Things are looking up slowly but surely! I still have no money and an electric bill that is to be shut off next week, but I remain expectant!
I received my reinstatement of admission letter today for school! YAY!!! What a blessing that has been. Again, I will not let anyone or anything screw this up for me again. I don't care WHAT my personal relationship situation is, it's not bad enough for me to forgo my goal of a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration. Period.
Also, the onsite evaluation went so well yesterday that they set up a phone interview same day. The phone interview went so well that they set up an in person interview for Monday. They wanted today but I couldn't do it for two reasons: 1) Dante and I had an important lunch date planned (our first in a long time); and 2) I am riding on FUMES in my van and getting to the office is a LONG way away! So I insisted on Monday late morning. I also have an orientation with a temp company first thing Monday which I hope will have me working within days.
In the meantime, I need to seriously re-evaluate my standing and position with my online chat work. I've been so depressed and dejected still that I have been neglecting that more than I should. I had a great online conference with a group last night and, after seeing someone real check from working about 40 hours a week, I should be bringing in WAY more than I am. I'm doing what I usually do, not taking this seriously enough.
Better starts immediately. If I do not handle the minor things well, how can I expect God to bless me with the major ones?
AMEN!!
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Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
August 20, 2010
August 18, 2010
I got a Nibble
It's not the one I want, but I will take what I can get. We do what we can until we can do better, right?
RIGHT??
Noooo, not a guy (remember what I said this blog would be about?)! I'm talking about a job. With pay in the 2 digits per hour and actual benefits. BENEFITS. Medical, dental, paid vacation.
So why am I not more excited about it? Because its a 45-50 minute commute...WITHOUT traffic. Each Way. AND I probably wouldn't be working first shift hours, more like first and second shift mixed. That would suck, because I like to be able to pick up my kids. Period. SoloMommy gets very cranky when she can't tend to her own children.
We shall see. I will go there tomorrow, be early, and be my fabulous self. I will do well on the assessments they'll have me do and great in the mini-interview also. Then I'll wait. Not-so-patiently but I will wait. I NEED a job like a month ago, seriously. It's really bad right now.
My power bill is about to shut off in a few days and I have NO WAY to pay it. They also won't give me any type of extension either. Disconnect date is on or after the 19th and payday is the 22nd. I overdrafted my account (again) just to save my storage unit, so I can't bounce it for this. I need a miracle. Heck, I had to cash in our last bit of coins today to afford the bare minimum on the kids school supplies.
Yep, it's that bad. But my faith is not wavering. I am actually in a VERY expectant state right now. I know that any day now, God is about to blow my mind. He never lets me down, He is -as the Marine motto goes - Semper Fidelis!
Who knows, it could be the place I am going to tomorrow. There may be a package so good that I just can't pass it up, even for a 30-40 minute shorter commute. If I remember correctly from a few years back they were starting off at maybe $12-something an hour. Even with this economy, that starting rate should have gone up, and I am a lot more comfortable with the prospect of negotiating that starting rate, since I know it's usually a little flexible. Learned that the hard way a few times.
I would love to be more in the $14-17/hour range. Combine that with the child support that I expect by October or so, and I would be paying off bills left and right. I could still get some stuff done with maybe $13.50...but seriously for that drive, that's the lowest I can really go. I'm hoping though that the benefit package is great enough with them being a healthcare provider that that could kind of act as a raise too, over another job.
Family health premiums, even through employers are outta this world! At CWT, my health premium deducted every pay period was about $170...just for the medical! That didn't include dental and vision! Out of an 80 hour paycheck, that was like making $2.13 LESS than what I was making, just for medical insurance. Those are the things you have to look at. Never just get hung up on the number. There's more to it than that!
In other news, I got my Financial Aid Suspension lifted. YAY!!! Now I just have to get my Academic Suspension lifted and get me reinstated in school so I can start classes again by Fall 2 Term in October. The email was sent as requested today. I am now awaiting the reply...
Lots to pray and believe about right now!
RIGHT??
Noooo, not a guy (remember what I said this blog would be about?)! I'm talking about a job. With pay in the 2 digits per hour and actual benefits. BENEFITS. Medical, dental, paid vacation.
So why am I not more excited about it? Because its a 45-50 minute commute...WITHOUT traffic. Each Way. AND I probably wouldn't be working first shift hours, more like first and second shift mixed. That would suck, because I like to be able to pick up my kids. Period. SoloMommy gets very cranky when she can't tend to her own children.
We shall see. I will go there tomorrow, be early, and be my fabulous self. I will do well on the assessments they'll have me do and great in the mini-interview also. Then I'll wait. Not-so-patiently but I will wait. I NEED a job like a month ago, seriously. It's really bad right now.
My power bill is about to shut off in a few days and I have NO WAY to pay it. They also won't give me any type of extension either. Disconnect date is on or after the 19th and payday is the 22nd. I overdrafted my account (again) just to save my storage unit, so I can't bounce it for this. I need a miracle. Heck, I had to cash in our last bit of coins today to afford the bare minimum on the kids school supplies.
Yep, it's that bad. But my faith is not wavering. I am actually in a VERY expectant state right now. I know that any day now, God is about to blow my mind. He never lets me down, He is -as the Marine motto goes - Semper Fidelis!
Who knows, it could be the place I am going to tomorrow. There may be a package so good that I just can't pass it up, even for a 30-40 minute shorter commute. If I remember correctly from a few years back they were starting off at maybe $12-something an hour. Even with this economy, that starting rate should have gone up, and I am a lot more comfortable with the prospect of negotiating that starting rate, since I know it's usually a little flexible. Learned that the hard way a few times.
I would love to be more in the $14-17/hour range. Combine that with the child support that I expect by October or so, and I would be paying off bills left and right. I could still get some stuff done with maybe $13.50...but seriously for that drive, that's the lowest I can really go. I'm hoping though that the benefit package is great enough with them being a healthcare provider that that could kind of act as a raise too, over another job.
Family health premiums, even through employers are outta this world! At CWT, my health premium deducted every pay period was about $170...just for the medical! That didn't include dental and vision! Out of an 80 hour paycheck, that was like making $2.13 LESS than what I was making, just for medical insurance. Those are the things you have to look at. Never just get hung up on the number. There's more to it than that!
In other news, I got my Financial Aid Suspension lifted. YAY!!! Now I just have to get my Academic Suspension lifted and get me reinstated in school so I can start classes again by Fall 2 Term in October. The email was sent as requested today. I am now awaiting the reply...
Lots to pray and believe about right now!
August 14, 2010
The (job) Hunt Begins...
OMG...I have never been so ready to get back to work in my life!!!
No, no, no...don't panic. I'm still not a big Corporate America or j.o.b. fan, but I'm even LESS fond of being this damn broke! So the acronym for j.o.b. (ie, Just Over Broke) will be a STEP UP for me at this time!!!
I have plans for the next few months. Those plans involved getting a few thousand dollars a month in income, getting a lease option on this house, getting my Denali XL (finally), getting almost ALL bills paid off, raising my GPA back to acceptable levels, and getting my FICO over 600. Yep...all before next Spring.
How, you ask? Well, it all starts with a job, making more than $30K a year. Mix in the part-time income working with AT&T, then sprinkle in about $700/month in child support (most from my selfish ex-husband hopefully) and we should be in a good place. Then top with supplemental income from a part-time Amway online business and some revenue from StarrDom Travel - relaunched and rebranded as a destination wedding/honeymoon/group getaway only agency - and I should be bringing in a nice chunk of change per month.
All to get me to the aforementioned goals. I was originally hoping to have my Denali by my birthday this year but, unless I do something wreckless and stupid...or win the lottery...I won't. That's okay, I'm aiming for next year, around tax return season to be specific. My bills should be in such a good place by then that I could afford to split my return between that and a good down payment on a certain surgery I've been wanting to have.
That's the general plan, now it's time to narrow it down some to more specific goals. It's gonna happen, I no longer have a doubt. God promised it to me, and He does not break his promises.
No, no, no...don't panic. I'm still not a big Corporate America or j.o.b. fan, but I'm even LESS fond of being this damn broke! So the acronym for j.o.b. (ie, Just Over Broke) will be a STEP UP for me at this time!!!
I have plans for the next few months. Those plans involved getting a few thousand dollars a month in income, getting a lease option on this house, getting my Denali XL (finally), getting almost ALL bills paid off, raising my GPA back to acceptable levels, and getting my FICO over 600. Yep...all before next Spring.
How, you ask? Well, it all starts with a job, making more than $30K a year. Mix in the part-time income working with AT&T, then sprinkle in about $700/month in child support (most from my selfish ex-husband hopefully) and we should be in a good place. Then top with supplemental income from a part-time Amway online business and some revenue from StarrDom Travel - relaunched and rebranded as a destination wedding/honeymoon/group getaway only agency - and I should be bringing in a nice chunk of change per month.
All to get me to the aforementioned goals. I was originally hoping to have my Denali by my birthday this year but, unless I do something wreckless and stupid...or win the lottery...I won't. That's okay, I'm aiming for next year, around tax return season to be specific. My bills should be in such a good place by then that I could afford to split my return between that and a good down payment on a certain surgery I've been wanting to have.
That's the general plan, now it's time to narrow it down some to more specific goals. It's gonna happen, I no longer have a doubt. God promised it to me, and He does not break his promises.
May 24, 2009
Some Facts of (My) Life
As I stated previously, I am re-reading Secrets of the Millionaire Mind again. Found a few great things so far. But here's the one that slapped me in the head (think NCIS):
"Wealth File #2: Rich people play the money game to win. Poor people play the money game not to lose."
If you really think about it, that's a pretty profound statement. I will tell you how it applies to me in virtually all areas. When I was younger, I was never super-competitive when it came to sports. The "objective" of the game was never to win for me, it was merely not to lose. Examples: In skating (roller or ice) the goal was to not fall; in bowling I never aimed for a strike or a 300-score, I just tried to avoid a "gutter ball"; baseball/softball was never about hitting a homer, it was about NOT striking out! Get the idea? Now if I was that way in sports, do we really think I have been any different in everything else in my life?? EXACTAMUNDO!!!
That is...until now! More to come...
