The text message still bugs me. Before, if I would call and he wouldn't answer the phone, I would have a pretty accurate idea what was going on. I knew when he was bowling, softball, working late, sleeping. I just knew. Now when he doesn't answer, a little part of me always thinks "Is he with her?" Not healthy and probably totally unwarranted.
I know how wrong that is, and he really gives me no reason to doubt or think otherwise. I mean for a long-distance relationship, we do better than some local couples. We text several times a day and we talk at least once, usually more than once a day. I just need o put those little insecurities on the back burner. AND, I need to talk to him about how I feel, and then let us decide what our status truly is.
It will be good, I believe it.
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August 31, 2008
New Look
I haven't taken pics of the new 'do yet! But I did what I said I was gonna do. I relaxed it, then cut and styled it. Nothing major...except for the 3 inches I removed from the front for bangs! Okay, it was more like about 4 and a half inches, actually. But I am very pleased with the outcome! It was the change I said I needed. Now, I need to perfect the face look and work on the body, and I will be good to go!
So, I am writing it down and making a commitment right here and now. Remember waaaay back when I was doing the crunches thing? Yeah, well. No more excuses. No more BS. It will be done!
Here's the drill: Start out Week 1 with 50 am and 50 pm. Week 2 is 75 am and 75 pm. Week 3 is 100 am and 100 pm. Week 4 is 125 am and 125 pm. That's where I max out and maintain permanently at 250 crunches per day. To make it even better, I am starting it on a Monday! I did it before, I can surely do it again!
We took the kids apple and peach picking yesterday. They had a good time. Then we went down to Grandmother's and visited with her and mom. All 3 girls were there with out kids, less my oldest niece as usual (she was sick). We got some chinese food at the infamous 'Orange Rice House'. That's not the name of it, but the building has been there and orange since I was a kid, so that name is more recognizable. I called my friend RT since he lived less than a block away. He walked over to see me while we were waiting on the food to be done. He is such a retard! Even though were all growed up now with kids and bills and households and stuff, talking to him takes me back to being a 14-year-old kid again! There is no kind of romantic interest there. I mean honestly, I really only have eyes for one person nowadays. (Okay, two if you count Dwayne Johnson!) But we can be friends and talk about the kids and parenting and just life in general, and it's even better without that bogus sexual tension/pressure that so many men and women feel around each other.
Anywho, we stayed over Grandmother's about an hour or so, then we all headed home. Me and the kids lounged for the most part today, less DJ who is with his dad. Yeah, Mr. I-Just-Up-And-Moved-To-Kansas City-Without-A-Job-Or-Any-Known-Reason came into town for the weekend! I leisurely did laundry. I bought breakfast at McDonald's this morning, then went to the Farmer's Market for a few things. I worked with Starr outside for about 30min trying to teach her to ride a bike. She allows herself to get so frustrated, which I am starting to believe is my fault for being so hard on her. That's another story though, I am working my way through that one. It was hot and everyone was sweating and she was getting careless, so we came in the house. As I assured her, there will be other days and giving up is not an option.
Words to live by...
So, I am writing it down and making a commitment right here and now. Remember waaaay back when I was doing the crunches thing? Yeah, well. No more excuses. No more BS. It will be done!
Here's the drill: Start out Week 1 with 50 am and 50 pm. Week 2 is 75 am and 75 pm. Week 3 is 100 am and 100 pm. Week 4 is 125 am and 125 pm. That's where I max out and maintain permanently at 250 crunches per day. To make it even better, I am starting it on a Monday! I did it before, I can surely do it again!
We took the kids apple and peach picking yesterday. They had a good time. Then we went down to Grandmother's and visited with her and mom. All 3 girls were there with out kids, less my oldest niece as usual (she was sick). We got some chinese food at the infamous 'Orange Rice House'. That's not the name of it, but the building has been there and orange since I was a kid, so that name is more recognizable. I called my friend RT since he lived less than a block away. He walked over to see me while we were waiting on the food to be done. He is such a retard! Even though were all growed up now with kids and bills and households and stuff, talking to him takes me back to being a 14-year-old kid again! There is no kind of romantic interest there. I mean honestly, I really only have eyes for one person nowadays. (Okay, two if you count Dwayne Johnson!) But we can be friends and talk about the kids and parenting and just life in general, and it's even better without that bogus sexual tension/pressure that so many men and women feel around each other.
