Very Uneventful

Today was a rather uneventful day. Just got a lot going around in my head. I am so ready to be enrolled in school again...it makes me restless thinking about it. I found another opportunity that I will try to work with from home. Hopefully I will be selected for the account. That will be some steady income for me. Plus I really want to get some corporate travel clients or some groups going for a good infusion of cash. I need to spend some time this weekend writing some definite business and financial short term goals. That way, I know what I need to do to attain those plans.

I am sleepy now, so I am going to wrap my hair up and head to bed. To think, it's "only" 1130P. Yes, that is early for me!

Looking Fabulous!!!!

Okay, I finally did it! I got my hair weaved! By a professional! In a shop! And I LOVE IT!!!
I had it done once before by Viv and it looked decent, but never again since then. I think I am hooked now!!

It's really about the length of my own hair, maybe a half an inch longer. Definitely fuller, that's for sure. But honestly, most would not know this wasn't my hair. It looks THAT good! My stylist says it should last 6-8 weeks before it needs taken down and done again. I already know I will have it done again! The great thing is that I can wash it like I would my hair, though I plan to hit the salon in 2 weeks anyway. I am determined to be a little more "high maintenance", as I call it.

I can't believe how great I feel. I may be motivated enough to get this body back in check too. Especially after watching an episode of the Biggest Loser the other day. Wow! Talk about an inspirational show! When you see women losing 125 pounds, surely it's enough motivation to know you can lose 40! Yes, I have crept back up to around 190 (maybe a little over). So I want to get to between 160 and 170 fit and firm. It's gonna take a lot of effort and sacrifice too. But guess what I know beyond a shadow of a doubt?

I am SO worth it!!!

Not Easily Broken

Cycle time...and I watched that movie! What a beautiful and complicated story! Definitely watch it!

It got me to thinking about a few things too. The wife's mother had a very instrumental part in the marriage. So much so that it almost led to divorce! Turns out she was filled with bitterness and unforgiveness herself from her marriage, so of course that's all she'd project on her daughter's situation. At one point, I actually watched her plant a negative seed in her daughter's mind about him having an affair. Words are very powerful, I cannot stress that enough. Towards the end she told her husband that while she learned how to be a strong, independent woman, she was never taught how to be a supportive, loving, and forgiving wife. That reminded me of something The Officer always quotes that our mother said: "When a man leaves - when not if, because they always leave..."

WTF??? Is it a wonder that I am twice-divorced??

Mind you, had I not heard this constantly said by my sister I would've had no recollection of it. To think that that's something she chooses to keep as a valuable pearl of wisdom is also a testament to my lack of surprise that she is still single!

So then I wonder about myself. What did I learn from two-failed marriages that I was never taught as a young lady?

• I learned to pick my battles. Being right or getting the last word isn't always the most important thing. Peace in the home is always better.
  
• I learned that only two mortals belong in the marriage: the husband and the wife. Not my mom, not his mom, not my friends or my siblings. Usually the advice-givers' situations are as bad or worse than recipient's!
• I learned that without a strong foundation resting in God, the marriage will surely fail. The minute we as a couple began to stray from God in my first marriage, the trials came in like a tsunami. Obviously, we drowned.
• I learned to be supportive of my husband...even if I don't necessarily agree with the idea!
• I learned to be respectful of my husband, at all times and in all situations. This also means not allowing others (read:family and friends) to disrespect him either.
• I learned that no matter what anyone else says, intimacy is a MAJOR part of the marriage. When that deteriorates under normal circumstances, so does the rest of the relationship.
• I learned that it's okay not to be head of household!!
• I learned that I am not afraid to be a biblically-based submissive wife to my God-fearing husband. And it doesn't make me less of a "strong black woman" to want to be one either!!

I remember always being so proud of my strong matriarchal heritage. We literally grew up with the 'woman can do anything men can do' mentality. It wasn't on purpose...it just was. My grandfather died in 1968 and my grandmother never remarried or even dated. My mom was basically single my entire childhood, as was my aunt (though she dated a little). I mean, honestly, it was frowned upon in my family to be too dependent on a man. Housewife was surely worse than a four-letter word! (Okay, still is)

I can say that - although it was a hard and painful road - I am glad I am here now. I may not be at the point of being a wife again just yet, but I'm more confident than ever before that I'm ready for it! Third times the charm, they say...