If you really think about it, that's a pretty profound statement. I will tell you how it applies to me in virtually all areas. When I was younger, I was never super-competitive when it came to sports. The "objective" of the game was never to win for me, it was merely not to lose. Examples: In skating (roller or ice) the goal was to not fall; in bowling I never aimed for a strike or a 300-score, I just tried to avoid a "gutter ball"; baseball/softball was never about hitting a homer, it was about NOT striking out! Get the idea? Now if I was that way in sports, do we really think I have been any different in everything else in my life?? EXACTAMUNDO!!!
That is...until now! More to come...
May 23, 2009
Moving Forward...but Still Behind
Today was a migraine day. I woke up with the headache, took 1000mg of Tylenol, and waited. It was still there several hours later. We went to see Night at the Museum 2, which I was a bit cranky because of the headache. The movie was good though. Lots of laughs. (Note: The Jonas Brothers as little cupid-like singing cherubs!) We came back home and I took yet another 1000mg of Tylenol. After hanging in there for about an hour, I went to sleep. I couldn't take it and I didn't like being in a constant state of crankiness. That's not fair to the kids.
By the time I woke up, it was back down to a manageable "dull ache" status. I can definitely deal with that!
My training class has been going very well. I plan to do a little studying tomorrow to be better prepared for the rest of the week. No class on Monday for the holiday.
I need to purchase my books this week for school that starts on the 1st of June. I'm back to making a conscious effort to change my mindset, to reprogram it for wealth, abundance and prosperity. I tell you one thing for sure, I don't want to "just get by"! I want to be rich! That doesn't make me a bad person! As one of my favorite sayings goes: "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll still be among the stars." To translate that into what I just said about being rich: I'm aiming to be rich; even if I don't achieve it, I should still be at the very least well-to-do!!!
By the time I woke up, it was back down to a manageable "dull ache" status. I can definitely deal with that!
My training class has been going very well. I plan to do a little studying tomorrow to be better prepared for the rest of the week. No class on Monday for the holiday.
I need to purchase my books this week for school that starts on the 1st of June. I'm back to making a conscious effort to change my mindset, to reprogram it for wealth, abundance and prosperity. I tell you one thing for sure, I don't want to "just get by"! I want to be rich! That doesn't make me a bad person! As one of my favorite sayings goes: "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll still be among the stars." To translate that into what I just said about being rich: I'm aiming to be rich; even if I don't achieve it, I should still be at the very least well-to-do!!!
May 18, 2009
What A Day...
Well it was very nice outside today. I started my training class and all is well there.
So that was the good news.
Because of an outstanding balance that I let go to collections before I paid it at Park University, they're telling me I have to pay my entire summer tuition up front by next Monday, or my classes will be dropped. That is correct. All $1800 of it!! Need I mention I already have a full financial aid package completed, where they will owe me a refund! The lady gave me the name and email of someone who could possibly waive that for me. So I sent them an email letter today, along with a copy of the paid receipt, and my unemployment check stub. I have asked God for this and thanked Him for granting it. There is nothing more I can do. I literally told the lady in the email that by denying this waiver request, it would completely derail this single mother's plans to go to school in the near future.
Then, to top it all off, my bank account is back in the negative again. You have no idea how absolutely frustrating and angering this is for me. I want to reset this "poverty threshold" that I have, but I just don't know how. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry, that's how much anguish I feel. As my mom would say, "I just can't win for losing." Yes, some could say this wouldn't happen if I was working full-time at a (dare I say it) job. But with everything in me, I completely beg to differ. My finances would probably be less honestly because I would have to pay more out in gas and childcare expenses. It's way deeper than just a job though. I have to get back to making an everyday effort to give myself permission to achieve more wealth and abundance than my family has previously seen. I'm still held back by that. I think I am going to read "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" again. I really need to.
So that was the good news.
Because of an outstanding balance that I let go to collections before I paid it at Park University, they're telling me I have to pay my entire summer tuition up front by next Monday, or my classes will be dropped. That is correct. All $1800 of it!! Need I mention I already have a full financial aid package completed, where they will owe me a refund! The lady gave me the name and email of someone who could possibly waive that for me. So I sent them an email letter today, along with a copy of the paid receipt, and my unemployment check stub. I have asked God for this and thanked Him for granting it. There is nothing more I can do. I literally told the lady in the email that by denying this waiver request, it would completely derail this single mother's plans to go to school in the near future.
Then, to top it all off, my bank account is back in the negative again. You have no idea how absolutely frustrating and angering this is for me. I want to reset this "poverty threshold" that I have, but I just don't know how. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry, that's how much anguish I feel. As my mom would say, "I just can't win for losing." Yes, some could say this wouldn't happen if I was working full-time at a (dare I say it) job. But with everything in me, I completely beg to differ. My finances would probably be less honestly because I would have to pay more out in gas and childcare expenses. It's way deeper than just a job though. I have to get back to making an everyday effort to give myself permission to achieve more wealth and abundance than my family has previously seen. I'm still held back by that. I think I am going to read "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind" again. I really need to.
January 9, 2009
FFM (family financial meeting) is in Session
So my sisters and mom and I decided we need to start back having our financial meetings again. These are meetings where we lay it out on the table, no secrets, no money-is-taboo attitudes, nothing holding us back from being real with each other about money. This past year, I have done so much better at being transparent in so many areas. I am glad we are doing this again...especially for the next generation. As I said tonight to my 16 year old niece (in front of my mother): "We want to pass on this financial knowledge to you now, because it wasn't told to us by our mother - but not because she didn't want us to know...but because she didn't know."
We want our children to be better equipped to handle things financially than we ever were. I want them to know the importance of credit. I want them to know how important it is to start off with good credit...as opposed to repairing bad credit!! We all warned her of the college credit card trap. Credit card companies literally throw cards at college students (knowing they have no income to pay them back) who are not truly aware that this isn't "free money" and they'll have to pay this back. So by the time they graduate college, along with possible student loans to contend with, they already have not-so-perfect credit due to poor revolving credit accounts.
Yes, you're right. That should be illegal.
I am in the process of repairing my credit. Having good credit was never a big deal to me, because I was never taught that it should be a big deal to me. I learned from my mother (mostly by actions) that I was just supposed to struggle and expect to pay high interest rates for stuff. It was just ... accepted as the norm!
Now do you see what I mean when I say changing mindsets and completely redoing my previous ways of thinking??? When I talked to my family at the meeting tonight about "my truck" and that the sticker price for the 2008 was about $59K before rebates, they could barely understand that concept! They want to be happy with just making do; keeping the bills paid, while having a savings, and occasionally splurging on a few extras. For the longest time I thought I was the wrong one for wanting more than that!! But, as the newest book I began reading (as well as numerous others in the past couple of years) by Joel Osteen titled Your Best Life Now reminded me: God wants to give us His very best, not a little...but in abundance!!!
On that note, today I went on a vision quest. I went to actually sit in "my truck" today at the dealership. I even started it up. OMG, it is so fabulous! I cannot wait to have that thing!!! It has a touchscreen navigation system, in the dash!! It has a power sunroof, power liftgate and glass in the back, a rear "backup" camera, factory remote starter, etc etc etc. It's literally everything I wanted and more!! 2010 can't come soon enough!!!
House first, then Denali XL. House first, then Denali XL. House first, then Denali XL. However...
...I did see a 2004 there for only $16,995.....
Joking!!!
Here's today's LOVE tip:
Research your partner's favorite hobby and identify a gift that is really useful for him/her. The more specialized the gift the more impact it will have on them. Talk to friends and family and use the internet to find the information you need.
p.s. I requested my operative notes from my tubal ligation surgery from the hospital today. That means I can find out exactly which procedure was done and how much (if any) of the tube was removed. That's very important for "my doctor" to know!! Yet another step in the right direction!!
We want our children to be better equipped to handle things financially than we ever were. I want them to know the importance of credit. I want them to know how important it is to start off with good credit...as opposed to repairing bad credit!! We all warned her of the college credit card trap. Credit card companies literally throw cards at college students (knowing they have no income to pay them back) who are not truly aware that this isn't "free money" and they'll have to pay this back. So by the time they graduate college, along with possible student loans to contend with, they already have not-so-perfect credit due to poor revolving credit accounts.
Yes, you're right. That should be illegal.
I am in the process of repairing my credit. Having good credit was never a big deal to me, because I was never taught that it should be a big deal to me. I learned from my mother (mostly by actions) that I was just supposed to struggle and expect to pay high interest rates for stuff. It was just ... accepted as the norm!
Now do you see what I mean when I say changing mindsets and completely redoing my previous ways of thinking??? When I talked to my family at the meeting tonight about "my truck" and that the sticker price for the 2008 was about $59K before rebates, they could barely understand that concept! They want to be happy with just making do; keeping the bills paid, while having a savings, and occasionally splurging on a few extras. For the longest time I thought I was the wrong one for wanting more than that!! But, as the newest book I began reading (as well as numerous others in the past couple of years) by Joel Osteen titled Your Best Life Now reminded me: God wants to give us His very best, not a little...but in abundance!!!
On that note, today I went on a vision quest. I went to actually sit in "my truck" today at the dealership. I even started it up. OMG, it is so fabulous! I cannot wait to have that thing!!! It has a touchscreen navigation system, in the dash!! It has a power sunroof, power liftgate and glass in the back, a rear "backup" camera, factory remote starter, etc etc etc. It's literally everything I wanted and more!! 2010 can't come soon enough!!!
House first, then Denali XL. House first, then Denali XL. House first, then Denali XL. However...
...I did see a 2004 there for only $16,995.....
Joking!!!
Here's today's LOVE tip:
Research your partner's favorite hobby and identify a gift that is really useful for him/her. The more specialized the gift the more impact it will have on them. Talk to friends and family and use the internet to find the information you need.
p.s. I requested my operative notes from my tubal ligation surgery from the hospital today. That means I can find out exactly which procedure was done and how much (if any) of the tube was removed. That's very important for "my doctor" to know!! Yet another step in the right direction!!
January 4, 2009
A Great Christmas Break!
