I talked to the bff extensively today. I told her what I did and how I felt so horrible for it. I told her I still have questions towards Dante as to what we really are. I can't feel like I am "the only one" if there are still others I feel I have to contend with! PLUS, his retort to my fear statement has me completely thrown off kilter!! How am I supposed to feel secure with that!??
I would gladly go under the knife and anesthesia to give him what he desires so much. I loved everything about childbearing, from conception to carrying the baby to even my labor and deliveries. I would gladly do it again...and again after that. BUT, I wonder if the fact that I have 4 children, then plus any we would have may be a little too overwhelming for him. I actually wouldn't think so, but that's because I think very highly of his strength and character. Call me partial that way!
The bff also reminded me today that I perhaps have been selling myself short in this. I always focus on this one thing that I can't do that the others may be able to. But what about all the things I have going for me that would make any man fall at my feet??? She told me to remain open, so that in case he does have to come to me and tell me those dreaded words, I won't be back at square one. Do you have any idea how hard that is to fathom, when all I really want is him??? What she reminded me of with a story she told is the fact that I have his back no matter what. If I can do something or if I can help then I will do it. He knows that fact, as I have proven it plenty of times and will continue to do so. I know that counts in a man's mind, and it's not even an act for me...that's just who I am. I believe the thugs would call me a ride-or-die chick! LOL
I know he appreciates that about me. I know that makes me a lot more unique than a number of women out there. I am quite positive that all my numerous attributes far outweigh any drawbacks that are present! That's what I believe, that's the premise I will work from. My future husband - be it Dante or someone I have yet to know - will be bowled over by those very things!
In the Matchless name of Jesus....... (let everyone say) AMEN!!!!
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December 31, 2008
Happy New Year's Eve
Wow!! Do I need to clear my head up before tonight!!! What a "last night" and morning it has been! I am going to blame part of it on woman's intuition, and the other part on PMS to explain what happens next. Last night I did what I always advise others not to...I went digging. The saying goes: "Seek and ye shall find." I went looking for something on Dante's myspace page. Well between there and looking through his phone (gasp) while he was in the shower...I found it! What did I find you ask? Last night's stuff was purely circumstantial, a picture of him and another woman standing side by side (not even touching). It was the comments under the photo that helped my heart beat abnormally. She responded to someone else's comment about who he was and that's who she's been hiding by saying if they had went to her graduation then they would know who he was. As I said purely circumstantial stuff. But wait! There's more!!
Then today, his phone was left unlocked after he went to the shower and -completely AGAINST my better judgement- I looked through the text messages. Not much, but then I recognized a name as one I saw long ago, when I saw the "Are you okay baby?" text message when he spent the weekend with me and the kids. So I looked at the history of that conversation and was disturbed by the 'good morning pet name' messages I saw. Then it bothered me that, after asking me if I could get groceries for him before he heads back to Memphis and me agreeing, he tells this person when she asked about him needing groceries that his SISTER would be getting them for him on her link card! Yes, you are correct, that is suspect. That's when my pressure rose and I tried to begin calming myself down.
He came in the room and I couldn't even fake it. When he played 20 questions and found out the person I was mad at was him, he automatically knew it had something to do with his phone. I felt like shit for even admitting I had looked through it...because to me that's a huge breach of trust. He said he wasn't angry but I could tell he was pissed, I saw it in his eyes. I sincerely apologized for doing what I did. I told him what I found and asked about it (didn't tell him about the sister comment). He reminded me that I am well aware that he talks to other women and he has not hidden that from me. He reminded me that this vacation he has spent the vast majority of his time here with me, to which I agreed. Basically he turned the tables from me being mad at him to him being mad at me...or at least at the fact that I felt I had to do that. Yes, I know. That is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Yes, I did let it slide. No, I don't know why.
Why can't I be one of those women that get mad and holler and cuss and fuss? The men seem to looove them, and it seems to work too! But me? No. I'm way too classy for such antics and theatrics! The most you may get out of me is watery eyes and the knowledge that I am pissed off beyond all recognition.