Tea Party

Okay this "tea party" thing is hilarious to me! How in the heck are you calling yourself protesting President Obama's overspending and the fact that you are overtaxed...and yet these are all policies put into place by your beloved George W. Bush???

I was reading the news and they were talking about people at the tea parties with their anti-Obama signs, and they're saying they're tired of being overtaxed and watching companies get bailed out with their tax dollars. Guess who was so quick to hand that money out to AIG...and look how well that worked out? That was still under Bush's administration. Oh, and can anyone say "golden parachutes"???

I rest my case.

Easter Weekend in Review

What a great weekend this was! I got to see a lot more of my Punkin than I expected to! He surprised me early Friday to let me know he was about 30min away! He was there all day, until the next morning when he left to play softball with his cousins! Of course the bedroom antics were primo, as usual, but it is also very nice having him for such extended quantities of time.

Saturday was Leigh's baby shower, so I was doing that all day. We had a great time, she had a wonderful turnout. Good food and family...it really doesn't get much better than that. I left there a little early though because Dante was held up in North St. Louis longer than expected, and he wasn't going to make it back in time to pick up his suit from the cleaners before it closed. Let me just say this: my baby takes his dressing very seriously! He even had me calling around trying to find the perfect shoes to match the suit! I know, I know...it does seem a little suspect. But please trust me on this one, he is 100% Grade A Male! There is no 'sweet marbling' through his meat, if you know what I mean! When he goes through the trouble to look good, he makes damn sure he looks good!! So, I retrieved the suit and he got the shoes in time. Easter was saved!

He was supposed to spend that night with me, but I knew he wouldn't. Just had a feeling you know? He sent me a text beforehand to ask if I would mind if he took a shower at my place. Yeah, I thought it was strange too. Of course, he could have just been being funny. But then later it ended up him staying at his mom's house (whom I still haven't met yet) to get ready for Easter. It's like a 40 minute one-way drive to her place, so that makes a difference as well. I didn't necessarily expect to see him on Easter, because that's just how it is. What do I mean? Well, his family time is his family and, at least so far, neither the two shall meet. However, he kept wanting updates on what I was doing and what time I was headed home. I went to Grandmother's after church (which was wonderful). So that led me to believe he had plans for us to see each other that evening. So, I kept my clothes on all day.

That's not normal for me, FYI.

Usually when I get home from church, I change immediately. But this time I kept my contacts in and my clothes on and my makeup on, because I wanted him to see me that way. Kind of ruined the effect when I didn't see him until 1150pm though. As I told him later, I would have been fine of I wasn't led to believe that we would see each other earlier than we did. The kids were on Spring Break so no school that Monday. He told me that I had all that day with him, and he was leaving for Memphis at 5a Tuesday morning! I actually squealed with delight I was so excited! Well, that was dampened a bit on Monday when I lost him for about 6 hours to his cousin!

Hey, I am who I am. If you tell me it's gonna be me and you, then silly me is gonna believe you mean exactly that. Part of the problem is that I still don't feel like an integral part of his life, where his family is concerned at least. As I told him that evening, I don't feel like I am ever made a priority over family for him. Even though he later explained that since his cousin was doing something for me free of charge, he figured the least he could do is oblige him with whatever help he needed. Mind you , so much of that started off wrong when I answered the phone to his cell number on caller ID and heard him a woman having a conversation in the background! That immediately gave me flashbacks of my time with Roy, where his cell phone (that I paid for) called me from his pocket and I would hear him trying to talk to some random girl! Okay, granted the convo between Dante and the mystery woman was about getting gas, but still! Flashbacks, nonetheless!

