These Three Words

My Punkin told me those magic words for the first time Thanksgiving night! I didn't say anything to him about it that night! I wasn't really expecting it from him. Plus, though I know him better than this, he had drank a little AND we were "in the middle of something". I say I know him better because he and I are alike in the way that we are always thinking. There is no "caught up in the moment" and then something just slips out that we don't mean. So when he said it, my first reaction was "What?" to which he repeated it again. I told him "I know" instead of saying "I love you too"!

I know! Retarded yes? I was caught off guard, sue me!!

If it's any consolation, I did say it the next morning to him. No he didn't say it back either! lol

So, fast forward to this morning, when I asked him about it. I coyly asked him if he said it due to the alcohol or due to being caught up in the heat of the moment! He said it wasn't the alcohol to which I replied it was just the heat of the moment. I asked him did he mean it, and he looked at me and said he did. He reminded that he wouldn't have said it if he didn't. So we talked about that and I got some things off my chest that have been bothering me lately. I realized that while I was talking to my BD and my BFF about it, I should have been talking to him. I feel better now for having told him how I feel. I do honestly know that, at some point during this year that we've been "together", he has "been with" someone else. Call it woman's intuition if you will, but I know what I know.

Recently I was in a situation that, for the first time since I had my last deluded thoughts of a relationship with Can't Get Right, caused me to question whether I was on the right path. I was actually getting confused and torn about which way to go. I still think I am a "rebounder" to the other person (though he disagrees wholeheartedly). But, I came to realize that while this person is local and wants to spend as much time with me and the kids as he can, and wants that relationship leading to marriage, and just (allegedly) loves me and wants to make me a top priority in his life.... I didn't want that from him! I WANT IT FROM DANTE!!

I also know that Dante has gone out on dates and things of that nature with other women since he's been in Memphis, and that's fine with me. Of course, I would rather it not go any further than that, but I have a bit of my mother's realism in me too. If he's not doing anything "extra" now, it's because he did it before. No, my actions have nothing to do with that theory. However, I was getting to the point that I didn't want to feel like I was the fool by saving all my love for someone who was keeping me around as a back-up while he searched for Ms. Right. Yes, that was dramatic, but it's who I am so deal with it!! And Yes also, I really did kinda feel that way at times. SO, by not wanting to put any pressure on Dante by talking to him about how I was feeling, I failed by allowing someone else into a door that's been closed for a long time now. Have no fear! I am much better now. I just have to remember my own advice to others about communication being the most important thing in a relationship. Especially important in this long-distance relationship as well!

We still have a ways to go before we can really get to that ultimate goal of marriage, but I can't think of anyplace else I want to be!

I Told Him

It was VERY hard to do, but I told Dante about the other guy. We had a very good talk as a matter of fact. But there's a part of me that's now wondering if it really was the right thing to do. I mean, he just finally told me he loved me for the first time a few days ago, and then I spring this on him!

Perhaps he will retreat to protect himself from being hurt?
Perhaps he will be a little more open to connecting with someone there now?

I let him know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I had made my decision. That I wanted to be with him, and I liked the way things were between us. I honestly do.

I have already ended things with the other person. So while we will still be working together, it will be business only. If he cannot handle that, or if it will be a problem, then we can go our separate ways. Perhaps I can then concentrate on my own business again! Most of the things I am doing for him right now are as a friend. Also because I am good at this stage of business! Once someone else has begun the execution process, I can take the ball and run with it! But it's the execution process for me that is so difficult, so I find it easy to jump on someone else's bandwagon. May as well go get a job if that's how I want to be!!

Anyway, I'm glad I trusted my friend and kept our communication as it had been: Open. Yes, I am still a little worried about whether his reaction will change to unfavorable conditions. BUT, at first I was worried about not making the mistake of choosing the wrong person. Can't Get Right gave me the best advice about that: Do what's best for ME, not either guy. I want Dante mind, body, and soul! I am attracted to him for who he is, not what he wants to give me. I want him, I love him, I can't get enough of him!

Now, if only we can bring the kids into our little world more. Perhaps that will be a January visit to Memphis for us...

Getting Back in the Habit Is Hard!

