Well, the exact thing that I wanted to happen is happening! I said that when (not if) I got a new place to live that it would have been so impossible to do on my own that God would get all the credit.
Glory to God!!!!
I didn't even get to see the inside of the house because the tenant didn't bother to be home! Whatever, minor detail. I looked in the windows. It's small, for sure. But the yard is massive. MASSIVE! Plus there is a deck back there and a shed/playhouse also. One bedroom is on one side of the house, and the other two are on the other side. I can already see a couple of little tweaks I want to do to it, but for the most part, it's perfect. And who knows, if the situation and price is right, then next year or so I can buy it and expand it!
I talked to the attorneys office today about the Cash for Keys program, and confirmed that the info is in their system. I talked to the real estate office who does the inspections...and passes the check on to me...and was advised they would call me as soon as the check is received. I told her I was hoping to leave earlier than the 18th if possible. Tenant is scheduled to leave my new house (HOUSE, not duplex, HOUSE) by the 25th. I am hoping for earlier, but we'll see on that.
Thank You God!!!
I feel like I can breathe a little easier now. I just have to finish getting this house cleared out. Now I have other things to be concerned about. Like not flunking my classes! So far, not good. I am past hoping for a B, and just at hoping to pass!!! But, I'm still happy!
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September 14, 2009
September 11, 2009
And the Roller Coaster Continues...
Things are back on the upswing right now. Shocking, I know! Not just as far as the relationship goes, but just life in general. I am going to look at a house tomorrow that I am believing for and have already thanked God that it's mine. (In the name of Jesus) It's a very cute house, single-story, maybe 5 minutes tops from here...so the kids don't have to change schools. Huge fenced yard in the back, the owner says all appliances (including dishwasher, shhh don't tell the kids) are less than 2 years old. He is very pet friendly. Yay! It's in my budget, comfortably! He may even consider selling it in the near future, since it doesn't look like he'll be stationed back here again.
I have a moving truck to pick up tomorrow morning. My goal is to get the large stuff out mainly, then I can make small trips back and forth during the week for the boxes and misc items. We'll see. Cody is coming to help, which is great.
Relationship-wise, I am re-focused on doing what I do best. You see, I haven't been practicing what I preach. Let me elaborate on that for you.
I believe strongly in taking care of my man...in every way. However, I have sank in to this "let's see what he does for me" mode, and now I'm unhappy. Is anyone else shocked?
Me neither.
Do you know I haven't been to Memphis to see him since our getaway trip in March?? And before that was January I think?? Oh yes, there could be excuses for it. Unemployed, kids, babysitting, blah, blah, blah. But frankly, excuses aren't allowed. One of the biggest things I preach is that if YOU won't do it, there is another that will. That goes for male and female, mind you.
When he comes to see me, I barely even try to look attractive for him. I can be so organic sometimes that I'm like "this is me, take me as I am". But damn woman, the man hasn't seen you in 5 or 6 weeks. If you know he's coming, be smelling good and dressed cute with your hair fixed at least!!! If he won't make it in til after midnight, I have some very nice "nightwear". Even if he won't make it in til 10p, care enough about him and yourself to stay dressed and looking nice. Because honestly it really does show that you care. It says, "Hey, I think you're special enough to really put my best foot forward for you."
Who wouldn't want that??
He's in Alabama this weekend at a black softball tournament. I've talked to him a few times today so far. To tell the honest to goodness truth, I miss him when I don't see him and I love him when he's here. No matter what I try to say, I'm still in love with him. Which does in turn cause me to put my guard in place (if not really "up"), just in case he chooses to go a different route. I want him for the long haul, I can't deny that. But if that is the path we are to take, it has yet to be seen.
I hope whatever the thing is with the "other person", that it's done. I still feel I have the number 1 spot locked up. However, I don't plan to give some 20% chick a chance to look like 80% either. I am thinking at this point there is a 90% chance he's staying in Memphis. Only we can decide if we still have a chance, given the distance. (Before you ask, yes I would move there if things became permanent) I think it can work with the distance, even as far as us becoming closer emotionally. But that requires letting go of past issues that prevent us from moving forward in the present. Since the distance played a major role in his marriage to the ex, he doesn't want to do that again. What he needs to understand is that we are different people, we are at a different maturity level, we are allowing ourselves to become closer in the amount of communication we have, and the differences continue. I felt as if, from the stories he told me, they both put up such walls during the dating phase, that they didn't give each other a chance to really know the other person before they got married. Her thing was that she wasn't going to move where he was and not be married. His thing was if he went to this particular area he was to be stationed at alone, he would likely cheat. Those were both things that could have been overcome. Cheating is a conscious decision that can be stopped at anytime. For her, if she was single with no kids and not established in a job or college somewhere...what was the reason for not moving? Conversely, even over our distance, I feel we've seen each other at our best and worst...and we're still here! The truth is, it takes effort and maturity for any relationship to work, and I think we may both be willing to do that.
I will keep you posted!
Say a prayer about the house!
I have a moving truck to pick up tomorrow morning. My goal is to get the large stuff out mainly, then I can make small trips back and forth during the week for the boxes and misc items. We'll see. Cody is coming to help, which is great.
Relationship-wise, I am re-focused on doing what I do best. You see, I haven't been practicing what I preach. Let me elaborate on that for you.
I believe strongly in taking care of my man...in every way. However, I have sank in to this "let's see what he does for me" mode, and now I'm unhappy. Is anyone else shocked?
Me neither.
Do you know I haven't been to Memphis to see him since our getaway trip in March?? And before that was January I think?? Oh yes, there could be excuses for it. Unemployed, kids, babysitting, blah, blah, blah. But frankly, excuses aren't allowed. One of the biggest things I preach is that if YOU won't do it, there is another that will. That goes for male and female, mind you.
