Darn Full Moon!

So it's the end of that 'time of the month'...and a full moon on top of that. What does that mean? My emotions are everywhere! Let's just say, I watched 'Twilight' twice this afternoon - back to back!!! I don't care what anyone says, that is one serious love story! I can definitely see that when I get my book collection back from all the various places they are, that I will definitely be reading the series again!

Anywho, Wayne stopped by the other night. He wanted me to look up some info for him on the computer and I called him to have him stop by and look at it. As usual, he went immediately upstairs to see Starr and the kids. He came back down in awe. I told him she has self-esteem issues previously. He said he can't see why because she is absolutely beautiful! I told him I know, and what she needs more than anything else is for him to tell her so as often as possible, before some boy does it for him in a few years with not-so-pure intentions!

He looked like he had a lot on his mind, so we talked. He told that him and the woman he's seeing have begun planning their wedding. That was a shock. I also told him to make sure he's sure, that we are too damn old to just settle. We've both been married and divorced twice, and we both feel the 2nd marriage should never have happened. We're both also believing that "Third Times The Charm"! I just want him to be happy. He's told me several times that he's still in love with me, but he's also as happy as I am about our new-found friendship...something we never had before. Without having met him, he likes Dante quite a bit. He really likes the fact that I am so happy, and a big part of that is because of my relationship with Dante. Wayne and I had such itense feelings for each other - like the stuff you see on movies intense (think The Notebook). He's looking for that again with this woman, which I told him isn't fair to her or to him. He needs to look at her and appreciate her qualities for who she is. Comparing her to me is just no contest really! ;-) I think he'll be okay in the long run.

Oh, you're wondering how I feel about him since I know he's in love with me and I said all that about how intense our love was? Well, I have let mine go. Maybe not all the way; I believe if you really love someone, that person will always have at least a little of your heart. But, well, let me put it to you this way: The one time (about this time last year) when we got a little too close one day, I stopped it because I couldn't think of anything but Dante. So no, I am not still in love with him as he is with me. I love him to death, and would go to the ends of the earth for him as one of my dearest friends, butI believe our relationship has evolved into something even better than it was when were trying so many times to get together and never did.

Then, the weirdest thing happened. The BFF and I were talking and I asked her about a hotel near Midway, and if it was close to her. She asked why I was thinking of hotels, and I told her when I come to visit, that's where the kids and I will be staying. She then tells me that the only time she was apprehensive about me staying at her apartment was when I was with PsychoRev. She says we were talking about me coming up there and I said that me, him and all the kids could just stay at her place...and that's why she may have been seemed apprehensive. I, even in my looniest times with Roy, could not have imagined saying a thing like that. I mean, you know there are some things that are just "in you", no matter what? I couldn't imagine telling anybody that me, my fiance, and my four children would be coming to stay in their basically one bedroom apartment for a weekend! She was insistent about it, so I did what I usually do when it's not worth the debate to me. I gave her the last word, and tried to move on. She kept saying it though and that's when I had to remind her that as recently as last year was what I remembered about me coming up with the kids and she didn't seemed that thrilled about us staying there, so that's why if I can't get a hotel, I won't come. Then I got to thinking later why would she feel uncomfortable to have her best friend and her BF's fiance spending the night at her place. Does she think the guy would sneak away in the middle of night and try to get in bed with her? I mean, I totally don't get that, it made absolutely no sense. But, I had to let that go and remember that each person is different. I just know I couldn't have possibly said something like that. I mean heck, I felt bad invading Dante's one-bedroom apartment with the kids that 1st time...and I was sleeping with him! lol

Dante and I had a great long serious conversation tonight. It was mostly about us. You know, one of the many things I like is that we can talk about our past relationships and noone gets offended or jealous or anything like that. I also found out that, later this month, Dante and I will have known each other 2 years. I thought we began emailing in June or something, but Mr. Sentimental kept a lot of of those very first emails between us (surprised? yeah, me too!) so he was able to find the date. I think my heart melted a little bit more after that. I told him I am still holding out on my feelings, just because of the circumstances. I told him I can definitely be a lot more intense than this, which he knew (of course he did). One thing I do believe about him is that he has the capacity to love intensely too (he's a Scorpio, it's kind of a given). But, mainly due to the deterioration and subsequent ending of his marriage, his guard is up higher than it would have been otherwise. Who can blame him for that? We all do it! But I do believe the bricks on his wall are tumbling down too, slowly but surely. I'm ok with that. He is my choice, he is where I want to be, and with that decision my patience abounds.