Summer is Winding Down

It doesn't look like there will be any more trips this summer for us. I'm glad we had such an awesome time at HolidayWorld last month!

In less than 2 weeks, we will all be back in school again. Bruzer will be starting Kindergarten and DJ will be starting junior high! I'll be moving on up the college ladder, heading towards being a junior! I am so excited! It's nice to hear my mom and my sister say they're proud of me. I'm pretty proud of me too, as a matter of fact. Noone can get me where I want to be, but me. There is no such thing as a "knight in shining armor". I am not giving up on the fact that I will be married again someday, but sometimes I just don't believe it will be what I am hoping for. Right now, it's about me and the kids. Period. My fantasies no longer consist of the "nuclear family" (ie, man, woman and kids), but more like a 3000-plus sq ft home with a late-year GMC Yukon Denali XL in the garage, and my home office in walk-out basement! lol

No, seriously!

Work is going well. I'm still keeping it as a "side gig" kinda thing, because I know I can't expect to live off this money long term. It definitely pays the household bills, that's for sure! I'm also kicking up advertising and maketing efforts with the travel and admin aspects of my business. I have t-shirts that I wear frequently with the travel company on it. I am currently looking for a great price on embroidered polos, for the admin portion for a less casual look. I still want to get lettering put on the van windows, but all things in good time.

I feel so liberated not always worrying about the relationship stuff. It really weighs me down. I mean honestly, Dante is great and we enjoy each other, but I think we both know that at this time neither is us is what the other would consider "marriage material". With him just coming out of an unsuccessful 13 year marriage, he's too focused sometimes on what he doesn't want rather than what he wants. He also feels that he put so much of his plans on hold for the sake of this other person and it didn't work out that now it's all about him! It's natural, and I understand it, but it does suck for me sometimes.

Me? Not perfect. I am not employed outside the home, which I think is a big thing for him. He says it's just about making money period...but he also SAID he wouldn't mind having a housewife again! (He no longer recalls those words) I know for sure that some people are hard-wired for the j.o.b. world, but as I have made crystal clear I am not one of them! Yes, I will do whatever I have to to ensure survival for me and my children, if necessary. But my first priority at 35 years old is now pursuing happiness and reaching for my dreams in the process. Pretty much NONE of that includes working a j.o.b. I sometimes wonder if he can truly accept that, and that's a BIG part of who I am. But, until he moves past remembering what he doesn't want from what he experienced with his ex, he won't be able to see me for who I am.
We are both going through transitions in our lives right now, his more obvious than mine. Now is not the time to really make lifelong decisions, because neither of us are ready. I never want to be made to feel "less than" or inadequate. He said something to me a couple of months ago that was so hurtful, and was along those lines. It still rattles around in my head at times, though I knew it was out of spite and anger. So, for whoever my future spouse is, I don't EVER want to feel like that on a regular basis! E-V-E-R!!! I've always prided myself on being independent and always able to provide for myself and kids without a man's help. That won't change. If it does, and I come across a guy that doesn't mind having someone take care of home while he makes the bacon, so be it. That's what God intended anyway. Why is that so hard to understand?

I will always have my business though, "housewife" or not. I will achieve my business goals, for me, my family, and my children to see. No Excuses.