So I was supposedly going to be really catching up with my blogging, huh? That worked out well didn't it? :-)

Thanksgiving was nice. We did the usual, potluck-style dinner that we always do. It was at my aunt's house this year. We rotate between houses, mine hasn't been on the list yet though. But man, when it is my turn... I'll be ready!

I have so much to say, I just don't where to start honestly! My business isn't any further along than it was before. I am still stuck mentally!! I have gotten involved with an old friend from high school's new business. He is opening a wrestling training center and fitness gym for those seriously interested in working out. He spent 5 years in the WWF (now known as WWE), plus has multiple World KickBoxing Titles to his credit. He definitely has the credentials and the heart, plus he also has God helping him fulfill this dream as well. Honestly I have been doing more running around helping him in the last couple of weeks than I have done for my own in the last several months!

Yes. It is really sad. I know.

I did design a new color brochure for my business. I am very pleased with it! I bought ink and paper, as I will be printing them off myself. Guess all that's left is distribution, huh?

Yeah, yeah....I'm almost there!

The Belle of the Ball

That’s right! SoloMommy was a grown woman for a change, and not just someone’s mommy or taxi driver!
Well, since it was held in Memphis, I was faced with the usual dilemma: babysitting! I thought I had it solved when Aggie volunteered her services…provided she could off the schedule at work. Unfortunately she works at a hotel and weekends are part of the deal. This particular weekend was a no-go. So back to the drawing board, but I was adamant about NOT asking Leigh to do it! After the restrictions last visit, it was just too much. So, I came up with a brilliant plan. DJ was to go with his paternal grandparents, Bruzer was going to stay with my mom, and the girls were going to stay w/ my sister The Officer. I don’t usually ask her, but I figured that would be fine since her girls are the same age and they could keep each other company.
YAY!!! It worked! I was able to leave on Friday and didn’t feel rushed to get back on Sunday! WooHoo! So on to the evening:
My Punkin was in San Diego last week, and was scheduled to arrive at 1140P. I volunteered to pick him up from the airport, so I was determined to be on the road by 7p. I made good time, and just as I was pulling into the cell phone lot at the airport, he called. We headed to his place to get settled in. The next day he had to go to rehearsal for the event. Meanwhile I had to go search for shoes, since I had none to match. When I got back, I started getting ready, and he came in shortly afterward. We kinda took it easy for a while, then started getting dressed. It was that ‘time of the month’, so no s-e-x was going on that weekend. Sucks, I know!!
We got to the event and had a great time. We took a couple of snapshots at the house, then we took formal pictures at the event. He took a separate one by himself, then we took a photo together. It was a nice ceremony and dinner as well. I ate my very first medium rare steak! It was bleu cheese and black pepper topped…very, very good! After the event, everyone went downtown to Beale Street to a club to hang out. A couple of people changed clothes before they came out but most stayed in their formal attire. We really had a great time.
We got home about 130a and he cooked some mussels for us and we played a TV game. Then we finally went to bed around 3a. We woke up around 7a and just kind of laid in bed watching TV and enjoying each other’s company. It was such a nice weekend, we are already planning my next visit…hopefully Aggie can watch them this time, since it will be so soon!

My Internet Has Been Restored!!

Ha! I made that sound like it wasn't the fact that the bill wasn't paid, didn't I? Well that's where I've been, so I know I've got some major catching up to do too!

It;s that time of year again...

Swapping out the summer clothes for the winter ones. I get depressed right about now because, frankly, I despise winter!! It's just that simple! I don't like being cold...Period! And no amount of snuggling or hot chocolate or any of that other BS people say will change that for me!

It is so windy outside today, that means cold air is coming. I finally broke down a couple of days ago and turned on the heat inside. I knew I was being ridiculous when I was sitting at the computer typing and had to keep stopping and blowing into my hands to warm them up! Mind you, it doesn't take much for my hands to get cold, if that's any consolation.

So times are pretty interesting right now. Bills are piling up a bit, but the major ones are covered so that's what matters. I mean really, who's bills aren't looking bad right now? But you know what? My mindset has changed drastically, and I am ready to overcome so that I can reach the level that I want to be at.

