice. Surely I lost a pound or two, right?

I made it home, thank goodness they had already eaten hot dogs so I didn’t have to deal with dinner. The oldest two can handle their own showers and well, the youngest two were dirty for an extra day! I cancelled my shift for the WAH gig, and slithered back into bed by 930p.

The next morning, there was no more hurt-to-the-touch body aches, but I did have a headache from an abnormal amount of sleep. I’m used to 5-6 hours max, anything over 7 or 8 and I’m almost useless. I was still pretty groggy so –bad mommy- I didn’t get the kids to school until almost 9 –bad mommy- this morning!

Hey, even supermoms have an “off” day!