Well, this was the first time I can remember in a while of being home with the children during the entire winter break from school. On top of that, I had two extras here with me during the day!! They are all - for the most part- self manageable. They can dress themselves and make their own breakfast and lunches, so all was well. I didn't rag on mine children too much about chores, though they were not excused from doing them either. Once during Starr's week and once during DJ's week, I did the dishes for them. But other than that, everything else was all on them. I told Starr's dad that I want her to have a Nintendo DS for Christmas. DJ got one last year, and this year both the older nieces got one for Christmas. He said he will, but he also said he would get her a bike....and we know who got that for her!!!
Dante left to go back to Memphis earlier today. But not without me sending him off in grand style...thanks to Aunt Flo having packed her bags and left!!! I really would have been sick if he hadn't been able to physically connect that way before he left. It's just important to me, I take my job seriously!! I did the grocery shopping on Saturday, and we loaded it into the truck before he hit the highway. What I was so happy about, was he came over and got undressed and comfortable in the bed, then we watched a movie! Okay, okay...we watched some of the movie! I just didn't expect to get such unhurried time before he hit the road. No complaints!! Plus, I think I showed my gratitude pretty well. (grinning from ear-to-ear)
Tomorrow, school begins again for all the children! Yes, even Bruzer will be going back to his daycare tomorrow. I've been souping him up for it all break. I think he'll do okay, it's not like it's a new school where he has to make new friends or something. One of the main reasons I put him back into full-time schooling is because I need to get my time back so I can make things happen for myself. Noone is going to do it for me, and how attractive am I unemployed exactly??? Yeah, not a good look on me!!
My project for tomorrow is credit report and bill planning. I found this site called annual credit report.com, where you can get a copy of each of the 3 bureaus report for FREE once each year. They will charge extra for that much-coveted credit score, but all the information without the score is free. I need to see what is there, what can be paid within the next month, what I can perhaps strike a deal on. By March or April, I want to see major changes on that report. Getting so many things paid, should get me closer to 600 I am praying. I am also waiting on The Officer to get the number of the financial guy she used for her mortgage, so we can meet and I can get info on how to start the process. I want him to look at my credit reports as the expert, and tell me what need to be done and why (ie, what's the benefit to get to my goal)...and also to help me determine what records I need to keep when it comes time for income verification, since I am self-employed. I don't plan on it being 2010 when I buy a house, so I can't wait til I file 2009 taxes to provide that.
I need to line up my ducks now for when the money comes in that I am expecting, so I can pay things off, pay up rent and utilities, and focus on my client acquisition phase. Don't you worry, it's there right in front of me. I am no longer afraid to go and get it! I am not afraid of the 5br house I will have in the next 5 years, when my family may still be living in much meeker terms. I am not afraid of the Yukon XL Denali I will be driving in the next 2 years. I am not afraid of never being the borrower in my family again, to be the one to lend if necessary. I do not owe anyone aything, and the world owes me nothing! I do not have to self-sabotage myself into a meager existence out of some bass ackwards feeling of indebtedness to people who have never made me feel that way.
Off my soapbox now, my bad! Tuesday I will finish the parts of my business plan that I can complete, and hopefully by the end of the week I can go to the SBDC for help with market research and the like. 2007, I was waiting in the winding line for this ride. 2008, I was slowly making my way up the big hill, inching along in anticipation of what lies ahead. 2009, I am at the top of that hill...and this ride is ready to go forward at full speed ahead! I'm strapped in for mine!
How's your ride going?
Dante left to go back to Memphis earlier today. But not without me sending him off in grand style...thanks to Aunt Flo having packed her bags and left!!! I really would have been sick if he hadn't been able to physically connect that way before he left. It's just important to me, I take my job seriously!! I did the grocery shopping on Saturday, and we loaded it into the truck before he hit the highway. What I was so happy about, was he came over and got undressed and comfortable in the bed, then we watched a movie! Okay, okay...we watched some of the movie! I just didn't expect to get such unhurried time before he hit the road. No complaints!! Plus, I think I showed my gratitude pretty well. (grinning from ear-to-ear)
Tomorrow, school begins again for all the children! Yes, even Bruzer will be going back to his daycare tomorrow. I've been souping him up for it all break. I think he'll do okay, it's not like it's a new school where he has to make new friends or something. One of the main reasons I put him back into full-time schooling is because I need to get my time back so I can make things happen for myself. Noone is going to do it for me, and how attractive am I unemployed exactly??? Yeah, not a good look on me!!
My project for tomorrow is credit report and bill planning. I found this site called annual credit report.com, where you can get a copy of each of the 3 bureaus report for FREE once each year. They will charge extra for that much-coveted credit score, but all the information without the score is free. I need to see what is there, what can be paid within the next month, what I can perhaps strike a deal on. By March or April, I want to see major changes on that report. Getting so many things paid, should get me closer to 600 I am praying. I am also waiting on The Officer to get the number of the financial guy she used for her mortgage, so we can meet and I can get info on how to start the process. I want him to look at my credit reports as the expert, and tell me what need to be done and why (ie, what's the benefit to get to my goal)...and also to help me determine what records I need to keep when it comes time for income verification, since I am self-employed. I don't plan on it being 2010 when I buy a house, so I can't wait til I file 2009 taxes to provide that.
I need to line up my ducks now for when the money comes in that I am expecting, so I can pay things off, pay up rent and utilities, and focus on my client acquisition phase. Don't you worry, it's there right in front of me. I am no longer afraid to go and get it! I am not afraid of the 5br house I will have in the next 5 years, when my family may still be living in much meeker terms. I am not afraid of the Yukon XL Denali I will be driving in the next 2 years. I am not afraid of never being the borrower in my family again, to be the one to lend if necessary. I do not owe anyone aything, and the world owes me nothing! I do not have to self-sabotage myself into a meager existence out of some bass ackwards feeling of indebtedness to people who have never made me feel that way.
Off my soapbox now, my bad! Tuesday I will finish the parts of my business plan that I can complete, and hopefully by the end of the week I can go to the SBDC for help with market research and the like. 2007, I was waiting in the winding line for this ride. 2008, I was slowly making my way up the big hill, inching along in anticipation of what lies ahead. 2009, I am at the top of that hill...and this ride is ready to go forward at full speed ahead! I'm strapped in for mine!
How's your ride going?
June 30, 2008
Happy Monday...and stuff!
Things are pretty tough right now financially, so I barely wanted to get out of bed this morning. But I did, and had a decent morning getting ready. Made it to work on time, which is always good. Was almost in tears on the way there, but I pulled it together.
I am such an desperate financial state that I am willing to do something that was once unthinkable!
NO...not that!!!!
I am thinking about asking my first husband (ie, DJ's father) to give me the money. I mean, really, I have never in 11 years asked him for anything additional. Not for pictures or sports fees or when the power was off or when the water was off. Never. So, I have to work up the nerve to actually humble myself enough to ask.
Meanwhile, I am breaking down my inner me to figure out why I keep ending up at the same point in my life: broke, busted and disgusted! (as the saying goes) I am definitely making headway, and am currently in the process of changing that "stinkin' thinkin'" to a more fruitful, productive, and positive me!
By the way, if you as a woman are looking for a great book to help you "sort things out" and get on the "right track", PLEASE run to the nearest bookstore and buy a copy of The Power of Focus for Women by Fran Hewitt!!! I know I have mentioned it before, but I can't say enough about it and how it is getting to the root of so many of my issues! After I finish this one, I will go back and read The Power of Focus by Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen (Chicken Soup for the Soul series co-authors).
One thing I know I have to do, but haven't done is keep a money log. I need to be more mindful of every dollar I spend, so that I can determine where I bleed currency every month. It will be hard to do this week, since I have NO MONEY to watch, but nonetheless I have to begin somewhere.
I am glad to put this day behind me. I had a very bad email issue come up at work today from something I sent to those I thought were friends (and mature adults), and one person ruined it for all involved. I was so upset and embarrassed, that when I finally had to confront him about it, I let him have it! Sometimes these holier-than-thou, sanctimonious, I'm-better-than-you-
because-I-go-to-church-every-Sunday people are just TOO MUCH for me to deal with!! What they don't realize is that THEY are the reason some people avoid churches altogether...to avoid their judgmental asses!! After relaying the story to my mother, she summed it up quite nicely: "The devil won this round. Instead of everyone just focusing on the positiveness of the message of God, the message was lost in the mess that this other person created!"
So, my status message on yahoo currently states this: 'Funny how the devil uses people of God for his dirtywork...and they don't even know it!'
Ending this to say, quite simply, any and all esteem and regard I had for the Commander has left. I wish him the best, but all such foolishness and negativity will be cut from my life. It's a new day for me!
I am such an desperate financial state that I am willing to do something that was once unthinkable!
NO...not that!!!!
I am thinking about asking my first husband (ie, DJ's father) to give me the money. I mean, really, I have never in 11 years asked him for anything additional. Not for pictures or sports fees or when the power was off or when the water was off. Never. So, I have to work up the nerve to actually humble myself enough to ask.
Meanwhile, I am breaking down my inner me to figure out why I keep ending up at the same point in my life: broke, busted and disgusted! (as the saying goes) I am definitely making headway, and am currently in the process of changing that "stinkin' thinkin'" to a more fruitful, productive, and positive me!
By the way, if you as a woman are looking for a great book to help you "sort things out" and get on the "right track", PLEASE run to the nearest bookstore and buy a copy of The Power of Focus for Women by Fran Hewitt!!! I know I have mentioned it before, but I can't say enough about it and how it is getting to the root of so many of my issues! After I finish this one, I will go back and read The Power of Focus by Les Hewitt, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen (Chicken Soup for the Soul series co-authors).
One thing I know I have to do, but haven't done is keep a money log. I need to be more mindful of every dollar I spend, so that I can determine where I bleed currency every month. It will be hard to do this week, since I have NO MONEY to watch, but nonetheless I have to begin somewhere.
I am glad to put this day behind me. I had a very bad email issue come up at work today from something I sent to those I thought were friends (and mature adults), and one person ruined it for all involved. I was so upset and embarrassed, that when I finally had to confront him about it, I let him have it! Sometimes these holier-than-thou, sanctimonious, I'm-better-than-you-
because-I-go-to-church-every-Sunday people are just TOO MUCH for me to deal with!! What they don't realize is that THEY are the reason some people avoid churches altogether...to avoid their judgmental asses!! After relaying the story to my mother, she summed it up quite nicely: "The devil won this round. Instead of everyone just focusing on the positiveness of the message of God, the message was lost in the mess that this other person created!"