So, I told him that it worries me sometimes. I told him that my biggest fear is that he will come to me one day and tell me 'I care about you, but I found someone else I want to be with...and she can have children.' You know what didn't help that baring-my-soul moment? Him saying that that was his biggest fear also...that he would have to say that to me one day! Wow, yeah..I feel sooooo much better now. Thanks Punkin! ;-) Honesty rocks! (seriously, I wouldn't want it any other way. better honest now than caught in a big ass lying mess later)
I don't know what the hell to do right now. But I know for damn sure that I will not come into the new year in a state of confusion! I am determined! I heard Kanye West's Stronger in the car on the way back from Wallyworld. That's a favorite pump up song of mine! Then when I got back home, I changed my yahoo status message to this:
Then today, his phone was left unlocked after he went to the shower and -completely AGAINST my better judgement- I looked through the text messages. Not much, but then I recognized a name as one I saw long ago, when I saw the "Are you okay baby?" text message when he spent the weekend with me and the kids. So I looked at the history of that conversation and was disturbed by the 'good morning pet name' messages I saw. Then it bothered me that, after asking me if I could get groceries for him before he heads back to Memphis and me agreeing, he tells this person when she asked about him needing groceries that his SISTER would be getting them for him on her link card! Yes, you are correct, that is suspect. That's when my pressure rose and I tried to begin calming myself down.
He came in the room and I couldn't even fake it. When he played 20 questions and found out the person I was mad at was him, he automatically knew it had something to do with his phone. I felt like shit for even admitting I had looked through it...because to me that's a huge breach of trust. He said he wasn't angry but I could tell he was pissed, I saw it in his eyes. I sincerely apologized for doing what I did. I told him what I found and asked about it (didn't tell him about the sister comment). He reminded me that I am well aware that he talks to other women and he has not hidden that from me. He reminded me that this vacation he has spent the vast majority of his time here with me, to which I agreed. Basically he turned the tables from me being mad at him to him being mad at me...or at least at the fact that I felt I had to do that. Yes, I know. That is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Yes, I did let it slide. No, I don't know why.
Why can't I be one of those women that get mad and holler and cuss and fuss? The men seem to looove them, and it seems to work too! But me? No. I'm way too classy for such antics and theatrics! The most you may get out of me is watery eyes and the knowledge that I am pissed off beyond all recognition.
So, I told him that it worries me sometimes. I told him that my biggest fear is that he will come to me one day and tell me 'I care about you, but I found someone else I want to be with...and she can have children.' You know what didn't help that baring-my-soul moment? Him saying that that was his biggest fear also...that he would have to say that to me one day! Wow, yeah..I feel sooooo much better now. Thanks Punkin! ;-) Honesty rocks! (seriously, I wouldn't want it any other way. better honest now than caught in a big ass lying mess later)
I don't know what the hell to do right now. But I know for damn sure that I will not come into the new year in a state of confusion! I am determined! I heard Kanye West's Stronger in the car on the way back from Wallyworld. That's a favorite pump up song of mine! Then when I got back home, I changed my yahoo status message to this:
"Just Love and Let Go. Sometimes it's worth the heartbreak!"
There is nothing else I can do in this situation but continue to trust God over all, and know that He has my best interest at heart...even when noone else does (including myself)!!!
December 30, 2008
Christmas Was Great
Merry Belated Christmas to everyone! I hope yours was lovely! This went went a lot smoother than last year in the whole trying to be Santa Claus part! I made sure they were sleep and got everything where it needed to be BEFORE I went to bed for the night! Dante came through big time (again) with toys for them, and I was able to buy them each something else from their Christmas lists that they wanted. Starr got the bike she has wanted for such a long time (that her father never got). So Dante gets BIG kudos from the family (and the bff) for that! He has such a big heart, I just wish sometimes I knew how much of me was in there. But that's another story...
Anyway, he got into town before Christmas and is able to stay until after New Year's so that's exciting! Though, because he says he's going to church, I won't be able to spend that night with him. It's been really great having him here though. We have spent a pretty good amount of time together. We went to the movies the other day while Leigh watched all the children for me. Then we came home and ate some Talayna's lasagna, which he absolutely LOVES. He has spent several nights here and we have just really enjoyed our time together. I haven't heard those three words again though. That sometimes makes me wonder, was it something he really meant to say...perhaps it really was the alcohol and "activities" that made him say it. Ah well, only time will tell I suppose.