So, when he got back I was just getting my emotions back to normal, though because so much time had passed without a call I was pissed off. I don't like being angry. I like to control my temper. I am trying really hard at that, especially with the kids (who, naturally catch the most of it), so I didn't say much when he came in. I was reading another Karen Kingsbury book and watching you-know-what for the 2nd time in a row, to which he rolled his eyes! When the credits started rolling he put in something else and wanted to come sit by me, which I brushed him off about completely, so he went back to where he was sitting before.

One thing I've noticed about him in the two times we've had a disagreement is that he'll be ready to leave at a moment's notice. I don't like that. I am not the yelling, throwing things, cursing-you-out type. In other words, he don't like the drama, and will avoid it all costs! Thing is, neother do I. I would much rather talk things out that get 'ugly'. That's exactly what we did. I say exactly what I am thinking and feeling now. Before, when I sometimes still felt like a contestant on Flavor of Love/Rock of Love/For the Love of Ray J (take your pick), I was careful not to say the wrong thing...for fear of being "eliminated" and categorized as one of those kinda chicks. I know, I know, it's silly but true. Now though, I can only be myself. Everything we say to each other is not going to be well received. Period. We can either accept that or move on.

The best thing about a disagreement is the making up later. Man! There was an intensity that just kicked us over the top!! W-O-W is all I can say!!! I hated to fall asleep that night for sure, but what a blissful sleep it was! I woke him up to leave that morning and...yep you guessed it! Rollover!! (that is a requirement for us!) My neices were in the living room sleeping by then but did that stop me? Heck no!! We turned up the music, hopefully that was enough! :-)

Did I say it was GREAT WEEKEND?

Darn Full Moon!

So it's the end of that 'time of the month'...and a full moon on top of that. What does that mean? My emotions are everywhere! Let's just say, I watched 'Twilight' twice this afternoon - back to back!!! I don't care what anyone says, that is one serious love story! I can definitely see that when I get my book collection back from all the various places they are, that I will definitely be reading the series again!

Anywho, Wayne stopped by the other night. He wanted me to look up some info for him on the computer and I called him to have him stop by and look at it. As usual, he went immediately upstairs to see Starr and the kids. He came back down in awe. I told him she has self-esteem issues previously. He said he can't see why because she is absolutely beautiful! I told him I know, and what she needs more than anything else is for him to tell her so as often as possible, before some boy does it for him in a few years with not-so-pure intentions!

He looked like he had a lot on his mind, so we talked. He told that him and the woman he's seeing have begun planning their wedding. That was a shock. I also told him to make sure he's sure, that we are too damn old to just settle. We've both been married and divorced twice, and we both feel the 2nd marriage should never have happened. We're both also believing that "Third Times The Charm"! I just want him to be happy. He's told me several times that he's still in love with me, but he's also as happy as I am about our new-found friendship...something we never had before. Without having met him, he likes Dante quite a bit. He really likes the fact that I am so happy, and a big part of that is because of my relationship with Dante. Wayne and I had such itense feelings for each other - like the stuff you see on movies intense (think The Notebook). He's looking for that again with this woman, which I told him isn't fair to her or to him. He needs to look at her and appreciate her qualities for who she is. Comparing her to me is just no contest really! ;-) I think he'll be okay in the long run.

Oh, you're wondering how I feel about him since I know he's in love with me and I said all that about how intense our love was? Well, I have let mine go. Maybe not all the way; I believe if you really love someone, that person will always have at least a little of your heart. But, well, let me put it to you this way: The one time (about this time last year) when we got a little too close one day, I stopped it because I couldn't think of anything but Dante. So no, I am not still in love with him as he is with me. I love him to death, and would go to the ends of the earth for him as one of my dearest friends, butI believe our relationship has evolved into something even better than it was when were trying so many times to get together and never did.