I went to one of my former co-worker's house on Friday night and just to see my kids reactions told me what I really wanted. Her house was very large and in a pretty new subdivision. Huge rooms, on a cul-de-sac, 3 car garage...you know the drill. But, I know where she works and how much she makes, and that she doesn't have to work so the husband must make pretty decent money. But you know, not too long, that house would have been a "dream house" for me. Something I could only wish for. Not anymore. That type of house is my goal. That's what I want my first house to be, and not very far from now either.

I can see it clear as day, and that's something I couldn't see before. Progress as promised!!

Learning Curves Suck!

So, I've been ebaying the past week or so. Just decided to make a profit off some of the items I have around here that are in too good a shape to just "give away". Well, all I can say is this learning curve is a Bitch! Here's what's happened so far:

I started out my auctions too low (trying to save a few cents off the listing fee), and they sold at that ultra low starting price!

I didn't exclude international on one, and underquoted the shipping charges.

One pair of Skechers boots from Starr sold pretty good, about $15 plus S&H...thank goodness.

DJ's Skechers casuals sold for the .99 starting price - to Canada - and I ended up paying $5 MORE to ship this item than the buyer paid me altogether!

What have I learned from this fiasco? Nothing outside of the US at this point. Start your auction at the lowest price you are willing to accept. Check, double-check, then recheck your auction before and right after listing!

Just thought I'd share that with you!

One of the best Blonde Jokes I've heard...

Yes, we've all heard a few 'dumb blonde' jokes in our life. If you haven't you've been under a rock!
This is by far one of the funniest I've heard:

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help
me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.


She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces

into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ...'

He said with a deep sigh,





'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

Tyler Perry Makes History

I hadn't read this story before, it came out a few weeks ago. But, how wonderful! What an inspiration to all of us! I really like what he says about Oprah, I'll put it in bold:

History was made Saturday night, when Tyler Perry became the first African-American ever to launch his own major TV and film studio.

But that wasn't the only reason Will Smith was tipping his hat to Perry at the gala Atlanta event in the old Delta Airlines headquarters [ WOW! ] that now serve as Perry's studio.

"I admire most that he can be that tall and wear a white suit," said Smith, 40, never to waste a punch line. "I usually have to avoid white. At this height, you don't tend to look sexy in white suits, but he pulled it off."

The same could be said when it came to Perry's impressive guest list, which brought out the top names from past and present Hollywood and other spheres of influence: Oprah Winfrey, Sidney Poitier, Ruby Dee, Cicely Tyson, Louis Gossett, Jr., Holly Robinson Peete, Tracey Edmonds, music mogul L.A. Reid, singer John Legend, America's Next Top Model winner Eva Pigford, not to mention baseball legends Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds – among others.

And Oprah Cried

"I spent 56 years making movies and this is the reward that I have that means the most to me," said Poitier, 81, the first African-American to win a Best Actor Oscar, for 1963's Lilies of the Field.

A New Orleans native with a troubled childhood, Perry, 39, credited all of his guests with inspiring his life. Of Winfrey, who attended the celebration with longtime beau Stedman Graham and best friend Gayle King, Perry said, "She owns her life. I am learning that. I never would have shown this to people a few years ago. I was embarrassed by the success."

As a large cast of attendants passed around champagne and tissues for the teary-eyed (who were many), Perry shared his rags-to-riches story over a large video screen that eventually gave way to a live singer and band delivering "The Impossible Dream," followed by a fireworks display. Mary J. Blige, Patti Labelle and Gladys Knight also treated guests to separate performances.

At one point, Perry unveiled a special surprise for veteran trailblazers Poitier, Dee and Tyson: each now has a soundstage named after him and her.

"Is this my wall?" joked Poitier – as Winfrey dissolved into tears.

Tide of Change

All joking aside, it was Will Smith who best summed up Perry's accomplishment and the tide of change taking place in America today.

"This is an American first, and the first in the universe," said the I Am Legend star. "There is something happening in America and in the world that's powerful. He is not letting anyone get in his way.

"Those are the wonderfully naïve, arrogant, humble, powerfully American concepts that make things powerful in this country. It's big."

