20 Minutes till 2009!!!

I talked to the bff extensively today. I told her what I did and how I felt so horrible for it. I told her I still have questions towards Dante as to what we really are. I can't feel like I am "the only one" if there are still others I feel I have to contend with! PLUS, his retort to my fear statement has me completely thrown off kilter!! How am I supposed to feel secure with that!??

I would gladly go under the knife and anesthesia to give him what he desires so much. I loved everything about childbearing, from conception to carrying the baby to even my labor and deliveries. I would gladly do it again...and again after that. BUT, I wonder if the fact that I have 4 children, then plus any we would have may be a little too overwhelming for him. I actually wouldn't think so, but that's because I think very highly of his strength and character. Call me partial that way!

The bff also reminded me today that I perhaps have been selling myself short in this. I always focus on this one thing that I can't do that the others may be able to. But what about all the things I have going for me that would make any man fall at my feet??? She told me to remain open, so that in case he does have to come to me and tell me those dreaded words, I won't be back at square one. Do you have any idea how hard that is to fathom, when all I really want is him??? What she reminded me of with a story she told is the fact that I have his back no matter what. If I can do something or if I can help then I will do it. He knows that fact, as I have proven it plenty of times and will continue to do so. I know that counts in a man's mind, and it's not even an act for me...that's just who I am. I believe the thugs would call me a ride-or-die chick! LOL

I know he appreciates that about me. I know that makes me a lot more unique than a number of women out there. I am quite positive that all my numerous attributes far outweigh any drawbacks that are present! That's what I believe, that's the premise I will work from. My future husband - be it Dante or someone I have yet to know - will be bowled over by those very things!

In the Matchless name of Jesus....... (let everyone say) AMEN!!!!