Anywho, we stayed over Grandmother's about an hour or so, then we all headed home. Me and the kids lounged for the most part today, less DJ who is with his dad. Yeah, Mr. I-Just-Up-And-Moved-To-Kansas City-Without-A-Job-Or-Any-Known-Reason came into town for the weekend! I leisurely did laundry. I bought breakfast at McDonald's this morning, then went to the Farmer's Market for a few things. I worked with Starr outside for about 30min trying to teach her to ride a bike. She allows herself to get so frustrated, which I am starting to believe is my fault for being so hard on her. That's another story though, I am working my way through that one. It was hot and everyone was sweating and she was getting careless, so we came in the house. As I assured her, there will be other days and giving up is not an option.
Words to live by...
August 29, 2008
I GOT IT
The change I was jonesing for? I got it this evening. I can't say what it is right now. I know, but I am not telling. Some would look at it as a bad thing, but I realize why it happened.
All I can say is: If it is to be, it's up to me (and God, of course).
IT IS MEANT TO BE.
p.s. To top it all off, I will relax and style my hair tomorrow in a complete different style! I may even cut some too! I promise I will post pics when I do it! :-)
All I can say is: If it is to be, it's up to me (and God, of course).
IT IS MEANT TO BE.
p.s. To top it all off, I will relax and style my hair tomorrow in a complete different style! I may even cut some too! I promise I will post pics when I do it! :-)
IDK
I didn't really have a title for this one, so I used text-speak instead. IDK means 'I Don't Know', in case you were wondering.
Man you guys, I am jonesing for a change in my life. I am in the mood to really shake things up. But I don't know where to start. My friend Maggs from work sent me a text yesterday wanting to know if CWT asked me back what would I say. I didn't reply yet, but not because I didn't know the answer. I figured the old manager was present at the moment, and I didn't want him to see anything. I looked myself in the mirror and thought 'No way Jose!'. I am happier now than at any point since I was in San Diego almost. I may have been struggling out there, but I was happy. I felt free!
That's how I feel now. FREE. I even have my routine down in the morning with the kids. I can't imagine going back into those kinds of confines working full-time outside the home with so little flexibility. I like picking up my kids after school. I like knowing that my biggest stress in the morning is that THEY get to school on time, not me to work. I will tell you honestly, I was not a nice person in the mornings before! I am determined not to be that woman ever again. For my kids' sake...and for my own!
Starr had a bad week apparently at school. Her teacher met me and talked to me about her freaking out it she didn't get a perfect score. She would just completely shut down and be in tears, and to the point that she had to leave class. It happened 3 out of 4 days this week. I talked to her about it last night. I know I have high expectations, but I didn't think I was that bad! Maybe I am and didn't really know it though. Something for me to watch out for.
Champagne has been doing well in kindergarten. The greens are continuing! They have been writing their name and working on letters. You remember that brown lined paper don't you? I know you do! Well I bought a whole tablet of that for her to write in here at home for practice.
I've been working all eves this week due to schedule problems. Too many people, not enough hours offered kind of problems. But, it's been working out so far. I cashed in my little 401K so I can pay some bills, it should be here next week. If I had it this week, I would ask someone to watch the kids for me while I spent the night at Dante's. (yes, even though it is cycle time!) I do plan to go down there in the next few weeks though honestly. All I need is gas money and a babysitter, and I am gone!! As long as I can keep up with my bills, I am happy. That's really all that matters right this second. BUT, I have to get focused on the next phase of my life, where I am completely self-sufficient. I just have to get out of the fear that I can't do it, or I might fail...or I might win actually. Then, I am 100% sure I will reach every goal I set! The belief is there, I just have to put it into action is all.
Pray for me...I surely need it!
Man you guys, I am jonesing for a change in my life. I am in the mood to really shake things up. But I don't know where to start. My friend Maggs from work sent me a text yesterday wanting to know if CWT asked me back what would I say. I didn't reply yet, but not because I didn't know the answer. I figured the old manager was present at the moment, and I didn't want him to see anything. I looked myself in the mirror and thought 'No way Jose!'. I am happier now than at any point since I was in San Diego almost. I may have been struggling out there, but I was happy. I felt free!
