If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends: B-1
The quality of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.
The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.
I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them.
One thing I can give and still keep: my word.
One thing I can't recycle is wasted time.
I lie the loudest when I lie to myself.
Ideas won't work unless 'I' do.
My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.
The 10 commandments are not multiple choice.
It is never too late to become all God can make me.
Have a blessed day!
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January 31, 2008
Words To Grow On
January 30, 2008
T Minus 48 Hours
48 hours from now, I will be blissfully lying with man I adore! I am so excited!! (I know, you couldn't really tell)
Okay, okay...we may not be actually lying down in 48 hours, if you just wanted to be technical about it! But, you get the general idea!
We had a great chat this evening. I had some stuff I needed to get cleared up, and perhaps since I said something, he wanted it cleared up too. It wasn't anything bad at all. I am very glad we discussed it. I can't say it means we 'going steady' or anything corny like that. We are adults, we are friends, and we like each other a whole lot. Noone is yet at a point to throw in the other L-word, and that is okay with the both of us. There is no pressure and no rush to be anything more than what we are right now.
What are we? "We" don't have a pre-conceived category, such as dating, or boyfriend-girlfriend, or 'just a fling'. We just are. He's my Punkin, and I'm his Sweetie. And that works for us. Talking today, in my opinion, reconfirmed that pressure-free state of our relationship. I did make it clear that I am only interested in him at this point, and am not trying to see anyone else. He stated the same. HOWEVER, in the interest of not ignoring the elephant in the living room, we covered what may happen if he met someone there in Tennessee. So we're good there too.
No, of course I wouldn't like it. How crazy do you think I am? But, I want Dante happy, and if that means forgoing my own selfish desires so he doesn't have to be alone in Memphis, then I'll deal with it. WE will deal with it. Perish the thought, but this is the real world too. That was a relief of sorts for both of us too!
I also wanted to tell him something, since the wanting children had been looming so prevalently in my head from the beginning. Neither of us expected to really dig each other this much, that's for darn sure. It was expected for both of us to be a 'thing'. You know, just something (or someone) to do when he comes into town to visit family, and we chat and talk in the interim. Especially since my tubes are tied and he wants to have the whole experience someday, that was always a barrier or ceiling for how far we could go. So I was able to let him know that I am in no way against the idea of having more children, and I am willing to get surgically "unaltered" to do so. IF we should ever get to that point where we want to take this further, I didn't want that to be the thing that kept us from "doing the damn thang".
I am starting to feel better about the trip. I am going to leave early on Friday, and my sisters will pick up the kids. Then I will leave Memphis on Sunday at about 1p at the latest, so I can give my sister some time to recoup before starting the week over again. I will be buying some groceries to send with them, and I want to get her some kind of treat as well. For the kids, this time when I come back, I plan to have something for them...even if it's just keychains that say Memphis. I even talked to Dante about bringing the kids that way in April or May for a weekend. We would likely just skip school that day, and leave early that Friday (or leave Saturday, and stay over til Monday). I have discount certificates with Marriott properties, so the room would be about $50/night. It will be doable, we just have to work out the kinks as far as how to get a little "us" time!
In other news, I have filed my state and federal taxes elcetronically...and I'm just waiting on the deposits. What's funny is I was supposed to mail my Illinois state taxes for 2006, and never did! They owe me a refund of almost $200! So I will be mailing that one, as soon as I find the other W-2 that was with it. So the road to breathing easier is straight ahead. Main goals are getting another desktop computer, and catching up bills. Want to incorporate to help get towards my work-at-home goal...but we'll see what's in store for me there.
Stay tuned tomorrow for more Countdown Chronicles!!!!
Okay, okay...we may not be actually lying down in 48 hours, if you just wanted to be technical about it! But, you get the general idea!
We had a great chat this evening. I had some stuff I needed to get cleared up, and perhaps since I said something, he wanted it cleared up too. It wasn't anything bad at all. I am very glad we discussed it. I can't say it means we 'going steady' or anything corny like that. We are adults, we are friends, and we like each other a whole lot. Noone is yet at a point to throw in the other L-word, and that is okay with the both of us. There is no pressure and no rush to be anything more than what we are right now.
What are we? "We" don't have a pre-conceived category, such as dating, or boyfriend-girlfriend, or 'just a fling'. We just are. He's my Punkin, and I'm his Sweetie. And that works for us. Talking today, in my opinion, reconfirmed that pressure-free state of our relationship. I did make it clear that I am only interested in him at this point, and am not trying to see anyone else. He stated the same. HOWEVER, in the interest of not ignoring the elephant in the living room, we covered what may happen if he met someone there in Tennessee. So we're good there too.
No, of course I wouldn't like it. How crazy do you think I am? But, I want Dante happy, and if that means forgoing my own selfish desires so he doesn't have to be alone in Memphis, then I'll deal with it. WE will deal with it. Perish the thought, but this is the real world too. That was a relief of sorts for both of us too!
I also wanted to tell him something, since the wanting children had been looming so prevalently in my head from the beginning. Neither of us expected to really dig each other this much, that's for darn sure. It was expected for both of us to be a 'thing'. You know, just something (or someone) to do when he comes into town to visit family, and we chat and talk in the interim. Especially since my tubes are tied and he wants to have the whole experience someday, that was always a barrier or ceiling for how far we could go. So I was able to let him know that I am in no way against the idea of having more children, and I am willing to get surgically "unaltered" to do so. IF we should ever get to that point where we want to take this further, I didn't want that to be the thing that kept us from "doing the damn thang".
I am starting to feel better about the trip. I am going to leave early on Friday, and my sisters will pick up the kids. Then I will leave Memphis on Sunday at about 1p at the latest, so I can give my sister some time to recoup before starting the week over again. I will be buying some groceries to send with them, and I want to get her some kind of treat as well. For the kids, this time when I come back, I plan to have something for them...even if it's just keychains that say Memphis. I even talked to Dante about bringing the kids that way in April or May for a weekend. We would likely just skip school that day, and leave early that Friday (or leave Saturday, and stay over til Monday). I have discount certificates with Marriott properties, so the room would be about $50/night. It will be doable, we just have to work out the kinks as far as how to get a little "us" time!
In other news, I have filed my state and federal taxes elcetronically...and I'm just waiting on the deposits. What's funny is I was supposed to mail my Illinois state taxes for 2006, and never did! They owe me a refund of almost $200! So I will be mailing that one, as soon as I find the other W-2 that was with it. So the road to breathing easier is straight ahead. Main goals are getting another desktop computer, and catching up bills. Want to incorporate to help get towards my work-at-home goal...but we'll see what's in store for me there.
Stay tuned tomorrow for more Countdown Chronicles!!!!
January 29, 2008
The Countdown Begins!
Yes!!!! I am going to see my sweetie this weekend!!! I am so excited! I miss him terribly!
This excitement is mixed with guilt, of course.
Yes, Leigh is babysitting the kids again for me. Yes, she has made me feel it is interfering with her life to do so. Perhaps not intentionally, but nonetheless I got the message.
A few weeks back, both Leigh and my mom got on my case about saying I had four children as if it were some horrible thing. I corrected them by saying it is far from horrible, but I am aware of its impact in other people's lives. I don't go to the beauty salon, or the nail shop, or out to any kind of clubs because I am not big on asking people to watch my children. Until Dante came along, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking someone to watch them for an entire weekend so I could go out of town! Heck, remember how much of a hard time I had with it the first time I went?
That level of anxiety is back again. By the time I got off the phone with my sister today, I was easily overcome with guilt. I am sure she didn't do it on purpose, but the seed has been planted. She asked if I could leave on Saturday, and that would give her time to herself Friday night, since she had a bad week. I understand bad weeks and all, but it's only TUESDAY for pete's sake!
I told her I had taken Friday off so that I could actually leave early that day. I suggested -very sheepishly at this point- that I would like for her to pick up the kids from school that day also. She said okay, and then asked that when I plan my another trip, if I could plan to leave Saturday, so she could have her Friday to unwind.
Seriously, I feel like I'm over the barrel here. I am indebted to her for agreeing to watch them in the first place, but leave Saturday to drive 4 hours and then come back the next afternoon??? Are you freaking kidding me!?!?!! 8 hours total driving time for a 24hour visit. Why would that even sound logical to anyone??? Granted, Dante is worth it to me at this point, don't get it twisted. But, it's hard enough leaving him after 2 days! How the hell am I going to manage 1???
Please don't me wrong. I am most definitely going. I HAVE to see him. I NEED to see him. I am ADDICTED to him. I don't mean that just physically, I am really getting attached to him! But that's another post.
This excitement is mixed with guilt, of course.
Yes, Leigh is babysitting the kids again for me. Yes, she has made me feel it is interfering with her life to do so. Perhaps not intentionally, but nonetheless I got the message.
A few weeks back, both Leigh and my mom got on my case about saying I had four children as if it were some horrible thing. I corrected them by saying it is far from horrible, but I am aware of its impact in other people's lives. I don't go to the beauty salon, or the nail shop, or out to any kind of clubs because I am not big on asking people to watch my children. Until Dante came along, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking someone to watch them for an entire weekend so I could go out of town! Heck, remember how much of a hard time I had with it the first time I went?
