Yes, there is a new friend in my life. He has been here for about 2 months I think. I initiated conversation with him, but not as a potential romantic interest, he was from my hometown of E. St. Louis. I thought that was pretty cool, plus he is currently stationed in Iraq, which is like 'WOW' to me. Because of a certain movie we both have in common as one of our faves, he will hereafter be known as Dante (after Dante's Peak).
So we emailed back and forth on Black Planet for a while, then switched to chatting on yahoo IM. We chat pretty much everyday. Then we email during the day while I am at work. He is 9 hours ahead of me, so basically when it's night for me, it's morning for him...and vice-versa. Keeping up with the time is no problem for me, though. Once I get it in my head, it's pretty darn easy.
Now, before you go getting the wrong idea...we are JUST FRIENDS. He is single, no kids, never married. We have a ton of things in common, from food to music to movies. But, we are just not seeking the same things in life necessarily so, friends we shall be. Which is perfectly fine with me, since I am pretty much still on the Anti-Relationship bandwagon (thanks New Guy!). If I need something, I know who to call to get it, so it's not like I am missing much there. But all the excess drama? The does-he-really-like-me-as-much-as-I-like-him drama? The could-this-be-the-one syndrome? PASS!!!!!
This is someone to talk to, email with, chat with, and hang with for a time or two when he gets stateside late October. He will make it home for about a week, so I will get to see him then. Then he gets stationed in Memphis. Hey, as I told him...they have good BBQ in Memphis, so I can put that on the places to visit list!
I will admit though, that I am concerned to meet him with my current weight at a very uncomfortable number. I mean, mainly because I am just not comfortable with it. So, hopefully with lots of effort, I will be down 20 pounds by the time he gets here.
What? Never hurts to put your best foot forward!!!!
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September 22, 2007
Things are Getting Brighter
Yes, I have been terribly M.I.A. this month. September has been bad, very bad financially. And you know, when your finances are bleak...most other things tend to be kinda crappy as well!
But, praise be to GOD (and my mother for going WAAAAAAY above and beyond), I am on a good target date for October to be back on track!!!!!
WHEW!!!
I may actually be above water again!
My shift at work was finally changed to 9-530 from 930-6, which means I can at least pick up the WonderTwins from daycare everyday now. Since one of my sisters still has to go the grade school to pick up their own kids, they pick up DJ and Starr as well. And since there are actually new hires in training that shoule be out on the floor week after next, I should be up to my 830-5 shift by mid-October at the latest! It took over a year, but it's finally here! I could probably get an 8-430 even, but for school purposes, 830-5 is my ideal shift. That way I can drop all the kids (even my neices) at school if necessary without needing latchkey, plus the WonderTwins at daycare at still make it to work ontime! Then in the evenings, I can pick up all my children myself....and my sisters are free to be in their own lives again!!
I am still aiming to join the Y before the end of September, while they still have half off the joining fee going on. So we can start going there when I pick everyone up in the evening, and I can start shedding this extra poundage!
Gonna go fix the kids breakfast, but I have some cool personal and non-personal updates to share! Good things are happening!
But, praise be to GOD (and my mother for going WAAAAAAY above and beyond), I am on a good target date for October to be back on track!!!!!
WHEW!!!
I may actually be above water again!
My shift at work was finally changed to 9-530 from 930-6, which means I can at least pick up the WonderTwins from daycare everyday now. Since one of my sisters still has to go the grade school to pick up their own kids, they pick up DJ and Starr as well. And since there are actually new hires in training that shoule be out on the floor week after next, I should be up to my 830-5 shift by mid-October at the latest! It took over a year, but it's finally here! I could probably get an 8-430 even, but for school purposes, 830-5 is my ideal shift. That way I can drop all the kids (even my neices) at school if necessary without needing latchkey, plus the WonderTwins at daycare at still make it to work ontime! Then in the evenings, I can pick up all my children myself....and my sisters are free to be in their own lives again!!
I am still aiming to join the Y before the end of September, while they still have half off the joining fee going on. So we can start going there when I pick everyone up in the evening, and I can start shedding this extra poundage!
Gonna go fix the kids breakfast, but I have some cool personal and non-personal updates to share! Good things are happening!
September 19, 2007
Self-Esteem Issues
So I have been going back and forth with my best friend today about a picture of us that I put up on my MySpace page. She can’t stand it and said she looked really ugly and she asked for me to take it down.
That’s how it began. Initially, I’m like, “What’s the BFD? It’s just a picture. None of us were looking that great that day.”