So, my status message on yahoo currently states this: 'Funny how the devil uses people of God for his dirtywork...and they don't even know it!'
Ending this to say, quite simply, any and all esteem and regard I had for the Commander has left. I wish him the best, but all such foolishness and negativity will be cut from my life. It's a new day for me!
April 26, 2008
GREAT WEEK!!!
Watched The Secret last night, then re-watched the parts that watched me last night this morning! It wasn't boring...I was just sleepy. Will probably watch that every other day, just to make sure I am keeping my focus! One of my favorite quotes ever is from Henry Ford: "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are usually right." For a long time, I had convinced myself that I couldn't. What a surprise! I was right! Now I am actively working everyday to say I can, and believe I can....then I will!!
I feel so accomplished, which is a feeling I haven't really felt in a long time. My weight is maintained right now...though I have been slacking with my South Beach a little. I am still happily fitting my size 12 jeans and fitting into clothes that I haven't worn in a long time. It's almost like I went shopping and I'm wearing new clothes! But, before I do too much, I am going back to Phase 1... plus fruit though. I would still like to see 175 on the scales. This week was a little crazy and rainy, plus I was doing business stuff on my breaks, so I didn't get to walk outside like I usually do.
I got my business banking account opened yesterday. The banking rep was so nice and helpful. I ordered my administrative services business cards and my car magnets yesterday also. Plus I will get lettering put across the back window giving the phone number and website for the travel business. I need to find out about dba so I can do travel and admin a bit separately and not get into trouble.
I opened my ING direct savings account, and set up auto payments every pay period for that. I bought a new all-in-one printer with wireless capability, so I can replace both of the other printers now. I think I will list some movies on ebay too, since I replaced them with DVDs recently. Never did sell the Tivo or double stroller, but I will try again though this weekend. Bought a microwave cart for the kitchen, but it's still in the car...waiting on my BD to come help me get in the house.
I have also started researching my next vehicle, and so far so good. I was initially interested in the 2008 GMC Yukon XL Hybrid, but according to the dealer they were very limited in production. I will keep abreast of production info for the 2009 models. Otherwise, I found a beautiful 2007 GMC Yukon XL Denali in Silver that would be perfect. I am not really into buying brand-new vehicles anyway just because of the dealer markup on them. So buying one a couple of years old will be perfect. That is my goal for 2009. I even did pricing and financing options. I know how much I want to put down, plus my van (which should be paid off by this time next year) as a trade in...my payments will be very manageable!
On the relationship front, I haven't focused very much on that. Just didn't want that clouding my head right now. Can't Get Right has decided he wants me...again. (yawn) Dante is so very caught up in work right now that we hardly get to really talk anymore, which can sometimes make the distance even harder. No worries though, he still has my heart (whether he knows it or not), so I try to be here for him when he needs me. Hopefully though, there will come a time soon where we can truly decide what we are, and if there is more on the horizon for us. Like I said, with him working so much, it just makes sense for me to focus completely on business. That way I won't go nuts wondering if we're still just a casual fling or if there's more in store.
But for now, it's all about the business baby!
I feel so accomplished, which is a feeling I haven't really felt in a long time. My weight is maintained right now...though I have been slacking with my South Beach a little. I am still happily fitting my size 12 jeans and fitting into clothes that I haven't worn in a long time. It's almost like I went shopping and I'm wearing new clothes! But, before I do too much, I am going back to Phase 1... plus fruit though. I would still like to see 175 on the scales. This week was a little crazy and rainy, plus I was doing business stuff on my breaks, so I didn't get to walk outside like I usually do.
I got my business banking account opened yesterday. The banking rep was so nice and helpful. I ordered my administrative services business cards and my car magnets yesterday also. Plus I will get lettering put across the back window giving the phone number and website for the travel business. I need to find out about dba so I can do travel and admin a bit separately and not get into trouble.
I opened my ING direct savings account, and set up auto payments every pay period for that. I bought a new all-in-one printer with wireless capability, so I can replace both of the other printers now. I think I will list some movies on ebay too, since I replaced them with DVDs recently. Never did sell the Tivo or double stroller, but I will try again though this weekend. Bought a microwave cart for the kitchen, but it's still in the car...waiting on my BD to come help me get in the house.
I have also started researching my next vehicle, and so far so good. I was initially interested in the 2008 GMC Yukon XL Hybrid, but according to the dealer they were very limited in production. I will keep abreast of production info for the 2009 models. Otherwise, I found a beautiful 2007 GMC Yukon XL Denali in Silver that would be perfect. I am not really into buying brand-new vehicles anyway just because of the dealer markup on them. So buying one a couple of years old will be perfect. That is my goal for 2009. I even did pricing and financing options. I know how much I want to put down, plus my van (which should be paid off by this time next year) as a trade in...my payments will be very manageable!
On the relationship front, I haven't focused very much on that. Just didn't want that clouding my head right now. Can't Get Right has decided he wants me...again. (yawn) Dante is so very caught up in work right now that we hardly get to really talk anymore, which can sometimes make the distance even harder. No worries though, he still has my heart (whether he knows it or not), so I try to be here for him when he needs me. Hopefully though, there will come a time soon where we can truly decide what we are, and if there is more on the horizon for us. Like I said, with him working so much, it just makes sense for me to focus completely on business. That way I won't go nuts wondering if we're still just a casual fling or if there's more in store.
But for now, it's all about the business baby!
March 30, 2008
The Weekend So Far
Nothing great happened! I was busy Saturday doing the "Solo-Mommy Special". What is that, you ask? Why, trying to make a dollar out of 45 cents, of course!!
I did get a few things done though. Biggest purchase for me was a new vacuum cleaner. I wished I go without longer, but it's been 2 weeks since mine burned out. With 2 shedding long-haired cats and a human who sheds like a cat (me), AND four children....there was just no getting around it anymore! So, I think I got a really great deal for $65. I tried to avoid Wal-Mart, because they are so unscrupulous sometimes...but unfortunately my budget just doesn't allow for Target (yet), and K-Mart is too limited in their selections.
I bought brightly colored paper from Sam's to make flyers with. I should have the flyers designed by the end of today. I researched several places to buy the paper, and Sam's had the best deal by far. I actually left Sam's spending less than $20! That's the power of a shopping list!!! I proceeded to Wal-Mart, where I found a better deal on kitty litter than buying it at PetsMart. I got most things on my list to keep me in sync with SBD, plus the vacuum cleaner. I brought a limited amount of cash with me -and the debit card is off limits- so I had to put a couple of things back at the checkout. No big deal. I will get them when I go out today, since I still have a little more shopping to do.
So, financially, things are still dire (aren't they always). But I have come up with a proposition for my ex-husband that I pray and believe he will accept. I think it's a bang-up deal that's a win-win for both of us! I will discuss it in my legal consultation on Tuesday first, then present it to him.
My sister may barbecue today, and everyone is invited over for that. I have some chicken breasts that I need to unthaw and marinate and hopefully grill there. That way, I can make my own Chipotle-style salad, which serves a dual purpose. First, I can control my budget. Second, I can control the caloric intake, so I know I am keeping in with my plan. My plan being to become more aggressive and strict the next 2 and a half weeks. I have 15 pounds to lose by April 18. I can do it!
After my first goal, I plan to enter Phase 2, and should hopefully get the other 15pounds gone by June. That will take me 155, which I think will be a really good weight for me. Seriously, I don't want to be skinny, I like my curves! I have been clearly warned by my sweetie that losing the ass is NOT an option! It's not quite Beyonce or J-Lo...but since I was slighted on the top end, it's all I've got!!
Healthy is the goal, which means that exercise HAS to begin this week! I researched and bought some really cool DVDs a while back, and I will pull them out and start using them. My sis and I are trying to coordinate schedules to hit the Y. I am glad we are there for each other in this. She may have weight to lose than me, but we are definitely in this together!
I did get a few things done though. Biggest purchase for me was a new vacuum cleaner. I wished I go without longer, but it's been 2 weeks since mine burned out. With 2 shedding long-haired cats and a human who sheds like a cat (me), AND four children....there was just no getting around it anymore! So, I think I got a really great deal for $65. I tried to avoid Wal-Mart, because they are so unscrupulous sometimes...but unfortunately my budget just doesn't allow for Target (yet), and K-Mart is too limited in their selections.
I bought brightly colored paper from Sam's to make flyers with. I should have the flyers designed by the end of today. I researched several places to buy the paper, and Sam's had the best deal by far. I actually left Sam's spending less than $20! That's the power of a shopping list!!! I proceeded to Wal-Mart, where I found a better deal on kitty litter than buying it at PetsMart. I got most things on my list to keep me in sync with SBD, plus the vacuum cleaner. I brought a limited amount of cash with me -and the debit card is off limits- so I had to put a couple of things back at the checkout. No big deal. I will get them when I go out today, since I still have a little more shopping to do.
So, financially, things are still dire (aren't they always). But I have come up with a proposition for my ex-husband that I pray and believe he will accept. I think it's a bang-up deal that's a win-win for both of us! I will discuss it in my legal consultation on Tuesday first, then present it to him.
My sister may barbecue today, and everyone is invited over for that. I have some chicken breasts that I need to unthaw and marinate and hopefully grill there. That way, I can make my own Chipotle-style salad, which serves a dual purpose. First, I can control my budget. Second, I can control the caloric intake, so I know I am keeping in with my plan. My plan being to become more aggressive and strict the next 2 and a half weeks. I have 15 pounds to lose by April 18. I can do it!
After my first goal, I plan to enter Phase 2, and should hopefully get the other 15pounds gone by June. That will take me 155, which I think will be a really good weight for me. Seriously, I don't want to be skinny, I like my curves! I have been clearly warned by my sweetie that losing the ass is NOT an option! It's not quite Beyonce or J-Lo...but since I was slighted on the top end, it's all I've got!!
Healthy is the goal, which means that exercise HAS to begin this week! I researched and bought some really cool DVDs a while back, and I will pull them out and start using them. My sis and I are trying to coordinate schedules to hit the Y. I am glad we are there for each other in this. She may have weight to lose than me, but we are definitely in this together!