Then, the weirdest thing happened. The BFF and I were talking and I asked her about a hotel near Midway, and if it was close to her. She asked why I was thinking of hotels, and I told her when I come to visit, that's where the kids and I will be staying. She then tells me that the only time she was apprehensive about me staying at her apartment was when I was with PsychoRev. She says we were talking about me coming up there and I said that me, him and all the kids could just stay at her place...and that's why she may have been seemed apprehensive. I, even in my looniest times with Roy, could not have imagined saying a thing like that. I mean, you know there are some things that are just "in you", no matter what? I couldn't imagine telling anybody that me, my fiance, and my four children would be coming to stay in their basically one bedroom apartment for a weekend! She was insistent about it, so I did what I usually do when it's not worth the debate to me. I gave her the last word, and tried to move on. She kept saying it though and that's when I had to remind her that as recently as last year was what I remembered about me coming up with the kids and she didn't seemed that thrilled about us staying there, so that's why if I can't get a hotel, I won't come. Then I got to thinking later why would she feel uncomfortable to have her best friend and her BF's fiance spending the night at her place. Does she think the guy would sneak away in the middle of night and try to get in bed with her? I mean, I totally don't get that, it made absolutely no sense. But, I had to let that go and remember that each person is different. I just know I couldn't have possibly said something like that. I mean heck, I felt bad invading Dante's one-bedroom apartment with the kids that 1st time...and I was sleeping with him! lol

Dante and I had a great long serious conversation tonight. It was mostly about us. You know, one of the many things I like is that we can talk about our past relationships and noone gets offended or jealous or anything like that. I also found out that, later this month, Dante and I will have known each other 2 years. I thought we began emailing in June or something, but Mr. Sentimental kept a lot of of those very first emails between us (surprised? yeah, me too!) so he was able to find the date. I think my heart melted a little bit more after that. I told him I am still holding out on my feelings, just because of the circumstances. I told him I can definitely be a lot more intense than this, which he knew (of course he did). One thing I do believe about him is that he has the capacity to love intensely too (he's a Scorpio, it's kind of a given). But, mainly due to the deterioration and subsequent ending of his marriage, his guard is up higher than it would have been otherwise. Who can blame him for that? We all do it! But I do believe the bricks on his wall are tumbling down too, slowly but surely. I'm ok with that. He is my choice, he is where I want to be, and with that decision my patience abounds.

This Is How You Make Your Job Fun!!

This is one of the reasons I always enjoyed Southwest Airlines! Even as a travel agent...these people - both in person and on the phone - REALLY seemed to love their job.

Hip Hop Flight Attendant @ Yahoo! Video

Just One More Thing...

Having been completely engulfed into the fiction world lately, I have gotten the bug again. Oh yes, I am one of those Twilight people...100%! I even have a keychain that says "I Love Boys Who Sparkle". In the next couple of weeks, I'll have a shirt that says something about Dr. Carlisle Cullen, too! What an epic love story between Edward and Bella.

The author, Stephenie Meyer, is like a month and a half younger than me! Talk about feeling like a slacker! Twilight started as a fantastic dream, that she just continued to write the story when she was awake. Seriously, wow!

Then there's my other favorite, Karen Kingsbury, who is a Christian author. She writes Christian fiction, very inspiring and emotional. Like the one I just finished titled Ever After, which had me bawling through like 50 pages like I was watching a chick flick. But it wasn't the romance, it was the death of a soldier in Iraq. All that he felt, all those he left behind, and the show of support from so many because of his sacrifice. The kicker about that book is that she says she wrote it in 5 days! Five days!

So of course I'm thinking, "I bet I could do that." The question is when could I slow my ADD mind down enough to focus? lol I do plan to give it a try, that much I know. I could take any one of many of the stories of my life, do some tweaking, make the ending I want...and tah-dah! I think I can, I really do. And so I shall!

Mom's Out

She went home Saturday evening. They tried to release her at like 9p on Friday night but, her blood pressure was 205/90!! I seriously think that was in the stroke range. Talk about a malpractice suit waiting to happen...

I told her very seriously that the smoking has to stop. It is no longer a matter of it helping her health in the long run. It is now a matter of her consciously killing herself by still lighting up. I told her those exact words, I didn't want to sugar coat it at all. I meant every word too. I do not want to lose my mother anytime soon. And - just as important - I couldn't bear to watch my grandmother outlive another one of her children. She's already done it twice...and she only had four children, for pete's sake! Maybe I should phrase it to mom that way...

