Why does it take black men to make a simple word like female a derogatory comment? It's like one step down from being called a "bitch" or a "hoe". In their minds, it's safe because those two words are widely accepted as bad. So, being the ingenious little idiots they are, they came up with "females".
Worse than that, is hearing other women describe each other using the word with the same amount of disdain. Now, I will admit that when I was younger, my best girlfriends and I commonly and affectionately referred to each other as 'bitch'. But thank God for wisdom and age, right?!
I must say that this word "female" is not used -for the most part, if any- by real men. Real men know to refer to us as women, because that is what we are. Granted, way too many of us don't act like women, let alone being a lady. But yet and still, we are women.
Thank you to the men out there who know how to address us properly!
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March 31, 2007
March 30, 2007
TGIF
So, I wanted to make a separate post for today. I did not go to work today. Short of serious illness, death or hospitalization, that makes for a good day!
I didn't do much outside the house today. We're going to have a barbecue to celebrate my oldest sister's 40th birthday, which was on the 28th. I gave my other sister a grill that I bought last year and never put together, since I got the new one.
My friend, the Commander came to hang out with me for a while, before he had to go finish taking care of licensing requirements for the vehicle. We watched news and talked about the news. We have pretty good conversations, which is always a plus. He is one of a few men that I can take most seriously when it come to kids and advice.
Something I didn't notice when we met that first night was his beautiful brown eyes. They're not even a light brown or medium brown, but they're not that dark, dark brown that black people usually have. They are beautiful. I found my grey contacts because I know he likes those on me. He definitely appreciated the effort.
I am very glad he came over today, we had a great time. We really learned alot about each other. He made mention that he was disappointed that his character was being "phased out" of my "book" (what he calls my blog). So I made a special separate post to talk solely about my friend. We really shared a lot of ourselves today, and got to know each other much better. I would say we really cemented our friendship today. We had such an awesome time, it make me wish he wasn't so anti-relationship from the get-go. But, his rule not mine.
Oh, I did manage to get some exercise today. I decided to try something a little different and rather vigorous to really get the heart pumping. Since I am already getting sore and will probably be stiff by tomorrow, I think I will start my Winsor Pilates DVD tomorrow to keep it going. What I did today, I tell you it is really something not having kids home to do as you please! I had a blast! I did some stretching on the couch while I was watching TV. Decided to do a few things on the steps, steps are a really great workout tool! Trust me on this!
Finished this workout of sorts in my room, where the TotalGym is. That was where I was first heading, but decided to continue my crazy workout while I had the chance. I had the ceiling fan going and I moved til I worked up a good sweat. It was awesome! I think I might've lost at least a couple of pounds! Plus, I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday, when I treated myself to Red Lobster on my 1hour lunch. (I weighed myself and I was 187, that's a plus) So my muscles were nice and fatigued by the time I was done. I actually lay on the bed and dozed off for a minute. Today was a great day. More like it would be totally welcome.
But alas, back to the real world, right? So about my friend the Commander, he will be around for a while I believe. He said some really nice things about me today, I was actually moved. If only someone who was interested in me romantically would say things close to that, life would be good.
(sighs wistfully)
I didn't do much outside the house today. We're going to have a barbecue to celebrate my oldest sister's 40th birthday, which was on the 28th. I gave my other sister a grill that I bought last year and never put together, since I got the new one.
My friend, the Commander came to hang out with me for a while, before he had to go finish taking care of licensing requirements for the vehicle. We watched news and talked about the news. We have pretty good conversations, which is always a plus. He is one of a few men that I can take most seriously when it come to kids and advice.
Something I didn't notice when we met that first night was his beautiful brown eyes. They're not even a light brown or medium brown, but they're not that dark, dark brown that black people usually have. They are beautiful. I found my grey contacts because I know he likes those on me. He definitely appreciated the effort.
I am very glad he came over today, we had a great time. We really learned alot about each other. He made mention that he was disappointed that his character was being "phased out" of my "book" (what he calls my blog). So I made a special separate post to talk solely about my friend. We really shared a lot of ourselves today, and got to know each other much better. I would say we really cemented our friendship today. We had such an awesome time, it make me wish he wasn't so anti-relationship from the get-go. But, his rule not mine.
Oh, I did manage to get some exercise today. I decided to try something a little different and rather vigorous to really get the heart pumping. Since I am already getting sore and will probably be stiff by tomorrow, I think I will start my Winsor Pilates DVD tomorrow to keep it going. What I did today, I tell you it is really something not having kids home to do as you please! I had a blast! I did some stretching on the couch while I was watching TV. Decided to do a few things on the steps, steps are a really great workout tool! Trust me on this!
Finished this workout of sorts in my room, where the TotalGym is. That was where I was first heading, but decided to continue my crazy workout while I had the chance. I had the ceiling fan going and I moved til I worked up a good sweat. It was awesome! I think I might've lost at least a couple of pounds! Plus, I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday, when I treated myself to Red Lobster on my 1hour lunch. (I weighed myself and I was 187, that's a plus) So my muscles were nice and fatigued by the time I was done. I actually lay on the bed and dozed off for a minute. Today was a great day. More like it would be totally welcome.
But alas, back to the real world, right? So about my friend the Commander, he will be around for a while I believe. He said some really nice things about me today, I was actually moved. If only someone who was interested in me romantically would say things close to that, life would be good.
(sighs wistfully)
Week In Review
Okay, so I slacked. Sorry! Forgive me?
I was getting anxious for my guys to get back into town, both the Commander and the New Guy. I had been chatting with New Guy most evenings while he was gone, but hadn't heard from Commander but the one time. Hey, it was vacation, who could blame him? New Guy called me when he got into town, and he did come over that night. I asked him did he want to meet the kids, and he said yes. He said he realized how huge that was. We played Scene It - TV version, and the kids watched and cheered their mom on. It was a great evening.
Monday as I was winding down my workday, he called to ask if he could take me and the kids driving and out to dinner! Yes, exclamation point! Can I say in all my years, I do not ever remember hearing a guy say those words to me. "Can I take you and the kids out to eat?"
Nope. Never.
We looked at some nice houses up in North County, beautiful places. Went to a Chinese buffet, that way everyone could have something they wanted. He and I ate sushi, real sushi. It was my first time, it was good, and I want more! It was a great evening. I could do quite a few more of those.
The rest of the week was rather uneventful socially. I have been more focused on getting this car situation rectified. If you don't know, I am an intense online shopper. If I can't find what I want online, I'm annoyed. I may go buy it in the store, but I have researched it online first, I guarantee. With four children and just me, I've got to be efficient!
What I want is a Pontiac Montana. I want somewhere between a 1999 and 2004, though I could probably only afford up to a 2001. I would prefer captain's chairs on the second row, instead of the half bench. I can't see Champagne and the Bruzer that close to each other in 5-point harnesses without problems! The bonus would be getting the automatic sliding passenger door, and a dream would be to get both of them! I had that on my 1998 Transport Montana, and it was great! I miss that van. (wistfully sighs)
Second choices would be Oldsmobile Silhouette, Chevy Venture, or Chrysler Town & Country. Don't really look at the foreign companies as options, and Ford minivans just don't move me. Since I am financially and credit challenged, I am somewhat limited in my options, but I am hopeful. I plan to be resilient in getting what I want, at terms I can live with. I have looked around on this side of the water, and am not very impressed, just don't have the selection I was hoping for. Problem with buying in Missouri though, is you have to pay sales tax to get your license plates, it can't be financed into the cost of the car. But, the best options as far as selection and best financing options for someone with "special needs" like me, across the water will be best.
Pray with me that I will have good news soon!
I was getting anxious for my guys to get back into town, both the Commander and the New Guy. I had been chatting with New Guy most evenings while he was gone, but hadn't heard from Commander but the one time. Hey, it was vacation, who could blame him? New Guy called me when he got into town, and he did come over that night. I asked him did he want to meet the kids, and he said yes. He said he realized how huge that was. We played Scene It - TV version, and the kids watched and cheered their mom on. It was a great evening.
Monday as I was winding down my workday, he called to ask if he could take me and the kids driving and out to dinner! Yes, exclamation point! Can I say in all my years, I do not ever remember hearing a guy say those words to me. "Can I take you and the kids out to eat?"
Nope. Never.
We looked at some nice houses up in North County, beautiful places. Went to a Chinese buffet, that way everyone could have something they wanted. He and I ate sushi, real sushi. It was my first time, it was good, and I want more! It was a great evening. I could do quite a few more of those.
The rest of the week was rather uneventful socially. I have been more focused on getting this car situation rectified. If you don't know, I am an intense online shopper. If I can't find what I want online, I'm annoyed. I may go buy it in the store, but I have researched it online first, I guarantee. With four children and just me, I've got to be efficient!
