I CANNOT Start the New Year Out Like This...

With the choices I have in men at this moment, I would definitely be better off by my damn self! Perhaps I should go ahead and pay the fees and see what some of these matches on eharmony or match.com may have for me! Surely it has to be better than what I have now!!

Wayne had one simple task, see his daughter on Christmas so she could give him his present. Well, it's the day after Christmas and I haven't talked to him since the eve of Christmas Eve! Won't respond to a phone call or even the generic Merry Christmas text I sent. When do I expect to hear from him? Probably Monday when he is back on the mail route, with some dramatic ass excuse as to why he's been MIA the last few days. Been in the hospital, was sick, got majorly depressed...the usual suspects no doubt.


Dante has his little woman in town for Christmas, so he had to sneak over to see me on Christmas Eve. Yes, you heard me right. SNEAK! To see ME! 'Cause SHE is in town! W-T-F??? He's so busy trying to make nice with her for whatever reason unbeknownst to me that she doesn't even know he and I are still friends. I'm sure he feels it's better that way, because if she's smart (or just not totally stupid) she would be suspicious that perhaps we are more than friends (which we currently are). So instead, he's left his "friend" ( a term I am using with the utmost sarcasm) high and dry while this chick is in town. I sent him a generic Merry Christmas text also. Do you think he responded? Am I supposed to be stupid enough to believe he didn't have his phone with him all day?? Yeah right! More like she saw the text from me and he had to play like he had no idea why I would send it, and definitely WOULD NOT text me back (especially with her watching/snooping)! What upsets me most is that supposedly we both wanted to preserve our friendship even if the relationship faltered. I am apparently the only FOOL that's still honoring that request! Because if you can't even respect me as a friend enough to stand up to your long-distance girlfriend for, then we have N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!! We are supposed to be friends, yet he's got me feeling so like the "other woman" right now, that when I was the other woman in past relationships, I didn't even feel this way!! I wasn't banned or blocked from texting or calling...and these were people that were actually MARRIED!!! When do I expect to hear from him? When he is on the road driving to Memphis tomorrow, since he'll be in the car by himself (assumably).

It's time for me to do some serious revisions in my life, because I'm tired of giving 100% to people and getting 30% back. I am worth more, and you can best believe I deserve more. But if I don't demand it and accept nothing less, then I'll never get it. Perhaps this is that pruning season that everyone is always talking about. I have to be willing to walk away from people I care about, which is hard. But I care about ME more than I care about them in my life. And right now, I am the only one suffering.

I'm so sick of being let down by men who claim they love me!!