When he comes to see me, I barely even try to look attractive for him. I can be so organic sometimes that I'm like "this is me, take me as I am". But damn woman, the man hasn't seen you in 5 or 6 weeks. If you know he's coming, be smelling good and dressed cute with your hair fixed at least!!! If he won't make it in til after midnight, I have some very nice "nightwear". Even if he won't make it in til 10p, care enough about him and yourself to stay dressed and looking nice. Because honestly it really does show that you care. It says, "Hey, I think you're special enough to really put my best foot forward for you."
Who wouldn't want that??
He's in Alabama this weekend at a black softball tournament. I've talked to him a few times today so far. To tell the honest to goodness truth, I miss him when I don't see him and I love him when he's here. No matter what I try to say, I'm still in love with him. Which does in turn cause me to put my guard in place (if not really "up"), just in case he chooses to go a different route. I want him for the long haul, I can't deny that. But if that is the path we are to take, it has yet to be seen.
I hope whatever the thing is with the "other person", that it's done. I still feel I have the number 1 spot locked up. However, I don't plan to give some 20% chick a chance to look like 80% either. I am thinking at this point there is a 90% chance he's staying in Memphis. Only we can decide if we still have a chance, given the distance. (Before you ask, yes I would move there if things became permanent) I think it can work with the distance, even as far as us becoming closer emotionally. But that requires letting go of past issues that prevent us from moving forward in the present. Since the distance played a major role in his marriage to the ex, he doesn't want to do that again. What he needs to understand is that we are different people, we are at a different maturity level, we are allowing ourselves to become closer in the amount of communication we have, and the differences continue. I felt as if, from the stories he told me, they both put up such walls during the dating phase, that they didn't give each other a chance to really know the other person before they got married. Her thing was that she wasn't going to move where he was and not be married. His thing was if he went to this particular area he was to be stationed at alone, he would likely cheat. Those were both things that could have been overcome. Cheating is a conscious decision that can be stopped at anytime. For her, if she was single with no kids and not established in a job or college somewhere...what was the reason for not moving? Conversely, even over our distance, I feel we've seen each other at our best and worst...and we're still here! The truth is, it takes effort and maturity for any relationship to work, and I think we may both be willing to do that.
I will keep you posted!
Say a prayer about the house!
September 10, 2009
Lots of Discord
SO many things going crazy right now. School isn't going so well due to the stress of home-hunting and moving on the horizon. The home thing itself is enough to cause me to have an aneurism. And to top it all off, the relationship is sucking right now too. It may just be me, because I know I have some underlying feelings about him not coming home now. I'm mad and hurt and sad and disappointed and...
You get the picture!
I guess I'm getting to the point, after close to 2 years that I wonder "Is he the right one?" The next question to that, when I think that the answer is 'yes' is "How can we get closer when we're so far apart?". Then, on the days I think the answer is 'no' I wonder "Then why am I still here?"
I love him, and he tells me he loves me. I was in love with him, but he isn't in love with me. I say was, because I chose to no longer be in love with someone that wasn't in love with me. How can I do that, you may ask? I am a very complicated individual sometimes! I find myself sometimes putting my guard up, protecting my emotions from what I sometimes feel is imminent and inevitable heartbreak.
I've been pretty sure there were someone elses for a while now, but it's becoming more and more apparent to me. I feel that as time goes on, maybe he is also realizing that we are all we can ever be and is shopping around for what he thinks will satisfy him. I think pretty highly of myself, especially as a mate, and I'm not really thinking there's a better option but, such as life!
Maybe he's just playing his own emotions (which I rarely see) close to the hip because of the pain he's had to deal with the past few years, ultimately leading to his marital demise. Maybe he loves me more than he is willing to let on...even to himself. Maybe he'll look at the outside stuff (4 kids, not "financially stable", no 9-5 job) and let that be enough to tell him I'm not the right woman.
What a mistake that would be. Or maybe he's already found what he wanted in G.McElrath ("Good Morning Baby" text), and is just biding his time with me until he's sure about her.
It could be vice-versa too, though. Just a thought...
Gotta go! Going to see a man about a house! Fingers crossed!
You get the picture!
I guess I'm getting to the point, after close to 2 years that I wonder "Is he the right one?" The next question to that, when I think that the answer is 'yes' is "How can we get closer when we're so far apart?". Then, on the days I think the answer is 'no' I wonder "Then why am I still here?"
I love him, and he tells me he loves me. I was in love with him, but he isn't in love with me. I say was, because I chose to no longer be in love with someone that wasn't in love with me. How can I do that, you may ask? I am a very complicated individual sometimes! I find myself sometimes putting my guard up, protecting my emotions from what I sometimes feel is imminent and inevitable heartbreak.
I've been pretty sure there were someone elses for a while now, but it's becoming more and more apparent to me. I feel that as time goes on, maybe he is also realizing that we are all we can ever be and is shopping around for what he thinks will satisfy him. I think pretty highly of myself, especially as a mate, and I'm not really thinking there's a better option but, such as life!
Maybe he's just playing his own emotions (which I rarely see) close to the hip because of the pain he's had to deal with the past few years, ultimately leading to his marital demise. Maybe he loves me more than he is willing to let on...even to himself. Maybe he'll look at the outside stuff (4 kids, not "financially stable", no 9-5 job) and let that be enough to tell him I'm not the right woman.
What a mistake that would be. Or maybe he's already found what he wanted in G.McElrath ("Good Morning Baby" text), and is just biding his time with me until he's sure about her.
It could be vice-versa too, though. Just a thought...
Gotta go! Going to see a man about a house! Fingers crossed!
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