Self-Worth

I am going through some things that are helping me to break free of past mental mindsets. One of the things I discovered about myself came today while talking to the bff. I was thinking about my past conditioning when it came to being given money - especially by men. Here's what happened:

I was dating ('going with' was the term back then) this guy named DeWayne who was a few years older than me. It was the summer between sophomore and junior year for me, and he had just graduated high school. Because of this, my mom looked at him as a "grown man". All was well until he gave me a silver necklace. Not a gold necklace, but a probably $20 silver necklace! She honestly didn't want me to take it from him. And you wanna know what she said about it? Listen to this seed she planted:
"If he is giving that to you, what does he expect from you in return?"

WOW!! You may not see it, but boy I do! That seed, plus listening to conversations over the years with my family, took root. Over time, it turned into an 'ownership' thing. You know, the man would think he owned you by giving you money. My personal favorite (and my sometimes motto) was "It's just another way of prostituting"! That's why I couldn't just take the gesture that Dante made as simple kindness for a friend. I knew he wouldn't throw it back in my face, or feel like he owned me or anything. But I instantly felt indebted to him because of it. And while to him it was a gift, I absolutely insisted that I would pay him back.

The chapter in the book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, which I am reading now is talking about the art of receiving. This was something I always had problems with. Compliments, no big deal, but actually receiving money from people (namely men) was a big deal to me. Of course another big part of it had to do with my level of self-worth. It's a tough thing to admit, but my past and present speak for themselves. My self-worth has been pretty low, as far as monetarily. I mean as in what I believe I am worth - to be paid, to charge for my services, etc. It's a struggle, but I am winning finally! The battle is almost over because I have identified both the problem and the root cause! Victory is mine...

More revelations as they progress!