What I want is a Pontiac Montana. I want somewhere between a 1999 and 2004, though I could probably only afford up to a 2001. I would prefer captain's chairs on the second row, instead of the half bench. I can't see Champagne and the Bruzer that close to each other in 5-point harnesses without problems! The bonus would be getting the automatic sliding passenger door, and a dream would be to get both of them! I had that on my 1998 Transport Montana, and it was great! I miss that van. (wistfully sighs)
Second choices would be Oldsmobile Silhouette, Chevy Venture, or Chrysler Town & Country. Don't really look at the foreign companies as options, and Ford minivans just don't move me. Since I am financially and credit challenged, I am somewhat limited in my options, but I am hopeful. I plan to be resilient in getting what I want, at terms I can live with. I have looked around on this side of the water, and am not very impressed, just don't have the selection I was hoping for. Problem with buying in Missouri though, is you have to pay sales tax to get your license plates, it can't be financed into the cost of the car. But, the best options as far as selection and best financing options for someone with "special needs" like me, across the water will be best.
Pray with me that I will have good news soon!
March 24, 2007
CD Review: Robin Thicke
Something a little different today, but I think this is worth the mention. First of all, I <heart> this CD!!! It is definitely some smooth R&B, grown folks music. Robin Thicke would fall into the so-called "blue-eyed soul" category of singers, since he is caucasian. Others considered on the "blue-eyed soul" list include Teena Marie, Michael McDonald, Jon B (of course!), Remy Shand, as well as many others. He is definitely in good company, I mean Jon B is on the list right?
Okay sidebar: Yes, I am absolutely weak for Jon B. The man's music is the soundtrack for my life. I do consider him one of my "babydaddys", though we never had any virtual children together. You're confused, so I'll explain. My oldest child, that's LL Cool J's virtual child. My oldest daughter, that's Brian McKnight's virtual child (color match and everything).The WonderTwins belong virtually to Dwayne Johnson, known better to his public as The Rock! So, in my virtual world, we'll say those are the ones I'd have kids with, but Jon B is the one I'd marry!!! Does it help that his B-Day is 2 days after mine?!
I know, I'm silly! But hey, it keeps me sane!
Back to The Evolution of Robin Thicke. I wondered about the last name and I looked it up. Yes, he is the son of TV dad, Alan Thicke. I thought they looked alike, but then I was like "Nah". I also discovered, this is his second CD. I hope he is around a long time, he is talented. The obvious track is #4, Lost Without U. Oh, it's a great song, but not the best on there to me. Lost Without You is smooth, the music is real (not synthesized), the vocals are clean and simple, and the lyrics are smart. The epitome of what good R&B should be for the serious appreciators of music. Track #1 is an upbeat duet with Faith Evans, Got To Be Down. It's a nice start to great collection, but since I'm into the "deeper" stuff, I skip past it a lot. Track #2, Complicated, reminds me of Can't Get Right/The One. Seriously, it's like he wrote it. It's got layered vocals -ala Seal- over very minimal instrumentals. Kind of a jazzy beat makes you tap your foot to it, so it's more of a mid-tempo number. I really like that one as a total package, beat and lyrics.
Track #3 is a mid-tempo with an acoustic guitar as the main -but not only- instrument, and his voice. Not one to skip. Track #5, Ask Myself, I really like, though I'm still trying to feel through it. It is not a love song I found out. "I gotta ask myself, what's it gonna be; Am I gonna save myself, what's it gonna be". Basically, it's a smartand upbeat song of inspiration, which I'm all for, so I love it! Track #6, All Night Long, is the first of two collaborations with Lil Wayne. Weird I thought too, but it works. This is an upbeat dance-at-the-club number, not in my top five but I do like it. Track #7, Everything I Can't Have, is a very upbeat Latin-inspired number, complete with the horns. Makes me wish I could salsa-dance!
Now we're coming up on my favorite grouping on the CD: Tracks 8-10. Teach U A Lesson, #8, is still more of a Latin-inspired to me because of the acoustic guitar melody. But the vocals are simple and pure. The lyrics are NOT pure! The Major told me about that song before I bought it. "You were late for school; I'm gonna have to see you after class; You've been a bad girl; Someone's gonna have to teach U a lesson" Hello?! Can anyone say freak! Trust me, not a bad thing...
Track #9, I Need Love, I love the vocals on this one. The melody of the music is so "black-light-basement-party-ish". The smart thing about the lyrics on this one though, is that he is talking about a really good...um...lovemaking session with the person he cares about. This is possibly my favorite song. The vocals are amazing and sensual and soothing. The music invokes every emotion it is supposed to, and easily gives you the lying in bed afterglow visual. I am absolutely in love with this song! I truly can't say enough about it. Completely the trio at #10 is the cut he did with my little skateboard nerd Pharrell, Wanna Love U Girl. (yes, I would do Pharrell, does that make a bad person?) This was produced by the Neptunes, need I say anymore. It's hot to death, and I blast it my sick little van whenever I can!
Track #11, Can U Believe, is a mid-tempo inspirational song too. Keyboard is more prevalent on this one, with some great vocals completing the package. Track #12, Shooter, is the second collaboration with Lil Wayne. For some strange reason, I like this song. I don't get it, but I like it. I think it's the heavy bass guitar, 70s kinda beat to it. Track #13, Cocaine, I don't listen to much. Probably least favorite of all. I think the title ruined it for me. Sorry Robin, the beat is cool.
The last three songs take up about 19 minutes between them, these are the really deep ones. They are great songs with wonderful musical arrangements and good lyrics, but I have to be in a mood to listen to them. They are more later in the evening reflective songs. Track #14, To The Sky, is vocal heavy, you can really appreciate his gift on that one. It could perhaps be a spiritual song, which is what I feel from listening to it. Track #15, Lonely World, is very pretty. It covers different people in different situations, and basically says "have hope". The last track, Angels, is over 8 minutes long. About half of that, though is just instrumental, very nice music.
Overall, I give this CD an A+. This man wrote everything on here, except Lil Wayne's verses. Save the Neptunes cut, he produced everything on here as well. That, my friends, is a real musician. If you appreciate good music and good vocals for intelligent adults, you will really enjoy this one too!
March 23, 2007
Strep Strikes Again
So I posted this last night, but blogger did not take my post. Second time I’ve been burned, this time I’m emailing my post!
Let’s see how much I remember.
I had been feeling like death warmed over since Tuesday evening. Fever, chills, body aches from the neck down, poor sleep, you name it. Let’s not forget the sore throat, like it was on fire! Lymph node at my neck totally swollen and sore. I took a look inside and my throat was totally red and swollen.
Yep, I knew it was strep. Yep, I did go to work each day. I went to the doctor on Thursday to confirm it. Yep, I took a half point on the attendance policy. Whatever!
I just started taking the medicine this morning, but I definitely woke up feeling better. I am completely different than I was yesterday, which tells me it was starting to subside anyway. I have tried to be careful not to get too close to the kids or anyone. Lots of hand washing. Oh, of course I ate!
This is time number 3 in two years for me and strep. The first two times were within a few months of each other. I have heard others talk about it, and apparently my tolerance for pain is higher than I even thought. The New Guy told me how he lost 12 pounds on the Strep Diet, because he couldn’t even eat. Not me! It hurt, it was uncomfortable, but not unbearable to the point that I’m starving.
The other joy about being a single mother of YOUNG children is that –though I felt like crap- I couldn’t just curl up and nap somewhere. I still had things to do. As I always say, the law says I gotta feed ‘em!
So socially? Things are going. Cody and I im all day, then chat all evening. Lots of catching up, plus there is a comfortableness and an instant friendship already built in, that I know I can say whatever to him and vice versa. We’ve grown, but our –as does most people’s- core personalities have remained the same.
I pretty much chatted online with the New Guy (note to self: have to rename him soon) every evening, though he was out of town. I got to chat with the Commander once. Both of the super-cool dads are out of town with the kids. Yeah, I’m kinda jealous, but my day is coming!
I am still trying to figure out what I’m going to about the vehicle. I mean, I have an idea what will do, but it’s not the desirable option. That option means I’ve got to do some hella budgeting to squeeze out a car note. No, I don’t have a car note now since I bought the van at auction in Feb 2005 for $2200. Yes, I definitely did get my money’s worth out of it! I cannot complain there. Everytime I think about it though, it depresses me. That’s why the end of first quarter is almost here and StarrDom isn’t up and running. Personal business stuff is sidetracking my brain. Perhaps by the week’s end I may have a better report.
