Not Easily Broken

Cycle time...and I watched that movie! What a beautiful and complicated story! Definitely watch it!

It got me to thinking about a few things too. The wife's mother had a very instrumental part in the marriage. So much so that it almost led to divorce! Turns out she was filled with bitterness and unforgiveness herself from her marriage, so of course that's all she'd project on her daughter's situation. At one point, I actually watched her plant a negative seed in her daughter's mind about him having an affair. Words are very powerful, I cannot stress that enough. Towards the end she told her husband that while she learned how to be a strong, independent woman, she was never taught how to be a supportive, loving, and forgiving wife. That reminded me of something The Officer always quotes that our mother said: "When a man leaves - when not if, because they always leave..."

WTF??? Is it a wonder that I am twice-divorced??

Mind you, had I not heard this constantly said by my sister I would've had no recollection of it. To think that that's something she chooses to keep as a valuable pearl of wisdom is also a testament to my lack of surprise that she is still single!

So then I wonder about myself. What did I learn from two-failed marriages that I was never taught as a young lady?

• I learned to pick my battles. Being right or getting the last word isn't always the most important thing. Peace in the home is always better.
  
• I learned that only two mortals belong in the marriage: the husband and the wife. Not my mom, not his mom, not my friends or my siblings. Usually the advice-givers' situations are as bad or worse than recipient's!
• I learned that without a strong foundation resting in God, the marriage will surely fail. The minute we as a couple began to stray from God in my first marriage, the trials came in like a tsunami. Obviously, we drowned.
• I learned to be supportive of my husband...even if I don't necessarily agree with the idea!
• I learned to be respectful of my husband, at all times and in all situations. This also means not allowing others (read:family and friends) to disrespect him either.
• I learned that no matter what anyone else says, intimacy is a MAJOR part of the marriage. When that deteriorates under normal circumstances, so does the rest of the relationship.
• I learned that it's okay not to be head of household!!
• I learned that I am not afraid to be a biblically-based submissive wife to my God-fearing husband. And it doesn't make me less of a "strong black woman" to want to be one either!!

I remember always being so proud of my strong matriarchal heritage. We literally grew up with the 'woman can do anything men can do' mentality. It wasn't on purpose...it just was. My grandfather died in 1968 and my grandmother never remarried or even dated. My mom was basically single my entire childhood, as was my aunt (though she dated a little). I mean, honestly, it was frowned upon in my family to be too dependent on a man. Housewife was surely worse than a four-letter word! (Okay, still is)

I can say that - although it was a hard and painful road - I am glad I am here now. I may not be at the point of being a wife again just yet, but I'm more confident than ever before that I'm ready for it! Third times the charm, they say...