Self-Worth

I am going through some things that are helping me to break free of past mental mindsets. One of the things I discovered about myself came today while talking to the bff. I was thinking about my past conditioning when it came to being given money - especially by men. Here's what happened:

I was dating ('going with' was the term back then) this guy named DeWayne who was a few years older than me. It was the summer between sophomore and junior year for me, and he had just graduated high school. Because of this, my mom looked at him as a "grown man". All was well until he gave me a silver necklace. Not a gold necklace, but a probably $20 silver necklace! She honestly didn't want me to take it from him. And you wanna know what she said about it? Listen to this seed she planted:
"If he is giving that to you, what does he expect from you in return?"

WOW!! You may not see it, but boy I do! That seed, plus listening to conversations over the years with my family, took root. Over time, it turned into an 'ownership' thing. You know, the man would think he owned you by giving you money. My personal favorite (and my sometimes motto) was "It's just another way of prostituting"! That's why I couldn't just take the gesture that Dante made as simple kindness for a friend. I knew he wouldn't throw it back in my face, or feel like he owned me or anything. But I instantly felt indebted to him because of it. And while to him it was a gift, I absolutely insisted that I would pay him back.

The chapter in the book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, which I am reading now is talking about the art of receiving. This was something I always had problems with. Compliments, no big deal, but actually receiving money from people (namely men) was a big deal to me. Of course another big part of it had to do with my level of self-worth. It's a tough thing to admit, but my past and present speak for themselves. My self-worth has been pretty low, as far as monetarily. I mean as in what I believe I am worth - to be paid, to charge for my services, etc. It's a struggle, but I am winning finally! The battle is almost over because I have identified both the problem and the root cause! Victory is mine...

More revelations as they progress!

Blessings and Breakthroughs!

What a divine day! I finally had a very important lesson sink in! And I truly believe this will send my life into the direction that I have wanted for so long!

You know, I am only 34 years old...will be 35 in less than a month. I feel so blessed that I am finding these things out about myself now rather than in my fifties or sixties...or never! As G.I. Joe would say: Knowing is half the battle! I can truly pinpoint some very important factors that are holding me back in life and in doing so, I can correct them!

That most assuredly puts me on the upswing in my life! I wish I could say more, but this is even too personal for my blog right now. It's one of those that will have to been seen rather than talked about, you know?

God is so wonderful!

Sarah Palin...Just as Catty as I Suspected!

This story was released on the AP today:

Legislative panel: Palin abused authority

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A legislative committee investigating Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has found she unlawfully abused her authority in firing the state's public safety commissioner.

The investigative report concludes that a family grudge wasn't the sole reason for firing Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan but says it likely was a contributing factor.

The Republican vice presidential nominee has been accused of firing a commissioner to settle a family dispute. Palin supporters have called the investigation politically motivated.

Monegan says he was dismissed as retribution for resisting pressure to fire a state trooper involved in a bitter divorce with the governor's sister. Palin says Monegan was fired as part of a legitimate budget dispute.

Mysterious Ways...

Got a call from the bff today. Very quick call because she has been pretty busy at work. Glad she's doing okay. It could be coincidence (or - more likely - God calling me out on what I said the last post about feeling envy), but I thought it odd that she mentioned how upset it makes her when people are jealous of her other friends. She said she rebuked that because it was not a fruit of the Spirit. Then she said she doesn't belong to anyone. Coincidence??

Now, in no way do I disagree, and I checked myself about it already. I felt that I was being childish. I have no ill will towards Meda (the lady she stays with when she's here). Was happy to see her and hugged her with no reservations. But I wanted to be honest with myself too, and that's why I let the word be exposed in written form. Because you know what? If she comes to St. Louis and doesn't see me at all, that's her right to do so! The fault is not hers, it's mine. I pray to God to remove any remnants of envy in my heart, because it's a negative and unfruitful emotion...and that is NOT of God in any way.

So all is well in my world. As I stated in the last post, it's a cut-and-dry situation, it is what it is. When she comes to town, she stays with Meda, she hangs with Meda, she spends most of her time socializing with Meda. That's the way it is and I am 100% fine with that...because it's her choice and that's apparently what makes her happy, which is what matters most.

Life is a process, we learn more everyday. The key, however, is applying what we've learned.

Relentless!!!