That level of anxiety is back again. By the time I got off the phone with my sister today, I was easily overcome with guilt. I am sure she didn't do it on purpose, but the seed has been planted. She asked if I could leave on Saturday, and that would give her time to herself Friday night, since she had a bad week. I understand bad weeks and all, but it's only TUESDAY for pete's sake!
I told her I had taken Friday off so that I could actually leave early that day. I suggested -very sheepishly at this point- that I would like for her to pick up the kids from school that day also. She said okay, and then asked that when I plan my another trip, if I could plan to leave Saturday, so she could have her Friday to unwind.
Seriously, I feel like I'm over the barrel here. I am indebted to her for agreeing to watch them in the first place, but leave Saturday to drive 4 hours and then come back the next afternoon??? Are you freaking kidding me!?!?!! 8 hours total driving time for a 24hour visit. Why would that even sound logical to anyone??? Granted, Dante is worth it to me at this point, don't get it twisted. But, it's hard enough leaving him after 2 days! How the hell am I going to manage 1???
Please don't me wrong. I am most definitely going. I HAVE to see him. I NEED to see him. I am ADDICTED to him. I don't mean that just physically, I am really getting attached to him! But that's another post.
January 24, 2008
Life is Good
I have been doing pretty with my positive thought process! Yes, I have had some setbacks - minor ones though. Those will always be there, as long as I have a mind to think, there will be negative thoughts that creep in. But I feel so much stronger mentally, it's really refreshing. I don't feel as weighed down as I have for so long.
My mom and the Officer both got their W-2 last Friday. I just kept thinking, "Man that would be so great if my company would do that!" But, since I think so little of my company, I knew better.
Well, well, well. Guess what I got in the mail the other day? That's right, my W-2!!!!! I already had the paper from daycare, so the W-2 was the only thing I was waiting for. I didn't get it though until 4a in the morning.
No, my mail does not get delivered at 4am. Yes, I was outside on my porch at 4am. Why? Well, I was sleep, until the Great Cat Duet began about 5 minutes prior. The Great Cat Duet, you ask? First it was one cat, then the other chimed in. I thought that they were gonna stop in a few minutes....but alas, they did not. Then the noises began to sound disturbing like a baby or toddler crying, so I got up, put on my robe and went out to the porch to look. I shooed them away from the side of the house, right next to my bedroom window! I grabbed the mail out the box and put it on the table, then crawled back into bed.
Woke up in the morning as usual. My bff called to chat. As I was in the living room, I decided to look at the mail I brought in earlier that morning.
Sidebar: I have a bad habit of not rushing to get my mail everyday, since the majority is bills. Well, one of the things I learned on "The Secret" is that what I consistently expect is what I attract to me. So, that goes into the change of thinking concept I have been using.
Lo and behold! There it was! I thanked God right then and there! I told my best friend what it was, and she praised God too! So I e-filed them for free that night when I got home thru a special offer I was sent with H&R Block's Taxcut online software. It would have cost $29.95 to do each state's tax forms. I have to do Missouri and Illinois, since my company is based is MO, but I found out early year I can request them to take out Illinois state tax since this is the state I work and live in.
I set it up for direct deposit and can't wait for the deposit notification! I have a surprise I want to get my Punkin, as one of my Splurge gifts I allow for myself! He is totally worth it! Don't think I'm just gonna blow the money though, I have plans. Half of it goes to my mother due to her buying the van and saving me from that HELL last year! Then I have to get some maintenance work done on the van (tune-up, oil change, brakes, lights) plus perhaps have a remote starter/alarm installed. I just LOVE those...and they don't cost that much.
I also plan to get a $250-$300 secured credit card from my bank, specifically to help me back up my checking account to prevent the fees. I need to invest a little in StarrDom Travel, as well as get a new CPU. I took my desktop in today and it was confirmed that it will cost more than it's even worth to fix it. Starr needs backup glasses, all the kids need shoes (DJ not so much though), and regular stuff like that. But there will be some staying in savings, that's a promise!
Then my new spending plan (read: budget) begins! I can't wait! All the ways to help me reach my goals!
Update: Me and the crunches are working out great! I didn't get to do my AM50 the morning my bff called me out of bed, so I made it up with a PM100! The dedication is definitely there!
My mom and the Officer both got their W-2 last Friday. I just kept thinking, "Man that would be so great if my company would do that!" But, since I think so little of my company, I knew better.
Well, well, well. Guess what I got in the mail the other day? That's right, my W-2!!!!! I already had the paper from daycare, so the W-2 was the only thing I was waiting for. I didn't get it though until 4a in the morning.
No, my mail does not get delivered at 4am. Yes, I was outside on my porch at 4am. Why? Well, I was sleep, until the Great Cat Duet began about 5 minutes prior. The Great Cat Duet, you ask? First it was one cat, then the other chimed in. I thought that they were gonna stop in a few minutes....but alas, they did not. Then the noises began to sound disturbing like a baby or toddler crying, so I got up, put on my robe and went out to the porch to look. I shooed them away from the side of the house, right next to my bedroom window! I grabbed the mail out the box and put it on the table, then crawled back into bed.
Woke up in the morning as usual. My bff called to chat. As I was in the living room, I decided to look at the mail I brought in earlier that morning.
Sidebar: I have a bad habit of not rushing to get my mail everyday, since the majority is bills. Well, one of the things I learned on "The Secret" is that what I consistently expect is what I attract to me. So, that goes into the change of thinking concept I have been using.
Lo and behold! There it was! I thanked God right then and there! I told my best friend what it was, and she praised God too! So I e-filed them for free that night when I got home thru a special offer I was sent with H&R Block's Taxcut online software. It would have cost $29.95 to do each state's tax forms. I have to do Missouri and Illinois, since my company is based is MO, but I found out early year I can request them to take out Illinois state tax since this is the state I work and live in.
I set it up for direct deposit and can't wait for the deposit notification! I have a surprise I want to get my Punkin, as one of my Splurge gifts I allow for myself! He is totally worth it! Don't think I'm just gonna blow the money though, I have plans. Half of it goes to my mother due to her buying the van and saving me from that HELL last year! Then I have to get some maintenance work done on the van (tune-up, oil change, brakes, lights) plus perhaps have a remote starter/alarm installed. I just LOVE those...and they don't cost that much.
I also plan to get a $250-$300 secured credit card from my bank, specifically to help me back up my checking account to prevent the fees. I need to invest a little in StarrDom Travel, as well as get a new CPU. I took my desktop in today and it was confirmed that it will cost more than it's even worth to fix it. Starr needs backup glasses, all the kids need shoes (DJ not so much though), and regular stuff like that. But there will be some staying in savings, that's a promise!
Then my new spending plan (read: budget) begins! I can't wait! All the ways to help me reach my goals!
Update: Me and the crunches are working out great! I didn't get to do my AM50 the morning my bff called me out of bed, so I made it up with a PM100! The dedication is definitely there!
January 20, 2008
All is Well
I was really worried about my Punkin this weekend, and all kinds of horrible thoughts were in my mind. Our communication on Friday had me a little "off" mentally...then my bff's situation didn't help matters. Turns out my worrying was for a reason, cause something serious happened that caused him to be out of touch. But, thankfully, he is back, safe and sound!
Meanwhile, I fought that idle mind today and got a few things accomplished. I rearranged my living room. I did some work in both the boys' and girls' rooms yesterday and today, so they have a more normal looking room now. I (finally) took my Christmas tree down, and put all the decorations in the attic. I have a couple more areas of the living room I want to tackle in the morning. There is no light in the attic, so I have to work in the daytime. Yeah sure, it may be hiding it away...but so what!? I just want to walk into a relatively clean and clutter free house from now on! I told you, I am ready to get ME back!
I bought a relaxer today to get rid of the naps in my head! Yeah, yeah...call me what you want, but nappy hair is not a good look! I don't care how many people on TV try to say otherwise! Plus, I have been wearing my hair back in a bun for almost 2 years now. But instead of giving my hair a rest and letting it just grow, it made me lazy and I did less of the regular maintenance, so it really didn't grow. My hair should be at least 5 inches longer than what it is now. So, I will go back to what I know works best for my hair, and we'll see what happens.
The kids and I joined the YMCA on Friday, and I have already been making my schedule up for what classes I want to take. I want to be in 2-3 to start for the first month or so, then perhaps just go and walk the track the other days of the week.
AND, since I had to 'fess up to a certain fabulous guy today about being a slacker on my crunches, I HAVE to get that going again...no choice. I think I am going to approach it like I did last time (and that worked really well). 50 crunches in the morning and 50 at night is how I broke it down. I struggled getting to 50 for the first 2 weeks, but after that I could actually feel myself stronger than I had been. So my goal for the end of January (quantifiable goal) is to be so comfortable doing 50 crunches per session that I can increase by 25 per session every week thereafter! By mid-February (15th, again quantifiable goal), I will have reached 100 in the morning and 100 at night before bed. I will continue this course, until I reach 200 in the morning and 200 in the evening! I should reach this point right before my mini-vacation in the middle of March.
