Time Wasted

I'm starting to feel that way more and more. Just when I felt like my words and actions were getting through to him, he goes to the movies with Gwen last night!! WTF??!!

He has no intention to make a decision on what he really wants. Even as this entire situation that HE CREATED, this damn mess that he put us in has just blown up in his face, he still wants to keep everything as is. Gwen and I are still supposed to be okay with it and allow him time to make up his mind. The day that crazy woman called me on my damn cell phone was when he ran out of time!

I told him point blank that I believe he took 2 factors about me that are both rectifiable and magnified it to be greater than it really is. In doing that, that's how the others were allowed in. That's how Gwen has gotten this far. Well, I'm basically at the point that I don't want to wait on him to 'declare the winner'. This is not an episode of The Bachelor. She can have him, cause I am regrettably withdrawing from this "contest". I deserve someone who recognizes the uniqueness and genuineness of who I am and loves me for me...and that knows a good thing when they see it. He HAS me and still doesn't recognize, because he thinks he can do better.

Good. Fucking. Luck.

If he can't see that I am the prize, then perhaps he HAS made a decision. I'm not it and he just doesn't have the balls to tell me. Or I'm being kept around as the backup since he's supposed to be coming home anyway. I mean hell, it's like the woman that's been around for two years is the damn side piece and the 4-month chick is the main one! Talk about messed up!

I have been so understanding and caring to him throughout this whole ordeal, when I had no reason to be that way. Making sure to check on him, see how he's doing, if he's eating, let him know that someone still cares. But damnit, the way he feels is COMPLETELY HIS OWN DAMN SELFISH ASS FAULT!!! No one can save him from that. I refuse to feel more sympathy for him or any more empathy for him than he deserves. And from this point on, he really doesn't deserve it. I've given him more than enough, and he repaid me for it well last night. As the old folks would say, you made your bed now you have to lie in it. He has actually turned this around to make himself out to be the victim. And I fell for it. Love truly is blind.
Apparently, it's dumb as hell too.




P.S. I really miss him.