That's how I feel now. FREE. I even have my routine down in the morning with the kids. I can't imagine going back into those kinds of confines working full-time outside the home with so little flexibility. I like picking up my kids after school. I like knowing that my biggest stress in the morning is that THEY get to school on time, not me to work. I will tell you honestly, I was not a nice person in the mornings before! I am determined not to be that woman ever again. For my kids' sake...and for my own!
Starr had a bad week apparently at school. Her teacher met me and talked to me about her freaking out it she didn't get a perfect score. She would just completely shut down and be in tears, and to the point that she had to leave class. It happened 3 out of 4 days this week. I talked to her about it last night. I know I have high expectations, but I didn't think I was that bad! Maybe I am and didn't really know it though. Something for me to watch out for.
Champagne has been doing well in kindergarten. The greens are continuing! They have been writing their name and working on letters. You remember that brown lined paper don't you? I know you do! Well I bought a whole tablet of that for her to write in here at home for practice.
I've been working all eves this week due to schedule problems. Too many people, not enough hours offered kind of problems. But, it's been working out so far. I cashed in my little 401K so I can pay some bills, it should be here next week. If I had it this week, I would ask someone to watch the kids for me while I spent the night at Dante's. (yes, even though it is cycle time!) I do plan to go down there in the next few weeks though honestly. All I need is gas money and a babysitter, and I am gone!! As long as I can keep up with my bills, I am happy. That's really all that matters right this second. BUT, I have to get focused on the next phase of my life, where I am completely self-sufficient. I just have to get out of the fear that I can't do it, or I might fail...or I might win actually. Then, I am 100% sure I will reach every goal I set! The belief is there, I just have to put it into action is all.
Pray for me...I surely need it!
August 25, 2008
A GREAT Weekend in Review!
My Dante came in town this weekend! And get this: it was just for me and the kids!!!!!! Now I really feel special, like we are moving somewhere! He was supposed to come in on Friday and spend all day, then leave Saturday, but there were forces working against that. I even had my niece here ready to babysit and everything! We were going to stay the night at a hotel, since he couldn't make it in early like he originally hoped to. So he got here Saturday early evening, and stayed til about 30 minutes ago.
My sister Leigh and her husband and all the kids went skating. Yes, of course I was there too! The kids had a ball, but I was a little sore at first from it now being $8 per kid to skate!! I really hadn't planned on that kinda money right then. After that, we went to Pizza Hut and ate. We all had a really great time. When Dante came in, he first went to his sister's who I didn't know lives within 5 minutes of me. We watched movies with the kids on Saturday night, as well as Sunday. Plus I ordered Chinese for us all last night.
There was a bit of a snag when I saw a text message that came through on Sunday while he was sleeping. No!! I SWEAR I am not the type to be snooping or anything like that. My theory is if you have to be that insecure, you probably don't need to be in that situation to start with. But the iPhone was on the table and vibrated so, out of reaction, I looked at it. The message said "R U ok baby?" Yep, it was the 'baby' that got me! So I talked to him about that evening and he told me it was just a friend that he met in Memphis. They have bowling in common, but there are no romantic sparks on his end towards her (though I am wondering about from her to him). I took him at his word. Call me crazy or a fool if you want, but I believe him.
He still hasn't really answered my inquiries as to where we are or have the potential to be. But he did say this was a fact-finding trip for him in some ways. I will discuss that more if something comes of it.
I am just very happy about the visit. Makes me even more motivated to get back down to visit him!
My sister Leigh and her husband and all the kids went skating. Yes, of course I was there too! The kids had a ball, but I was a little sore at first from it now being $8 per kid to skate!! I really hadn't planned on that kinda money right then. After that, we went to Pizza Hut and ate. We all had a really great time. When Dante came in, he first went to his sister's who I didn't know lives within 5 minutes of me. We watched movies with the kids on Saturday night, as well as Sunday. Plus I ordered Chinese for us all last night.
