IDK

I didn't really have a title for this one, so I used text-speak instead. IDK means 'I Don't Know', in case you were wondering.

Man you guys, I am jonesing for a change in my life. I am in the mood to really shake things up. But I don't know where to start. My friend Maggs from work sent me a text yesterday wanting to know if CWT asked me back what would I say. I didn't reply yet, but not because I didn't know the answer. I figured the old manager was present at the moment, and I didn't want him to see anything. I looked myself in the mirror and thought 'No way Jose!'. I am happier now than at any point since I was in San Diego almost. I may have been struggling out there, but I was happy. I felt free!

That's how I feel now. FREE. I even have my routine down in the morning with the kids. I can't imagine going back into those kinds of confines working full-time outside the home with so little flexibility. I like picking up my kids after school. I like knowing that my biggest stress in the morning is that THEY get to school on time, not me to work. I will tell you honestly, I was not a nice person in the mornings before! I am determined not to be that woman ever again. For my kids' sake...and for my own!

Starr had a bad week apparently at school. Her teacher met me and talked to me about her freaking out it she didn't get a perfect score. She would just completely shut down and be in tears, and to the point that she had to leave class. It happened 3 out of 4 days this week. I talked to her about it last night. I know I have high expectations, but I didn't think I was that bad! Maybe I am and didn't really know it though. Something for me to watch out for.

Champagne has been doing well in kindergarten. The greens are continuing! They have been writing their name and working on letters. You remember that brown lined paper don't you? I know you do! Well I bought a whole tablet of that for her to write in here at home for practice.

I've been working all eves this week due to schedule problems. Too many people, not enough hours offered kind of problems. But, it's been working out so far. I cashed in my little 401K so I can pay some bills, it should be here next week. If I had it this week, I would ask someone to watch the kids for me while I spent the night at Dante's. (yes, even though it is cycle time!) I do plan to go down there in the next few weeks though honestly. All I need is gas money and a babysitter, and I am gone!! As long as I can keep up with my bills, I am happy. That's really all that matters right this second. BUT, I have to get focused on the next phase of my life, where I am completely self-sufficient. I just have to get out of the fear that I can't do it, or I might fail...or I might win actually. Then, I am 100% sure I will reach every goal I set! The belief is there, I just have to put it into action is all.

Pray for me...I surely need it!