Keep me accountable people....I WILL reach this goal!
Meanwhile, I fought that idle mind today and got a few things accomplished. I rearranged my living room. I did some work in both the boys' and girls' rooms yesterday and today, so they have a more normal looking room now. I (finally) took my Christmas tree down, and put all the decorations in the attic. I have a couple more areas of the living room I want to tackle in the morning. There is no light in the attic, so I have to work in the daytime. Yeah sure, it may be hiding it away...but so what!? I just want to walk into a relatively clean and clutter free house from now on! I told you, I am ready to get ME back!
I bought a relaxer today to get rid of the naps in my head! Yeah, yeah...call me what you want, but nappy hair is not a good look! I don't care how many people on TV try to say otherwise! Plus, I have been wearing my hair back in a bun for almost 2 years now. But instead of giving my hair a rest and letting it just grow, it made me lazy and I did less of the regular maintenance, so it really didn't grow. My hair should be at least 5 inches longer than what it is now. So, I will go back to what I know works best for my hair, and we'll see what happens.
The kids and I joined the YMCA on Friday, and I have already been making my schedule up for what classes I want to take. I want to be in 2-3 to start for the first month or so, then perhaps just go and walk the track the other days of the week.
AND, since I had to 'fess up to a certain fabulous guy today about being a slacker on my crunches, I HAVE to get that going again...no choice. I think I am going to approach it like I did last time (and that worked really well). 50 crunches in the morning and 50 at night is how I broke it down. I struggled getting to 50 for the first 2 weeks, but after that I could actually feel myself stronger than I had been. So my goal for the end of January (quantifiable goal) is to be so comfortable doing 50 crunches per session that I can increase by 25 per session every week thereafter! By mid-February (15th, again quantifiable goal), I will have reached 100 in the morning and 100 at night before bed. I will continue this course, until I reach 200 in the morning and 200 in the evening! I should reach this point right before my mini-vacation in the middle of March.
Keep me accountable people....I WILL reach this goal!
January 19, 2008
Battlefield of the Mind
Boy do I have a good one going on right now! In light of the things that happened with my best friend and that guy this past week, the enemy is very busy trying to plant seeds in my mind! But I will resist every attempt that he puts forth to make me worry and doubt and ...worse yet, fear.
All is well with my mind and my soul!
All is well with my mind and my soul!
A Guy Story
I won't discuss these people in any kind of chronological order. It is just whoever I feel like discussing at the moment.
Today I want to talk about Roy (that is his real name). Roy is Champagne's and Bruzer's father. I said father and not dad, because he is so far from it. He saw them one time for about 10 minutes in all of 2007...and NONE of 2006! But, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me go back to the beginning.
I met him at the very beginning of 2002, we were introduced by a mutual friend. I was seeing someone else at the time, but I knew that relationship wasn't going anywhere (he was married....judge me if you want). I was getting very attached, and I needed to break free and get into something of my own, so I broke it off with the other guy to see Roy exclusively. He talked a good game and seemed very normal. Says he worked for himself doing "drywall, plastering, and painting" -- I can still hear him say it, he used to say it so much. He told me he owned three houses in East St. Louis that were rental properties. That seemed doable to me, cause to me that sounded believable. He wasn't lying like he was ballin' outta control, he even said he had a Ford Expedition. Totally believable right? Yeah, it was ALL LIES!
But, by the time I found out, the damage had been done. I never saw the Expedition, his mother was always driving it and he was driving her car! Cute huh? Then, get this: his crackhead brothers drove his truck to Springfield and hocked it to the crackman! Yet, he wasn't upset about it, nor did he try to get it back or file a report. When I pressed him about it, he said it was only "material things"!
Red Flag #1! Does anyone else know how men and their vehicles are? Plus later on down the road one day when his mother was getting out of our Ford Explorer (smaller than the Expedition), she complained it was 'too high off the ground'.
So we had a good date, and we slept together, and I was very careless, and Champagne was conceived. We had an argument one day about 2 weeks after we got together and split up, but he had to come by and give me some money I lent to him...and we decided to try again. Didn't know I was knocked up yet.
The pregnancy was a little complicated, lots of bleeding when there shouldn't have been any, bedrest a few times, migraines out of this world....and I subsequently lost my job at the phone company. They mistakenly expected me to choose them over me and my baby's health. What.ever! Oh yeah, sex was restricted for awhile too, and this asshole actually told me if there was a choice between sex and the baby he would choose sex!!
But you see, I had my own hangups since I was now pregnant with my third child by the third different guy. I never wanted to be that girl...EVER! So I was determined to make it work. I went thru sheer hell trying to make it work, so I would advise very few to take this path...it doesn't work! I experienced high levels of infidelity and just complete assinine behavior, all through my pregnancy. Even the day my water broke with Champagne, it was drama. I checked his pager messages while he outside talking to his brother and heard a message from some girl wanting to know what time he was coming so they could go to the movies...ON MY BIRTHDAY!! So I confronted him and didn't speak to him for hours, until I had to tell him my water broke shortly after midnight.
He was the type that would lie until you showed him proof...or so I thought. I actually stooped so low as to tape his telephone conversations just so I could catch him in a lie that he was actually cheating. I am not proud of that...and I truly consider that a low point in my life. But I had to know since he would never be man enough to admit if he had been caught. I had to listen to him and yet another chick going over directions to her house in St. Louis - while I was at the store. I knew him well enough to know that he would leave when I got back. He told me he was going to his friend Kenny's house -- as usual. He didn't get home to that morning, at which time I had all his stuff packed up in trash bags at the door. But, he convinced me that they hadn't slept together, so we went on. But don't worry, his behavior didn't get any better, I just got worse!
I got so depressed at times that I didn't even comb my hair for days, I would just brush it back into a bun. Mind you, I was getting my hair done every 2 weeks when we first met! Even after I had Kyla, there was still drama. He was absolutely nuts about her. We weren't sleeping together, he slept downstairs on the floor and, a lot of the time she slept with him. After she was a few months old, that is. Sex life was barely there, but every now and then I wanted some and he was semi-convenient. I say semi cause there were several nights when he didn't come home. Well, one of those times produced Bruzer.
After I realized I was pregnant by him again, I spiralled down out of control. I went to Wal-Mart and got a 2-pack test. Then went to McDonald's across the street and tried one out. When I got into my car and started driving, before I knew it I had pulled up to Planned Parenthood. Yet another moment I wasn't proud of...that I had actually contemplating killing my baby. But God has forgiven me, and so I have forgiven myself. Mostly.
The funniest part was that I was 16 weeks pregnant by the time I figured out I was! I had just recently bought a TotalGym and, though I was working out regularly, couldn't figure out why my stomach wasn't going down! This is my fourth child..and I didn't know how to tell I was pregnant??? Priceless! He denied it of course, even in the doctor's office (while the doctor was standing there). He kept saying it must have been the mailman's baby, then specifically referred to Alyssa's dad (ie, Can't Get Right) as the mailman he was referring to! Once again, while the doctor was standing there! I could have died of embarassment right then and there!
We lasted until 2004, though most of the time after Bruzer was born, we weren't together. I finally got the balls to kick him out not long after the baby was born. His other "babymomma" - whose child is exactly 3 months older than Champagne - began blowing up my house phone when she found out about the baby. Apparently he had been going back and forth between the two, yet souping her head up thinking it was just her. Imagine her surprise and anger! I had been in the hospital for a week prior to having Bruzer, and he was still 5 weeks early. She called the next day and apologized to me like a woman and then she explained herself and what he had been saying. I made it clear to her how things were between him and me, and if she really wanted him (for reasons I'll never know) she was welcome to him.
The last official thing I think we did together was went on our annual Six Flags trip with my family in the summer of 2004. Champagne stayed all night at his house one time, and I told him that Bruzer was not allowed to stay. You see, he never bonded with him the way he did his baby girl...and I didn't feel my baby would be safe there. But, I started getting a bad feeling in my gut and so Champagne wasn't allowed to spend the night again. He was around too many seedy characters. If that makes me wrong, so what, my babies safety is my first priority! He had 2 or 3 or his crackhead/alcoholic brothers living with him. Plus, there was the dike who looked like a 16 year old boy, whose name I found in St. Clair County's sex offender system! He knew where I lived though, and yet he never came to see them. Never called on birthdays or anything. What's even more sad is that Bruzer's birthday is the day after his (like Champagne's is the day after mine)! Still nothing!
So, to sum it all up here's how it ended up:
I ended up with a repossessed car on my credit report that I bought for him.
I ended up with a $1200 Sprint bill and lost service on a number I had for years, because I added a line for him to my account.
I ended up with a $600 additional charge on my phone bill (after he moved out) because he took a calling card that mailed to the house and ran it up. Phone company wouldn't do anything even though I had a police report, because I knew the person! So that was disconnected too!