I am looking forward to the New Guy getting back, though he won’t be able to officially take me out to dinner until about next weekend. Don’t want to infect anyone this weekend. Plus, I want him to get settled in first, so that he can fully dedicate the time to me! Yeah, I said it! He is very sweet, and I hope that he is for real this time around about us really getting together. If he hadn’t gotten scurred and ran away last time, we could be no doubt making serious matrimonial plans by now. I wouldn’t be surprised if I wouldn’t have been planning to move to his side of the water before school started in the fall. The good thing is that God knows what’s best. It was not supposed to happen that quickly, if at all. I was supposed to meet these other people, like the Major and the Commander, who I never would have met if me and the New Guy kept it tight from the start. I definitely feel my life has been enriched by both of these people, and do plan to keep them around in the friendship capacity that they are already in. I know, I know what you’re thinking. In both cases, though there has been dirty talk with both of them, I truly consider each of them a friend more than anything else.
I’ll keep you posted on the car situation, hopefully with positive results very soon.
March 19, 2007
Vacation Day
I am off work today. Yay!!!
I've done a few things today so far, but nothing major. I sat and ate at IHOP this morning. They have a new spinach and mushroom omelette that was delish!! Had the rest of the pancakes for lunch. I sat and read my current business book, The Girl's Guide to Starting Your Own Business, or at least some of it.
Then I went to Wal-Mart across the street with the main intent to buy cinder blocks for mailbox post. My mailbox post fell over about two weeks ago, after about a month on a wicked 'gangsta-lean', and the postman stopped delivering my mail. After bickering with the postal supervisor, she suggested usind the 2-hole cinder blocks as a temporary fix. Poor thing, she doesn't know my landlord....it WON'T be temporary.
Anyway, they didn't have any, but since I was there I decided to look at the grills. I probably haven't told you about me and grilling yet. Let me say this, I am serious about my grilling. If the family is in the mood for barbecue, I will happily volunteer to do it! When I moved last summer I left my very old and crippled grill behind. No, it was bad. No handle to open it, the grill grate being held up by a long bolt, you get the idea. Plus, I had had it since my first marriage, in 1995!
For this grill, I will be buying a grill cover to help protect it. The coolest thing about it, is Wal-Mart assembles it for free. FREE!
I'm hoping it will be available by this weekend!
I also bought the new Robin Thicke CD. The Major told me if I like real R&B, ie 'grown folks music', this is a must have. So, now I have it!
Speaking of the Major, we had a great time Saturday night. I tell you the truth, as much business as we talked, I could probably write off the meal! He is very encouraging and has a wealth of information, which I soak up like a sponge. We went to Longhorn SteakHouse, where neither of us ate steak! Miss Greedy here even ordered dessert to go! We talked quite a bit. We talked on Sunday before and after his flight home. We are what we are (whatever that is).
The New Guy and I talked that night. He new I was going to dinner so he asked how it went. He also asked if I kissed him. Well, I don't believe in asking questions you don't want the answers to, so I told him yes. We chatted for a while after that, then as things starting to get heavier, I told him to call me. Yes, I told him! I think we really covered some things that night, and things have been pretty good since then. I told him that I was hurt by his past actions, though I honestly understood where it came from.
I know, I know. I tried to be hard before by saying it was no big deal. But, he really is a big deal to me. He has been hurt before, just like the rest and the best of us, and he's afraid. Believe me, I'm not letting him off the hook just yet for letting his fear overtake his common sense. But, I also know that what we have is special, and it was from day one. The only other person I have felt this comfortable with to be able to be my total self with besides New Guy is Can't Get Right. I told my best friend and she was like 'WOW, that's huge!'
Exactly.
He's on his way to his spring vacation with the kids. The Commander is gone already. I am still baffled as to what mother would let her teenage daughter go out of town with her boyfriend and his father. No offense to anyone, but those type of things, don't usually happen in the 'naturally tan' community. Which leads to believe that perhaps they are following in dad's footsteps, which isn't a bad thing in any way, just an observation. But, in all fairness, perhaps I don't know all the facts. Regardless, these are two high-quality dads that actually care about their children and do all they can to be there for them whenever they are needed. Once again, in my 'naturally tan' community, that is not the norm. God Bless them both.
Speaking of (again), is a wonder that these are both men of God?
I've done a few things today so far, but nothing major. I sat and ate at IHOP this morning. They have a new spinach and mushroom omelette that was delish!! Had the rest of the pancakes for lunch. I sat and read my current business book, The Girl's Guide to Starting Your Own Business, or at least some of it.
Then I went to Wal-Mart across the street with the main intent to buy cinder blocks for mailbox post. My mailbox post fell over about two weeks ago, after about a month on a wicked 'gangsta-lean', and the postman stopped delivering my mail. After bickering with the postal supervisor, she suggested usind the 2-hole cinder blocks as a temporary fix. Poor thing, she doesn't know my landlord....it WON'T be temporary.
Anyway, they didn't have any, but since I was there I decided to look at the grills. I probably haven't told you about me and grilling yet. Let me say this, I am serious about my grilling. If the family is in the mood for barbecue, I will happily volunteer to do it! When I moved last summer I left my very old and crippled grill behind. No, it was bad. No handle to open it, the grill grate being held up by a long bolt, you get the idea. Plus, I had had it since my first marriage, in 1995!
For this grill, I will be buying a grill cover to help protect it. The coolest thing about it, is Wal-Mart assembles it for free. FREE!
I'm hoping it will be available by this weekend!
I also bought the new Robin Thicke CD. The Major told me if I like real R&B, ie 'grown folks music', this is a must have. So, now I have it!
Speaking of the Major, we had a great time Saturday night. I tell you the truth, as much business as we talked, I could probably write off the meal! He is very encouraging and has a wealth of information, which I soak up like a sponge. We went to Longhorn SteakHouse, where neither of us ate steak! Miss Greedy here even ordered dessert to go! We talked quite a bit. We talked on Sunday before and after his flight home. We are what we are (whatever that is).
The New Guy and I talked that night. He new I was going to dinner so he asked how it went. He also asked if I kissed him. Well, I don't believe in asking questions you don't want the answers to, so I told him yes. We chatted for a while after that, then as things starting to get heavier, I told him to call me. Yes, I told him! I think we really covered some things that night, and things have been pretty good since then. I told him that I was hurt by his past actions, though I honestly understood where it came from.
I know, I know. I tried to be hard before by saying it was no big deal. But, he really is a big deal to me. He has been hurt before, just like the rest and the best of us, and he's afraid. Believe me, I'm not letting him off the hook just yet for letting his fear overtake his common sense. But, I also know that what we have is special, and it was from day one. The only other person I have felt this comfortable with to be able to be my total self with besides New Guy is Can't Get Right. I told my best friend and she was like 'WOW, that's huge!'
Exactly.
He's on his way to his spring vacation with the kids. The Commander is gone already. I am still baffled as to what mother would let her teenage daughter go out of town with her boyfriend and his father. No offense to anyone, but those type of things, don't usually happen in the 'naturally tan' community. Which leads to believe that perhaps they are following in dad's footsteps, which isn't a bad thing in any way, just an observation. But, in all fairness, perhaps I don't know all the facts. Regardless, these are two high-quality dads that actually care about their children and do all they can to be there for them whenever they are needed. Once again, in my 'naturally tan' community, that is not the norm. God Bless them both.
Speaking of (again), is a wonder that these are both men of God?
March 15, 2007
Old Friends...Again
Day before yesterday, I was sitting on the couch with my laptop. I swear I was getting ready to work on my website.
Really, I was.
Why don’t you believe me?
A new IM window popped with a name I didn’t recognize. The person said hello and, being the snob I was, I was just getting ready to block them. But, they said ‘What’s going on Shaker?’. I’m staring at the screen with my mouth open thinking ‘No Way, it can’t be’. So, I replied ‘Who is this?’ To which they replied, ‘How many people call you Shaker?’
‘[Cody]!’
We chatted for over two hours. Just trying to catch up on the past 9 years . I hadn’t seen or talked to him since DJ was a baby, like 3 months old baby! We first met when I was like 19 or so, and dated for about a year and a half. He was cute, very physically fit, light-skinned, about 6’2”. We had a lot of fun together, my mom and grandmother really liked him. But, when it was time to go, it was time to go. I learned a lot at that time about how unfair the court system is to fathers. He had some baby-momma drama, or should I say “we” had it. Typical, one of those ‘I-can’t-be-with-you-so-you-can’t-see-your-child’ situations.