There was a bit of a snag when I saw a text message that came through on Sunday while he was sleeping. No!! I SWEAR I am not the type to be snooping or anything like that. My theory is if you have to be that insecure, you probably don't need to be in that situation to start with. But the iPhone was on the table and vibrated so, out of reaction, I looked at it. The message said "R U ok baby?" Yep, it was the 'baby' that got me! So I talked to him about that evening and he told me it was just a friend that he met in Memphis. They have bowling in common, but there are no romantic sparks on his end towards her (though I am wondering about from her to him). I took him at his word. Call me crazy or a fool if you want, but I believe him.
He still hasn't really answered my inquiries as to where we are or have the potential to be. But he did say this was a fact-finding trip for him in some ways. I will discuss that more if something comes of it.
I am just very happy about the visit. Makes me even more motivated to get back down to visit him!
August 15, 2008
New Beginnings
Yep, that's right. Today was Champagne's last day of preschool. School starts next week! I've gotten so used to taking her to daycare that I can't imagine her actually in school! But, it's coming whether I like it or not. So, guess I should just go ahead and start liking it huh??
I took pictures in the morning with her and some of her teachers, and some of her friends. Then when I picked them up this evening I took more pics of her in her classroom. I also took one of Bruzer with one of the long-time teachers that was leaving today. Then, as we were leaving, I had him take one with his friend who is starting Kindergarten next week. Bruzer won't go back to school til probably Thursday. School starts on Wednesday, but I figure he'll be a little upset with the 3 older ones going to 'big kid school', so I may keep him with me during the day. We'll see.
Today was a good day. I worked a little, but not too much. Wayne and I had a good conversation, as usual. Right now we are just concentrating on being more friends than anything. He knows that I have feelings for Dante, and there is nothing I will do at this point to jeopardize that. Better still, is that he respects that. I tried to talk to Dante tonight about what we were, but I suppose my timing was lousy or he didn't really have an answer that he wanted to give or he couldn't talk at the moment. I don't know, but I put some things out there, and no answers were really given. But I am glad I did. There was a time not too long ago that I was actually afraid to say how I felt or ask if our affair was headed somewhere, for fear that would cause it to abruptly end. But things are different now. I am different now. No it has nothing to do with Wayne, and everything to do with me.
I truly believe that Dante and I would remain friends after out affair ended, as long as it was mutual and not messy. So, in essence, that fear of losing him that I had is really completely without merit. That's what kept me from asking the 'what if' and the 'what are we' questions that have been burning in the back of mind for so long. I didn't get answers tonight. But if I know him, that means he is thinking, and formulating an answer for a later time.
Time will tell....
I took pictures in the morning with her and some of her teachers, and some of her friends. Then when I picked them up this evening I took more pics of her in her classroom. I also took one of Bruzer with one of the long-time teachers that was leaving today. Then, as we were leaving, I had him take one with his friend who is starting Kindergarten next week. Bruzer won't go back to school til probably Thursday. School starts on Wednesday, but I figure he'll be a little upset with the 3 older ones going to 'big kid school', so I may keep him with me during the day. We'll see.
Today was a good day. I worked a little, but not too much. Wayne and I had a good conversation, as usual. Right now we are just concentrating on being more friends than anything. He knows that I have feelings for Dante, and there is nothing I will do at this point to jeopardize that. Better still, is that he respects that. I tried to talk to Dante tonight about what we were, but I suppose my timing was lousy or he didn't really have an answer that he wanted to give or he couldn't talk at the moment. I don't know, but I put some things out there, and no answers were really given. But I am glad I did. There was a time not too long ago that I was actually afraid to say how I felt or ask if our affair was headed somewhere, for fear that would cause it to abruptly end. But things are different now. I am different now. No it has nothing to do with Wayne, and everything to do with me.
I truly believe that Dante and I would remain friends after out affair ended, as long as it was mutual and not messy. So, in essence, that fear of losing him that I had is really completely without merit. That's what kept me from asking the 'what if' and the 'what are we' questions that have been burning in the back of mind for so long. I didn't get answers tonight. But if I know him, that means he is thinking, and formulating an answer for a later time.
Time will tell....
August 12, 2008
Ms. 300!!
Just a little play on words in honor of Bernie Mac, who died this past weekend at the age of 50. He starred in a movie called Mr. 3000 a few years back, and this is my 300th post today so I made it work. As George Clooney said, 'Heaven just got a whole lot funnier'.