Anyhow, we spent Christmas at The Officer's house, even though she had to work as usual. As a correctional officer, her schedule is M-F 645a-3p...PERIOD!! Regardless of what holiday it is. We had a great time there. It was really good this year. It sometimes make me sad, because seeing as Grandmother is 87 years old...I wonder how much longer we will have her at our gatherings. Blessedly, the women in our family can live to be pretty "up there", so we may have quite a few more years at this rate! :-) I really didn't do any shopping for anyone outside the kids this year. I just didn't really have it to spare, trying to make sure the bills are paid is what matters most. My phone was acting up, and I misconnected with Wayne that day, he wanted to come by and see Starr for Christmas. Oops! Mind you, he hasn't made it since then either!
New Year's Eve is just around the corner. I can say that, although I am not where I want to be right now (especially financially), I can definitely see the strides I have made since last year this time! For that I feel blessed. I have made some mistakes this year, of which I will forgive myself for and move on. Most importantly, I will allow myself to trust God more and follow His lead instead of my own. I believe that single decision will help me achieve my business goals in record time this year!
Because I have some things on my mind and heart right...and because I am PMSing...I will end this post now before it becomes very neagtive and depressing. God Bless and Keep you til the end of all time!
Anyway, he got into town before Christmas and is able to stay until after New Year's so that's exciting! Though, because he says he's going to church, I won't be able to spend that night with him. It's been really great having him here though. We have spent a pretty good amount of time together. We went to the movies the other day while Leigh watched all the children for me. Then we came home and ate some Talayna's lasagna, which he absolutely LOVES. He has spent several nights here and we have just really enjoyed our time together. I haven't heard those three words again though. That sometimes makes me wonder, was it something he really meant to say...perhaps it really was the alcohol and "activities" that made him say it. Ah well, only time will tell I suppose.
Anyhow, we spent Christmas at The Officer's house, even though she had to work as usual. As a correctional officer, her schedule is M-F 645a-3p...PERIOD!! Regardless of what holiday it is. We had a great time there. It was really good this year. It sometimes make me sad, because seeing as Grandmother is 87 years old...I wonder how much longer we will have her at our gatherings. Blessedly, the women in our family can live to be pretty "up there", so we may have quite a few more years at this rate! :-) I really didn't do any shopping for anyone outside the kids this year. I just didn't really have it to spare, trying to make sure the bills are paid is what matters most. My phone was acting up, and I misconnected with Wayne that day, he wanted to come by and see Starr for Christmas. Oops! Mind you, he hasn't made it since then either!
New Year's Eve is just around the corner. I can say that, although I am not where I want to be right now (especially financially), I can definitely see the strides I have made since last year this time! For that I feel blessed. I have made some mistakes this year, of which I will forgive myself for and move on. Most importantly, I will allow myself to trust God more and follow His lead instead of my own. I believe that single decision will help me achieve my business goals in record time this year!
Because I have some things on my mind and heart right...and because I am PMSing...I will end this post now before it becomes very neagtive and depressing. God Bless and Keep you til the end of all time!
December 21, 2008
It's Almost Here
Yes, in a few days it will be Christmas! I finally put up the tree this evening! Still needs decorating, but it's a prelit tree, so that kinda helps! I even put a few red velvet bows on the outside railing, so now me and my duplex-mate match! I also rearranged my living room today as well. Oh no, this was not a minor switching-of-the-couch-and-loveseat kinda change. This was an everything-that-can-be-moved-will-be-moved kinda change! I am well pleased with it.
Whaddaya mean "Who helped me"?!?!?! Did you not see the name of this blog?
SOLOMOMMY, thankyouverymuch!
Okay, okay...the kids helped a little. They moved the toys that were in the corner out of the living room, and DJ sweep-vac'd the floor (which is his daily job anyway). But all the furniture moving and carrying of 32" TVs (old school, not flat-panel) from one room to the next was ALL ME!! Why yes...I am very proud of that!
Went to church this morning, then to Aldi to pick up a few things. That was all I could manage, considering it was like 13degrees outside with a windchill of -10 degrees to go with it!! Church was great this morning, I am really getting into it there. Last Sunday I arrived just in time to completely miss praise and worship, so I was a bit bummed about that. But I made it in time today, plus got to hear the message about "The Indescribable Gift of Christmas is Jesus Christ".
