What About Me? What About Us?

I have a lot to talk about. Mainly the awesome time we had in Indiana at HolidayWorld the past couple of days! I will definitely be going back next year! But that post is for another time.

The reason for that post title is because I just got off the phone with Dante. We were talking about his reluctance to leave Memphis and how, if all things in his situation were straight, he would stay there. Yes, he did point out that that was something I may not have wanted to hear. It's true. I like the fact that he can talk to me about these things so openly (when asked). But it also makes me wonder: what - if any - future does he see for us?

At some point I was cautiously starting to look forward to him being here on an everyday basis, though the anxiety was still there. But tonight I point blank asked if he could find a way to stay in Memphis would he, and the answer was easily yes.

What have we been doing for the last 2 years? Killing time? Was I the only one that saw this as going somewhere? Didn't I make it clear I'm not a casual dater? That I date with the intent of an eventual marriage?We talked enough that I know I made that point crystal clear.
I can really start to see this selfish side of him right now. I do not in any way mean selfish in a bad way, because I totally understand the reasons behind his motives. He feels like there were so many things that he wasn't able to do or accomplish when he was married that he wanted to do, and now he feels this is his time to do those things with noone standing in the way. Yes, I totally get it. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. Because what that leaves me with is this nagging question echoing in the corners of my mind (in the voice of Rae Dawn Chong from The Color Purple):

"What about me?"