In other news, today was Palm Sunday at church. It was a very good and engaging program today, talking about the bridge. The Bridge, of course, being Jesus Christ; since the only way to the Father is through the Son. Pastor also made a point to mention the sacrifice that God made made by allowing His son to die in our place for our sins and transgressions. I mean, who hasn't heard of John 3:16, right? "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son..."
Yeah, that one. But have you ever really thought out the pain that must've caused God to see His son suffer and die...all for the sake of "everyone else"?? Could you do it? Then they played this short movie, and I swear there was a lot of sniffling when it went off. When you read that verse, it's easy to see it from a general and subjective point of view. This video really put it in 'layman's terms', as the saying goes.


MOST The Movie from Dano Magazine on Vimeo.

Mom's Been in the Hospital

She thinks she was having a heart attack. After having dealt with the pain since 1030p the night before, waking up with it, and going to work...then realizing it wasn't getting better, she finally excused herself and headed to the hospital. I got the call from Leigh and, since she wasn't able to go up there, I went. No matter that I had planned to start work on my new project that day...it was my mom, you know?

I got there while she was still in the waiting room, so she must not have been there very long. Usually with chest pains, triage gets them pretty speedily. She said they had already done the mobile EKG. She ended up getting three nitroglycerin pills before the pain subsided, then she was put on a nitro patch for continuous dosing every 6 hours. The "patch" was actually what looked like a piece of wax paper with thick cream on it, that was laid flat on the skin (cream-side down) then taped in place with sterile tape! Pretty high tech, huh?? She was hooked up to oxygen and heart monitors, and x-rays were taken and bloodwork drawn, and then they decided they were gonna keep her. They set up a cardiac catheter procedure for the next afternoon to take a look at the vessels for damage. All I know from that is there was some blockage, but not enough to do bypass surgery. I would love to know exactly how much there really is. Meanwhile, the brainiac that she is, STILL SMOKES!!!!

Heart disease and heart attacks are major news in my family. My grandmother has heart trouble. Both my uncles (my grandmothers only 2 boys) died of sudden massive coronaries. My mother has had at least one heart attack, and possibly another mild one some years back. This is really no joke, and I want her to get off the cigs period! This is ridiculous! I mean, it's like throwing gasoline on a fire!

On my own front, I haven't walked one time since I got back from my getaway. Yes, I know. I suck big time, but I have to get the habit re-established. My life really does depend on it.

Mom is supposed to get released tomorrow. They were planning to release her tonight but, when her blood pressure read 205/90, and she was on bedrest...they decided to rethink that plan! I honestly don't think I would have let her go myself. I looked at her chart, and even before the 205 reading came up, they were still all above 160/90. A few were like 183/104!! That's real bad, in case you were unsure! "Normal" blood pressure is 120/80. See the difference?

I spent all day yesterday before I had to get the kids, and then all day today after the kids' honors assembly this morning..plus I went back after I hit the grocery store for some items. The Officer volunteered to watch the kids, so Mom would have someone up there with her. I am glad I was there.

I will get into my project a little this weekend though, that's for sure. But only after Mom is home safely.

My First Real Contract!

My first real contract has been signed people!!! WooHoo!!!

I will be organizing the paperwork and personal files for a lady and her family. She has no problem with my rates, didn't even balk at them when I told her! That's what I'm talking about!! Even in this ever-talked-about 'down economy', people are still willing to pay for services they need. Now I just have to convince more people they need my services!

There are still good people out there!

Many Many thanks to Jim who has a P.O. Box at the post office I go to!! Why, you ask??

Because I bought a roll of 100 27 cent stamps yesterday to get my small postcards mailed....and LOST THEM!! I was sure they were in the car hiding somewhere (though I looked extensively), and had even cleaned out my purse looking for them. Nada!

So I begrudgingly head back to the post office to buy more, refusing to be deterred from getting them mailed today! The clerk remembers me from yesterday and GIVES ME MY ROLL OF STAMPS!! He said a man named Jim brought them and he immediately knew whose they were! I blessed that man right then and there, and the clerk said he would pass on the message. WHAT A BLESSING!!!!!