Came home and kind of lounged. There is an actual ton of laundry to do, but since I have to go outside to access the basement where the washer and dryer are there was none done today!! I'm also in the process of giving this place a good once-over clean & clutterwise too. I have quite a bit to see the goodwill tomorrow already, and will likely have more.
I did a little Christmas shopping with my sister Leigh yesterday. I ended scoring stocking stuffers and decorations mostly. Plus, I got Starr the art set she wanted and a couple of paper pads too. The "real" paper pads, like one specifically for watercolors and the other that's best for "dry media". She really is a good artist, and I want to continue to feed that in her. As far as toys go, what a blessing for Dante to have gotten so many things from their Christmas list this year! I hardly have to buy anything, which is a plus cause I won't have money til the day after Christmas! lol
He was even able to procure Starr a bike from a local bike drive they had. Yes, in case you are wondering, these gifts came from the US Marine Corps Toys for Tots program. No, I don't feel bad or like I'm abusing the privilege because of who he is. Honestly, had it not been for him, my kids Christmas wouldn't be so great at all. So, what I do feel is divinely blessed to have him in my life to do this for my children. But, I'll tell you a little secret. My prayer to God was that I could be a giver next year instead a receiver. And you know what? I believe God grants us the desires of our hearts, as long as it follows in line with His perfect will for our lives.
My Punkin will be here in a few days, and I can hardly wait! Just being in his embrace after a little time away is like a cold glass of water after a terribly long drought! Or better yet:
Take a deep breath in and hold it for a second. Now exhale slowly and completely, letting your shoulders and body relax in the process.
Feel that?
That's what's it's like in my Punkin's arms for me!
I really am falling, aren't I?
Whaddaya mean "Who helped me"?!?!?! Did you not see the name of this blog?
SOLOMOMMY, thankyouverymuch!
Okay, okay...the kids helped a little. They moved the toys that were in the corner out of the living room, and DJ sweep-vac'd the floor (which is his daily job anyway). But all the furniture moving and carrying of 32" TVs (old school, not flat-panel) from one room to the next was ALL ME!! Why yes...I am very proud of that!
Went to church this morning, then to Aldi to pick up a few things. That was all I could manage, considering it was like 13degrees outside with a windchill of -10 degrees to go with it!! Church was great this morning, I am really getting into it there. Last Sunday I arrived just in time to completely miss praise and worship, so I was a bit bummed about that. But I made it in time today, plus got to hear the message about "The Indescribable Gift of Christmas is Jesus Christ".
Came home and kind of lounged. There is an actual ton of laundry to do, but since I have to go outside to access the basement where the washer and dryer are there was none done today!! I'm also in the process of giving this place a good once-over clean & clutterwise too. I have quite a bit to see the goodwill tomorrow already, and will likely have more.
I did a little Christmas shopping with my sister Leigh yesterday. I ended scoring stocking stuffers and decorations mostly. Plus, I got Starr the art set she wanted and a couple of paper pads too. The "real" paper pads, like one specifically for watercolors and the other that's best for "dry media". She really is a good artist, and I want to continue to feed that in her. As far as toys go, what a blessing for Dante to have gotten so many things from their Christmas list this year! I hardly have to buy anything, which is a plus cause I won't have money til the day after Christmas! lol
He was even able to procure Starr a bike from a local bike drive they had. Yes, in case you are wondering, these gifts came from the US Marine Corps Toys for Tots program. No, I don't feel bad or like I'm abusing the privilege because of who he is. Honestly, had it not been for him, my kids Christmas wouldn't be so great at all. So, what I do feel is divinely blessed to have him in my life to do this for my children. But, I'll tell you a little secret. My prayer to God was that I could be a giver next year instead a receiver. And you know what? I believe God grants us the desires of our hearts, as long as it follows in line with His perfect will for our lives.
My Punkin will be here in a few days, and I can hardly wait! Just being in his embrace after a little time away is like a cold glass of water after a terribly long drought! Or better yet:
Take a deep breath in and hold it for a second. Now exhale slowly and completely, letting your shoulders and body relax in the process.
Feel that?
That's what's it's like in my Punkin's arms for me!
I really am falling, aren't I?
December 17, 2008
A Mellow Day
Didn't do my usual running today. Bruzer and I hit a couple stores, then ate Chick-Fil-A at the mall (on an entertainment book coupon, of course). We were home by 1p, where I lounged at the computer until it was time to pick up the kids. They get out half an hour early on Wednesday...every Wednesday. I am pretty good at remembering though, it just means I have to cut my day a little shorter than usual.
