The Countdown Begins!

Yes!!!! I am going to see my sweetie this weekend!!! I am so excited! I miss him terribly!

This excitement is mixed with guilt, of course.

Yes, Leigh is babysitting the kids again for me. Yes, she has made me feel it is interfering with her life to do so. Perhaps not intentionally, but nonetheless I got the message.

A few weeks back, both Leigh and my mom got on my case about saying I had four children as if it were some horrible thing. I corrected them by saying it is far from horrible, but I am aware of its impact in other people's lives. I don't go to the beauty salon, or the nail shop, or out to any kind of clubs because I am not big on asking people to watch my children. Until Dante came along, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking someone to watch them for an entire weekend so I could go out of town! Heck, remember how much of a hard time I had with it the first time I went?

That level of anxiety is back again. By the time I got off the phone with my sister today, I was easily overcome with guilt. I am sure she didn't do it on purpose, but the seed has been planted. She asked if I could leave on Saturday, and that would give her time to herself Friday night, since she had a bad week. I understand bad weeks and all, but it's only TUESDAY for pete's sake!

I told her I had taken Friday off so that I could actually leave early that day. I suggested -very sheepishly at this point- that I would like for her to pick up the kids from school that day also. She said okay, and then asked that when I plan my another trip, if I could plan to leave Saturday, so she could have her Friday to unwind.

Seriously, I feel like I'm over the barrel here. I am indebted to her for agreeing to watch them in the first place, but leave Saturday to drive 4 hours and then come back the next afternoon??? Are you freaking kidding me!?!?!! 8 hours total driving time for a 24hour visit. Why would that even sound logical to anyone??? Granted, Dante is worth it to me at this point, don't get it twisted. But, it's hard enough leaving him after 2 days! How the hell am I going to manage 1???

Please don't me wrong. I am most definitely going. I HAVE to see him. I NEED to see him. I am ADDICTED to him. I don't mean that just physically, I am really getting attached to him! But that's another post.