After we split, life went on. I got married, got pregnant, got left by my husband for another woman, you know…the usual! ( I am so kidding) I will never forget though, when I went into the hospital to have this very early child of mine. Very early, like water broke at 29 weeks and he was born at 30 instead of 40 weeks, early! But while I was in the hospital, just sitting and baking my little bun-in-the-oven, he would come and sit with me everyday. I think he stopped at my grandmother’s house and she told him what happened and where I was. He drove school buses at the time, so he had a hiatus during midday, that’s when he would come and sit. He was even at the hospital the day I delivered. We spent time together after I went home, before DJ even got out of the hospital (22days). I will never forget the most emotional sex of my young life. We both cried. I know, dramatic! Then I decided to split again, just had to move on I guess.
So, it was nice chatting with him and reminiscing. It was weird that he remembers so many vivid details about our time together. Cute though. Since I am trying to get a little more of a social life, I might have him take me to the movies or something just to hang out. But surely not a love connection, as every guy I talk to doesn’t have to be.
I know for sure that this is not the time for me to seriously date anyone. Quite frankly because if it was time, it would have happened. I think I may have a few years left before I am to be married again, which is starting to not be as horrific as I first thought.
Look how long I’ve done it so far? What’s a few more years?
I'm a soldier...I can handle it!!
March 14, 2007
On a lighter Note
It is officially the Major's birthday...eastern time at least. He is the big 40. Woohoo. We spent about an hour and a half on the phone today on our evening commutes. Come to think of it, we talked for a while this morning too. That doesn't usually happen often. We even chatted for a little bit this evening.
He will be in town this weekend, working on his development project. I asked him if I could take him to dinner Saturday evening. Yes, I am a modern girl, aren't I? That's my birthday gift to him. I'm excited.
Oh yeah, van at the shop equals $1700 for rebuilt transmission. Ouch! I'm gonna see what I can do though. I don't have many desirable choices.
I think I freaked Mr. Anti-Relationship/the Commander out this evening! After chatting off and on for a little while I got into one of my deep thought moods. So, I asked him a couple of questions, just to get his idea of what he thought about me. Notsomuch as in he wants to date me, but like what is this guy's (keyword) opinion of me. Well he said I was a good mom and open-minded (thanks to those emails, I think). Intelligent may have come up. So then I asked him if he weren't so anti-relationship would he consider me the type of woman he would want to have a serious relationship with.
That was the last I heard from him! I even put on there not to freak out because it was only a question. I was asking for me, not trying to pick his brain. I was hoping with us being friends as we are, that I could count on him to tell me the truth. It's a reflecting on your inner self kind of thing.
So...if you're reading...Sorry man, didn't mean to freak you out. Friends? Good. I still want an answer to my question!
He will be in town this weekend, working on his development project. I asked him if I could take him to dinner Saturday evening. Yes, I am a modern girl, aren't I? That's my birthday gift to him. I'm excited.
Oh yeah, van at the shop equals $1700 for rebuilt transmission. Ouch! I'm gonna see what I can do though. I don't have many desirable choices.
I think I freaked Mr. Anti-Relationship/the Commander out this evening! After chatting off and on for a little while I got into one of my deep thought moods. So, I asked him a couple of questions, just to get his idea of what he thought about me. Notsomuch as in he wants to date me, but like what is this guy's (keyword) opinion of me. Well he said I was a good mom and open-minded (thanks to those emails, I think). Intelligent may have come up. So then I asked him if he weren't so anti-relationship would he consider me the type of woman he would want to have a serious relationship with.
That was the last I heard from him! I even put on there not to freak out because it was only a question. I was asking for me, not trying to pick his brain. I was hoping with us being friends as we are, that I could count on him to tell me the truth. It's a reflecting on your inner self kind of thing.
So...if you're reading...Sorry man, didn't mean to freak you out. Friends? Good. I still want an answer to my question!
This World Is Just Too Much
So today, I am annoyed. Very annoyed. Let’s start with this:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/03/10/elderly.robbed.ap/index.html
Black man in his 30s “allegedly” (don’t get me started on that word) mugs two elderly, walker-bound women. Don’t forget to watch the video.
What… The… Hell?
For my black readers: Have you ever heard about a really bad crime story on the news and sat there secretly hoping the criminal wasn’t black? Then, in the cases where they are not…you kind of are relieved?
It’s okay, you can admit it. I’ve done it plenty of times too.
Now, I’m about to say some things that may piss some people off, but it’s my opinion so…WHATEVER!
Do you know that every time I see a black male with his pants sagging down to his knees, I’m embarrassed?
Do you know that every time I walk past a couple of young black dudes in the mall smelling like weed, I’m pissed off?
Do you know that every time I hear a black male say ‘That baby ain’t mine’ (knowing the child looks just like them), I’m angry?
Why is it “cute” for you to have a mouth full of gold and cornrows/ponytails with barrettes on them??
Why can’t they understand how much their own behavior shoots us all in the foot? Anyone with a “natural tan”, as I call it, has at least heard of Driving While Black (DWB). I will acknowledge that it isn’t right to just pull someone over because of their color. We shouldn’t need a ghetto anthem like “Ridin’ Dirty”. But statistically, since so many of these confused, undisciplined, angry youth think it’s cool to do stuff like smoke weed on the regular and sell dope as a profession, we make ourselves easy targets.
Of course there are many, many cases where this behavior is completely unwarranted, we all know that. A man driving in a suit in a jag is not suspicious…period. But a young buck in a wife beater with a mouth full of gold, his hat cocked to the side, blasting foul-mouthed rap music, leaning to the back seat in the middle of a workday in a jag…IS! Be mad, but that’s what I think.
Then the excuse is that “the man” is keeping “the brothas” down.
Puh-leeze.
“The man” is not the one that made you break into your neighbor’s house. If you have to pick a lock or break a window to get it, 9 times out 10 it’s not yours!
“The man” is not preventing you from staying in high school and taking your trifling butt to college/trade school! What is this idiotic ideal in the black community that says ‘It’s cool to be dumb”, and the smart kids with ambitions are constantly ridiculed for wanting more? And – after hearing it all my life – don’t get me started on the “talking white” accusations!!! Must I smack my lips and speak ebonics to be accepted by my own people?
“The man” didn’t put the gun in your hand for you to rob someone instead of getting a job!!! Sure, you could make more selling weed or crack to your own people. I could make more as a call-girl, but that doesn’t mean I will! I would rather forgo the constant threat of arrest and incarceration and oh yeah DEATH to be a productive member of society!
But, who I am to judge!?
Oh yeah, I know. I’m the taxpayer taking care of you while you’re in jail getting your GED and a MASTER’S degree in LAW, and taking care of the kids you are not able to support because you make a couple of dollars a day!!
People, we have to get better than this! This is ridiculous!
We have the highest rates of new HIV cases of any other group in this country, BY FAR.
Black women are almost 4 times as likely to have HIV than their white counterparts (thanks to the ex-cons and down-low brothas…and our own ignorance).
Over two-thirds of the black families are headed by single women. Two-parent households in the black community are like an anomaly, rare but not completely unheard of.
At least 2 to 3 times the number of black males are incarcerated rather than in college. Since the early eighties, the numbers of black male college graduates has consistently and sharply declined.
Is this the best we can do??
March 13, 2007
It's Tuesday
Could you feel the excitement in my tone on that one? Yeah, me neither.
So before I go make this semi-homemade broccoli cheese soup for our food day at work today, I'll share with you what happened last night.
I was sitting at my desk thinking about the New Guy and looking over my blog. Somehow this started by me googling my first name, and my blog showed up. So, since I hadn't heard from him in a few days I decided to send him an email that showed him how I described him and felt about him in my blog. As I was editing the text (somehow it copied grey) and about to hit send, the home phone rings. Totally expecting it to be a solicitor or my mother, I grabbed the phone only to see his name. So I actually answered the phone giggling, because the timing was uncanny. The Major's timing has been like that lately as well, which is pretty cool. The New Guy had timing like that from basically day one! He asked if I would it be okay if he came over, and I said yes. He already sounded like he was mobile, so he said it shouldn't be very long before he was heading this way.
So, I talked to my mom and then hit the shower. Yes I did do my mini-ped (and I can tell the cream is working)! Not long after I got out, I heard his truck pull up. It was so nice to see him. We sat on the couch and caught up a bit. Yes of course I asked about the "other choice"! Did you really not think I was gonna? I really do believe that it wasn't about that other person in the beginning, it was about his own fear of making another mistake rushing into things. I believe that was best for both of us. He made a statement about me making him feel bad about not showing the other day, which struck me as odd. I found out why.
Guess who else reads my blog?! Yeah, that was a bit of a surprise! Thank goodness I'm such an open book anyway. I mean, it is on the internet and, if there was something I didn't want to be out there, it wouldn't. So that's cool.