March 18, 2008
A Trying Day
Today started out okay. It was raining, but it wasn't that cold so that made it okay.
Then I checked my voicemail.
The usual stuff. The loan place I owe left me a reminder message last week. Then I got the landlord's halfway annoyed voicemail about rent (which I deposited on my lunch into the tenant's account a couple of hours later the same day). That kind of struck me, because I hadn't been such a good paying tenant while I have been here. But I was managing the stress.
By now the calls at work are starting to pile up due to bad thunderstorms in Dallas-Fort Worth, cancelling everything from, to and through there. At one point, there were 22 calls on hold! In the almost 2 years I have been there, that has NEVER happened! That reminded me of the old emergency service center days where, on a bad day, it was normal to see that many calls on hold all day during a weather situation. But not here! To add insult to injury, our manager went home sick because he wasn't feeling good...again. My sentiments for that? Two things.
Then I checked my voicemail.
The usual stuff. The loan place I owe left me a reminder message last week. Then I got the landlord's halfway annoyed voicemail about rent (which I deposited on my lunch into the tenant's account a couple of hours later the same day). That kind of struck me, because I hadn't been such a good paying tenant while I have been here. But I was managing the stress.
By now the calls at work are starting to pile up due to bad thunderstorms in Dallas-Fort Worth, cancelling everything from, to and through there. At one point, there were 22 calls on hold! In the almost 2 years I have been there, that has NEVER happened! That reminded me of the old emergency service center days where, on a bad day, it was normal to see that many calls on hold all day during a weather situation. But not here! To add insult to injury, our manager went home sick because he wasn't feeling good...again. My sentiments for that? Two things.
- Must be nice to be salary (ie, not subject to our attendance policy).
- MAN UP!!! The rest of us drag our asses in the sick or not, so we don't get written up. We put in a full 8 hours. I think you can too!
Anywho, the most stressful part of the day came when I received a reply to a text message I sent Joe (ex-husband) about arrears in child support. You see, he had worked at Chrysler since 1995, the year we got married. He took the buyout last month, and has been waiting for his check to clear to pay into the child support system. Well, according to him, they claim he was paid up and is only a little over $100 behind! I haven't received support since the 2nd week in January! I was counting on that money...and soon! So I freaked out and totally went into stress overdrive. I was bawling in the car at lunch, literally driving to nowhere. I almost stopped and bought some food that I didn't need. I was SO CLOSE to just getting me a slice of that stollen that the lady brought to work. Those are the two things I do, when I get upset. Buy something, never more than $20, and eat junk...usually in the form of a baked good.
I was listening to a message from Creflo Dollar on my Walkman (again, one of my better investments in a while!), and most of the things he was saying was directly related to what I was going through right then. That was a reminder that God is still on the throne, He is in control, and He loves ME!!!
I went back to work, made my salad that I brought from home, and dived back into the calls! I changed my mood because I know that what seems dark right now will always get better! ALWAYS!
I talked to the computer people that I bought the new desktop from this morning also. I explained what was happening with it, and he advised he would be shipping me a new hard drive today or tomorrow. When I heard the clicking noise, I knew the hard drive had failed. I would like 2 new peices for my home office, then I swear I won't buy anymore: A flat panel monitor and a true all-in-one color printer/scanner/copier/fax. Wal-Mart had what I want, and i can get a kick-ass rebate on it too, so that's VERY tempting. I could sell the other 2 to make up the cost!
Speaking of selling. i do think I am about to seriously embark on an ebay adventure. I will keep you posted on that as time goes on. It's all about generating multiple streams of income, so I am never stuck when one source fails. That's what has happened with the child support thing, but I must recover and fast. Life still goes on!!!
p.s. Day Two, though a challenge, was a resounding success!!
March 2, 2008
Credit Cards, Schmedit Cards
It's amazing when I read the news about people with 4 and 5 figure credit card debts. I don't even have a credit card, haven't had one since I was in my early twenties, and can't get one to save my life! Well, I can, but I refuse to get one with a $250 limit and let them charge me $200 in fees right off the bat! But that's not my problem. I have a problem with another piece of plastic: my check card!
That damn thing gets me in the dog house every time! Something that may have cost $6, now costs $41 because my account bounced and I got hit with a $35 fee! That had to be the best Dairy Queen ever made!!! So as convenient as it is, I am going to have to retire that thing! It has cost me way too much money in the past couple of years, basically as if I was paying those ridiculously high credit card interest rates. Until I can manage better, I am going to have to go to a primarily cash system. I just can't take this anymore. If I am ever going to get ahead - and I will - I have to control how much money I pay out. I make enough to sustain my modest lifestyle, but all the extra fees and late fees and crap is what kicks my ass every time!
That damn thing gets me in the dog house every time! Something that may have cost $6, now costs $41 because my account bounced and I got hit with a $35 fee! That had to be the best Dairy Queen ever made!!! So as convenient as it is, I am going to have to retire that thing! It has cost me way too much money in the past couple of years, basically as if I was paying those ridiculously high credit card interest rates. Until I can manage better, I am going to have to go to a primarily cash system. I just can't take this anymore. If I am ever going to get ahead - and I will - I have to control how much money I pay out. I make enough to sustain my modest lifestyle, but all the extra fees and late fees and crap is what kicks my ass every time!
January 30, 2008
T Minus 48 Hours
48 hours from now, I will be blissfully lying with man I adore! I am so excited!! (I know, you couldn't really tell)
Okay, okay...we may not be actually lying down in 48 hours, if you just wanted to be technical about it! But, you get the general idea!
We had a great chat this evening. I had some stuff I needed to get cleared up, and perhaps since I said something, he wanted it cleared up too. It wasn't anything bad at all. I am very glad we discussed it. I can't say it means we 'going steady' or anything corny like that. We are adults, we are friends, and we like each other a whole lot. Noone is yet at a point to throw in the other L-word, and that is okay with the both of us. There is no pressure and no rush to be anything more than what we are right now.
What are we? "We" don't have a pre-conceived category, such as dating, or boyfriend-girlfriend, or 'just a fling'. We just are. He's my Punkin, and I'm his Sweetie. And that works for us. Talking today, in my opinion, reconfirmed that pressure-free state of our relationship. I did make it clear that I am only interested in him at this point, and am not trying to see anyone else. He stated the same. HOWEVER, in the interest of not ignoring the elephant in the living room, we covered what may happen if he met someone there in Tennessee. So we're good there too.
No, of course I wouldn't like it. How crazy do you think I am? But, I want Dante happy, and if that means forgoing my own selfish desires so he doesn't have to be alone in Memphis, then I'll deal with it. WE will deal with it. Perish the thought, but this is the real world too. That was a relief of sorts for both of us too!
I also wanted to tell him something, since the wanting children had been looming so prevalently in my head from the beginning. Neither of us expected to really dig each other this much, that's for darn sure. It was expected for both of us to be a 'thing'. You know, just something (or someone) to do when he comes into town to visit family, and we chat and talk in the interim. Especially since my tubes are tied and he wants to have the whole experience someday, that was always a barrier or ceiling for how far we could go. So I was able to let him know that I am in no way against the idea of having more children, and I am willing to get surgically "unaltered" to do so. IF we should ever get to that point where we want to take this further, I didn't want that to be the thing that kept us from "doing the damn thang".
I am starting to feel better about the trip. I am going to leave early on Friday, and my sisters will pick up the kids. Then I will leave Memphis on Sunday at about 1p at the latest, so I can give my sister some time to recoup before starting the week over again. I will be buying some groceries to send with them, and I want to get her some kind of treat as well. For the kids, this time when I come back, I plan to have something for them...even if it's just keychains that say Memphis. I even talked to Dante about bringing the kids that way in April or May for a weekend. We would likely just skip school that day, and leave early that Friday (or leave Saturday, and stay over til Monday). I have discount certificates with Marriott properties, so the room would be about $50/night. It will be doable, we just have to work out the kinks as far as how to get a little "us" time!
In other news, I have filed my state and federal taxes elcetronically...and I'm just waiting on the deposits. What's funny is I was supposed to mail my Illinois state taxes for 2006, and never did! They owe me a refund of almost $200! So I will be mailing that one, as soon as I find the other W-2 that was with it. So the road to breathing easier is straight ahead. Main goals are getting another desktop computer, and catching up bills. Want to incorporate to help get towards my work-at-home goal...but we'll see what's in store for me there.
Stay tuned tomorrow for more Countdown Chronicles!!!!
Okay, okay...we may not be actually lying down in 48 hours, if you just wanted to be technical about it! But, you get the general idea!
We had a great chat this evening. I had some stuff I needed to get cleared up, and perhaps since I said something, he wanted it cleared up too. It wasn't anything bad at all. I am very glad we discussed it. I can't say it means we 'going steady' or anything corny like that. We are adults, we are friends, and we like each other a whole lot. Noone is yet at a point to throw in the other L-word, and that is okay with the both of us. There is no pressure and no rush to be anything more than what we are right now.
What are we? "We" don't have a pre-conceived category, such as dating, or boyfriend-girlfriend, or 'just a fling'. We just are. He's my Punkin, and I'm his Sweetie. And that works for us. Talking today, in my opinion, reconfirmed that pressure-free state of our relationship. I did make it clear that I am only interested in him at this point, and am not trying to see anyone else. He stated the same. HOWEVER, in the interest of not ignoring the elephant in the living room, we covered what may happen if he met someone there in Tennessee. So we're good there too.
No, of course I wouldn't like it. How crazy do you think I am? But, I want Dante happy, and if that means forgoing my own selfish desires so he doesn't have to be alone in Memphis, then I'll deal with it. WE will deal with it. Perish the thought, but this is the real world too. That was a relief of sorts for both of us too!
I also wanted to tell him something, since the wanting children had been looming so prevalently in my head from the beginning. Neither of us expected to really dig each other this much, that's for darn sure. It was expected for both of us to be a 'thing'. You know, just something (or someone) to do when he comes into town to visit family, and we chat and talk in the interim. Especially since my tubes are tied and he wants to have the whole experience someday, that was always a barrier or ceiling for how far we could go. So I was able to let him know that I am in no way against the idea of having more children, and I am willing to get surgically "unaltered" to do so. IF we should ever get to that point where we want to take this further, I didn't want that to be the thing that kept us from "doing the damn thang".