Also passing this weekend was that super cool brother, Isaac Hayes, at the getting-better-with-time age of 65. Both were very sudden and unexpected, and our prayers go out to their families during this very difficult time.
My niece had her camp-out on Saturday, and it was a HUGE success. Lots of kids came, a couple of friends, and all of her cousins! The grownups had a good time too. I left to go to my friend's birthday party at a club in E. St. Louis with the Kween. I sat and people watched all night, didn't really enjoy myself, but at least I was out. I counted that as a win. I got in at 2a, got up at 630a and drove to get doughtnuts and coffee. I bought 4 dozen doughnuts and they were all gone before 10a! I came home at about 130p and crashed though, because I was dealing with the same headache since Friday...and it was now Sunday afternoon!
Dante and I are hoping to see each other this weekend. This hope hinges on whether or not he comes back early from this softball tournament in Orlando. I tried to see if I could go, but airfare is just WAY too high. So, if anything, I will just fill up the tank and go down there for a few days. I shamefully realized that I hadn't been down there since January! I want to rectify that now and in the future. I think we'll call Can't Get Right by another name henceforth, since that doesn't really fit and neither does The One at this point. So, he will now be known as Wayne (middle name). Wayne and talk almost everyday. But that's nothing unusual anyway, as we are always friends first and foremost. I just think that's all we'll ever be sometimes. If all things were equal right now, and I had to make a choice, I believe I would choose Dante.
The good thing though, is I am not focused so much on the personal life right now, because I know it will work itself out the right way. I am just focusing on myself, my family and my business...and not necessarily in that order. It won't happen unless I make it happen, and I know I can make it happen! You can too! Just make the decision and then do it. To paraphrase a home improvement mega-store: Let's build this life together!
Also passing this weekend was that super cool brother, Isaac Hayes, at the getting-better-with-time age of 65. Both were very sudden and unexpected, and our prayers go out to their families during this very difficult time.
My niece had her camp-out on Saturday, and it was a HUGE success. Lots of kids came, a couple of friends, and all of her cousins! The grownups had a good time too. I left to go to my friend's birthday party at a club in E. St. Louis with the Kween. I sat and people watched all night, didn't really enjoy myself, but at least I was out. I counted that as a win. I got in at 2a, got up at 630a and drove to get doughtnuts and coffee. I bought 4 dozen doughnuts and they were all gone before 10a! I came home at about 130p and crashed though, because I was dealing with the same headache since Friday...and it was now Sunday afternoon!
Dante and I are hoping to see each other this weekend. This hope hinges on whether or not he comes back early from this softball tournament in Orlando. I tried to see if I could go, but airfare is just WAY too high. So, if anything, I will just fill up the tank and go down there for a few days. I shamefully realized that I hadn't been down there since January! I want to rectify that now and in the future. I think we'll call Can't Get Right by another name henceforth, since that doesn't really fit and neither does The One at this point. So, he will now be known as Wayne (middle name). Wayne and talk almost everyday. But that's nothing unusual anyway, as we are always friends first and foremost. I just think that's all we'll ever be sometimes. If all things were equal right now, and I had to make a choice, I believe I would choose Dante.
The good thing though, is I am not focused so much on the personal life right now, because I know it will work itself out the right way. I am just focusing on myself, my family and my business...and not necessarily in that order. It won't happen unless I make it happen, and I know I can make it happen! You can too! Just make the decision and then do it. To paraphrase a home improvement mega-store: Let's build this life together!
August 7, 2008
Gaining Clarity
So I have been in a bit of a funk the past couple of days. I feel kinda lousy because I talked to the bff about it, and I think I may have thrown her off-kilter too! Things still aren't quite right there either.
Sometimes it's best to keep your utter confusion to yourself, noone else needs that kinda crap in their life! :-)
Here's the deal: I am torn in a thousand different ways by just about everything in my life right now. I have been really enjoying my time not doing the full time thing, but I believe my vacation is over now. No, no, no...that doesn't mean I am going to make myself miserable and go get another j.o.b. That means I am about to get to work! I want to help people make the best of their lives. There are two ways I can do that. One is by helping them plan vacations and trips to get away from the stress of it all, and by arranging business trips that keep them moving at the 'speed of business'. (I love that phrase) Two is by assisting small businesses and sole proprietors with the day-to-day admininstrative tasks that keep them from doing the work they love. Most importantly, I just have to stop being such a "fraidy cat" about getting out there and making my self known!