The Joyce Meyer Women's Conference was this past weekend, and I really enjoyed it! WOW!!! I really, really enjoyed it! I got so much out of it! It was just things that I needed to hear. My bff came into town and we went together to 4 out of 5 conferences. She didn't make it to the one Saturday morning where Lisa Bevere spoke, and I almost didn't running late. But, I really loved her! She helped stoke my passion to learn to ride a motorcycle again! She even showed us a picture of her Ninja bike! I was soooo envious!

I didn't get to see the bff outside of the conference, since she was staying with her friend in St. Louis. There was a twinge of envy, but I really didn't get upset because that's how I expected it to be. I guess after that situation last year around my birthday having turned out so awfully, who can blame me!? I mean, point blank, when she comes here she stays with her...and that's that. She rants and raves about her daughter did this and said that. A little part of me always wonders if she ever does that to other people with my kids. Such as life, it is what it is!

Anyway, back to the subject...Creflo Dollar was on fire Thursday night! Joyce spoke both sessions on Friday. I caught the MetroLink over there everyday but Thursday. Now, don't get me wrong. Just because I went to this conference doesn't mean I was off the hook with the taxi service! I went to the 10a session after I dropped the kids off, came back and got lunch, picked up the kids, then headed back over there for the 7p session. It was so worth it...SO WORTH IT!!! I will be an "every year attendee" from this point on! Yolanda Adams and Darlene Zsesch (sp) were the praise and worship performers. My prayer was that I not lose that fire and passion for Christ that I had there. That I not lose that burning desire to never give up...to be Relentless!!

So far, so good!

In other news, my sweetie is feeling better. He's on the upswing, which makes me happy because he was definitely at the top of my prayer list. Kids are doing great in school. Mid-term grades look excellent!

Oh yeah, on a personal note...I cut my hair! I cut about 3 inches off. It was damaged, and I needed it done...and more importantly, I needed that change! I am happy I did it, very happy! Now, I will continue to take care of it like I always knew how, and watch it grow like weeds! I should see healthy armpit-length hair by my birthday 2009!

Going back on South Beach to get down to 170 too. I think I would be very happy with 170 toned, especially for my height. My punkin doesn't want me too thin, and it's not like I would even be considered "thick" now. I like the way I looked and felt when I first lost the weight back in April. I think I ended up at about 181 then, so 11 more pounds won't be that drastic! My punkin is not as assured however! That was a wonderful feeling of accomplishment I had going on then...and I want that back!

There is nothing I cannot do with God and my side. If God be for me, who can be against me? (Translation: If God is for me, it doesn't even matter who's against me...because I am already victorious!)

I made a promise before God, Joyce Meyer, my bff, and about 10,000 other women to Never Give Up!!! I meant it. I can't break a promise to God...

Fear Conqueror: One at a Time

So, somewhere along the lines I got afraid to express my true feelings. Especially to Dante. I mean really, who want to take the risk of exposing themselves and it doesn't get reciprocated? We've all seen the comedies: "I love you Brad." "Uh yeah, me too."

Who wants that in real life? But you know what? WE only get one go around in this life, and why have any regrets? Life is entirely too short to NOT tell people how we feel about them. This applies to family too, you know. My sisters and my mom all end our conversations with "luv you", but it has become a little commonplace - though we absolutely mean it. So every now and then, we will make a specific statement to let one another know how we feel.

So, then there was another elephant in my proverbial living room that I had to face. Not hinting around to it, but actually telling Dante that I loved him. We talked about this long ago, and he told me that's something he's pretty serious about. You know, not saying those three words unless he truly means it. So, Miss Quick-to-fall has been pretty reserved about her feelings for him. For the most part of this almost 1 year relationship (October 17,2007 is when we met in person), I have refused to even acknowledge to myself that feelings of love could be there.

That is called living in fear. I have let fear consume me in too many areas of my life for far too long now. I will NOT be fear's prisoner anymore! (Sometimes, I wonder if I really told New Guy enough that I loved him - or at all)

Today my Punkin had a pretty rough day. Something happened that really threw him off his rocker. I don't think I have ever seen him that way, and I tell you I hated to see him leave. I just wanted him to stay with me so I could just hold him and love on him. You know what that's like, right? Well anyway, I was laying on his chest while we were sitting on the couch. I looked up into his face and right into his eyes and said, "I Love You, you know." "He looked back at me for a few moments, and with all sincerity said, "I know."