I am starting to feel better about the trip. I am going to leave early on Friday, and my sisters will pick up the kids. Then I will leave Memphis on Sunday at about 1p at the latest, so I can give my sister some time to recoup before starting the week over again. I will be buying some groceries to send with them, and I want to get her some kind of treat as well. For the kids, this time when I come back, I plan to have something for them...even if it's just keychains that say Memphis. I even talked to Dante about bringing the kids that way in April or May for a weekend. We would likely just skip school that day, and leave early that Friday (or leave Saturday, and stay over til Monday). I have discount certificates with Marriott properties, so the room would be about $50/night. It will be doable, we just have to work out the kinks as far as how to get a little "us" time!
In other news, I have filed my state and federal taxes elcetronically...and I'm just waiting on the deposits. What's funny is I was supposed to mail my Illinois state taxes for 2006, and never did! They owe me a refund of almost $200! So I will be mailing that one, as soon as I find the other W-2 that was with it. So the road to breathing easier is straight ahead. Main goals are getting another desktop computer, and catching up bills. Want to incorporate to help get towards my work-at-home goal...but we'll see what's in store for me there.
Stay tuned tomorrow for more Countdown Chronicles!!!!
January 19, 2008
A Guy Story
I won't discuss these people in any kind of chronological order. It is just whoever I feel like discussing at the moment.
Today I want to talk about Roy (that is his real name). Roy is Champagne's and Bruzer's father. I said father and not dad, because he is so far from it. He saw them one time for about 10 minutes in all of 2007...and NONE of 2006! But, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me go back to the beginning.
I met him at the very beginning of 2002, we were introduced by a mutual friend. I was seeing someone else at the time, but I knew that relationship wasn't going anywhere (he was married....judge me if you want). I was getting very attached, and I needed to break free and get into something of my own, so I broke it off with the other guy to see Roy exclusively. He talked a good game and seemed very normal. Says he worked for himself doing "drywall, plastering, and painting" -- I can still hear him say it, he used to say it so much. He told me he owned three houses in East St. Louis that were rental properties. That seemed doable to me, cause to me that sounded believable. He wasn't lying like he was ballin' outta control, he even said he had a Ford Expedition. Totally believable right? Yeah, it was ALL LIES!
But, by the time I found out, the damage had been done. I never saw the Expedition, his mother was always driving it and he was driving her car! Cute huh? Then, get this: his crackhead brothers drove his truck to Springfield and hocked it to the crackman! Yet, he wasn't upset about it, nor did he try to get it back or file a report. When I pressed him about it, he said it was only "material things"!
Red Flag #1! Does anyone else know how men and their vehicles are? Plus later on down the road one day when his mother was getting out of our Ford Explorer (smaller than the Expedition), she complained it was 'too high off the ground'.
So we had a good date, and we slept together, and I was very careless, and Champagne was conceived. We had an argument one day about 2 weeks after we got together and split up, but he had to come by and give me some money I lent to him...and we decided to try again. Didn't know I was knocked up yet.
The pregnancy was a little complicated, lots of bleeding when there shouldn't have been any, bedrest a few times, migraines out of this world....and I subsequently lost my job at the phone company. They mistakenly expected me to choose them over me and my baby's health. What.ever! Oh yeah, sex was restricted for awhile too, and this asshole actually told me if there was a choice between sex and the baby he would choose sex!!
But you see, I had my own hangups since I was now pregnant with my third child by the third different guy. I never wanted to be that girl...EVER! So I was determined to make it work. I went thru sheer hell trying to make it work, so I would advise very few to take this path...it doesn't work! I experienced high levels of infidelity and just complete assinine behavior, all through my pregnancy. Even the day my water broke with Champagne, it was drama. I checked his pager messages while he outside talking to his brother and heard a message from some girl wanting to know what time he was coming so they could go to the movies...ON MY BIRTHDAY!! So I confronted him and didn't speak to him for hours, until I had to tell him my water broke shortly after midnight.
He was the type that would lie until you showed him proof...or so I thought. I actually stooped so low as to tape his telephone conversations just so I could catch him in a lie that he was actually cheating. I am not proud of that...and I truly consider that a low point in my life. But I had to know since he would never be man enough to admit if he had been caught. I had to listen to him and yet another chick going over directions to her house in St. Louis - while I was at the store. I knew him well enough to know that he would leave when I got back. He told me he was going to his friend Kenny's house -- as usual. He didn't get home to that morning, at which time I had all his stuff packed up in trash bags at the door. But, he convinced me that they hadn't slept together, so we went on. But don't worry, his behavior didn't get any better, I just got worse!
I got so depressed at times that I didn't even comb my hair for days, I would just brush it back into a bun. Mind you, I was getting my hair done every 2 weeks when we first met! Even after I had Kyla, there was still drama. He was absolutely nuts about her. We weren't sleeping together, he slept downstairs on the floor and, a lot of the time she slept with him. After she was a few months old, that is. Sex life was barely there, but every now and then I wanted some and he was semi-convenient. I say semi cause there were several nights when he didn't come home. Well, one of those times produced Bruzer.
After I realized I was pregnant by him again, I spiralled down out of control. I went to Wal-Mart and got a 2-pack test. Then went to McDonald's across the street and tried one out. When I got into my car and started driving, before I knew it I had pulled up to Planned Parenthood. Yet another moment I wasn't proud of...that I had actually contemplating killing my baby. But God has forgiven me, and so I have forgiven myself. Mostly.
The funniest part was that I was 16 weeks pregnant by the time I figured out I was! I had just recently bought a TotalGym and, though I was working out regularly, couldn't figure out why my stomach wasn't going down! This is my fourth child..and I didn't know how to tell I was pregnant??? Priceless! He denied it of course, even in the doctor's office (while the doctor was standing there). He kept saying it must have been the mailman's baby, then specifically referred to Alyssa's dad (ie, Can't Get Right) as the mailman he was referring to! Once again, while the doctor was standing there! I could have died of embarassment right then and there!
We lasted until 2004, though most of the time after Bruzer was born, we weren't together. I finally got the balls to kick him out not long after the baby was born. His other "babymomma" - whose child is exactly 3 months older than Champagne - began blowing up my house phone when she found out about the baby. Apparently he had been going back and forth between the two, yet souping her head up thinking it was just her. Imagine her surprise and anger! I had been in the hospital for a week prior to having Bruzer, and he was still 5 weeks early. She called the next day and apologized to me like a woman and then she explained herself and what he had been saying. I made it clear to her how things were between him and me, and if she really wanted him (for reasons I'll never know) she was welcome to him.
The last official thing I think we did together was went on our annual Six Flags trip with my family in the summer of 2004. Champagne stayed all night at his house one time, and I told him that Bruzer was not allowed to stay. You see, he never bonded with him the way he did his baby girl...and I didn't feel my baby would be safe there. But, I started getting a bad feeling in my gut and so Champagne wasn't allowed to spend the night again. He was around too many seedy characters. If that makes me wrong, so what, my babies safety is my first priority! He had 2 or 3 or his crackhead/alcoholic brothers living with him. Plus, there was the dike who looked like a 16 year old boy, whose name I found in St. Clair County's sex offender system! He knew where I lived though, and yet he never came to see them. Never called on birthdays or anything. What's even more sad is that Bruzer's birthday is the day after his (like Champagne's is the day after mine)! Still nothing!
So, to sum it all up here's how it ended up:
I ended up with a repossessed car on my credit report that I bought for him.
I ended up with a $1200 Sprint bill and lost service on a number I had for years, because I added a line for him to my account.
I ended up with a $600 additional charge on my phone bill (after he moved out) because he took a calling card that mailed to the house and ran it up. Phone company wouldn't do anything even though I had a police report, because I knew the person! So that was disconnected too!
I lost my beloved tool set that I had since I was 19. (I am sentimental, you know)
I ended up getting my first beloved Montana repossessed because he messed up the transmission in it. So I had to cram me and the kids into my mother's 4-door Sunbird.
In some ways, I have still not quite gotten back to the financial place I was in "BR" (Before Roy).
I lost myself in him, and everyone who loved me was truly concerned. They were all so relieved to see the old me coming back! But I wasn't the old me, I was newer and better! There was no way I could have gone through all that, and not came out stronger than before!! But, best of all, I ended up with two children that I wouldn't have traded a minute of his misery or financial troubles for...if it meant I would be without Champagne and Bruzer!!
Today I want to talk about Roy (that is his real name). Roy is Champagne's and Bruzer's father. I said father and not dad, because he is so far from it. He saw them one time for about 10 minutes in all of 2007...and NONE of 2006! But, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me go back to the beginning.
I met him at the very beginning of 2002, we were introduced by a mutual friend. I was seeing someone else at the time, but I knew that relationship wasn't going anywhere (he was married....judge me if you want). I was getting very attached, and I needed to break free and get into something of my own, so I broke it off with the other guy to see Roy exclusively. He talked a good game and seemed very normal. Says he worked for himself doing "drywall, plastering, and painting" -- I can still hear him say it, he used to say it so much. He told me he owned three houses in East St. Louis that were rental properties. That seemed doable to me, cause to me that sounded believable. He wasn't lying like he was ballin' outta control, he even said he had a Ford Expedition. Totally believable right? Yeah, it was ALL LIES!
But, by the time I found out, the damage had been done. I never saw the Expedition, his mother was always driving it and he was driving her car! Cute huh? Then, get this: his crackhead brothers drove his truck to Springfield and hocked it to the crackman! Yet, he wasn't upset about it, nor did he try to get it back or file a report. When I pressed him about it, he said it was only "material things"!
Red Flag #1! Does anyone else know how men and their vehicles are? Plus later on down the road one day when his mother was getting out of our Ford Explorer (smaller than the Expedition), she complained it was 'too high off the ground'.
So we had a good date, and we slept together, and I was very careless, and Champagne was conceived. We had an argument one day about 2 weeks after we got together and split up, but he had to come by and give me some money I lent to him...and we decided to try again. Didn't know I was knocked up yet.
The pregnancy was a little complicated, lots of bleeding when there shouldn't have been any, bedrest a few times, migraines out of this world....and I subsequently lost my job at the phone company. They mistakenly expected me to choose them over me and my baby's health. What.ever! Oh yeah, sex was restricted for awhile too, and this asshole actually told me if there was a choice between sex and the baby he would choose sex!!