Moving Forward

So this week I have been working on creating a list of churches in the area. I have some postcards that were printed months ago specifically for travel for churches that I have yet to send out. I finished the list yesterday and printed the labels...AND labeled the postcards! Today I bought the stamps and tomorrow they get dropped in the mail first thing!

I also began printing my brochures today as well. I decided to do the work myself (since I've got the time) and just pay for ink as needed. I've already got the right paper, both matte and glossy as well. Tomorrow will be more printing and folding, while also compiling a list of businesses to target with these brochures. I am thinking about hand-delivering. But then again, I am tempted to write a quick intro letter to accompany it in an envelope with my business card. We'll see...at least I am gaining momentum!

I also put in for a couple of work at home companies today, as backups. I will also weave guru.com and elance.com into my everyday or weekly routine of bidding for projects. This feels like progress!!!

The Atlanta Getaway

What a wonderful trip we had! I drove to Memphis Thursday night, so we could fly out early Friday morning to Atlanta. Everything went off without a hitch! He had one of his Marines that lived in the complex drive us to the airport that morning, and we had plenty of time to wait before boarding. Flight got in early by about 15 minutes. Got to the hotel and there were no 1 bedroom suites available at that time. It was barely 10a, so that was expected. We decided to wait for one, and the front desk manager, Tony, directed us to a restaurant called the Flying Biscuit! YUM!!!! Good, good, good....and good for you too!!! I would have loved to go there again, but we were keeping an eye on the budget.

Our room was amazing! It was huge! Large bedroom with king-size bed. Living room, kitchen with all the accessories, and a balcony to boot!!! Pretty everything we planned to do was in walking distance, so I saw no reason to get a rental car. (Yes, we did utilize every part of the room...including the balcony!)

The first night was our only snafu. We went to dinner and to the movies. We had been drinking alcohol all day. He was drinking Vox and lemonade, and I was drinking Verdi sparkling wine. We each ordered a drink from the bar while we waited for our table. They make their drinks VERY STRONG at Copeland's Cheesecake Bistro in Atlanta! By the time we got to the table he was heavily involved in a text conversation. He told me a little earlier that it was one of the Marines regarding something at work. I believed him, but there was still a part of me that was a bit suspicious when it was going on 11p central time and these texts were still coming. My big problem was that, during the meal, he wasn't really talking to me between bites...he was texting!! No, I didn't hold my tongue about it either. I told him at least once that I was annoyed about it, yet nothing really changed. He went to sleep during the movie, which was expected. Unfortunately though, the last thing he did as he fell asleep was texting! Now, I could have taken that moment to look at his temporarily unlocked phone and see what the real story was, but I absolutely refuse to go down that road again!

On the walk home, I was very quiet and he finally asked me why. I told him straight on what my problem was and that I do not ever expect something like that to happen again. Frankly, it was flat out rude to say the least!!!

After that, his phone was a mere afterthought the rest of the weekend...as it should have been. We were completely into each other. We talked, we played games, we watched TV, we watched a movie, we napped midday. It was truly a blissful vacation for us both!

Already has me anxious to do it again!

The Week in Review

So, I did make it to my trip with Dante. But of course, not without the usual levels of stress. I think this was even higher though. Probably because I had plane tickets this time, and I was so looking forward to it! Long story short, I got to go, but not without a few tense conversations with The Officer. At one point, I reminded her of the trip and she professed to have no idea what I was talking about!! I was livid. Then I felt like I was judged because the trip was more than Friday to Sunday. But, as usual, my mom calmed me down, being the peacekeeper she is. However, when we have our next family meeting, I will bring my feelings up to everyone then.

What feelings you ask? Just the fact that I never make them feel like they make me feel when I ask for something with the kids. I always have to hear the grumbling and semi-complaining, but they hear nothing of the sort from me when I am asked to take kids to the hair salon or wait an extra 20-30 minutes for someone to get out of band. Even worse, after The Officer told me that come heck or high water she was driving to Mt. Vernon this past weekend - and nothing was stopping her...she had the nerve to show up with the kids the next morning and tell me that she had to work that day til 530p!! What if I had plans??? She doesn't even ask!