Okay, so that's issue #1. Issue #2 is a little more delicate! Yes, matters of the heart.
So Starr's father and I had a talk the other day. Yes of course there are still feelings there. There probably always will be, so that's a non-issue. The question is do we want to give one last college try to see if we really have a shot at this working out? Seems simple doesn't it? Yeah well...wait, there's more! He is with someone, and she is currently wearing a ring that he put there. I am still with Dante and, although I say I don't know what we are or where we are going, I can't imagine giving him up. BUT!! (famous last words) What if Dante and I really are all we are ever going to be?? What if CGR and I pass on this opportunity now that we are older and (allegedly) wiser, and miss what was really meant to be? What if we both end our other relationships, get together, find out it doesn't work, then realize we were already with who we were supposed to be with??
Your head would explode if this was you, wouldn't it???
Honestly, I can see things both ways. I can see him and me getting together, moving away with the kids to start our life (back in San Diego likely), and growing old together. I can see us being truly happy. BUT, then again. I can also see us being friends forever and nothing more. AND, I can see myself getting preggers at least 2 more times and having children with Dante. (Or Dwayne Johnson, I haven't decided which yet) He really is an awesome guy, and I've told Can't Get Right that...on more than one occasion. He pointed out to me that I am more attached to Dante that I am letting on...even to myself. I know there is truth to that, but I am still in protective mode when it comes to that situation. This could be his way to kill time until his divorce is actually final, then I'm all lovestruck and he's like "Thanks for the ride Lady!" (No, I absolutely do not think in any way something like that would happen. I am just being dramatic for effect!)
I am not fond of the person Can't Get Right is with, never have been really. But it has nothing to do with him, she and I went to the same high school....and I didn't like her then!!! Just one of those people that never rubbed me the right way. However he loves her and she treats him well and that will have to be good enough for me.
So why are we trying to mess with fire? To put it exceptionally mildy, the love is strong within us both. However, I just don't think it's enough to be willing to hurt others for our selfish whims. We are not those type of people, we never will be, and we would never feel right about it if we tried to be. So likely, he and I are all we ever will be, unless some serious Divine intervention happens and gracefully removes these others from our lives. Considering they have 2 children together now, that ain't likely to happen!
But, what if....
Sometimes it's best to keep your utter confusion to yourself, noone else needs that kinda crap in their life! :-)
Here's the deal: I am torn in a thousand different ways by just about everything in my life right now. I have been really enjoying my time not doing the full time thing, but I believe my vacation is over now. No, no, no...that doesn't mean I am going to make myself miserable and go get another j.o.b. That means I am about to get to work! I want to help people make the best of their lives. There are two ways I can do that. One is by helping them plan vacations and trips to get away from the stress of it all, and by arranging business trips that keep them moving at the 'speed of business'. (I love that phrase) Two is by assisting small businesses and sole proprietors with the day-to-day admininstrative tasks that keep them from doing the work they love. Most importantly, I just have to stop being such a "fraidy cat" about getting out there and making my self known!
Okay, so that's issue #1. Issue #2 is a little more delicate! Yes, matters of the heart.
So Starr's father and I had a talk the other day. Yes of course there are still feelings there. There probably always will be, so that's a non-issue. The question is do we want to give one last college try to see if we really have a shot at this working out? Seems simple doesn't it? Yeah well...wait, there's more! He is with someone, and she is currently wearing a ring that he put there. I am still with Dante and, although I say I don't know what we are or where we are going, I can't imagine giving him up. BUT!! (famous last words) What if Dante and I really are all we are ever going to be?? What if CGR and I pass on this opportunity now that we are older and (allegedly) wiser, and miss what was really meant to be? What if we both end our other relationships, get together, find out it doesn't work, then realize we were already with who we were supposed to be with??
Your head would explode if this was you, wouldn't it???