Long story short, he fell asleep, I fell asleep, we slept on the couch. Then since it was getting late and I am concerned about driving when you're tired (which he really looked sleepy), I offered him to stay. We slept together, in my bed, until a few minutes after 5a.
Nope, not a wandering hand came into play. Not even a passionate kiss! We kept it very respectable. And it was very nice.
I do wonder what was going through his head, as I try to process what's in mine. While I understand (for the most part) his motives for his action a couple of months ago, that's still not to discount the fact that I was actually hurt a little in that process. If this is our second chance to both walk a little more level-headed into a relationship, then I totally get it.
I guess we'll see what happens...
The Major sent me a nice IM message this morning, just a little word of encouragement on the raising of four children. It definitely made me smile when I signed in! He is a really great guy. I'm planning to take him out to dinner this weekend to celebrate his birthday, which is the 15th.
I just truly can't think too much into anyone right now, because that would distract me from my goals at hand. But I tell you the truth, a little companionship never hurt anyone!
So before I go make this semi-homemade broccoli cheese soup for our food day at work today, I'll share with you what happened last night.
I was sitting at my desk thinking about the New Guy and looking over my blog. Somehow this started by me googling my first name, and my blog showed up. So, since I hadn't heard from him in a few days I decided to send him an email that showed him how I described him and felt about him in my blog. As I was editing the text (somehow it copied grey) and about to hit send, the home phone rings. Totally expecting it to be a solicitor or my mother, I grabbed the phone only to see his name. So I actually answered the phone giggling, because the timing was uncanny. The Major's timing has been like that lately as well, which is pretty cool. The New Guy had timing like that from basically day one! He asked if I would it be okay if he came over, and I said yes. He already sounded like he was mobile, so he said it shouldn't be very long before he was heading this way.
So, I talked to my mom and then hit the shower. Yes I did do my mini-ped (and I can tell the cream is working)! Not long after I got out, I heard his truck pull up. It was so nice to see him. We sat on the couch and caught up a bit. Yes of course I asked about the "other choice"! Did you really not think I was gonna? I really do believe that it wasn't about that other person in the beginning, it was about his own fear of making another mistake rushing into things. I believe that was best for both of us. He made a statement about me making him feel bad about not showing the other day, which struck me as odd. I found out why.
Guess who else reads my blog?! Yeah, that was a bit of a surprise! Thank goodness I'm such an open book anyway. I mean, it is on the internet and, if there was something I didn't want to be out there, it wouldn't. So that's cool.
Long story short, he fell asleep, I fell asleep, we slept on the couch. Then since it was getting late and I am concerned about driving when you're tired (which he really looked sleepy), I offered him to stay. We slept together, in my bed, until a few minutes after 5a.
Nope, not a wandering hand came into play. Not even a passionate kiss! We kept it very respectable. And it was very nice.
I do wonder what was going through his head, as I try to process what's in mine. While I understand (for the most part) his motives for his action a couple of months ago, that's still not to discount the fact that I was actually hurt a little in that process. If this is our second chance to both walk a little more level-headed into a relationship, then I totally get it.
I guess we'll see what happens...
The Major sent me a nice IM message this morning, just a little word of encouragement on the raising of four children. It definitely made me smile when I signed in! He is a really great guy. I'm planning to take him out to dinner this weekend to celebrate his birthday, which is the 15th.
I just truly can't think too much into anyone right now, because that would distract me from my goals at hand. But I tell you the truth, a little companionship never hurt anyone!
March 12, 2007
What A Beautiful Day!!
Okay, it was like 76 degrees outside today!!! I went outside every chance I had! I had on my wintertime shoes. A penny loafer-type black shoe with a stacked 3" heel. As soon as I would go sit in my van, I would kick them off.
Then at 5p, when I got off today, I kicked them off in the car. I had to make an emergency stop at home before picking up the kids and put oil in the car. She gives this little courtesy stall with the oil light on to let me know she's very low on oil. So, since I was pulling into my garage, I walked right out barefoot into the house! I went upstairs and got something a little more comfortable and appropriate, some lightweight platform slides!
Yes, I will probably wear them to work tomorrow! But, only after a mini-ped tonight!
I know it will cool a little this weekend, but I am hoping the worst is behind us. Which means I really gotta hurry up and get this body in a little better shape. I have such awesome summer shoes, but my winter variety totally blows!
So, being as sensitive as I am, I feel really bad for offending the Commander with a smart-aleck comment I made about a week ago. What did I say? Well, after I discovered that both of his marriages have been to white women, I teased him by saying: "Oh so the sistas are good enough to play around with, but you marry the white women!"
I thought he knew by then of my off-color humor. Apparently not! For some reason, he felt I was saying something bad about or insulting his sons' mother. Last I checked, wasn't marrying a good thing? And that's insulting...how?? I still don't get it, but I will always apologize for any offense, since that was never my intention.
Then at 5p, when I got off today, I kicked them off in the car. I had to make an emergency stop at home before picking up the kids and put oil in the car. She gives this little courtesy stall with the oil light on to let me know she's very low on oil. So, since I was pulling into my garage, I walked right out barefoot into the house! I went upstairs and got something a little more comfortable and appropriate, some lightweight platform slides!
Yes, I will probably wear them to work tomorrow! But, only after a mini-ped tonight!
I know it will cool a little this weekend, but I am hoping the worst is behind us. Which means I really gotta hurry up and get this body in a little better shape. I have such awesome summer shoes, but my winter variety totally blows!
So, being as sensitive as I am, I feel really bad for offending the Commander with a smart-aleck comment I made about a week ago. What did I say? Well, after I discovered that both of his marriages have been to white women, I teased him by saying: "Oh so the sistas are good enough to play around with, but you marry the white women!"
I thought he knew by then of my off-color humor. Apparently not! For some reason, he felt I was saying something bad about or insulting his sons' mother. Last I checked, wasn't marrying a good thing? And that's insulting...how?? I still don't get it, but I will always apologize for any offense, since that was never my intention.
Hopefully we can kiss and makeup, those lips are wonderful!
Oops, did I say that?! (smiles innocently)
So, time to get the brood to bed.
530a will be here before I know it. *Sigh*
Oh yeah!! Hopefully I'll have good news once my car comes from the transmission shop! PRAY!!
Clearing Out The Clutter
Okay, so I’m starting to feel better now.
I just had a few frustrations to vent out the other day, but I am better now…almost.
When I woke up this morning, after the extra kids arrived, I began cleaning out another box in my closet. This box has a lot of office supplies, notebooks, and part of my collection of cookbooks in it. The cookbooks are still there, but I did look through a few of the other items. I found something I had been looking for quite a few months ago. I found the pictures my sister gave me that had
I never said I wasn’t vain!
Heroes is on hiatus for a few weeks, so I have no reason to turn on the TV this evening. I did a few loads of laundry this morning (as usual), so I only have one more to do this evening. I will try to get the kids outfits together for the rest of the week. Then I can work in my room some more. There is a little more clutter to address there, then hopefully I can have peace in my room again. Who knows? Maybe I can start getting some rest!
Speaking of, I slept like a newborn baby last night.
That is not a good thing! Newborn babies usually wake up every 2-3 hours! As I did, unfortunately. Too much stuff on my mind that I need get out of my head. I don’t like being tired during the day.
Another major change I need to make is I have to start exercising! I know, I know. I keep saying that! But, firstly the season is about to change and I won’t be able to fit anything form last year. Secondly, I won’t start feeling better mentally and physically until I do. I NEED to feel better, and soon!
I have plenty of choices, from TaeBo to Winsor Pilates to TotalGym – and just as many excuses!
The one thing I know about me is that I have to clear my head so everything else will work as it should. To clear my head, I have to start externally. So, needless to say, my trash men are going to have way more than usual this Thursday!!
March 10, 2007
A Little Self-Doubt
So, I'm starting to wonder if I'm the marrying kind or not.
Why, you ask? Well, for starters...I'm not married. I've been married. Twice. I've been divorced.
Twice.
So, what gives? I would love nothing more than to be the strong yet submissive wife of a wonderful God-fearing man.
I mean, there are flaws with me, no doubt. Housekeeping is not my strong suit! Don't get me wrong, there are no bugs or anything I need an intervention about. But, I can sleep soundly with dishes in the sink, or clothes unfolded and not promptly put away!
I have also been a solo-mommy a little too long, so I'm used to 'my way or the highway'. I don't want a man coming in expecting me to be a pushover with the kids. However, a drill sergeant is not welcome here either (reference to PsychoRev). I'm hard as hell on my kids already, ask any of my family or friends!
