I Think We Still Have a Chance...

Actually, I pray we do is more accurate. I talked to him this evening. He called me. I didn't want to push, so I had decided earlier that I would let him call me. I am glad we talked. I know I did some serious damage to the trust in our relationship by doing what I did. I know I had my reasons for doing it, but they just don't seem all that important anymore. So we had a productive talk this evening, and it makes me feel better than I have been feeling since it happened. I didn't even get out of the bed today until well after 1p.

Thinking about all this with him has made me really consider something else. When I think back on people like the PsychoRev...I am so happy I had my tubes tied, because he surely wanted to knock me up. The only other benefit to it has been not worrying about contraception with Dante, we're ready to go at all times!

But that's the only good things. So, I have made a decision about my personal health. I'm getting my tubes untied! I know, huge news right?! I can't say when, but I am thinking about making it a 2009 goal to be honest with you. Dante and I may not even be together by the time I get it done, so I want to make it clear that I wouldn't be doing it just "for him". I mean like doing it to try and keep him...'cause I would surely do it if he asked me to. It would be for me. I would like to have the option again. I regret taking that decision away from myself so permanently. But, at that time, things were horrid in my life and I just didn't want to make it worse. So I made what I thought was the best choice at the time.

It just shouldn't have been a permanent choice is all. There were other options I should have considered first. I wanna give that gift back to myself: the gift of wholeness. No, I don't feel complete as I am right now. I feel inadequate and less than a woman by not being able to produce children. Hey, I'm just being honest!

But after looking at the testimonials and reading people's stories, I know I have hope. Some of their stories were way worse than I have...and some of them were a lot the same. Those are the ones that caught my attention, and how nice to see the 'happy ending' to it. I just have to set my mind to it, and start planning out a way to achieve this goal! It would be really nice if Dante was the one to be with me during this...so I'll throw in a prayer for that too!