She came back to explain about her childhood of not being told she was pretty….and actually being told the opposite. I totally understand that, and after much debate back and forth, I agreed to take the picture down since it bothered her so much. She still feels I don’t truly understand, but there’s only so much I can do.
Which got me to thinking about my own past and issues with self-esteem. Yes there were quite a few issues. Even for someone as vain as me…there were serious self-esteem issues. I was hung up about my skin color. No, not just being black but being dark-skinned.
I am much better now, but heck, I’m also 33years old too! I was even comfortable with it by high school. How do I know? Because I wasn’t afraid to get darker! I can fondly remember laying out by the pool on base with a few of my girlfriends! The amusing part was watching the unnaturally tan people stare in confusion at the three black girls of varying shades….laying out getting a tan!!!! LOL
Ahhhh, youth!
She said she always thought of me as very confident in my appearance, and for the most part I was. Some of it came from within, but some of it was through the validation of others. Okay…of men! That alone explains my piss-poor choices in men (that and my father) and my promiscuity over the years.
TBC……
September 10, 2007
Where Were You?
Where were you when it happened?
I was at work, working for the phone company. Our building was right across from a federal building. I remember because they got evacuated!
We didn't have access to look at the news at our desks. SO our manager came out to say a little plane hit a building in New York. Then, the reports starting coming in more accurately that it was a large plane and it wasn't an accident. Just as we were wrapping our brain around that, the second tower was hit.
I watched what I could on my break, but they were strict on their 15minutes, and not much happened. But my God in Heaven, when he came in and told us the first tower and fallen....and then the second....I just couldn't think straight.
Then came the Pentagon. Then came the plane is Pennsylvania. DJ and Starr were very young at the time, both less than 4. I went on with the rest of my day and then that evening, after I had then settled into bed, I turned on the news channels.
I never saw the footage they were showing early in the day of people leaping out the windows of the Towers to avoid the extreme heat and fire. But what I did see were those building crashing down. What I did "see" was how many people were in those buildings. The empath in me had a major sensory overload and I bawled my eyes out.
After that day, I learned as much as I could about the aftermath of that day over the next few weeks. Then the stories started dying down. But then, the major affiliate local stations started doing their end-of-the-year news recap.
I was fine until I saw the Towers fall again. By that time, I knew so much more than when I first saw the over-repeated footage. The floodgates were open, and every emotion I had was wrapped up into one. Sadness, sympathy, confusion, anger, hatred, love all at the same time.
Since then, I have watched just about every documentary made regarding that day. In addition, both of the United Flight 93-based movies have I seen. I mustered up the strength to watch World Trade Center. I didn't do so well with the "93" movies, but I HAD to watch.
So the question today, on this sadly momentous occasion is:
Where Were You?
God Bless America, and America......Bless God (He is all we have)!!!!!!!!
I was at work, working for the phone company. Our building was right across from a federal building. I remember because they got evacuated!
We didn't have access to look at the news at our desks. SO our manager came out to say a little plane hit a building in New York. Then, the reports starting coming in more accurately that it was a large plane and it wasn't an accident. Just as we were wrapping our brain around that, the second tower was hit.
I watched what I could on my break, but they were strict on their 15minutes, and not much happened. But my God in Heaven, when he came in and told us the first tower and fallen....and then the second....I just couldn't think straight.
Then came the Pentagon. Then came the plane is Pennsylvania. DJ and Starr were very young at the time, both less than 4. I went on with the rest of my day and then that evening, after I had then settled into bed, I turned on the news channels.
I never saw the footage they were showing early in the day of people leaping out the windows of the Towers to avoid the extreme heat and fire. But what I did see were those building crashing down. What I did "see" was how many people were in those buildings. The empath in me had a major sensory overload and I bawled my eyes out.
After that day, I learned as much as I could about the aftermath of that day over the next few weeks. Then the stories started dying down. But then, the major affiliate local stations started doing their end-of-the-year news recap.
I was fine until I saw the Towers fall again. By that time, I knew so much more than when I first saw the over-repeated footage. The floodgates were open, and every emotion I had was wrapped up into one. Sadness, sympathy, confusion, anger, hatred, love all at the same time.
Since then, I have watched just about every documentary made regarding that day. In addition, both of the United Flight 93-based movies have I seen. I mustered up the strength to watch World Trade Center. I didn't do so well with the "93" movies, but I HAD to watch.
So the question today, on this sadly momentous occasion is:
Where Were You?
God Bless America, and America......Bless God (He is all we have)!!!!!!!!