I lost my beloved tool set that I had since I was 19. (I am sentimental, you know)
I ended up getting my first beloved Montana repossessed because he messed up the transmission in it. So I had to cram me and the kids into my mother's 4-door Sunbird.
In some ways, I have still not quite gotten back to the financial place I was in "BR" (Before Roy).
I lost myself in him, and everyone who loved me was truly concerned. They were all so relieved to see the old me coming back! But I wasn't the old me, I was newer and better! There was no way I could have gone through all that, and not came out stronger than before!! But, best of all, I ended up with two children that I wouldn't have traded a minute of his misery or financial troubles for...if it meant I would be without Champagne and Bruzer!!
Today I want to talk about Roy (that is his real name). Roy is Champagne's and Bruzer's father. I said father and not dad, because he is so far from it. He saw them one time for about 10 minutes in all of 2007...and NONE of 2006! But, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me go back to the beginning.
I met him at the very beginning of 2002, we were introduced by a mutual friend. I was seeing someone else at the time, but I knew that relationship wasn't going anywhere (he was married....judge me if you want). I was getting very attached, and I needed to break free and get into something of my own, so I broke it off with the other guy to see Roy exclusively. He talked a good game and seemed very normal. Says he worked for himself doing "drywall, plastering, and painting" -- I can still hear him say it, he used to say it so much. He told me he owned three houses in East St. Louis that were rental properties. That seemed doable to me, cause to me that sounded believable. He wasn't lying like he was ballin' outta control, he even said he had a Ford Expedition. Totally believable right? Yeah, it was ALL LIES!
But, by the time I found out, the damage had been done. I never saw the Expedition, his mother was always driving it and he was driving her car! Cute huh? Then, get this: his crackhead brothers drove his truck to Springfield and hocked it to the crackman! Yet, he wasn't upset about it, nor did he try to get it back or file a report. When I pressed him about it, he said it was only "material things"!
Red Flag #1! Does anyone else know how men and their vehicles are? Plus later on down the road one day when his mother was getting out of our Ford Explorer (smaller than the Expedition), she complained it was 'too high off the ground'.
So we had a good date, and we slept together, and I was very careless, and Champagne was conceived. We had an argument one day about 2 weeks after we got together and split up, but he had to come by and give me some money I lent to him...and we decided to try again. Didn't know I was knocked up yet.
The pregnancy was a little complicated, lots of bleeding when there shouldn't have been any, bedrest a few times, migraines out of this world....and I subsequently lost my job at the phone company. They mistakenly expected me to choose them over me and my baby's health. What.ever! Oh yeah, sex was restricted for awhile too, and this asshole actually told me if there was a choice between sex and the baby he would choose sex!!
But you see, I had my own hangups since I was now pregnant with my third child by the third different guy. I never wanted to be that girl...EVER! So I was determined to make it work. I went thru sheer hell trying to make it work, so I would advise very few to take this path...it doesn't work! I experienced high levels of infidelity and just complete assinine behavior, all through my pregnancy. Even the day my water broke with Champagne, it was drama. I checked his pager messages while he outside talking to his brother and heard a message from some girl wanting to know what time he was coming so they could go to the movies...ON MY BIRTHDAY!! So I confronted him and didn't speak to him for hours, until I had to tell him my water broke shortly after midnight.
He was the type that would lie until you showed him proof...or so I thought. I actually stooped so low as to tape his telephone conversations just so I could catch him in a lie that he was actually cheating. I am not proud of that...and I truly consider that a low point in my life. But I had to know since he would never be man enough to admit if he had been caught. I had to listen to him and yet another chick going over directions to her house in St. Louis - while I was at the store. I knew him well enough to know that he would leave when I got back. He told me he was going to his friend Kenny's house -- as usual. He didn't get home to that morning, at which time I had all his stuff packed up in trash bags at the door. But, he convinced me that they hadn't slept together, so we went on. But don't worry, his behavior didn't get any better, I just got worse!
I got so depressed at times that I didn't even comb my hair for days, I would just brush it back into a bun. Mind you, I was getting my hair done every 2 weeks when we first met! Even after I had Kyla, there was still drama. He was absolutely nuts about her. We weren't sleeping together, he slept downstairs on the floor and, a lot of the time she slept with him. After she was a few months old, that is. Sex life was barely there, but every now and then I wanted some and he was semi-convenient. I say semi cause there were several nights when he didn't come home. Well, one of those times produced Bruzer.
After I realized I was pregnant by him again, I spiralled down out of control. I went to Wal-Mart and got a 2-pack test. Then went to McDonald's across the street and tried one out. When I got into my car and started driving, before I knew it I had pulled up to Planned Parenthood. Yet another moment I wasn't proud of...that I had actually contemplating killing my baby. But God has forgiven me, and so I have forgiven myself. Mostly.
The funniest part was that I was 16 weeks pregnant by the time I figured out I was! I had just recently bought a TotalGym and, though I was working out regularly, couldn't figure out why my stomach wasn't going down! This is my fourth child..and I didn't know how to tell I was pregnant??? Priceless! He denied it of course, even in the doctor's office (while the doctor was standing there). He kept saying it must have been the mailman's baby, then specifically referred to Alyssa's dad (ie, Can't Get Right) as the mailman he was referring to! Once again, while the doctor was standing there! I could have died of embarassment right then and there!
We lasted until 2004, though most of the time after Bruzer was born, we weren't together. I finally got the balls to kick him out not long after the baby was born. His other "babymomma" - whose child is exactly 3 months older than Champagne - began blowing up my house phone when she found out about the baby. Apparently he had been going back and forth between the two, yet souping her head up thinking it was just her. Imagine her surprise and anger! I had been in the hospital for a week prior to having Bruzer, and he was still 5 weeks early. She called the next day and apologized to me like a woman and then she explained herself and what he had been saying. I made it clear to her how things were between him and me, and if she really wanted him (for reasons I'll never know) she was welcome to him.
The last official thing I think we did together was went on our annual Six Flags trip with my family in the summer of 2004. Champagne stayed all night at his house one time, and I told him that Bruzer was not allowed to stay. You see, he never bonded with him the way he did his baby girl...and I didn't feel my baby would be safe there. But, I started getting a bad feeling in my gut and so Champagne wasn't allowed to spend the night again. He was around too many seedy characters. If that makes me wrong, so what, my babies safety is my first priority! He had 2 or 3 or his crackhead/alcoholic brothers living with him. Plus, there was the dike who looked like a 16 year old boy, whose name I found in St. Clair County's sex offender system! He knew where I lived though, and yet he never came to see them. Never called on birthdays or anything. What's even more sad is that Bruzer's birthday is the day after his (like Champagne's is the day after mine)! Still nothing!
So, to sum it all up here's how it ended up:
I ended up with a repossessed car on my credit report that I bought for him.
I ended up with a $1200 Sprint bill and lost service on a number I had for years, because I added a line for him to my account.
I ended up with a $600 additional charge on my phone bill (after he moved out) because he took a calling card that mailed to the house and ran it up. Phone company wouldn't do anything even though I had a police report, because I knew the person! So that was disconnected too!
I lost my beloved tool set that I had since I was 19. (I am sentimental, you know)
I ended up getting my first beloved Montana repossessed because he messed up the transmission in it. So I had to cram me and the kids into my mother's 4-door Sunbird.
In some ways, I have still not quite gotten back to the financial place I was in "BR" (Before Roy).
I lost myself in him, and everyone who loved me was truly concerned. They were all so relieved to see the old me coming back! But I wasn't the old me, I was newer and better! There was no way I could have gone through all that, and not came out stronger than before!! But, best of all, I ended up with two children that I wouldn't have traded a minute of his misery or financial troubles for...if it meant I would be without Champagne and Bruzer!!
January 18, 2008
Things To Ponder
I got these by email, and was tickled pink. (and if you see my picture on this page, that's ALOT of tickling!)
Questions That Haunt Me
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered> assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for> your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Questions That Haunt Me
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered> assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for> your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Some Clean Humor
I get these jokes daily from Crosswalk.com. This came today, and I thought it was cute enough to post:
R Troubles
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.''
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, ''Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough.''
Here's another:
Chute Error
While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47. The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess what I had done.
Expecting to be severely chastised, I was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."
This one was very cute:
Wooden Bayonet
A Civil War soldier, who had lost his bayonet, whittled one from wood so that he could pass inspection. He hoped he would not be discovered until the regiment had gone into battle, where he planned to pick one up from a dead soldier.
At inspection, an officer asked to see his bayonet. The soldier stated, "Sir, I promised my father I would not unsheathe my bayonet unless I intended to kill someone with it." The Officer insisted that the soldier hand over the bayonet.
Taking it out, the soldier looked skyward and said, "May the Lord change my bayonet to wood for breaking my vow."
And lastly, for the travel agent in me:
Rental Description
On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond "a blue four-door."
After a pause, the driver replied, "It's the one on fire."
R Troubles
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.''
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, ''Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough.''
