The Weekend in Review

Well, the resident family mechanic looked at my van. He replaced the transmission filter, but could not repair the seal, since all three need to be replaced, and one requires dropping the tranny. That's a 2-day job so probably won't be tackled until after the new year.

My family got to see the fridge that was sent up yesterday. In all fairness (or maybe because I believe in the good in most people) the landlord has not seen the refrigerator. He was at his FT job while all this transpired. I didn't even have the desire to call about it yesterday. I will however be looking for my own fridge today.

My nine-year-old niece got the shock o f her life yesterday when, while playing in her dad's pickup truck, she popped it out of park and it rolled down the driveway into the street! She was fine and no cars were coming. She was sent inside and told to sit down on the couch by her mother, where she stayed until they left several minutes later. She was bawling by the time I got in there, and Mom was talking to her. Then her dad came in a few minutes later and she started again. She's definitely not the cry-baby type of kid either. I explained to her that nobody else there knows how she was feeling more than Tee-Tee because it happened to me at that age too. I told her I know she was terrified, but be thankful that nothing bad happened because I had to be immobile for two weeks for busting my knees wide open. I am 33 years old and still have the scars til this day.

I didn't get to relax my hair this weekend. So if it all falls out, you will know why.

The New Guy came over last night and didn't leave until about 2a this time. What we do is he comes over after I have put the kids to bed, that way they don't have to see him yet. Not until I am ready for them to ideally, which may be a few weeks from now. I am still on the fence about this one. Here's why. He's a bit larger than I am used to. I would not call him fat. I would say more like 'some extra pounds'. Losing 40 pounds wouldn't be too much. Never mind the woman in the picture (a staff member at Urban Network Magazine) this is good comparison to The New Guy's size:

That man, by the way, is the late Gerald Levert. Just passed this November at the tender age of 40 years old. The same age as The New Guy, I might add.

So, I don't what is holding me back here besides possibly fear of repetition. Maybe it's that intuition thing telling me to be wary. Or maybe I am just being paranoid about this one because of the last one. Everything else is there. We can laugh, we can talk, he has a real relationship with his children, he seems to be very involved at church and have a relationship with God, he has a great smile, and is handsome to me. He already seems to adore me, and has gone more out of his way in the first weeks of this relationship than most of the men in my past ever did. I can honestly say that if, when I first met him, he were smaller, I would be denying myself the ability to tell him I was falling in love with him.

Am I that shallow? I thought my vanity had toned down significantly over the years. But maybe it hadn't. I am not unattracted to him either. We have definitely gotten into some passionate kissing and even a wandering hand (or two). I wasn't grossed out or anything close to that. It was exactly the opposite, actually (blush). Maybe I feel like because he is not in better physical shape that I am settling for "less than the best"? But for pete's sake, is all the things I've never had before at the same time, in one man still not enough to trump one thing?

What the hell is wrong with me?!

Will work for free therapy sessions...

Playing Hooky

So here I am on a Sunday afternoon, NOT at church. Church where my nine-year old man is singing a solo today with the children's choir. Church where I share a very good relationship with 'my girl' the Pastor. Church where I was once the secretary before full-time employment got in the way. I am home.

So your first question is why am I home, and my child is not? Well, my oldest two caught a ride with my oldest sister today. No, I'm not that much of a slacker mom! I was waiting on our resident family mechanic to get here to hopefully fix my transmission. I am totally sure God understands.

I am also still tickled about the peice of crap refrigerator that the landlord had sent to this house yesterday. People, it is filthy on the outside. Like to the point of only wanting to touch it with the tips of your pointy finger and thumb filthy. But wait! There's more! On the door of the fridge part at the bottom, where there's supposed to be a bar to keep the food from sliding out? There is brown tape!! No really, I'm totally serious. And now for the icing on this 3-year-old fruitcake:
The top freezer part has black mold in it!!! Ummm-mmmm.

He could have just slapped me, and it would have been less insulting.

On a much brighter note, The New Guy let it slip that he is falling in love with me yesterday!