You know what? I was okay with that answer! Because I for darn sure didn't want him to tell me because he felt obligated. This way, I know when and/or if he does say, he will truly mean it. PLUS, I didn't do it just for reciprocation either. I said it because I meant it, and no other reason but that!

Let's see what's next on my Fear Conquering list! I'll keep you posted on my next victory when it happens!!

Surprise, Surprise!

I had a headache yesterday, so I went to bed pretty early (like 1030P). I sent Dante a text message to tell him my head was hurting and I was going to bed. He told me earlier when we talked that he was going over to his cousin's house to hang out. When he got my text message, he called me to make sure I was really okay. Then he said he was still out and told me he would call me later to check on me. He knows (and I reminded him) that if he calls, I will answer. I made that agreement long ago, and it works for us.

So, about 230a, Starr comes in to tell me she thinks there's a spider on the wall. She didn't really wake me, since I wasn't sleeping well due to the headache. I went upstairs to double and found nothing, so I went potty and got back in the bed. About 5 minutes later he called me to check on me again, and said he was on his way home. He asked was I asleep, to which I honestly replied 'no' and told him what happened. Then, out of the blue, there was a knock on my front door! I heard it in stereo, because I could hear knocking on the phone with him! My sweetie was at the door!! Talk about a very pleasant surprise!!

We slept off and on throughout the night. What was funny was I had just told him while we were on the phone that I missed laying on his chest while I slept, and a few minutes later, there he was!! So I got to snuggle and cuddle all night with my sweetie!! That's just what the doctor ordered! Perhaps we'll see each other tonight after the Gateway Classic (and subsequent partying) is over. I did invite him to church with me tomorrow as well. He told me he would let me know later, depending on his level of hangover-ness!

Great start to the weekend, huh?!

Politics Posting

Warning: If you really believe the economy is "fundamentally strong", love the thought of a "pitbull with lipstick", and are ok with a 'regular guy' wearing $500 loafers and being unsure of how many houses he owns....this is where you should stop reading!

So riddle me this: Who wants a president that can handle more than one thing at a time? Please raise your hands. (solo-mommy raises her hand) So then someone explain to me why John McCain wants to cancel the debates again? I mean, surely we can't be in an economic crisis now Sen. McCain! According to you and your prez, the economy is strong! Now, all of a sudden 6 weeks before the election, you want to suspend campaigning to focus on a bipartisan solution to this crisis?? I don't who told you that was a good idea, but you should have gotten a few outside opinions! As a solo-mommy (ie, President and Commander-in-Chief of my home), it is imperative that I am multi-tasking at all times. As a matter of fact, I don't know that I could turn it off if I wanted to! I can cook, clean, oversee homework, watch a show, and surf online...all pretty much simultaneously. So why can't McCain work on this issue AND campaign for president?

And Please don't get me started about this bailout that could still net these crooked-, greedy-, and shady-ass CEOs millions for running their companies into the ground!!!!

Lots Going On...

I have been pretty inconsistent lately in writing, mainly because I have so much going on in my head. But I will at least give you some highlights:

• I registered to attend the Joyce Meyer Women's Conference in October! It has been something I have wanted to do for several years, but never did. Until now! I feel so accomplished for doing so!
• I finally went to church this past Sunday. I was looking at this church in Shiloh - my old side of town - for quite a while but never got up and went. I went to the website Sunday morning and looked at the pastor's posted notes for a series he had just completed using porcupines as the analogy to humans! Sounds strange, but I am telling you it was ingenious! I got the kids up and we went. It was definitely a good sign when the pastor came and sat down next to me within 2 minutes of being there, before services began. The praise and worship was very different from any previous I've had. It felt like we were at a concert almost! Very contemporary! I enjoyed the message and the delivery of the message. And to top it all off, it was Communion Sunday! I have not taken communion in well over a year! God is in control...never doubt that. We will definitely be going back.
• I went on Bruzer's preschool field trip apple-picking on Friday. We had a very good time! Not only did they pick apples, but they fed cows, goats and chickens too! What a great memory to have for me and for Bruzer!
• I went to the same orchard today with Champagne's kindergarten class! I remember my mom went on all the field trips with me, and I liked that feeling. So I decided to pass it along to my children. These are the whys I talked about before!
• Talked to the New Guy the other day. Or chatted better yet. We cleared the air about what really happened between us. I explained to him that the news of him getting married was a bit shocking and it took a little time to balance myself, but I am more than fine with it. I sent him an e-card congratulating him on the wedding. I also told him he was a genuine good guy with a heart of gold and deserved all the happiness life had to offer. NO! I wasn't being sarcastic, I meant all of it. I was very enlightened after processing our conversation from the night before. I believe that things worked out the way they should have. Cause honestly, I can't imagine Dante not having been in my life all this time.

