The Ups and Downs of Life

So Dante is officially cheating on me. We had a conversation about the last time he was here. What bothers me most is that it wasn't what I thought it was. It wasn't just sex to 'tide him over' until we were together again. That I could deal with a lot easier. But oh no, no, no. It was spending time with the woman, meeting her family, going to her damn family reunion! WTF??!! Our agreement was to remain exclusive to each other physically. I failed last year with the guy I was working on the gym with...and I felt horrible about it. So horrible, that I NEVER did it again. There were many "turndowns" and at least one physical situation that I made the choice to walk away from. (Trust me the engine was on and it wasn't easy to turn this key off!) I didn't quite get that much thought from Dante. Oh sure, sure there was guilt at first...with THE FIRST GIRL!!!! This is number two!!!! So apparently the guilt faded away pretty well.

Don't I feel special.

I don't know what to do. I've been shocked. I've been angry. I've been sad. I've cried about it. I've lost my appetite over it. Now I'm just numb I think. We still talk like we have been. Still say our good mornings and goodnights. I still call myself his girlfriend. Am I still hurting? Hell yeah. Do I lay awake thinking about him with her? Hell no. Why waste my time and make myself upset over something I can't control?!?!?! Do I feel betrayed? You're damned right I do!!

He has made it crystal clear that he is not prepared to make a "decision" until he knows whether he knows if he's staying in Memphis or coming back here. He is absolutely against a committed long-distance relationship, mainly because of him and the exwife. So I'm just...numb. I'm almost to the point I don't really care anymore. I've stressed about it so much, I have to let it go. I can't control what he does. I can't control what he doesn't do. So I just have to focus on me, because that's what I can control.

All is well that ends well. How can I say that? Well, I know the Master I serve. And His Word assures me the victory, whether it's Dante or some other man who can truly appreciate and celebrate my worth, my heart, and my beautiful children!!!