The Week in Review

Been working mainly. This was an up and down week for me. I got over the New Guy getting married thing, and decided without a shadow of a doubt I will not be attending the graduation. Not that I am mad or anything like that, it's just there's no reason for me to be there. I can just see it now. "Oh how do you know [New Guy]?" "We used to date." So why is his ex at his graduation, and he just got married yesterday??

Don't think so! I am NOT the one!

Money's been tight, but that's not new. And you know what? It hasn't been tighter than usual since I was laid off either. SO I count it as a plus that I don't have the stress of that job and the 40hour week! Got my first one-week unemployment check, which was eaten up by my bank account which is in a deficit. Yeah, I like that word! That's what the country calls it, so that's what I will call it too! The reason for the deficit is that I was told my severance check would be sent from Minneapolis at the same time my last paycheck would be deposited, so I had major bills I paid based on that info.

What a surprise! That info was WRONG!! I won't get the severance check until the NEXT PAY CYCLE! Aren't they awesome?? (sarcasm alert)

Personally, things are interesting. Dante and I are still "together". I use that term loosely, only because I am seeing all the limitations that are placed on our relationship. I think perhaps I made that usual woman mistake where I go into the situation with all the info, but I think it will change as time goes on. It hasn't changed. We are still just "kickin' it", no prospect of moving this to another level at this point. Main reason for that currently is because his divorce won't be final until November. But, I wonder sometimes "then what?" We get along very famously together when it's just the two of us, but the elephant in the room of that scenario is that there are 5 of me. I have four children, and I don't know what kind of chemistry they have, because we have never spent time together like that.

And, as he so blatantly reminded me the other night, he wants his own biological children...PERIOD. I think the exact word was "non-negotiable". Considering the situation with his soon-to-be ex-wife and unsuccessfully trying to have children, I kinda think he wouldn't necessarily want to take the chance with me and the reversal surgery. Who's to say, we get together, get married (cause that's the only way I would have it reversed), I get the surgery, then we find out I still won't be able to conceive?? Wow, we'd really be in a pickle then huh?? He and I think so much alike, that I am confident that thought has crossed his mind, more than once! Can't blame him. But I just wonder, how much more time should either one of us put into this, if we know it's not really going anywhere?

Then, as of late, some of my feelings for Starr's father have been rising to the surface. I have done a pretty good job of surpressing them for quite a while. He's with someone, rather serious. I'm with someone. But, that draw is still there. Yes I know, I am insane. I probably should be committed. But, if you've never had it, you can't understand...and I wouldn't be able to explain it to you. Half the time, even I don't know what the heck is wrong with us. We can be respectful, and we will always be good friends, and that's all we would be if the situation called for it. But...

That's a story to always be continued.