Anyway, I got to go and had a blast. We really enjoyed each other's company this past weekend. Well, all except for that incident with cell phone and texting Friday night...

(Story later)

Misunderstandings

You know, it's amazing how a few words can throw things way out of proportion! I was talking to Dante yesterday about my father and how because of the fact that he pretty much never called me or came to visit me, I was more of a pursuer than one to be pursued. Then he made a comment about since I am not breastfully endowed (my words) or overly blessed in the rear that I would easily be overlooked by most men. He wasn't indicating that I wasn't attractive, but that's just what most men (black men in particular) look for. I tried to point out to him that I have no problem attracting men and never have... not by far. So when I meant pursuing men, I didn't mean the first one to make contact with the guys, I just meant I was calling more than they were calling me. But, it did kind of set in and bug me for a minute that he thought that. Sometimes our minds can really be overboard, can't they??

Then I see the BFF has a status message on Messenger that I know for fact is directed toward a comment I made the other day. But when I ask her about she just basically shuts me down saying she doesn't want to talk about it. SO I try to change the subject, and again I get shut down. Nothing else I can do right? Don't wanna make her more upset before her big interview.
STOP THE PRESSES!
This is what happens when you have a blog. People go back and read something and then you are on the hot seat for it. Most of the blogging I do is therapy-like. On the days when something's bothering me, I get it out then I'm done with it. She got upset at me because she read the blog about the weekend she was here. As I explained to her, perhaps I am the wrong thinker on this. Especially after my computer guy made mention of a similar situation yesterday, and his reply was leaning more so towards what she feels rather than me. So maybe it's me. I can concede to that. She was also bothered that I vented my frustrations about her not being available for me to talk to, because as of the past year it's been about her. My reply was that I will be frustrated, that's just how it is, but that doesn't mean that I'm angry at her or don't understand. I mean, for pete's sake, I've been the talker WAY more than she has! So it would be selfish of me not to understand that, but that doesn't mean I have to like it! :) I mean hey, that's life you know! I made it clear that if I have something I need to talk out, I have other options. Wayne has been invaluable, and I am very good friends with Dante as well so that I don't have a problem talking to him.
I do think we worked it out though. She has his desire that everything be easy and happy, and it's not always like that. But the fact that we can be adults and talk it out is most important to me!

Challenges

This is very good! I got it off a community I belong to called morningcoach.com. They have a podcast available free on iTunes, as well as their online presence. This is absolutely awesome! Enjoy!!

Life is full challenges, and if we see those challenges as merely a fork in the road, you will understand that they represent either a "Breakthrough" or a "Breakdown". How you choose to interpret each of these forks, will determine your success in life.

Here is what we all need to understand, that you should expect to experience 3-9 critical turning points, or significant changes in your life. These translations can be happy experiences. Or unhappy times, such as job loss, divorce, financial setbacks, health problems, and the death of loves ones. It is during these times in your life that you make the conscious decision to focus on the positive, or the negative. These times are crucial for developing your character. Depending on how you handle these times, will determine your future success in life. You can either decide to look at your challenges and let yourself breakdown, or you can use the challenge and have a major breakthrough. One will give you victory, and the other will give you defeat. Let's look at it from another viewpoint.

I've found that there are really only two types of people in this world when it comes to dealing with discouragement: splatters and bouncers. When splatters hit rock bottom, they fall apart, and they stick to the bottom like glue. On the other hand, when bouncers hit bottom, they pull together and bounce back. Statistics have proven that 90% of those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit. That is what discouragement can do to you if you don't handle it the right way-it can cause you to quit. Since you will become discouraged at some point in life, the question is, Are you going to give up or get up? Make the decision to get up and bounce back today.

