Life Keeps Moving

This past week has been a little bit emotionally taxing for me, to the point I have to fight from being depressed. Why? Trouble with Dante? Not at all. As a matter, things on that front are so blissfully great I have to catch myself from waiting for the sky to fall!

What's got me down is being Cody's counselor everyday while he goes through the beginning stages of accepting his HIV+ status.

I have been urging him over the last few days that, along with finding the right doctors, he needs to make finding a counselor or support group top priority. There is only so much that a person without this virus can advise someone that has it. You can imagine that person's feelings to an extent, but that's it! There is only one person close to me that can imagine how I felt when I found out about having HSV, and that's Wayne. And that's only be he has it too! The BFF nor Dante nor Kween, nor my siblings or mother can imagine what that felt like. I felt like I was ruined for life, that noone would want to be with in a relationship with me, that I was a bad person, that I was stupid for catching this in the first place, etc. So, in that respect, I can empathize with Cody.

BUT, mine won't possibly shorten my life span either. That's where the differences set in. I have only had 2 people in all my many years and many partners say they didn't want to be with me because of it (New Guy and the New Guy of the same name but different color). Cody will have to deal with a lot of rejection once he tells a potential partner of his positive status. So I can't help there. He needs to talk to the people that know better than me.

He is still at the stage of wondering if it's worth bothering living. That virus inside of him is in his every waking thought of every day. To top it all off he lost the woman he was in love with because of it!? He has a lot going on, but I have to be careful. I can only pray and try to guide him in the right direction, so that he can talk to the people that have walked in his shoes, and are now in a happier, more peaceful place of just living day-to-day like the rest of us...instead of feeling like they should be in a leper's colony! I even directed him to a website where he can possibly find someone that is positive like him, so that won't be an issue.

For me though, I have to keep my emotions and stress level under close watch. The virus I have lives in the nerves, so-to-speak. So , when I become an emotional wreck and am anxious or deeply stressed out over a period of time...there it is! I don't want to see it anymore than I have to, which means almost never. If I can control it without daily maintenance drugs, then that's what I'll do.

Just keep praying for my friend. I hope he doesn't do anything drastic, I would like to think he is stronger than that. But then again, I can't imagine what this must really feel like inside to deal with, so I don't really know what he is capable of.

No love tip today, sorry. (I may edit it later)