On the flip side, I am very affectionate, a great listener, the biggest cheerleader he could ever need, love to not only cook for him, but fix his plate as well! How many of these modern women can say that? Let's not even mention the bedroom!
Okay. Let's.
Trust me, he'll never be bored nor dissatisfied nor left wanting!!
So what gives?
I have been told by all too many men that I'm a good woman, the wife-type. Of course, those men are not prospects (either had me and lost me or are already attached). Yet here I am, exceptionally single.
So what gives?
Is there something on my forehead?
Is there a scent I'm giving off to men that repels them from real commitment?
Is my sensuality too strong, where all they see is "playmate" instead of "lifemate"?
Am I just not as good of a catch as I think I am? (puh-leeze)
Does God think I should be single for the rest of my life?
SO WHAT GIVES?
Why, you ask? Well, for starters...I'm not married. I've been married. Twice. I've been divorced.
Twice.
So, what gives? I would love nothing more than to be the strong yet submissive wife of a wonderful God-fearing man.
I mean, there are flaws with me, no doubt. Housekeeping is not my strong suit! Don't get me wrong, there are no bugs or anything I need an intervention about. But, I can sleep soundly with dishes in the sink, or clothes unfolded and not promptly put away!
I have also been a solo-mommy a little too long, so I'm used to 'my way or the highway'. I don't want a man coming in expecting me to be a pushover with the kids. However, a drill sergeant is not welcome here either (reference to PsychoRev). I'm hard as hell on my kids already, ask any of my family or friends!
On the flip side, I am very affectionate, a great listener, the biggest cheerleader he could ever need, love to not only cook for him, but fix his plate as well! How many of these modern women can say that? Let's not even mention the bedroom!
Okay. Let's.
Trust me, he'll never be bored nor dissatisfied nor left wanting!!
So what gives?
I have been told by all too many men that I'm a good woman, the wife-type. Of course, those men are not prospects (either had me and lost me or are already attached). Yet here I am, exceptionally single.
So what gives?
Is there something on my forehead?
Is there a scent I'm giving off to men that repels them from real commitment?
Is my sensuality too strong, where all they see is "playmate" instead of "lifemate"?
Am I just not as good of a catch as I think I am? (puh-leeze)
Does God think I should be single for the rest of my life?
SO WHAT GIVES?
Saturday's News
Well, there really isn't any news.
The New Guy didn't show last night, which is fine because I was sleep anyway. He left me a message this morning by IM to say that he had fallen asleep and it was 1120p when he woke up. Actually I was right there when he was typing the message, but I just didn't respond.
Last night, after work I picked up a gyro for me and each of my sisters. They were watching movies, and my oldest sister had gotten pizza from Sam's for the kids. So we stayed there until about 9p, then headed home. The kids stayed up until about 10p, and I headed to bed not soon afterward.
Yes I had two different phones in the room with me!
We are having cake and ice cream for the Bruzer this evening to celebrate his birthday. I requested money from his father to assist in the festivities and, so far it's a no go.
Who's shocked!!??
Yeah, me neither.
Thank goodness cakes are good and no more than $20!
Anyway, this morning I have been cleaning and simultaneously de-cluttering. I have too much stuff in my life and it's hindering me from doing the things I need to do. So, it's time to start letting go. I may actually manage to have a yard sale this time! Either March 31 or April 7 are the possible Saturdays I'm looking at.
I have decided that the profits will go towards buying me a new CPU. I don't need monitor, keyboard or any of that, just the CPU. I extended the life of this one a little by blasting the hard drive clean, but it's just so old in computer years. My current processor is an 850MHz, and I have 256MB of memory. I do have a CD-RW and a floppy drive as well. So what I want/need is a 1-2GB processor, 256-512MB memory, at least 4 USB ports, ethernet, a CD-RW perhaps a DVD-RW (but not required). I can keep my same monitor; I already have a wireless keyboard and mouse. But I will need a more reliable computer system very soon.
In hopes of being a more awesome solo-mommy, I will let the kids keep this one and just get another monitor to go with it (I already have the old keyboard and mouse). I'm trying!
Gotta go keep a scout out for the mailman. My mailbox post fell over last week and he didn't deliver any mail. I tried to rig it using newspaper rolls, but he put a notice about improper receptacle. So I thought I did a much better job of securing it with wood. That was Thursday, and I still haven't gotten any mail yet. It's been over a week, and I'm really annoyed now.
The New Guy didn't show last night, which is fine because I was sleep anyway. He left me a message this morning by IM to say that he had fallen asleep and it was 1120p when he woke up. Actually I was right there when he was typing the message, but I just didn't respond.
Last night, after work I picked up a gyro for me and each of my sisters. They were watching movies, and my oldest sister had gotten pizza from Sam's for the kids. So we stayed there until about 9p, then headed home. The kids stayed up until about 10p, and I headed to bed not soon afterward.
Yes I had two different phones in the room with me!
We are having cake and ice cream for the Bruzer this evening to celebrate his birthday. I requested money from his father to assist in the festivities and, so far it's a no go.
Who's shocked!!??
Yeah, me neither.
Thank goodness cakes are good and no more than $20!
Anyway, this morning I have been cleaning and simultaneously de-cluttering. I have too much stuff in my life and it's hindering me from doing the things I need to do. So, it's time to start letting go. I may actually manage to have a yard sale this time! Either March 31 or April 7 are the possible Saturdays I'm looking at.
I have decided that the profits will go towards buying me a new CPU. I don't need monitor, keyboard or any of that, just the CPU. I extended the life of this one a little by blasting the hard drive clean, but it's just so old in computer years. My current processor is an 850MHz, and I have 256MB of memory. I do have a CD-RW and a floppy drive as well. So what I want/need is a 1-2GB processor, 256-512MB memory, at least 4 USB ports, ethernet, a CD-RW perhaps a DVD-RW (but not required). I can keep my same monitor; I already have a wireless keyboard and mouse. But I will need a more reliable computer system very soon.
In hopes of being a more awesome solo-mommy, I will let the kids keep this one and just get another monitor to go with it (I already have the old keyboard and mouse). I'm trying!
Gotta go keep a scout out for the mailman. My mailbox post fell over last week and he didn't deliver any mail. I tried to rig it using newspaper rolls, but he put a notice about improper receptacle. So I thought I did a much better job of securing it with wood. That was Thursday, and I still haven't gotten any mail yet. It's been over a week, and I'm really annoyed now.
March 9, 2007
Strange Nights
First off, being the slacker mommy that I am, I did not wash nor cut anyone's hair last night.
I managed to actually cook dinner for the children, and I even ate.
That was about all I could do. I sent them to bed at a little after 9p.
Don't worry, I'll make it work. I always do.
So, I talked to the Major on the phone for a little while yesterday on his incredibly long commute home from work (like an hour on a good day!). I didn't even really get online last night to chat. I actually laid on the couch and watched Dr. 90210 . Then, the last few minutes watched me.
Why Dr. 90210? Didn't you know? If I had a few extra thousand dollars, and better in-house support, I would gladly get a boob job and a tummy tuck?! Without even thinking twice!
I kid you not.
I am NOT part of the majority of African-Americans who think plastic surgery is unnecessary and taboo. Puh-leeze!! I already know what size I would get and where my incision would be. I have even been to a consultation with a plastic surgeon in St. Louis. Yes, I will do it one day, regardless of what anyone else thinks. This is about me, period.
So anyway, 1225am I awake to someone beating on the door. First person I thought of was The One/Can't Get Right, since he was supposed to stop by earlier. Then, I knew better because he wouldn't beat on the door - afraid he'd wake the kids - he'd just leave. So, I looked out my window and the car in the driveway didn't even register. I went downstairs to discover it was my mom! This poor neurotic woman couldn't reach me by telephone (cell phone downstairs, kids turned off upstairs ringer), so she drove all the way up from ESL to make sure I was okay! I know, I know. The woman needs an intervention! She worries so much and always has. She hugged me, and then turned around and left to head back home.
At this point I cannot go right back to sleep. So I see the Commander is online, and I say hi. We chatted for a bit, I told him what happened. He hadn't been online earlier so I asked what he was doing up. He was worse than I was, he had basically come straight home and went to sleep...at 5p! I thought he had dozed off, so I got back in the bed myself, when I heard the familiar ding of new messages. Well, one was him and the other was from The New Guy! He asked if everything was okay, and I told him the story. I forgot I sent him an offline message a few days saying I had a question for him. He didn't. So I asked what he was doing on the 23rd (the dinner dance), and he replied he's taking the kids on a surprise trip to DC the 19th-23rd. The Commander's taking his boys to Florida for Spring Break. Such cool dads. Yet another reason to feel like a slacker mom!