Those are the highlights. Things are going well with the kids. I have joy in my heart on a daily basis. I can truly look back in the not-so-distant past and see how far I have come! It has been nothing short of miraculous...and most assuredly not something I did on my own! The emotional strongholds that have been released has been literally enlightening! The chains are falling away likes leaves off a tree in autumn! THANK YOU LORD FOR LOVING ME THIS MUCH!!

Words of Encouragement

A snippet from Nelson Mandela's Inaugural speech:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enligtened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others."

All I can say is WOW! That is exactly what I needed right now!

How about you?

Wanting More

Wanting More. Is that such a bad thing?

I had a debate with Wayne today about that very thing. I believe that as Christians, we shouldn't have to live barely. We should not be happy just scraping by or living paycheck-to-paycheck. But there are so many that misinterpret the Holy Bible into making themselves and others think that it's WRONG to want abundance, financial security, prosperity even.

Guess which side Wayne was on?

But we hashed it out, and came to a mutual understanding. He misunderstood me to say that I was unhappy in my current state, and I wouldn't be truly happy until I had money and things. I misunderstood him to say that God wants us to be in a place of "just barely", so that we would not become worshippers of money.

I quoted Philippians 4:11-12 to him. It's one of my faves: "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

Pretty awesome stuff huh??

What that scripture says to me is that I am okay whatever the situation. I am still blessed. I am still saved by grace. I am still under God's Mercy. When things are going perfectly, I am happy and blessed. When it seems things are falling apart around me, I am still just as blessed...which makes my spirit happy. However, I can still want for bigger and better things and expect God to give it to me. It's okay to ask for that 3000 plus square foot custom-built home I want...and expect to get it. It's okay to ask for a prosperous business with so many clients that I have to begin outsourcing the overflow to other single mothers who wish to stay at home...and expect that to happen. It's okay to ask for that 2007 or 2008 (possibly FlexFuel) GMC Yukon XL Denali in Black or White...and expect to have it in my possession within 2 years.

And you know what else? Not only is it okay to ask these things - and expect them to happen - God tells us in His word that we can! Remember doing something wrong as a child, and an adult asking you: "Who told you could do that?!" Every now and again, wasn't your answer "[Insert adult name here] told me I could."

Luke 11:9 (my personal scripture - it's my birthdate!): "So I say unto you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." And further clarification in verse 10: "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Don't get it twisted though, God is not a tooth fairy or a genie granting wishes. There are things that we are required to do as well. Sound tricky? It's not. How's this for a good example:

You tell your child to wash dishes and sweep the floor, that's what she is responsible to do. However, days go by and her chores still are not done. On Friday, she asks to go to the movies with some friends. If you are a good parent who loves your child and believes in teaching responsibility and consequences for actions or inactions, you tell her no right?

Exact same concept! God has set forth "rules" and "provisions" for us to follow as well. And there's more to it than the 10 Commandments! Like believing in your heart that His son came to this earth, suffered and died for our sins, and was risen from the dead by His (our) Father! How about just talking to God? You know, praying about the big and little things in your life? Yes, God is omniscient and omnipresent, but He still wants to hear from YOU! Everyday. ALL DAY. He NEVER tires of hearing from us! (Moms: how many of us can say that every now and again we wish the word Mommy was NEVER INVENTED! lol)

Example again: Aforementioned child has not talked to you in 2 months. Then, outta the blue, she asks you for a new convertible Mustang. Same answer as before I'm guessing?

Not a lot to ask is it? How about that? Well, I don't know about you, but I am definitely standing on the promises of God! I want more than my present circumstances!! BUT, I am content to know that this is where I should be at this moment, and I won't always be here!