September 8, 2007
The Frog...and other News
The title? Yes, that means The One is back to being Can't Get Right. But, he is a work in progress. And the work is surely not being done on my behalf! I am currently hoping he will show up in the morning before he goes to work so that I can get Starr's hair done for her big family dinner tomorrow afternoon.
I don't expect him to.
Family dinner, you ask? Yes, Starr's father's side of the family is having a large family dinner tomorrow (it is the middle of the night "Friday" right now) afternoon at one of her great aunt's houses. She is very excited, and I am even more excited for her. I called her grandmother yesterday to get all the information on the dinner and make sure I got her a ride. She even invited me to come along, but I declined. More than anything else, I want this to solely be about Alyssa! If I go, then I have to take my other 3 with me...and I just don't want anyone taking attention away from her moment to shine!
So I am already thinking about what she's going to wear and that I have to do her hair. Yes, it is that time again. I am going to make every attempt to flat iron it well so that she can have some portion of it down (and it survives the humidity). It's VERY wishful thinking about her hair and humidity, by the way.
Life goes on, with or without The One. Life. Goes. On.
I don't expect him to.
Family dinner, you ask? Yes, Starr's father's side of the family is having a large family dinner tomorrow (it is the middle of the night "Friday" right now) afternoon at one of her great aunt's houses. She is very excited, and I am even more excited for her. I called her grandmother yesterday to get all the information on the dinner and make sure I got her a ride. She even invited me to come along, but I declined. More than anything else, I want this to solely be about Alyssa! If I go, then I have to take my other 3 with me...and I just don't want anyone taking attention away from her moment to shine!
So I am already thinking about what she's going to wear and that I have to do her hair. Yes, it is that time again. I am going to make every attempt to flat iron it well so that she can have some portion of it down (and it survives the humidity). It's VERY wishful thinking about her hair and humidity, by the way.
Life goes on, with or without The One. Life. Goes. On.
September 5, 2007
Two Days in a Row!
I got to see The One two days in a row! Will the miracles never cease!
Yeah, that was a sarcasm overload!
Anyway, he was off work and went to the doctor today, so he stopped at my job while I was on break. I tried to get him back up there for lunch but no luck. Such as life, it was good seeing him again.
It is truly not the same though, that's for sure. I just feel like maybe -if neither if us are married or involved with someone else- in the next year-and-a-half to two years we MIGHT end up getting together or just getting married. Within that time frame, he will be continuing school and continuing to grow as a person who enjoys the important things in life, not just work and sleep! I will be growing as a person and not allowing anything to stop me from finally achieving my goal of self-employment/work-at-home, along with a substantial improvement in my financial situation.
The thought of having 11 children between us doesn't intimidate me at all. (Yes, I may very well be crazy). When I had two and he had another 6, it didn't bother me. Now that I have four and he has another 7 (not including Starr), it doesn't bother me at all. I don't believe there is anyone else on this earth I could say that about!
Life is moving on for me. I can see the beginnings of a clearing in this forest of debt and depression. I just need to work on my physical body and my spirit-being next. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, as this has been very difficult for me. God Bless You.
Yeah, that was a sarcasm overload!
Anyway, he was off work and went to the doctor today, so he stopped at my job while I was on break. I tried to get him back up there for lunch but no luck. Such as life, it was good seeing him again.
It is truly not the same though, that's for sure. I just feel like maybe -if neither if us are married or involved with someone else- in the next year-and-a-half to two years we MIGHT end up getting together or just getting married. Within that time frame, he will be continuing school and continuing to grow as a person who enjoys the important things in life, not just work and sleep! I will be growing as a person and not allowing anything to stop me from finally achieving my goal of self-employment/work-at-home, along with a substantial improvement in my financial situation.
The thought of having 11 children between us doesn't intimidate me at all. (Yes, I may very well be crazy). When I had two and he had another 6, it didn't bother me. Now that I have four and he has another 7 (not including Starr), it doesn't bother me at all. I don't believe there is anyone else on this earth I could say that about!
Life is moving on for me. I can see the beginnings of a clearing in this forest of debt and depression. I just need to work on my physical body and my spirit-being next. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, as this has been very difficult for me. God Bless You.
September 4, 2007
The One
I will start this off by saying I am still very anti-relationship at this point in my life. It is just too much of a headache and distraction from the things I am meant to achieve.
However, I just don't understand why I feel the way I do about The One. Granted, it's not the same as it has been in the past decade between us. Yes, there is still that part that wants to marry him and live "happily ever after". But the reality is, I am no longer in a perpetual state of being 'in love' with him. Sounds weird, but I have been in love with that man since before Starr was conceived. It was something about him...and something about me...that just kept us getting back together. I can see myself as part of his family, because I know his family.