We continued to chat for a while, and he asked me about my plans for the evening. Me and the brood are gonna watch movies tonight. He asked if he could see me after that. I said yes, but it wouldn't be until about 11p. He said that was fine. I'm trying to remain cool and calm about it, and it's really not that hard to be honest. A lot has changed since we together before, he's got a little more proving to do if he really wants to give this a go. Meanwhile, I will continue on as usual, until I have a reason (from him or anyone else) not to.
Yes, I will tell you how it goes.
We are doing the Bruzer's birthday party tomorrow evening at about 6p. I'm getting the cake from Sam's and a few of their pizzas too. I'll probably shop for him today during lunch. I invited his father and newly minted step-mother, to which he advised me she would probably tell him to come by himself. Whatever!! To her: You married him; I kicked him out and never looked back! Good Luck, by the way.
Okay, it's off to work where, for the most part, I can't stand my manager. Yet another reason to make me really ready to leave there. I miss working at the church, the freedom and the purpose of it. That time will prayerfully be here before the end of the year. I just need to get out of this expensive house first, then it will be okay. Pray for me!
I managed to actually cook dinner for the children, and I even ate.
That was about all I could do. I sent them to bed at a little after 9p.
Don't worry, I'll make it work. I always do.
So, I talked to the Major on the phone for a little while yesterday on his incredibly long commute home from work (like an hour on a good day!). I didn't even really get online last night to chat. I actually laid on the couch and watched Dr. 90210 . Then, the last few minutes watched me.
Why Dr. 90210? Didn't you know? If I had a few extra thousand dollars, and better in-house support, I would gladly get a boob job and a tummy tuck?! Without even thinking twice!
I kid you not.
I am NOT part of the majority of African-Americans who think plastic surgery is unnecessary and taboo. Puh-leeze!! I already know what size I would get and where my incision would be. I have even been to a consultation with a plastic surgeon in St. Louis. Yes, I will do it one day, regardless of what anyone else thinks. This is about me, period.
So anyway, 1225am I awake to someone beating on the door. First person I thought of was The One/Can't Get Right, since he was supposed to stop by earlier. Then, I knew better because he wouldn't beat on the door - afraid he'd wake the kids - he'd just leave. So, I looked out my window and the car in the driveway didn't even register. I went downstairs to discover it was my mom! This poor neurotic woman couldn't reach me by telephone (cell phone downstairs, kids turned off upstairs ringer), so she drove all the way up from ESL to make sure I was okay! I know, I know. The woman needs an intervention! She worries so much and always has. She hugged me, and then turned around and left to head back home.
At this point I cannot go right back to sleep. So I see the Commander is online, and I say hi. We chatted for a bit, I told him what happened. He hadn't been online earlier so I asked what he was doing up. He was worse than I was, he had basically come straight home and went to sleep...at 5p! I thought he had dozed off, so I got back in the bed myself, when I heard the familiar ding of new messages. Well, one was him and the other was from The New Guy! He asked if everything was okay, and I told him the story. I forgot I sent him an offline message a few days saying I had a question for him. He didn't. So I asked what he was doing on the 23rd (the dinner dance), and he replied he's taking the kids on a surprise trip to DC the 19th-23rd. The Commander's taking his boys to Florida for Spring Break. Such cool dads. Yet another reason to feel like a slacker mom!
We continued to chat for a while, and he asked me about my plans for the evening. Me and the brood are gonna watch movies tonight. He asked if he could see me after that. I said yes, but it wouldn't be until about 11p. He said that was fine. I'm trying to remain cool and calm about it, and it's really not that hard to be honest. A lot has changed since we together before, he's got a little more proving to do if he really wants to give this a go. Meanwhile, I will continue on as usual, until I have a reason (from him or anyone else) not to.
Yes, I will tell you how it goes.
We are doing the Bruzer's birthday party tomorrow evening at about 6p. I'm getting the cake from Sam's and a few of their pizzas too. I'll probably shop for him today during lunch. I invited his father and newly minted step-mother, to which he advised me she would probably tell him to come by himself. Whatever!! To her: You married him; I kicked him out and never looked back! Good Luck, by the way.
Okay, it's off to work where, for the most part, I can't stand my manager. Yet another reason to make me really ready to leave there. I miss working at the church, the freedom and the purpose of it. That time will prayerfully be here before the end of the year. I just need to get out of this expensive house first, then it will be okay. Pray for me!
March 8, 2007
My Evening
So, in the exciting world of Solo-Mommy, tomorrow is Spring Picture Day for DJ and the Space Cadet. I don’t like the fall pictures because they’re really generic and totally overpriced. That means that, along with cooking and some much needed cleaning, I will also be cutting my son’s hair and washing & flat-ironing my daughter’s.
The son is not bad, won’t take but about 15 minutes. But, the Space Cadet has as much hair as I do! Well, actually, more. She has this funny grade of hair from her father’s side, but with my thickness. There are no chemical treatments (ie, relaxers) done to her hair. Though it is midback when straightened, it can draw up to literally above her shoulders when wet! Humidity is most definitely the enemy. But, I found the trick to make it stay straight like it was relaxed, even if the humidity is 100% outside! Grease, glorious grease! My special sulfur formula grease, and a great little flat iron I picked up at Wal-Mart.
Sure it’ll take me 2-3hours to do it, but pictures last a lifetime right?
Right?
Still looking for Mr. Right...
So, I have to right a reprive, because I don’t want you all getting the wrong idea.
The Commander is not, I repeat is not in the dating game! Remember, Mr. Anti-Relationship?
Ok, just so we’re clear on that. Now, we can move on.
So I officially became a member of eharmony a little over a week ago. I have been in their matching system for about a year, but I finally decided to actually pay for the service. So far, no big connections. I have only gone through the guided communication process with two people so far. The first was okay, but I really wasn’t attracted to his picture (which I only saw after we completed guided communication). Then, and I know this is going to be silly but…he sent me an email to ask how my weekend was and if I went out anywhere and got it poppin’, or something. I don’t know why that rubbed me the wrong way, but it did. Haven’t really communicated much in open communication with him.
That was the one from
*Sighs wistfully*
Noone seems to be exactly right, you know. Let’s go down the list, shall we? The One/Can’t Get Right: Totally cute, totally loves me and vice-versa, know each other inside and out, emotional connection is mind-altering. BUT, not divorced yet, works too much, cannot get priorities straight. Then, there’s The New Guy: Totally have everything in common, totally cute (great smile), devoted father (very attractive to me), great sense of humor, serious chemistry, Totally Perfect for me! BUT, I’m hungup about his weight and he’s scared to fall in love again. The Major: Great guy, great sense of humor, loves to laugh, definite chemistry, devoted father, ambitious (I’m all about ambition). BUT, lives in DC area (long distance relationships just aren’t my thing). PreacherMan? Can be annoying and a little too self-centered for my taste. Oh yeah, he is easy to have a decent conversation with. And then the ones I mentioned previously. Doesn’t look too good, does it?
I know God is still telling me to wait, and I am. Technically. Okay, I’m waiting as best I can! I sometimes think, maybe I can be like the Commander (notice he wasn’t mentioned in the previous paragraph?) and just be anti-relationship, as he calls it. But, while that may work for him, I personally would just see it as giving up. That’s just me, though. It looks like the New Guy is trying to go down that same anti-relationship path. I thought men are supposed to be the backbone of this civilization. Why is it that when they get their heart broken, they retreat indefinitely, but when we get ours broken, we (generally) put the salve of time on it to heal, and then get back out there again? Just curious. I’d love to get some feedback on this one from any of my loyal readers!
So, I guess I will continue to “see what happens”, without heavily pursuing anyone. I know God and I trust Him. When Mr. Right-for-me comes along, it’ll be right on time!
March 6, 2007
And Now...Introducing...
I got to meet the Commander today in person!
What did I think, you ask?
I didn't duck away when I spotted him at Borders, so that says something right? You know, with all the mess we've been talking on email and IM, it was still weird meeting him for the first time. It took a few minutes to really calm our nerves, for both of us!
I know what you're thinking and NO, that is just not true!!!
Is not.
Is not.
Is not.
Is not is not is not is not...
Okay, I couldn't help it. I'm back now. Really though, whenever you meet someone for the first time, you're at least a little nervous. Well, imagine this (slightly) anonymous person that you've been talking sooo dirty too...and now you've got to actually face them!
We all know we're different people on email and IM than we are in person. We just had to sit and talk for a few minutes to re-establish our level of comfort with each other. Then we were fine. Talking and laughing and such.