Useless...Kinda

I feel like I am drifting along aimlessly. Like a dead ship floating in the vast ocean. Things are going horribly at the old job: mandatory 5-hour/week cuts, pay freeze, no 401k matching, no raises. Then to top it all off, they just found out that the company is shutting down the office they are in, so if they want to keep their jobs, they will have to drive to the main building which is a 40 minute from the current office! I am SO THANKFUL I am not faced with that dilemma, on top of the weird schedules they are offering with this new shorter workweek. So very grateful.

But on the other hand, I am just living off the state right now. May as well be a welfare mom at this rate! Yeah, I said it! What? I have 2 more months of unemployment left, then I am on my own. Sink or Float. What am I going to do?

I choose neither!!! Sinking is NOT an option, and floating ain't so grand either! I would rather get this engine roaring and take off full steam ahead!!!!!

As far as the title? I feel I am more of a liability than an asset right now. I mean what am I offering Dante right now but 5 additional mouths to feed? It's not like I have the means to contribute right now, so that burden would all be on him. Who the hell wants to sign up for that?? Really, I am no better right now than a welfare mom that lives to collect a check every month to sit on her Apple Bottom-covered ass! I want to be more. I desire to be more. I AM more. God put this burning desire in my heart, and nothing I do or don't do will quell that desire for my own business! Nothing left to do but pound the pavement.

The shoe company said it best:


JUST DO IT!

Bruzer's Birthday Recap

I decided since it was such a nice day that I would barbecue for the family. I took cupcakes that I bought at Sam's to Bruzer's pre-school on Friday - complete with Batman rings on each. So that was a big hit for him. While I was at Sam's, I ordered a cake for Saturday with Spiderman on it.

I dropped the kids off at Leigh's house- thanks to her for offering - while I did the last minute running around. It enabled me to get the cake plus a few extra items, and then hit WallyWorld for a gift. I got him a Batman Batcopter and the Batman play outfit. Turned out everyone was having such a good time at Leigh's house, including some of her inlaws that had stopped by, I just decided to cook everything at home and bring it over there! The great thing is we live about 3 minutes apart. I mean like, a song on the radio is halfway over by the time I get home. So it wasn't a great big deal to get everything together. Everyone had a great time!

Oh yeah! The other highlight of the day was that - on his 5th birthday - Bruzer lost his first tooth! It had been wiggly for a few days, but I knew that my brother-in-law would be the one to pull it. He's done that for pretty much all the kids, and I definitely wanted Bruzer to have to experience too! He was so proud to show me his little ziploc bag. How fitting that the 'tooth fairy' gave him $5 for that tooth on his 5th birthday! The one next to that one is loose also (front teeth on the bottom), so we'll have to go back down to the standard $1 for every tooth from now on!

Yep, I remember when it used to be a quarter too!

Strange Weekend

Well, the good news is that Bruzer's B-Day went well. I will expand on that tomorrow though. I'm pretty bummed right now. The BFF came into town this weekend...and surprise, surprise I didn't get to see her at all! I mean she came in Friday and left Saturday so it was a quick trip. She also had her new guy Armando with her too though. Wouldn't it have made sense for the BFF to meet the new beau??? She couldn't even stop by on her way out of town on Saturday.

Granted I let her off the hook on Saturday, but that's how I am. She sounded like she was in a dilemma about stopping off at my house on her back to the Chi, so I just saved her the dilemma by telling her no worries. Actually, it was more like 'I guess we'll just see you when we come up there in a couple of months'...to which she replied she would be back here in a couple of weeks....to which I dryly replied 'Well maybe I'll get to see you then.' I'm learning to be a very slow to anger person, something I am proud of. Until the anger hits! How does she really think I feel knowing that it was more important for her to see a two-year-old than her best friend?!?!?! This little kid wasn't the one she was calling at the crack of dawn most mornings when she needed to talk and no one else would understand. The kid was not the one that suffered in silence with her own issues because she demanded things be all about her for that time being. That was ME! And I would gladly do it again, because that's what friends do!! But am I a priority on the list for 10 minutes even when you come to my 'neck of the woods' to visit? NOPE!

So how am I supposed to feel? Can someone tell me that?