Honestly, I can see things both ways. I can see him and me getting together, moving away with the kids to start our life (back in San Diego likely), and growing old together. I can see us being truly happy. BUT, then again. I can also see us being friends forever and nothing more. AND, I can see myself getting preggers at least 2 more times and having children with Dante. (Or Dwayne Johnson, I haven't decided which yet) He really is an awesome guy, and I've told Can't Get Right that...on more than one occasion. He pointed out to me that I am more attached to Dante that I am letting on...even to myself. I know there is truth to that, but I am still in protective mode when it comes to that situation. This could be his way to kill time until his divorce is actually final, then I'm all lovestruck and he's like "Thanks for the ride Lady!" (No, I absolutely do not think in any way something like that would happen. I am just being dramatic for effect!)
I am not fond of the person Can't Get Right is with, never have been really. But it has nothing to do with him, she and I went to the same high school....and I didn't like her then!!! Just one of those people that never rubbed me the right way. However he loves her and she treats him well and that will have to be good enough for me.
So why are we trying to mess with fire? To put it exceptionally mildy, the love is strong within us both. However, I just don't think it's enough to be willing to hurt others for our selfish whims. We are not those type of people, we never will be, and we would never feel right about it if we tried to be. So likely, he and I are all we ever will be, unless some serious Divine intervention happens and gracefully removes these others from our lives. Considering they have 2 children together now, that ain't likely to happen!
But, what if....
August 6, 2008
The Remake
Okay, so I realized today I have really become a slacker. You know what else? It doesn't even have that much to do with not working outside the home. That's one of the things in my life that actually makes me very happy. It has happened over a period of a year at least. Just being lazy. Waking up getting dressed from the neck down very well. But from the neck up, just barely making it by. Thank goodness I am naturally beautiful, as I always say! lol
I pull my hair back in a bun everyday. Let me say that again......EVERYDAY. I have always been fascinated with long flowing hair, and there was a time when people would have had me committed for wearing my hair up so much! Now, I just want to feel 'put together' more than anything. Know what I just did today? I washed my hair and deep conditioned it. Then I spent about 2 hours total pulling KNOTS out of my head! I had gotten so damn lazy that I actually hadn't combed through my hair in over a week! Thank goodness I don't have the kind of hair that you have to wash everyday...cause that would have been really...eww!
I am pretty sure there will be some inches lost over my laziness, yet again. It's not the first time this has happened. But I tell you this, it will be the last. I have goals, and I will achieve every last one of them. One of my goals is to look fabulous from the neck up, even if I look so-so from the neck down -- not vice-versa! If that requires a shorter but very sassy, classy cut then that's what it shall be. Then one day within the next 2 years tops, I will reach my goal of hair to the middle of my back. I've been very close before, but this time I will go all the way!
I have plenty of makeup, and so I shall get in the habit of wearing it daily. It's amazing how long it's been since I put on eye-liner! I know. So, so sad. I am full of fabulous-ness! Always have and always will. Now the time has come for me to let it out again, and this time STAY OUT!!
I pull my hair back in a bun everyday. Let me say that again......EVERYDAY. I have always been fascinated with long flowing hair, and there was a time when people would have had me committed for wearing my hair up so much! Now, I just want to feel 'put together' more than anything. Know what I just did today? I washed my hair and deep conditioned it. Then I spent about 2 hours total pulling KNOTS out of my head! I had gotten so damn lazy that I actually hadn't combed through my hair in over a week! Thank goodness I don't have the kind of hair that you have to wash everyday...cause that would have been really...eww!
I am pretty sure there will be some inches lost over my laziness, yet again. It's not the first time this has happened. But I tell you this, it will be the last. I have goals, and I will achieve every last one of them. One of my goals is to look fabulous from the neck up, even if I look so-so from the neck down -- not vice-versa! If that requires a shorter but very sassy, classy cut then that's what it shall be. Then one day within the next 2 years tops, I will reach my goal of hair to the middle of my back. I've been very close before, but this time I will go all the way!
I have plenty of makeup, and so I shall get in the habit of wearing it daily. It's amazing how long it's been since I put on eye-liner! I know. So, so sad. I am full of fabulous-ness! Always have and always will. Now the time has come for me to let it out again, and this time STAY OUT!!
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