But, I digress. Things are different. It's not the same child-like, fairy-tale, everything-will-work-out-in-the-end, blindly illogical love that it was not too many months ago. I believe the phone situation was the catapult to break that "strange love" that held me captive for so long.
Now, if it ever really is meant to be, it has evolved into a mature and deep-rooted love for this person's soul and well-being. What I am so proud of is that he has decided to take his life off of autopilot, and start living and enjoying it for the first time since there was a '1' at the beginning of his age!
Tonight he came by to visit Starr and all of us, but soon after it was bedtime (way past it already). He is going to school now 3 days a week, so he doesn't get out til later in the evening. We had a wonderful conversation! Not about "us", or a relationship or anything. It was about LIFE, and how short it is and it being necessary to live each day to the fullest. I feel very encouraged after talking with him tonight. My prayers for him are being answered.
Thank God! He was literally working himself into an early grave. His health is looking better and he just sounds better. That gives me hope cause, if he can do it, I know there's hope for me too!!
However, I just don't understand why I feel the way I do about The One. Granted, it's not the same as it has been in the past decade between us. Yes, there is still that part that wants to marry him and live "happily ever after". But the reality is, I am no longer in a perpetual state of being 'in love' with him. Sounds weird, but I have been in love with that man since before Starr was conceived. It was something about him...and something about me...that just kept us getting back together. I can see myself as part of his family, because I know his family.
But, I digress. Things are different. It's not the same child-like, fairy-tale, everything-will-work-out-in-the-end, blindly illogical love that it was not too many months ago. I believe the phone situation was the catapult to break that "strange love" that held me captive for so long.
Now, if it ever really is meant to be, it has evolved into a mature and deep-rooted love for this person's soul and well-being. What I am so proud of is that he has decided to take his life off of autopilot, and start living and enjoying it for the first time since there was a '1' at the beginning of his age!
Tonight he came by to visit Starr and all of us, but soon after it was bedtime (way past it already). He is going to school now 3 days a week, so he doesn't get out til later in the evening. We had a wonderful conversation! Not about "us", or a relationship or anything. It was about LIFE, and how short it is and it being necessary to live each day to the fullest. I feel very encouraged after talking with him tonight. My prayers for him are being answered.
Thank God! He was literally working himself into an early grave. His health is looking better and he just sounds better. That gives me hope cause, if he can do it, I know there's hope for me too!!
Happy Labor Day
A day late...and several dollars short, story of my life! :)
I did my barbecuing on Sunday, since I knew I had to work on Labor Day. I was the only person there for my company AT ALL. I think there were maybe 5 other people in the building altogether. I had my feet propped up and was watching episodes of Roswell Season 1 on my laptop! Cody came up to visit with me for a while, and went to Arby's and picked up something for lunch. He ended falling asleep on the loveseat very late, so he stayed over Sunday night. He was still working on getting his video completed and uploaded for this reality-challenge show he is trying out for. Please look at the link here, then please rate it highly and forward it to all you know to do the same. Thanks!
So, it's kind of goofy the way everything was set up yesterday at work, but it's their job not mine! Whatever! I had a blast being there by myself, it was very relaxing actually. Plus, when I watch Roswell, I totally escape into it. And yes, who could pass up the work fantasy, so I was a little bad, but not like you may be thinking!!!
I have to start doing the morning dash, but I will probably post more by this afternoon! Careful, you might get a pageful about my thoughts on black men right now!
I did my barbecuing on Sunday, since I knew I had to work on Labor Day. I was the only person there for my company AT ALL. I think there were maybe 5 other people in the building altogether. I had my feet propped up and was watching episodes of Roswell Season 1 on my laptop! Cody came up to visit with me for a while, and went to Arby's and picked up something for lunch. He ended falling asleep on the loveseat very late, so he stayed over Sunday night. He was still working on getting his video completed and uploaded for this reality-challenge show he is trying out for. Please look at the link here, then please rate it highly and forward it to all you know to do the same. Thanks!
So, it's kind of goofy the way everything was set up yesterday at work, but it's their job not mine! Whatever! I had a blast being there by myself, it was very relaxing actually. Plus, when I watch Roswell, I totally escape into it. And yes, who could pass up the work fantasy, so I was a little bad, but not like you may be thinking!!!
I have to start doing the morning dash, but I will probably post more by this afternoon! Careful, you might get a pageful about my thoughts on black men right now!
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