Here's another:
Chute Error
While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I accidentally opened a parachute in the rear of the C-47. The plane was piloted by a major and a captain, and I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess what I had done.
Expecting to be severely chastised, I was surprised by the captain's calm response. "Well, son," he said, "if this plane goes down, that chute is yours."
This one was very cute:
Wooden Bayonet
A Civil War soldier, who had lost his bayonet, whittled one from wood so that he could pass inspection. He hoped he would not be discovered until the regiment had gone into battle, where he planned to pick one up from a dead soldier.
At inspection, an officer asked to see his bayonet. The soldier stated, "Sir, I promised my father I would not unsheathe my bayonet unless I intended to kill someone with it." The Officer insisted that the soldier hand over the bayonet.
Taking it out, the soldier looked skyward and said, "May the Lord change my bayonet to wood for breaking my vow."
And lastly, for the travel agent in me:
Rental Description
On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond "a blue four-door."
After a pause, the driver replied, "It's the one on fire."
January 17, 2008
Guess Who Needs A Doctor?
Do you how not happy this makes me? I absolutely loathe going to the doctor! Usually, other than a yearly checkup, it goes something like this:
I make an appointment for something that's bothering me, but the appointment is in a week or two.
I get there, do the paperwork, then wait.....and wait....and wait until the nurse calls me back.
Don't get excited yet! All she's doing is taking my vitals and putting me in an exam room to (you guessed it) wait...and wait....
I awaken from my power nap when the doctor knocks on the door, and comes in so jovial and refreshed with the usual question: "How are you?" To which I answer: "Fine." (funny isn't it?)
So, he pokes and prods for a few minutes while I tell him what ails me. Then he says, "Well it's a virus, and it has to run its course"!
That's right! No meds prescribed for a virus! No nothing! So, why did I just waste 2 hours sick time from work!? I don't know either...which is why I don't usually go. Unless it is noticeably a problem, like when I had strep throat (big white splotches all over my throat, and hurt to swallow) or when the pain from my gallbladder was so bad I thought I was having a heart attack.
So what is my current ailment? A cough that sounds like I am about to kick the bucket every time I cough. Trying not to cough is as hard as the coughing itself. I almost hurt my back earlier coughing! And I sound like a frog on top of it! Luckily, it's better on the phones during the day, I have some semblance of a voice to talk to the clients.
So, begrudgingly...I will call tomorrow and see when they can get me in. Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'll let you know how it goes!!
I make an appointment for something that's bothering me, but the appointment is in a week or two.
I get there, do the paperwork, then wait.....and wait....and wait until the nurse calls me back.
Don't get excited yet! All she's doing is taking my vitals and putting me in an exam room to (you guessed it) wait...and wait....
I awaken from my power nap when the doctor knocks on the door, and comes in so jovial and refreshed with the usual question: "How are you?" To which I answer: "Fine." (funny isn't it?)
So, he pokes and prods for a few minutes while I tell him what ails me. Then he says, "Well it's a virus, and it has to run its course"!
That's right! No meds prescribed for a virus! No nothing! So, why did I just waste 2 hours sick time from work!? I don't know either...which is why I don't usually go. Unless it is noticeably a problem, like when I had strep throat (big white splotches all over my throat, and hurt to swallow) or when the pain from my gallbladder was so bad I thought I was having a heart attack.
So what is my current ailment? A cough that sounds like I am about to kick the bucket every time I cough. Trying not to cough is as hard as the coughing itself. I almost hurt my back earlier coughing! And I sound like a frog on top of it! Luckily, it's better on the phones during the day, I have some semblance of a voice to talk to the clients.
So, begrudgingly...I will call tomorrow and see when they can get me in. Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'll let you know how it goes!!
A Rough Couple of Days
Not for me personally, but for my bff. The guy she was seeing while on her project in Dallas turned out to be a serpent! She has been torn up for the past 2 days. Just to the point of uncontrollable tears, poor thing. I know that feeling...I have experienced it more than I care to remember.
So, we'll call him Davie (doesn't really matter, cause after this post he won't be mentioned again).
It's a long, complicated story, but the highlights are that they didn't get together the first time she was sent there for business. She was very into someone else at the time, and considering he was in the process of a divorce, she figured he would need time to heal anyway. Well, what he did was he went and got himself a girlfriend. Let him tell it, this girl was totally jealous and controlling. All of a sudden, my bff wasn't "allowed" to just randomly call or text him, cause "she checks my phone". They would see each other hit and miss, amybe once a week.
This went on for months, to the point that we had to come to an agreement about it. I didn't like the thought of my bff settling for being the "other woman" because that's really what she was. No matter how many times he talked about this woman and how she was so horrible, the story stayed the same. You know the line: "Just be patient." Yeah, that one.
Please know, I am the LAST somebody to call her a fool, cause I have been there. I repeat: I have been there! I finally got an understanding of what the draw was to him for her. She saw the sweet vulnerable side a few times, and that's what she was attached to. Though unfortunately the dominating side she experienced most was not so kind, sweet and gentle. He would constantly remind her of this other woman on the one hand, but then turn around and 'baby, baby, baby' on the other! Men can be so messy sometimes!
Well, him being married for 13 years was a big deal to her, and she totally entertained the thought that him and the wife/ex-wife could reconcile at any time. I didn't get that concept because I see divorce as FINAL. Unless God says otherwise, and the people have been transformed by His Holy Spirit. Other than that? No.
Well, guess what he tells her 2 days ago? You guessed it! That he's getting back with his ex-wife! I do not believe it, the story makes no sense...too many holes. But anyway, at first she was fine cause she had expected that as a possibility. Then reality set it, and it has been a struggle ever since. Do you know what it's like to listen to someone you love cry uncontrollably on the phone from hundreds of miles away, and you know you can't get to them? It is a very helpless feeling, let me tell you. But God!!!!
Prayers are answered, let me say. She had a good day yesterday for the most part, then today just spiraled out of control quickly. But God, as usual, just in the nick of time, answered her prayer to take the pain away! She is off that project down there and will be going home from Dallas for good tomorrow!
He answered another of hers too, though it was a more painful answer. Ever since she had been dealing with Davie, she said she had no peace. She was always on eggshells, worried that a text message might make him mad or if she emailed too much or called, whether he would start fussing. She just wanted her peace back. Well, with him out of the picture...that prayer was answered too! Brighter days are ahead! Bigger and better things lie in store. You can't get to something, if you don't go through nothing!!!
So, we'll call him Davie (doesn't really matter, cause after this post he won't be mentioned again).
It's a long, complicated story, but the highlights are that they didn't get together the first time she was sent there for business. She was very into someone else at the time, and considering he was in the process of a divorce, she figured he would need time to heal anyway. Well, what he did was he went and got himself a girlfriend. Let him tell it, this girl was totally jealous and controlling. All of a sudden, my bff wasn't "allowed" to just randomly call or text him, cause "she checks my phone". They would see each other hit and miss, amybe once a week.
This went on for months, to the point that we had to come to an agreement about it. I didn't like the thought of my bff settling for being the "other woman" because that's really what she was. No matter how many times he talked about this woman and how she was so horrible, the story stayed the same. You know the line: "Just be patient." Yeah, that one.
Please know, I am the LAST somebody to call her a fool, cause I have been there. I repeat: I have been there! I finally got an understanding of what the draw was to him for her. She saw the sweet vulnerable side a few times, and that's what she was attached to. Though unfortunately the dominating side she experienced most was not so kind, sweet and gentle. He would constantly remind her of this other woman on the one hand, but then turn around and 'baby, baby, baby' on the other! Men can be so messy sometimes!
Well, him being married for 13 years was a big deal to her, and she totally entertained the thought that him and the wife/ex-wife could reconcile at any time. I didn't get that concept because I see divorce as FINAL. Unless God says otherwise, and the people have been transformed by His Holy Spirit. Other than that? No.
Well, guess what he tells her 2 days ago? You guessed it! That he's getting back with his ex-wife! I do not believe it, the story makes no sense...too many holes. But anyway, at first she was fine cause she had expected that as a possibility. Then reality set it, and it has been a struggle ever since. Do you know what it's like to listen to someone you love cry uncontrollably on the phone from hundreds of miles away, and you know you can't get to them? It is a very helpless feeling, let me tell you. But God!!!!
Prayers are answered, let me say. She had a good day yesterday for the most part, then today just spiraled out of control quickly. But God, as usual, just in the nick of time, answered her prayer to take the pain away! She is off that project down there and will be going home from Dallas for good tomorrow!
He answered another of hers too, though it was a more painful answer. Ever since she had been dealing with Davie, she said she had no peace. She was always on eggshells, worried that a text message might make him mad or if she emailed too much or called, whether he would start fussing. She just wanted her peace back. Well, with him out of the picture...that prayer was answered too! Brighter days are ahead! Bigger and better things lie in store. You can't get to something, if you don't go through nothing!!!
January 14, 2008
Finding My Mind
Interesting title huh?
Usually people talk about how they're losing they're mind. Yes...I am definitely in the "people" category...traditionally that is! But, in my 2008 Skyscraper Year, I have decided to find my mind again!