But you see, I had my own hangups since I was now pregnant with my third child by the third different guy. I never wanted to be that girl...EVER! So I was determined to make it work. I went thru sheer hell trying to make it work, so I would advise very few to take this path...it doesn't work! I experienced high levels of infidelity and just complete assinine behavior, all through my pregnancy. Even the day my water broke with Champagne, it was drama. I checked his pager messages while he outside talking to his brother and heard a message from some girl wanting to know what time he was coming so they could go to the movies...ON MY BIRTHDAY!! So I confronted him and didn't speak to him for hours, until I had to tell him my water broke shortly after midnight.
He was the type that would lie until you showed him proof...or so I thought. I actually stooped so low as to tape his telephone conversations just so I could catch him in a lie that he was actually cheating. I am not proud of that...and I truly consider that a low point in my life. But I had to know since he would never be man enough to admit if he had been caught. I had to listen to him and yet another chick going over directions to her house in St. Louis - while I was at the store. I knew him well enough to know that he would leave when I got back. He told me he was going to his friend Kenny's house -- as usual. He didn't get home to that morning, at which time I had all his stuff packed up in trash bags at the door. But, he convinced me that they hadn't slept together, so we went on. But don't worry, his behavior didn't get any better, I just got worse!
I got so depressed at times that I didn't even comb my hair for days, I would just brush it back into a bun. Mind you, I was getting my hair done every 2 weeks when we first met! Even after I had Kyla, there was still drama. He was absolutely nuts about her. We weren't sleeping together, he slept downstairs on the floor and, a lot of the time she slept with him. After she was a few months old, that is. Sex life was barely there, but every now and then I wanted some and he was semi-convenient. I say semi cause there were several nights when he didn't come home. Well, one of those times produced Bruzer.
After I realized I was pregnant by him again, I spiralled down out of control. I went to Wal-Mart and got a 2-pack test. Then went to McDonald's across the street and tried one out. When I got into my car and started driving, before I knew it I had pulled up to Planned Parenthood. Yet another moment I wasn't proud of...that I had actually contemplating killing my baby. But God has forgiven me, and so I have forgiven myself. Mostly.
The funniest part was that I was 16 weeks pregnant by the time I figured out I was! I had just recently bought a TotalGym and, though I was working out regularly, couldn't figure out why my stomach wasn't going down! This is my fourth child..and I didn't know how to tell I was pregnant??? Priceless! He denied it of course, even in the doctor's office (while the doctor was standing there). He kept saying it must have been the mailman's baby, then specifically referred to Alyssa's dad (ie, Can't Get Right) as the mailman he was referring to! Once again, while the doctor was standing there! I could have died of embarassment right then and there!
We lasted until 2004, though most of the time after Bruzer was born, we weren't together. I finally got the balls to kick him out not long after the baby was born. His other "babymomma" - whose child is exactly 3 months older than Champagne - began blowing up my house phone when she found out about the baby. Apparently he had been going back and forth between the two, yet souping her head up thinking it was just her. Imagine her surprise and anger! I had been in the hospital for a week prior to having Bruzer, and he was still 5 weeks early. She called the next day and apologized to me like a woman and then she explained herself and what he had been saying. I made it clear to her how things were between him and me, and if she really wanted him (for reasons I'll never know) she was welcome to him.
The last official thing I think we did together was went on our annual Six Flags trip with my family in the summer of 2004. Champagne stayed all night at his house one time, and I told him that Bruzer was not allowed to stay. You see, he never bonded with him the way he did his baby girl...and I didn't feel my baby would be safe there. But, I started getting a bad feeling in my gut and so Champagne wasn't allowed to spend the night again. He was around too many seedy characters. If that makes me wrong, so what, my babies safety is my first priority! He had 2 or 3 or his crackhead/alcoholic brothers living with him. Plus, there was the dike who looked like a 16 year old boy, whose name I found in St. Clair County's sex offender system! He knew where I lived though, and yet he never came to see them. Never called on birthdays or anything. What's even more sad is that Bruzer's birthday is the day after his (like Champagne's is the day after mine)! Still nothing!
So, to sum it all up here's how it ended up:
I ended up with a repossessed car on my credit report that I bought for him.
I ended up with a $1200 Sprint bill and lost service on a number I had for years, because I added a line for him to my account.
I ended up with a $600 additional charge on my phone bill (after he moved out) because he took a calling card that mailed to the house and ran it up. Phone company wouldn't do anything even though I had a police report, because I knew the person! So that was disconnected too!
I lost my beloved tool set that I had since I was 19. (I am sentimental, you know)
I ended up getting my first beloved Montana repossessed because he messed up the transmission in it. So I had to cram me and the kids into my mother's 4-door Sunbird.
In some ways, I have still not quite gotten back to the financial place I was in "BR" (Before Roy).
I lost myself in him, and everyone who loved me was truly concerned. They were all so relieved to see the old me coming back! But I wasn't the old me, I was newer and better! There was no way I could have gone through all that, and not came out stronger than before!! But, best of all, I ended up with two children that I wouldn't have traded a minute of his misery or financial troubles for...if it meant I would be without Champagne and Bruzer!!
January 13, 2008
The Weekend in Review
I did just about nothing this weekend. I watched movies that I already owned. I borrowed "Night at the Museum" from my sister for us to watch. That movie is really funny, and really cute. I have been a bit challenged on the financial end this week, so therefore we pretty much stayed inside. Okay not pretty much, we did. I didn't even go to the front porch to get the mail. DJ left on Saturday to be with his dad though. Since Joe is laid off from work, it's not like he has much else to do!
My punkin was in the field this weekend, left on Friday evening, and got back today. I hate not talking to him daily, but I absolutely survived! I guess it's not so bad as long as I know where he is. I got to talk to him for about an hour on Friday evening. We didn't talk long today, but he did call me to let me know he was out of the field, so I am content. I still don't know about going down there the weekend of the 25th, cause I think that's going to be my 'time of the month'. He was so sweet to say that even if it was he still wants to come down there, cause the physical stuff is not the only thing he likes me for. He wanted to make sure I wasn't thinking that, and I wasn't. But I know how the two of us are and, after not seeing each other in several weeks, it's gonna be hard to control ourselves. We really do match up well in the physical arena! REALLY well!
So, anywho, I guess we will see about the trip. Cause, you know there is the issue of babysitting as always. There is also the issue of will I have any moolah to travel with? Yeah, that story is getting so old. Being financially strapped is so last year!!
It's coming though, that magical time of the year that should get me completely back on track financially! Yes, ladies and gentlemen! It's almost Tax Time!!!!! No no no...no rapid refunds or anything like that this year! I am filing directly to the IRS to have my funds directly deposited into my bank account. (takes about 2 weeks tops) I am just praying and believing for a great return this year!
The next couple of days, I would like to get personal with you. I want to talk about the major relationships in my life. I made it through them, so I am stronger, that I can tell you now. I think you will find the reading interesting, since I know for me the writing will be very therapeutic (like when I wrote about my father). Stay tuned...
My punkin was in the field this weekend, left on Friday evening, and got back today. I hate not talking to him daily, but I absolutely survived! I guess it's not so bad as long as I know where he is. I got to talk to him for about an hour on Friday evening. We didn't talk long today, but he did call me to let me know he was out of the field, so I am content. I still don't know about going down there the weekend of the 25th, cause I think that's going to be my 'time of the month'. He was so sweet to say that even if it was he still wants to come down there, cause the physical stuff is not the only thing he likes me for. He wanted to make sure I wasn't thinking that, and I wasn't. But I know how the two of us are and, after not seeing each other in several weeks, it's gonna be hard to control ourselves. We really do match up well in the physical arena! REALLY well!
So, anywho, I guess we will see about the trip. Cause, you know there is the issue of babysitting as always. There is also the issue of will I have any moolah to travel with? Yeah, that story is getting so old. Being financially strapped is so last year!!
It's coming though, that magical time of the year that should get me completely back on track financially! Yes, ladies and gentlemen! It's almost Tax Time!!!!! No no no...no rapid refunds or anything like that this year! I am filing directly to the IRS to have my funds directly deposited into my bank account. (takes about 2 weeks tops) I am just praying and believing for a great return this year!
The next couple of days, I would like to get personal with you. I want to talk about the major relationships in my life. I made it through them, so I am stronger, that I can tell you now. I think you will find the reading interesting, since I know for me the writing will be very therapeutic (like when I wrote about my father). Stay tuned...
January 4, 2008
Kids are Back To School
Know what I thought about yesterday? That over the next two years, the last of my children will be going to Kindergarten. Champagne will start in the 08-09 school year (starts school late due to her November birthday). Bruzer will start the 09-10 school year. When Bruzer starts Kindergarten, DJ will be headed to middle school. I can't believe they're growing up! I just hope I am doing a good job with them. Getting them prepared for whatever they are to be in life.
I don't tell any of them what I think they should be or what I want them to be. What I do tell them is they can be anything they want to be...there is no limit. DJ wants to own his own restaurant. His father has a Master's Degree, and so I think he is feeling pretty good about himself lately. But, what I explained to DJ is that even though I don't have a degree (yet), it is important to get at the very least a Bachelor's. However, that piece of paper doesn't mean you are automatically smarter or better than someone who doesn't have it. I advised him that Bill Gates - one of the richest men in the world- dropped out of college.
I want to be in a better position to teach my kids not only about education, but about life. Not the "how to survive in the urban jungle" kind of life, but about business and credit and finances. Typically, black people don't teach our children that, cause we were never taught. I want more and better for this next generation that I am raising. I want them to realize that just because they throw credit cards at you in college, doesn't mean you have to take them. Funny thing about those credit card companies is they actually expect you to pay them back! I want them to be buying their first home in their mid to early twenties, not still renting in their mid-thirties.
In other words, I want them to be better than me.
I don't tell any of them what I think they should be or what I want them to be. What I do tell them is they can be anything they want to be...there is no limit. DJ wants to own his own restaurant. His father has a Master's Degree, and so I think he is feeling pretty good about himself lately. But, what I explained to DJ is that even though I don't have a degree (yet), it is important to get at the very least a Bachelor's. However, that piece of paper doesn't mean you are automatically smarter or better than someone who doesn't have it. I advised him that Bill Gates - one of the richest men in the world- dropped out of college.
