Today Was Not Good

I guess after not hearing from him yesterday, it had just really taken it's toll on me. He sent me a good morning text and that was about it till the afternoon. He actually called me. I was shocked and happy. Until I heard how he sounded, so depressed. He talked for a while and I just listened. I am a very good listener. He told me about a dream he had of him coming back here to live and not knowing where I was. He said I wasn't living in this house and he was asking people if they knew where I was but they didn't. He classified that in the nightmare category. I was encouraged.

He shot that out of the sky quickly.

He proceeds to tell me about how Gwen doesn't feel comfortable sleeping in his bed anymore and how everytime she comes over there she finds stuff that she didn't leave. He tells me that is very upsetting to him too.

I don't give a rat's ass what she thinks. In my eyes, the bed isn't hers anyway.

I honestly think he wants to be with Gwen but doesn't really know how to make it work since he's supposed to be moving back here. Hey, Gwen has a job (ie, financially stable) and she can still have children. Like I told him today, "sounds like a no-brainer to me".

Hey, let's be for real. If he saw the true value in me and heard the words I have been saying to him this whole time, he wouldn't be "torn" about which of us to choose. He would already know wouldn't he? His thing is he doesn't want to make the wrong choice. Once again proving my point. I'm not the one for him. If he has a choice, it would be Gwen. What would have made it easier is if he would've gotten a job in Memphis, then he could use that excuse. He also said he expected both of us to just leave him after this crap came out with crazy girl. My response to that was that would have made things easy for him. He agreed.

WTF?? Are Marines going soft now? Easy???

I called him back a little later and he didn't seem that excited about hearing from me so I let him go. He called me back a bit later, still not seeming that happy to hear from me, and told me he MIGHT call back later.

Ooooh, should I hold my breath??? (lots of sarcasm)

After dying to hear from him the last few days, today left me wishing I hadn't heard from him. Though I am glad to have gotten that anger off my chest. (Yeah, I was very verbal with him about how pissed off and insulted I am at this situation. I told him that even after crazy girl, he is still leaving things how they were with me and Gwen, even though he KNOWS both of us are hurting, he just does NOTHING. I told him I was insulted that he is even torn between all that I have been for him in the last two years and someone that just popped up four damn months ago! Hell, she could still be putting on the 'trying to impress a man' front for all he knows!)

I even did something earlier today to try to take my mind off him, but it made me think about him more. So, again I ask:

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?????


P.S. I told him I missed him today, and he sounded damn near reluctant to say the same thing to me. O-U-C-H!!