I have been bombarding myself with positive information and sermons regarding controlling the types of thoughts that I allow in my mind. You see...I have allowed for too long what has gone on in my mind. The enemy -over many, many years and through many different sources- has planted these negative seeds into the very fertile soil of my mind. And what happens to seeds when planted in good soil? That's right, they grow and flourish!
Boy did my mind have the right combination of ingredients for some of the best growing soil ever! If I could patent and mass-produce it, I would be a billionaire! I mean, my mind could take a negative thought like "What decent guy would want a woman with FOUR kids?"...and before you know it, there is an entire vineyard of negative thinking and self-sabotging thoughts where that one seed used to be!
You know what I'm talking about, don't you?? You've done it too, haven't you?? You can admit it, I understand. I've been there. Got the t-shirt, visor, tote bag, and 32-ounce sport bottle as "souvenirs"!
Those "mementos" have been thrown in the trash...figuratively speaking. I am done with a life of negativity. I have to control what my mind thinks and subsequently believes. In case you didn't know, what you believe is the "fruit" or the "tree" (or in my case, "vineyard") of the seeds that have been planted and allowed to grow in your mind. As with all seeds, it is not an overnight process...it takes a little while. But once those roots take hold, watch out! It's like a weed. If you don't get those roots out of there, the plant will just come back!
It is your choice...and it really takes some effort...as to what fruit your mind will bear. Positive or Negative - you be the judge. I will tell you a secret I learned and will be applying to help me with my struggle. If you are having self-deprecating thoughts about yourself and your worth, SPEAK UP! While the negative thoughts are trying to consume your mind, speak a positive affirmation or (better still) a bible verse out loud. You don't have to yell it from the rooftops, but it needs to be audible. What does this do, you ask? It stops the "stinkin thinkin" (as Joyce Meyer calls it) right in it's tracks. Once you have stopped the negative thought, your job is only half done. You have to replace it with a positive one. Otherwise, guess what will happen?
Yep, another negative thought will creep in to take that ones place.
Don't let this happen to you! Anymore!
As a disclaimer, if you catch yourself in the midst of full-on pity party for one, it's okay. Recognize that you are imperfect, that this new way of thinking will take a while, and don't beat yourself up about it. God doesn't berate you or belittle you the way you do yourself, does He? NO!!! So who are you greater than HE to do such awful things to one of His finest creations??
Ponder that for a while...there will be a pop quiz later!
ps. I haven't forgotten about the guys I mentioned the other day...their stories will come over the next few days, I promise!
Usually people talk about how they're losing they're mind. Yes...I am definitely in the "people" category...traditionally that is! But, in my 2008 Skyscraper Year, I have decided to find my mind again!
I have been bombarding myself with positive information and sermons regarding controlling the types of thoughts that I allow in my mind. You see...I have allowed for too long what has gone on in my mind. The enemy -over many, many years and through many different sources- has planted these negative seeds into the very fertile soil of my mind. And what happens to seeds when planted in good soil? That's right, they grow and flourish!
Boy did my mind have the right combination of ingredients for some of the best growing soil ever! If I could patent and mass-produce it, I would be a billionaire! I mean, my mind could take a negative thought like "What decent guy would want a woman with FOUR kids?"...and before you know it, there is an entire vineyard of negative thinking and self-sabotging thoughts where that one seed used to be!
You know what I'm talking about, don't you?? You've done it too, haven't you?? You can admit it, I understand. I've been there. Got the t-shirt, visor, tote bag, and 32-ounce sport bottle as "souvenirs"!
Those "mementos" have been thrown in the trash...figuratively speaking. I am done with a life of negativity. I have to control what my mind thinks and subsequently believes. In case you didn't know, what you believe is the "fruit" or the "tree" (or in my case, "vineyard") of the seeds that have been planted and allowed to grow in your mind. As with all seeds, it is not an overnight process...it takes a little while. But once those roots take hold, watch out! It's like a weed. If you don't get those roots out of there, the plant will just come back!
It is your choice...and it really takes some effort...as to what fruit your mind will bear. Positive or Negative - you be the judge. I will tell you a secret I learned and will be applying to help me with my struggle. If you are having self-deprecating thoughts about yourself and your worth, SPEAK UP! While the negative thoughts are trying to consume your mind, speak a positive affirmation or (better still) a bible verse out loud. You don't have to yell it from the rooftops, but it needs to be audible. What does this do, you ask? It stops the "stinkin thinkin" (as Joyce Meyer calls it) right in it's tracks. Once you have stopped the negative thought, your job is only half done. You have to replace it with a positive one. Otherwise, guess what will happen?
Yep, another negative thought will creep in to take that ones place.
Don't let this happen to you! Anymore!
As a disclaimer, if you catch yourself in the midst of full-on pity party for one, it's okay. Recognize that you are imperfect, that this new way of thinking will take a while, and don't beat yourself up about it. God doesn't berate you or belittle you the way you do yourself, does He? NO!!! So who are you greater than HE to do such awful things to one of His finest creations??
Ponder that for a while...there will be a pop quiz later!
ps. I haven't forgotten about the guys I mentioned the other day...their stories will come over the next few days, I promise!
January 13, 2008
The Weekend in Review
I did just about nothing this weekend. I watched movies that I already owned. I borrowed "Night at the Museum" from my sister for us to watch. That movie is really funny, and really cute. I have been a bit challenged on the financial end this week, so therefore we pretty much stayed inside. Okay not pretty much, we did. I didn't even go to the front porch to get the mail. DJ left on Saturday to be with his dad though. Since Joe is laid off from work, it's not like he has much else to do!
My punkin was in the field this weekend, left on Friday evening, and got back today. I hate not talking to him daily, but I absolutely survived! I guess it's not so bad as long as I know where he is. I got to talk to him for about an hour on Friday evening. We didn't talk long today, but he did call me to let me know he was out of the field, so I am content. I still don't know about going down there the weekend of the 25th, cause I think that's going to be my 'time of the month'. He was so sweet to say that even if it was he still wants to come down there, cause the physical stuff is not the only thing he likes me for. He wanted to make sure I wasn't thinking that, and I wasn't. But I know how the two of us are and, after not seeing each other in several weeks, it's gonna be hard to control ourselves. We really do match up well in the physical arena! REALLY well!
So, anywho, I guess we will see about the trip. Cause, you know there is the issue of babysitting as always. There is also the issue of will I have any moolah to travel with? Yeah, that story is getting so old. Being financially strapped is so last year!!
It's coming though, that magical time of the year that should get me completely back on track financially! Yes, ladies and gentlemen! It's almost Tax Time!!!!! No no no...no rapid refunds or anything like that this year! I am filing directly to the IRS to have my funds directly deposited into my bank account. (takes about 2 weeks tops) I am just praying and believing for a great return this year!
The next couple of days, I would like to get personal with you. I want to talk about the major relationships in my life. I made it through them, so I am stronger, that I can tell you now. I think you will find the reading interesting, since I know for me the writing will be very therapeutic (like when I wrote about my father). Stay tuned...
My punkin was in the field this weekend, left on Friday evening, and got back today. I hate not talking to him daily, but I absolutely survived! I guess it's not so bad as long as I know where he is. I got to talk to him for about an hour on Friday evening. We didn't talk long today, but he did call me to let me know he was out of the field, so I am content. I still don't know about going down there the weekend of the 25th, cause I think that's going to be my 'time of the month'. He was so sweet to say that even if it was he still wants to come down there, cause the physical stuff is not the only thing he likes me for. He wanted to make sure I wasn't thinking that, and I wasn't. But I know how the two of us are and, after not seeing each other in several weeks, it's gonna be hard to control ourselves. We really do match up well in the physical arena! REALLY well!
So, anywho, I guess we will see about the trip. Cause, you know there is the issue of babysitting as always. There is also the issue of will I have any moolah to travel with? Yeah, that story is getting so old. Being financially strapped is so last year!!
It's coming though, that magical time of the year that should get me completely back on track financially! Yes, ladies and gentlemen! It's almost Tax Time!!!!! No no no...no rapid refunds or anything like that this year! I am filing directly to the IRS to have my funds directly deposited into my bank account. (takes about 2 weeks tops) I am just praying and believing for a great return this year!
The next couple of days, I would like to get personal with you. I want to talk about the major relationships in my life. I made it through them, so I am stronger, that I can tell you now. I think you will find the reading interesting, since I know for me the writing will be very therapeutic (like when I wrote about my father). Stay tuned...
January 11, 2008
It's Happening...
Yes, I am getting very attached to Dante. BUT!!!! Before you sound the alarms and run for cover, I need to tell you something. You ready?
It's different than it was in the past. I am not falling head-over-heels (more like heels-over-head let him tell it), rose-colored glasses, starry-eyed, fairy-tale happily-ever-after kind of falling. I just really, really like him!