I want to be in a better position to teach my kids not only about education, but about life. Not the "how to survive in the urban jungle" kind of life, but about business and credit and finances. Typically, black people don't teach our children that, cause we were never taught. I want more and better for this next generation that I am raising. I want them to realize that just because they throw credit cards at you in college, doesn't mean you have to take them. Funny thing about those credit card companies is they actually expect you to pay them back! I want them to be buying their first home in their mid to early twenties, not still renting in their mid-thirties.
In other words, I want them to be better than me.
December 7, 2007
Life Goes On
Wow, am I having a bad day today!
I am so tired of being depressed and broke on payday!
As my mother used to say, "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!"
Finances are shot to hell. I am all borrowed out, and guess what? The bills keep coming! So, I just downloaded the software I need to my laptop so I can sit up and take calls that way. I died to get this work-at-home job...and I have done crap with it!!
This is my "little" so that God will see I am capable of handling "much" next year. So, I will designate a day off every week, but otherwise I plan to work everyday...as much as I can until the bills are not only caught up, but AHEAD!!!!
Can you imagine? It doesn't even seem realistic! But it is possible!!!
I just have to put my mind to doing it. To not let "I'm tired" be my excuse to keep living like this. Hell, most nights I go to bed at 1am anyway, why not get paid for it?!
Been chatting with the Commander lately. He will be most happy if he could get into my pants again - or get me out of them, whichever way you look at it. Ah well....life goes on.
Still wonder what's in the future for me romantically. I know, I know....I'm being ridiculous. But you've got to know this casual dating is only gonna work with me for so long, right? I mean, Dante and I even talked about it. This is great for now, but eventually we're both gonna want more than the other person can give. That's where we'll go our separate romantic ways, with good memories but left to start over again.
Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe starting over?? I just want to be settled and happily married for the rest of my life, why is that so much to ask?????
I know. You don't have to say it. I have to be patient. It will happen in time. When the time is right, the right person will come along.
Blah, blah, blah is all I am hearing right now.
I am so tired of being depressed and broke on payday!
As my mother used to say, "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!"
Finances are shot to hell. I am all borrowed out, and guess what? The bills keep coming! So, I just downloaded the software I need to my laptop so I can sit up and take calls that way. I died to get this work-at-home job...and I have done crap with it!!
This is my "little" so that God will see I am capable of handling "much" next year. So, I will designate a day off every week, but otherwise I plan to work everyday...as much as I can until the bills are not only caught up, but AHEAD!!!!
Can you imagine? It doesn't even seem realistic! But it is possible!!!
I just have to put my mind to doing it. To not let "I'm tired" be my excuse to keep living like this. Hell, most nights I go to bed at 1am anyway, why not get paid for it?!
Been chatting with the Commander lately. He will be most happy if he could get into my pants again - or get me out of them, whichever way you look at it. Ah well....life goes on.
Still wonder what's in the future for me romantically. I know, I know....I'm being ridiculous. But you've got to know this casual dating is only gonna work with me for so long, right? I mean, Dante and I even talked about it. This is great for now, but eventually we're both gonna want more than the other person can give. That's where we'll go our separate romantic ways, with good memories but left to start over again.
Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe starting over?? I just want to be settled and happily married for the rest of my life, why is that so much to ask?????
I know. You don't have to say it. I have to be patient. It will happen in time. When the time is right, the right person will come along.
Blah, blah, blah is all I am hearing right now.
November 23, 2007
This Week in Review
Monday: DJ had a basketball game. I switched with Kween to get off at 4p, since it was a 430p game. I hate that they ASSUME one of these kids' parents stays at home! I am the only parent, and I work full time! I worked through my lunch and left at 330p, which helped out a lot! WHAT AN AWESOME GAME!!! The kids played so well together, I was literally bursting with pride! They actuallyt won!!! They don't technically keep score, but people do anyway. And after their shutout 35-0 against O'Fallon the Friday before, they really needed this boost. And it was just an all around great game! That was one of two highlights that day.
The other was talking to the New Guy on my way to the game. I just needed to clear the air with him, and make sure he knew I wasn't still mad at him. You remember my big rant, don't you? We had a good conversation, and I'm glad for it. I wanted him to know that I understood the decision that he made and that it wasn't an easy decision for him, and that I thought he was a good guy and definitely a good man. I even told him he could be my friend and call me every now and again. (Don't know if he'll take me up on that one though)
Tuesday: Paypal's bank tried to take the $474.59 payment out of my account again. This happens AFTER I deposit a check into my landlord's bank account! My bank could in no way confirm to me that they would hold my rent check to clear when presented. That check could not bounce!! Stress level is mounting again.
Wednesday: Still worried over finances, but at least the rent check hasn't bounced...yet.
Thursday: Worked in the office by myself from 730a-4p. It was very cool as usual. I had my laptop set up and was watching movies that I rented from Redbox (which I totally love). I watched Live Free or Die Hard, which was action-packed and pretty awesome all around. It has the guy from the commercials that plays the Mac...and he did very well. Reminded me of a couple of great pairings of the action star and the comic relief from previous films. Judge Dredd (Stallone and Rob Schneider) and Rundown (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Sean William Scott (from the American Pie movies)).
Went to my sister's house to eat and retrieve the children. Mom came up to my house, then I took her van to work. She drove my van since all the carseats were already in there. I ate one plate of food, then had a good helping of ambrosia. I was good for the rest of the night. I packed some cake and more ambrosia, and we headed home. After all, I still had to work Friday too!
Friday: One other person was in the office today and thank goodness it was someone I could stand all day. I still had my laptop set up though. Between calls I was able to watch 2 movies. It was a lot busier than Thanksgiving. I logged about 30 calls, and that wasn't everything! Some were quick answers to quick questions, and I didn't get a name, so I didn't log them. Mom came up again this morning and watched the kids for me.
Everything looks like it may be getting back to normal with my bank account. As soon as that happens though, I am closing my paypal and ebay accounts. If I need them again, then I can re-register at a later time. I am just tired of being constantly "behind the 8-ball". I want more, and the kids and I deserve more too! When things like this happen to people like me, it takes a long time to recover from it. But God is still on the throne, and those wrongdoers will not triumph on one of His children...in the Mighty Name of Jesus!!
The other was talking to the New Guy on my way to the game. I just needed to clear the air with him, and make sure he knew I wasn't still mad at him. You remember my big rant, don't you? We had a good conversation, and I'm glad for it. I wanted him to know that I understood the decision that he made and that it wasn't an easy decision for him, and that I thought he was a good guy and definitely a good man. I even told him he could be my friend and call me every now and again. (Don't know if he'll take me up on that one though)
Tuesday: Paypal's bank tried to take the $474.59 payment out of my account again. This happens AFTER I deposit a check into my landlord's bank account! My bank could in no way confirm to me that they would hold my rent check to clear when presented. That check could not bounce!! Stress level is mounting again.
Wednesday: Still worried over finances, but at least the rent check hasn't bounced...yet.
Thursday: Worked in the office by myself from 730a-4p. It was very cool as usual. I had my laptop set up and was watching movies that I rented from Redbox (which I totally love). I watched Live Free or Die Hard, which was action-packed and pretty awesome all around. It has the guy from the commercials that plays the Mac...and he did very well. Reminded me of a couple of great pairings of the action star and the comic relief from previous films. Judge Dredd (Stallone and Rob Schneider) and Rundown (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Sean William Scott (from the American Pie movies)).
Went to my sister's house to eat and retrieve the children. Mom came up to my house, then I took her van to work. She drove my van since all the carseats were already in there. I ate one plate of food, then had a good helping of ambrosia. I was good for the rest of the night. I packed some cake and more ambrosia, and we headed home. After all, I still had to work Friday too!
Friday: One other person was in the office today and thank goodness it was someone I could stand all day. I still had my laptop set up though. Between calls I was able to watch 2 movies. It was a lot busier than Thanksgiving. I logged about 30 calls, and that wasn't everything! Some were quick answers to quick questions, and I didn't get a name, so I didn't log them. Mom came up again this morning and watched the kids for me.
Everything looks like it may be getting back to normal with my bank account. As soon as that happens though, I am closing my paypal and ebay accounts. If I need them again, then I can re-register at a later time. I am just tired of being constantly "behind the 8-ball". I want more, and the kids and I deserve more too! When things like this happen to people like me, it takes a long time to recover from it. But God is still on the throne, and those wrongdoers will not triumph on one of His children...in the Mighty Name of Jesus!!
August 24, 2007
I Am Still Here!!
Yes, I am still here! It has been VERY difficult as of late for me. I have been in a little hole, only surfacing for work and my motherly responsibilities.
But I am much better now. Thanks to all of those that were concerned enough to NOT check on me! J (oh yeah, I’m back)
For the past week, I have had a headache. Yesterday was my first day without one. No, not the I-don’t-wanna-have-sex kind of headache. But a serious headache. Not quite my usual migraine, but just enough under that to let me know my blood pressure was WAY out of whack. I never took my BP during that time, but I’m sure if I went to the doctor, they would have admitted me into the hospital because I was in danger of a stroke!
Yeah, it was that bad.
But then, just when I thought I couldn’t take another weight, the blessings came! Oh, but GOD!!! Take me as an example of the saying that God will not put more on you than you can bear! I was literally at my breaking point, things were that bad. But, after having my van repo’d for the second time in less than 2 months, things finally took a turn for the better. My mother stepped in, and by the grace of God her credit union agreed to buy my van from the car place I got the van from.
YES. MY MOTHER DOES TOTALLY ROCK!!!!!!!!
Then my landlords reduced my rent by $50. I’m telling you what….the power of God is unstoppable! I’m not nearly out of the woods yet, but I can see the clearing coming up ahead. Plus, I am still ferverently trying to find more work-at-home options to provide a steady income monthly. I think I have found it…and I will keep you posted.
So, even when people come to me CRAZY like I have done something wrong to them purposely, that is not my intention. (You will know if it is)
I have just simply been trying to maintain my sanity for the sake of my family! Give me a break…sheeeeez!
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