We only hung out for like an hour today, he's a single parent too. He lives waaaaaaaay up in North County of the STL, so he had a nice little haul to get home. His boys started to call because he said they weren't used to him being out of pocket. I will admit, the phone did ring more than once (I noted he has a Treo like me), and I know I saw a woman's face on the screen from the corner of my eye. But I was polite and didn't say anything, wasn't supposed to be all up in the business anyway. Plus, it's not like I have the authority to ask anyway. We're not on that page, remember???
So anyway, by request of my blog fan, I decided to write about meeting my friend today. I was very pleased to make his acquaintance, and hope to do so again in the near future.
Yes, he did indeed light my fire.
No, we did not go there.
No, I wouldn't tell you if we had either!
What did I think, you ask?
I didn't duck away when I spotted him at Borders, so that says something right? You know, with all the mess we've been talking on email and IM, it was still weird meeting him for the first time. It took a few minutes to really calm our nerves, for both of us!
I know what you're thinking and NO, that is just not true!!!
Is not.
Is not.
Is not.
Is not is not is not is not...
Okay, I couldn't help it. I'm back now. Really though, whenever you meet someone for the first time, you're at least a little nervous. Well, imagine this (slightly) anonymous person that you've been talking sooo dirty too...and now you've got to actually face them!
We all know we're different people on email and IM than we are in person. We just had to sit and talk for a few minutes to re-establish our level of comfort with each other. Then we were fine. Talking and laughing and such.
We only hung out for like an hour today, he's a single parent too. He lives waaaaaaaay up in North County of the STL, so he had a nice little haul to get home. His boys started to call because he said they weren't used to him being out of pocket. I will admit, the phone did ring more than once (I noted he has a Treo like me), and I know I saw a woman's face on the screen from the corner of my eye. But I was polite and didn't say anything, wasn't supposed to be all up in the business anyway. Plus, it's not like I have the authority to ask anyway. We're not on that page, remember???
So anyway, by request of my blog fan, I decided to write about meeting my friend today. I was very pleased to make his acquaintance, and hope to do so again in the near future.
Yes, he did indeed light my fire.
No, we did not go there.
No, I wouldn't tell you if we had either!
So far, So good
So, I gave the Bruzer a bath last night, and let him soak for a while. I didn't give any meds, and the fever subsided. We will start the Father John's today to start breaking up the massive amounts of mucus his little body seems to produce. Father John's, you ask? Oh that's old school stuff that thankfully they still make today. One of the main ingredients? Cod Liver Oil. Need I say more?
I'm going to get ready for work. Have to take a few extra minutes this morning. Got some plans after work today. (No, I am not telling you)
Wish me luck on any daycare calls today!
Have I told you lately that single parenthood rocks!? Ok yeah, there was a little sarcasm there.
(I'm still not telling)
I'm going to get ready for work. Have to take a few extra minutes this morning. Got some plans after work today. (No, I am not telling you)
Wish me luck on any daycare calls today!
Have I told you lately that single parenthood rocks!? Ok yeah, there was a little sarcasm there.
(I'm still not telling)
March 5, 2007
This is why I need to work from home...
The Bruzer has a fever of 101.4!!
His new teacher called me today to ask if there was anything they needed to know about his breathing. They inquired about asthma. I told her he was never formally diagnosed (though he does have a nebulizer), and that when he gets a cold, he really gets a cold. The teacher told me he was sitting at a table, but he breathing so fast and heavy you thought he had just ran around the room. Yep, that's him.
And then I discovered the fever at Super-Walmart. Actually getting out of the car on the parking lot. I knew he wasn't looking "well". It's a mom thing. So I kissed his forehead (yes, I'm that kind of mom!), and sure enough, there it was! Then we got home, I got the thermometer. It's an inner ear one, but I will also check underarm with it.
There it was. Plain as day. 101.4
*sigh*
Yes. I will try and give him Motrin 30min before we leave the house, and hope it lasts all day.
I know, I know. Bad Mommy, right?
Oh, but the single parents understand...
His new teacher called me today to ask if there was anything they needed to know about his breathing. They inquired about asthma. I told her he was never formally diagnosed (though he does have a nebulizer), and that when he gets a cold, he really gets a cold. The teacher told me he was sitting at a table, but he breathing so fast and heavy you thought he had just ran around the room. Yep, that's him.
And then I discovered the fever at Super-Walmart. Actually getting out of the car on the parking lot. I knew he wasn't looking "well". It's a mom thing. So I kissed his forehead (yes, I'm that kind of mom!), and sure enough, there it was! Then we got home, I got the thermometer. It's an inner ear one, but I will also check underarm with it.
There it was. Plain as day. 101.4
*sigh*
Yes. I will try and give him Motrin 30min before we leave the house, and hope it lasts all day.
I know, I know. Bad Mommy, right?
Oh, but the single parents understand...
March 4, 2007
Week In Review
So, it's Saturday. The week passed and nothing exciting happened.
I went to the funeral for Ann's husband on Wednesday evening. It was a very civil service. She is still being very strong, thank God. The burial was held in
Work has been work, nothing good or bad. We have a formal dinner dance toward the end of March. I am debating on who I want to take to it. I want it to be someone that I can have a good time with, exclusive of everyone else around. I don't know a lot of my coworkers, so I already know I won't be a huge socialite. I initially invited Can't Get Right/The One -mainly as a courtesy because I know he won't be able to attend. As a matter of fact, I gave him a deadline to answer me, so I have enough time to invite someone else. I was thinking about the Commander, but firstly I think he'll be out of town, and secondly he may think it's like a date or something. I don't want Mr. Anti-Relationship panicking on me, thinking I have some ulterior motive.
That's when I realized I missed The New Guy.
My other option is The Lineman. I'll call him that because he works on the line at an auto assembly plant. You're thinking the Lineman is new, but he is actually older than most others I have mentioned. I met him even before PsychoRev. I can't say a whole lot about him, we only saw each other a couple of times. We went to lunch at Blueberry Hill in
I'll keep you posted on who my date will be. Meanwhile, I have to decide what to wear. Everything fabulous I have, I am sure I can't fit. So, you know what that means. Yes, I'm gonna have to do like the stars, and drop some weight real quick! I need to drop about 20 pounds in approximately 3 weeks. Yes, I can do it! The question is, will I?
I talked to Preacherman twice this week. He called me once and I called him once. We talked almost an hour each time. We have really good intelligent conversation. I would have to see him in person to see if there's chemistry. With all previous entries -The New Guy, The Major, and The Commander- there has been chemistry even before meeting in person. With Preacherman...the jury is still out on that one.
I talked to The New Guy on IM today. Yes, he started it. We went thru all the formalities regarding how we were, how's work, how are the kids, blah, blah, blah.
You know I had to ask. I never said I wasn't nosy. Let's call it inquisitive, that sounds much better.
I asked how his personal life was. This was his response:
just ok, no soulmate, no one with wifey-potential, on tha real... i think i am really hesitant to "invest", i still want to...(and with that...think about you often) but, my God... it involves me giving someone my heart fully... I think I can, i think I can...but no one is really there.
Yep, that felt good. I had a feeling nothing really happened with that other person, that it was just an excuse not to deal with the fear of a real relationship. He asked about mine, and I truthfully told him that it was about the same as his. Noone with the potential to get me to the altar. I told him that I had been pretty guarded since him. He asked if I thought we could ever be involved again. My answer was I honestly didn't know. My heart says one thing, and my head says another. I admitted to him that I had fallen for him before. He said he had fallen for me, and still wasn't over me. We chatted a few more minutes, then I told him to get back to his schoolwork. He said we'd chat again in a few days. If we do or if we don't is truly okay with me. If it is meant to be, then it will come to pass. If not, time heals all.
That's all I have to say about that.
What's happening with the Commander you ask? Still lots of graphic flirting going on. IM chat has been racy. And we are both loving it! But, we are both nervous. That first time awkwardness kind of nervous. Like, what will we do when we see each other? Will we talk first for a while or just jump right in? We both came to the conclusion that there would be talking first, I think to re-establish the comfort level that we already have with one another. I'm not going to tell you exactly what happens. I'm not going to say you'll know when it happens. I don't plan to kiss and tell, but I'll at least inject a snippet (eventually) that it happened. I am sure I will be more enthusiastic that we actually met and talked in person. I just hope he knows that our "relationship" boundaries are firmly set, and that I expect nothing more than what we have so expressly discussed. Noone has put me on fire like this in quite a while. How much so, you ask? Put it this way, if I wasn't already in jeopardy regarding attendance at work, I would be calling in this coming Friday (his off day)!!
Since it appears this blog will remain more of a personal nature, I will start another one for StarrDom. I have some news to report on that as well. I am very encouraged and excited!
Please visit my new SoloMommy Entrepreneur's Blog at starrdomservices.blogspot.com
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