That's right, I did say like...and I meant like. The other word just isn't there. (true, I could still be in denial) It hasn't been that long and, there's still those factors against us. But, on occasion when I find my mind wandering, I think things like 'I wouldn't mind having surgery to be able to have children again'. Kind of like my bff is pondering 'I could see myself living in Dallas'! For a native Chicagoan, that is big news...and yes it also has to do with a guy (which is HUGE news in itself)
But, these are just thoughts. A mere glimpse into the psyche of the phenomenon known as me! We are so far from that point, IF that is ever a point we could get to together. That is a long time and yet to be seen. I still have "stuff to do", as does he.
All that to say yes, I am falling for him, though not necessarily into L-O-V-E at this point. More like the intense like is evolving into serious infatuation. I like infatuation, I think I'll stay here awhile. I am certainly in good company, since I'm thinking he has taken up residence here too!
It's different than it was in the past. I am not falling head-over-heels (more like heels-over-head let him tell it), rose-colored glasses, starry-eyed, fairy-tale happily-ever-after kind of falling. I just really, really like him!
That's right, I did say like...and I meant like. The other word just isn't there. (true, I could still be in denial) It hasn't been that long and, there's still those factors against us. But, on occasion when I find my mind wandering, I think things like 'I wouldn't mind having surgery to be able to have children again'. Kind of like my bff is pondering 'I could see myself living in Dallas'! For a native Chicagoan, that is big news...and yes it also has to do with a guy (which is HUGE news in itself)
But, these are just thoughts. A mere glimpse into the psyche of the phenomenon known as me! We are so far from that point, IF that is ever a point we could get to together. That is a long time and yet to be seen. I still have "stuff to do", as does he.
All that to say yes, I am falling for him, though not necessarily into L-O-V-E at this point. More like the intense like is evolving into serious infatuation. I like infatuation, I think I'll stay here awhile. I am certainly in good company, since I'm thinking he has taken up residence here too!
January 8, 2008
Jana Lauren Shearer
The sick son-of-a-bastard who killed the 21-year old girlfriend I blogged about earlier today? That's her name....Jana Lauren Shearer.
After looking at the story on cnn.com video, I saw a photo of her that was credited to myspace, so I logged in and looked for her name. Found it here.
I also found a very wonderful article done by a local Texas news reporter showing her family and her life, not so much the grisly details of her death. You can see the article here.
Rest in Peace Jana. I pray your soul to God and that He will be the Comforter for your family through this difficult time. Amen.
After looking at the story on cnn.com video, I saw a photo of her that was credited to myspace, so I logged in and looked for her name. Found it here.
I also found a very wonderful article done by a local Texas news reporter showing her family and her life, not so much the grisly details of her death. You can see the article here.
Rest in Peace Jana. I pray your soul to God and that He will be the Comforter for your family through this difficult time. Amen.
Every Day Is A Blessing
Just remember that. Every now and then, I will actually look at the news on cnn.com just to see what's going on. Honestly, I started out trying to check on the New Hampshire caucus to see if Senator Obama was the frontrunner, as he was in Iowa. The headline at the very top of the site was the just published autopsy results for slain hiker Meredith Emerson, and that caught my attention. They think she was alive for three days before the nutcase killed her with blunt force trauma to the head...oh yeah, then decapitated her!! Sick bastard! But, he only agreed to tell them where the body was after the DA's office promised not to seek the death penalty. Now, watch they hold up their end of the bargain, and he gets to sit up in prison and get free degrees and free cable and free meals and free gym memberships...ON MY DIME!!!
What I hope happens is, the other cases that they may link him to (like the fact that a couple in another were killed hiking and this killer was seen in the guy's jacket AND was using the couple's ATM card), they find him guilty and give him the death penalty on one of those!!
From there, I clicked on a link that says this: Suspect: God made me kill,cook girlfriend
WTF!!!!!! This 25-year old killed his 21-year old girlfriend, mutilated her body, then...are you ready for this....cooked and ate part of her body!!!!! I can't even say anymore about that one, because it is so deplorable, but here's the cnn link.
There is just no time for being fearful. There is no time for proscrastinating. There is no time for self-doubt. There is no time for insecurity about your abilities to create a better world and life for yourself. Tomorrow could be it for you, then what?? Will you have everything accomplished? If not, there's no time like the present! Here's something you may not have known.
You ready for this mind-altering piece of info? You sure? Okay...don't say I didn't warn you:
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY!!!
Whether you like it or not, you will die. Everyone you know and love will die. There is no getting around it. There is no sense fearing the inevitable. I mean sure, we all want it to be when we are old, but the reality is....that's not the case for everyone. Now that you know that, you have a choice. You can be afraid of dying to the point that you are crippled with fear, or you can accept the fact that you will die...and start LIVING. Guess which one I decided to be? Have you seen the previous posts noting how many times I could have died?? Go here and here for a refresher. I lived in fear for awhile of leaving my four children to be orphans, and yes it was sometimes crippling. It had even contributed to my depression. Guess what? A lady at work lost her 36 year old sister within the last month, and she left 8 kids behind! That was a swift kick in the ass for me to get over myself, and enjoy the gift of life...we only get ONE SHOT. Make it count.
So, I have a conference call at 8p, on how to become unstoppable. I have a few more conference calls throughout this month. I will be emailing the chapter president of my host agency to find out about meetings or networking events or whatever information she can give me to further my travel agency business. I will also get my materials together to start getting me some business clients for StarrDom. I will meet with SCORE for help in business plan creation, marketing, and anything else I may need.
When I die, I want it to be on my feet (and in motion), NOT on my knees! (paraphrased from The Kingdom)
What I hope happens is, the other cases that they may link him to (like the fact that a couple in another were killed hiking and this killer was seen in the guy's jacket AND was using the couple's ATM card), they find him guilty and give him the death penalty on one of those!!
From there, I clicked on a link that says this: Suspect: God made me kill,cook girlfriend
WTF!!!!!! This 25-year old killed his 21-year old girlfriend, mutilated her body, then...are you ready for this....cooked and ate part of her body!!!!! I can't even say anymore about that one, because it is so deplorable, but here's the cnn link.
There is just no time for being fearful. There is no time for proscrastinating. There is no time for self-doubt. There is no time for insecurity about your abilities to create a better world and life for yourself. Tomorrow could be it for you, then what?? Will you have everything accomplished? If not, there's no time like the present! Here's something you may not have known.
You ready for this mind-altering piece of info? You sure? Okay...don't say I didn't warn you:
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY!!!
Whether you like it or not, you will die. Everyone you know and love will die. There is no getting around it. There is no sense fearing the inevitable. I mean sure, we all want it to be when we are old, but the reality is....that's not the case for everyone. Now that you know that, you have a choice. You can be afraid of dying to the point that you are crippled with fear, or you can accept the fact that you will die...and start LIVING. Guess which one I decided to be? Have you seen the previous posts noting how many times I could have died?? Go here and here for a refresher. I lived in fear for awhile of leaving my four children to be orphans, and yes it was sometimes crippling. It had even contributed to my depression. Guess what? A lady at work lost her 36 year old sister within the last month, and she left 8 kids behind! That was a swift kick in the ass for me to get over myself, and enjoy the gift of life...we only get ONE SHOT. Make it count.
So, I have a conference call at 8p, on how to become unstoppable. I have a few more conference calls throughout this month. I will be emailing the chapter president of my host agency to find out about meetings or networking events or whatever information she can give me to further my travel agency business. I will also get my materials together to start getting me some business clients for StarrDom. I will meet with SCORE for help in business plan creation, marketing, and anything else I may need.
When I die, I want it to be on my feet (and in motion), NOT on my knees! (paraphrased from The Kingdom)
January 6, 2008
It's over 60 Degrees
I can't believe how nice it is outside! Considering a few days ago, the daily highs were below freezing!!
I actually have my front door open, it is that nice! I am doing laundry. Mainly the kids' clothes, which if you recall me mentioning before, are like Gremlins when exposed to water! Perhaps I will get to my clothes as well before the end of the day. I also need to comb the girls' hair and trim Bruzer's hair. I will also like to do my hair as well.
I really want to do this year different, and start wearing my hair down again. Wearing it up never really did anything for me. I think I lost more length, whereas I was trying to gain it by leaving it alone! I was thinking of getting it cut, and the only thing that will keep me from doing that is getting it weaved. The only way to do that affordably, is by getting my one friend to sew it in for me. I really wish I could corn-row, cause if I could, I could save LOTS of money and do it myself!
It was also brought to my attention the other day about a challenge I was doing in late 2006, that I will start again. If I haven't said it by now, my biggest complaint with my body at this point is my middle section (waist and stomach). If I could get that flat and under control, I would feel alot better about my size. So, I will officially restart my 100 Crunches in 100 Days Challenge! When? No time like the present, so starting today! I've had my major sickness for the season (which is what derailed me last time), so what other excuse is there?? Exactly! None.
To be able to drop a good 3-5 inches from my waist would be phenomenal! So that is my goal. I think I am going to check amazon.com to find a decently priced copy of You: On A Diet. I like the thought of a book written by doctors. But perhaps I will also spend some time at Borders this week skimming through the book ( I am hoping to have extended lunches due to training class!).