The New Guy

So where do I begin with the new guy? Well, there isn't a joke that I throw that he doesn't get. We can laugh about anything. We can talk about anything. It's great!
People. He digs Prince. AND Terrance Trent D'Arby. Wow!
Okay, so here are the stats: He's 40, twice-divorced (like me), two children (ages 9 & 10), very involved at church, working on his Associate's Degree in Theology to become a licensed minister, great smile, warm heart, genuine personality, great sense of humor. There is a comfortableness between us that is rather uncanny. The same comfortableness that I have with Can't Get Right/The One.

sidebar -- For once and for all I want to get over The One. I have realized as of the last few months that I have idealized the relationship so much that in reality, it could NEVER live up to the dream in my head and heart. So, he gets divorced (finally) and we get married. Now what? He will still be working ridiculous hours, and sleeping the rest. Still unable to make important functions, or even a date, because the job will call. As deep as the love I have for him is, I want/need/deserve more than that. So I have to seriously let go this time.

Back to The New Guy. He drove all the way from his place to my job -which was about 50min with traffic- to see me and give me a ride to my car!!! It was raining, so he picked me up at the door and drove me down the parking lot to my car! Then he did it again the next day!!! This time he came armed with a single pink rose on a 2-foot stem. Maybe not exactly 24 inches, but it had to be close. I am totally smitten with him! BUT, I am staying very careful and trying to keep things slow. He has admitted me is a "quick-to-fall" person, as am I. So this definitely takes some effort! I totally think he is falling for me already!

BUT, I have to get my stuff together. I just don't feel like I am quite there yet. I have a lot more to bring to the table the table than say, when PsychoRev and I first hooked up. I didn't even have a full-time job then. I just need to continue trying to repair my credit and getting ahead of these bills. I will not let myself get sidetracked into love and not line everything up for StarrDom by 2nd quarter 2007 (at the latest). I also want to get myself together physically as well. I absolutely HAVE TO drop 30 pounds by spring! I am sick of carrying it around! I figure that'll allow me about 10pounds a month. Totally doable, right? Right?

Guess Who's Back!!

Man, it's been a minute, but here I am! A few things have happened, including the MidWest Ice Storm.
Over 600,000 people in the St. Louis area were without power, some for a day and some for almost a week. EVen though my family was directly afflicted by the power outage, I have to say, it was a disaster girl's dream!!! The beauty of the ice was only matched by it's destruction. The majority of the tree in my backyard is actually in my backyard. We'll see how long it takes my slacker landlord to fix that.

Speaking of slacker landlord, my 30+ year old fridge died. It had been leaking for about a week. I opened it this past Saturday morning, and the waffles were already unthawed. So I emptied the food from the freezer into the deep freezer. I put the egg tray in the garage, though honestly they had already gotten a little too warm for my comfort to EVER eat. I finally told him about it Monday morning -along with the fact that rent would be terribly delayed- and was told we need to arrange a time when my schedule allows to get a repairman out to look at it. A repairman!!! I work Monday thru Friday, all day. I won't have time to be here until Saturday!!! Are you freakin' kidding me!!!???
Guess I better borrow my sister's ice chest.

My transmission is not shifting past second gear, so the highest speed I can go is 45...and that's really pushing it. I see the tread on one of my tires. My daycare bill is creeping towards $800. I haven't paid anything on cable/phone/internet, or water. If it wasn't for Can't Get Right borrowing from his mother, the cell phone would be off. My financial life blows big time, but that's a blog all in itself. Not just a topic...but a whole blog!

My job reminded me why I don't like corporate America. Even though the National Guard was called in to help with the disaster area, my job informed us that if we missed Friday from work, it would be held against us! Sure you could get paid for it, but it still counted against you. Don't you feel all warm and fuzzy inside right now?
Yeah, me neither.

The one guy from the dating site never emailed me back. I took it as a personal insult initially. Then I remembered it was HIS loss, not mine. I have actually met someone else, but we'll save that discussion for later this evening!

Hey, I'm trying to end this on a suspenseful yet positive note. Work with me people!