I already have hypertension, and I don't even want to have that, but I don't want to add anything else like diabetes to the list.
Speaking of things I want to do, I suppose I will post later this evening about the goals I plan to achieve this year. It's a pretty cool and very doable list!
I actually have my front door open, it is that nice! I am doing laundry. Mainly the kids' clothes, which if you recall me mentioning before, are like Gremlins when exposed to water! Perhaps I will get to my clothes as well before the end of the day. I also need to comb the girls' hair and trim Bruzer's hair. I will also like to do my hair as well.
I really want to do this year different, and start wearing my hair down again. Wearing it up never really did anything for me. I think I lost more length, whereas I was trying to gain it by leaving it alone! I was thinking of getting it cut, and the only thing that will keep me from doing that is getting it weaved. The only way to do that affordably, is by getting my one friend to sew it in for me. I really wish I could corn-row, cause if I could, I could save LOTS of money and do it myself!
It was also brought to my attention the other day about a challenge I was doing in late 2006, that I will start again. If I haven't said it by now, my biggest complaint with my body at this point is my middle section (waist and stomach). If I could get that flat and under control, I would feel alot better about my size. So, I will officially restart my 100 Crunches in 100 Days Challenge! When? No time like the present, so starting today! I've had my major sickness for the season (which is what derailed me last time), so what other excuse is there?? Exactly! None.
To be able to drop a good 3-5 inches from my waist would be phenomenal! So that is my goal. I think I am going to check amazon.com to find a decently priced copy of You: On A Diet. I like the thought of a book written by doctors. But perhaps I will also spend some time at Borders this week skimming through the book ( I am hoping to have extended lunches due to training class!).
I already have hypertension, and I don't even want to have that, but I don't want to add anything else like diabetes to the list.
Speaking of things I want to do, I suppose I will post later this evening about the goals I plan to achieve this year. It's a pretty cool and very doable list!
January 4, 2008
Kids are Back To School
Know what I thought about yesterday? That over the next two years, the last of my children will be going to Kindergarten. Champagne will start in the 08-09 school year (starts school late due to her November birthday). Bruzer will start the 09-10 school year. When Bruzer starts Kindergarten, DJ will be headed to middle school. I can't believe they're growing up! I just hope I am doing a good job with them. Getting them prepared for whatever they are to be in life.
I don't tell any of them what I think they should be or what I want them to be. What I do tell them is they can be anything they want to be...there is no limit. DJ wants to own his own restaurant. His father has a Master's Degree, and so I think he is feeling pretty good about himself lately. But, what I explained to DJ is that even though I don't have a degree (yet), it is important to get at the very least a Bachelor's. However, that piece of paper doesn't mean you are automatically smarter or better than someone who doesn't have it. I advised him that Bill Gates - one of the richest men in the world- dropped out of college.
I want to be in a better position to teach my kids not only about education, but about life. Not the "how to survive in the urban jungle" kind of life, but about business and credit and finances. Typically, black people don't teach our children that, cause we were never taught. I want more and better for this next generation that I am raising. I want them to realize that just because they throw credit cards at you in college, doesn't mean you have to take them. Funny thing about those credit card companies is they actually expect you to pay them back! I want them to be buying their first home in their mid to early twenties, not still renting in their mid-thirties.
In other words, I want them to be better than me.
I don't tell any of them what I think they should be or what I want them to be. What I do tell them is they can be anything they want to be...there is no limit. DJ wants to own his own restaurant. His father has a Master's Degree, and so I think he is feeling pretty good about himself lately. But, what I explained to DJ is that even though I don't have a degree (yet), it is important to get at the very least a Bachelor's. However, that piece of paper doesn't mean you are automatically smarter or better than someone who doesn't have it. I advised him that Bill Gates - one of the richest men in the world- dropped out of college.
I want to be in a better position to teach my kids not only about education, but about life. Not the "how to survive in the urban jungle" kind of life, but about business and credit and finances. Typically, black people don't teach our children that, cause we were never taught. I want more and better for this next generation that I am raising. I want them to realize that just because they throw credit cards at you in college, doesn't mean you have to take them. Funny thing about those credit card companies is they actually expect you to pay them back! I want them to be buying their first home in their mid to early twenties, not still renting in their mid-thirties.
In other words, I want them to be better than me.
January 2, 2008
The Best Movie I Have Seen in a While
OMG!!!
I just watched The Kingdom, starring Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner! My official review for this movie is: OMG!!! (in case you missed it above)
It is a very engaging movie from the very beginning. It is so relevant because, even though it is a movie, it is accurate to what is going on today. It is edge of your seat. It is a tearjerker (in a few places as a matter of fact). It is a wake-up call as to what is really going on in the world.
The acting and the action was superb. I just found the name of the director. It's Peter Berg. The man is a genius in my opinion, he produced and directed. Go here, and look at him...you'll be surprised at what you see.
I called my mom and told her about it. Please, if you haven't seen it, RUN TO THE VIDEOSTORE (or your local redbox, if you have them) and rent it!!! You will not be disappointed. If you are after watching it, something is wrong with you. You either need a heart transplant...or psychotherapy. Just my personal opinion! :)
A very close 2nd in my movie watching as of late is War, with two of my action faves, Jet Li and Jason Statham. It is an awesome movie and even up to last minutes will keep you going. Grab the popcorn and a beverage of your choosing, grab both of these movies, and enjoy your evening!
I just watched The Kingdom, starring Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner! My official review for this movie is: OMG!!! (in case you missed it above)
It is a very engaging movie from the very beginning. It is so relevant because, even though it is a movie, it is accurate to what is going on today. It is edge of your seat. It is a tearjerker (in a few places as a matter of fact). It is a wake-up call as to what is really going on in the world.
The acting and the action was superb. I just found the name of the director. It's Peter Berg. The man is a genius in my opinion, he produced and directed. Go here, and look at him...you'll be surprised at what you see.
I called my mom and told her about it. Please, if you haven't seen it, RUN TO THE VIDEOSTORE (or your local redbox, if you have them) and rent it!!! You will not be disappointed. If you are after watching it, something is wrong with you. You either need a heart transplant...or psychotherapy. Just my personal opinion! :)
A very close 2nd in my movie watching as of late is War, with two of my action faves, Jet Li and Jason Statham. It is an awesome movie and even up to last minutes will keep you going. Grab the popcorn and a beverage of your choosing, grab both of these movies, and enjoy your evening!
January 1, 2008
My Skyscraper Year
Why skyscraper? Well, when building a skyscraper, you have to dig a pretty deep foundation into the ground to give the structure a proper foundation to last for generations to come. A lot of times, the deeper hole that is dug into to ground (ie, the lower you go) determines how tall the building will actually be (ie, the higher you can soar). So, my general feeling is that 2007 was one of the worst years of my life thus far. There were no major tragedies (Thank You God), no deaths, or anything like that. But I mean as far as my life and the direction it is headed in and my finances. In that respect, I have dug my foundation pretty deep, since I was pretty low this past year. Now it's time to build as high as my faith and my (and your) God will take me!
I am glad to see 2007 go. But, here are a few highlights to last year:
I am glad to see 2007 go. But, here are a few highlights to last year:
- Meeting Dante - In case I haven't said it, I absolutely adore him! We are much in the same, and I truly hope we will always be friends...even if nothing more I want us to be friends.
- My love affair with the New Guy - Though it didn't end happily ever after, I learned some very valuable things from that experience and what I want in a relationship and what I expect from a man.
- Meeting the Commander - Though our friendship is perhaps irrevocably fractured (and it is all my fault), I think he's one of the coolest guys I have met in years.
- Getting out of the Amityville House (as it is heretoforth known) relatively unscathed. Falling in love with my new place, and knowing I plan to be here until I am ready to buy.
- My 86-year-old grandmother, my mother, my sisters and their families...my babies....my bestest friend ever...and the fact that noone is gravely ill or seriously injured. THANK YOU FATHER!!!!!!
- Getting the van I wanted, and being able to keep it thanks to mi madre.
That's just a few, the ones that really stand out in my mind. I want this year to be so much better, so much more accomplished! No more bounce fees! No more begging and borrowing! No more robbing Peter to pay Paul! No more self-doubt about what I am capable of! No more self-sabotage to reaching my dreams! No more living how others think I should live! No more self-pity! No more depression (did you know that about me? been fighting it for quite some time now.)! NO MORE!!!!
Just so you know, I don't do resolutions. It's an automatic setup to fail. But there are some things that I want to change this Skyscraper Year. I will make family nights a priority at least once every 2 weeks. I will make a family outing at least once a month. I will take my kids to Disneyworld for my vacation in November. I will keep my house cleaner and neater (it's the depression thing, I mentioned it months ago). I will take better care of myself...if for no other reason than to feel better about myself so I can be better for my kids. I will work from home before 2009 gets here (yes, that gives me a big margin from end-of-the-school-year, I know).
So, what about you? What are you going to change this year? Isn't it time you started building your skyscraper?
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