CGR and I had a great talk today. Seems things are going better for him and the girlfriend. Even though she's not my favorite person, as long as she makes him happy I'm okay with her. I even admitted to him today that I can say I leaning toward the "in love" category when it comes to Dante. Yes, I did say it just that cryptically!! I just feel a lot more comfortable letting myself go knowing that he is doing the same. I know it's not all the way yet, but it is definitely different than before. And I am most assuredly enjoying it too!!
I've been watching old episodes of Bones this evening, between cooking dinner and chatting with Jerome. I don't mention him much on here, but I talk to him pretty much every day. He's really a sweet guy, not much into the club scene or for being around a lot of people. He usually has a wandering eye, but this woman he's involved with now definitely has his heart. What I do know for sure is if he would have strayed, he would have told me! I'm basically the closest thing he has to a best friend! They have been together for almost 9 months now, and it hasn't been easy but they keep trying. No knock-down, drag-out fights or infidelity or anything like that. They're just trying to work through subtle differences, as we all do when we truly desire couplehood.
I ordered more books from Karen Kingsbury last night on Amazon. Don't worry, no spending frenzy alert needed. My total -with shipping- was $13 for 3 books!! I went into the Christian bookstore at the mall today and got 3 books by Michelle McKinney-Hammond. I am very excited to read those, and will give reviews as I do.
That's it for today, I'm headed to the bath now and bed later!
CGR and I had a great talk today. Seems things are going better for him and the girlfriend. Even though she's not my favorite person, as long as she makes him happy I'm okay with her. I even admitted to him today that I can say I leaning toward the "in love" category when it comes to Dante. Yes, I did say it just that cryptically!! I just feel a lot more comfortable letting myself go knowing that he is doing the same. I know it's not all the way yet, but it is definitely different than before. And I am most assuredly enjoying it too!!
I've been watching old episodes of Bones this evening, between cooking dinner and chatting with Jerome. I don't mention him much on here, but I talk to him pretty much every day. He's really a sweet guy, not much into the club scene or for being around a lot of people. He usually has a wandering eye, but this woman he's involved with now definitely has his heart. What I do know for sure is if he would have strayed, he would have told me! I'm basically the closest thing he has to a best friend! They have been together for almost 9 months now, and it hasn't been easy but they keep trying. No knock-down, drag-out fights or infidelity or anything like that. They're just trying to work through subtle differences, as we all do when we truly desire couplehood.
I ordered more books from Karen Kingsbury last night on Amazon. Don't worry, no spending frenzy alert needed. My total -with shipping- was $13 for 3 books!! I went into the Christian bookstore at the mall today and got 3 books by Michelle McKinney-Hammond. I am very excited to read those, and will give reviews as I do.
That's it for today, I'm headed to the bath now and bed later!
December 14, 2008
Still a bit melancholy
Time to get myself in line with what God wants me to do. I can't be any other way. My way doesn't work. Period. I get caught up in the wrong things and it takes my focus off what I should be doing. Where does that get me?
Nowhere!
Well, I say No Mas!! I have to start taking the advice I am giving out to everyone else right now. This is the only life we get, we need to live it to the fullest with as few regrets as possible!
My turn.
I am going to try to set a schedule for my blogging of Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. We'll see if that will keep me consistent like I want to be. Time will tell, right?
p.s. Can you tell I am REALLY melancholy right now?? More to come...
Nowhere!
Well, I say No Mas!! I have to start taking the advice I am giving out to everyone else right now. This is the only life we get, we need to live it to the fullest with as few regrets as possible!
My turn.
I am going to try to set a schedule for my blogging of Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. We'll see if that will keep me consistent like I want to be. Time will tell, right?
p.s. Can you tell I am REALLY melancholy right now?? More to come...
December 11, 2008
I Saw Him Today...
My father that is. I was reading a wonderful book by a Christian author named Karen Kinsgbury titled One Tuesday Morning last night. I was just finishing up, and was very emotional. Then one of the characters said something about seeing his father that he hadn't seen in years because life is too short, I thought about mine.
So I course I knew it was only God Who could've crossed our paths the next morning!
The sad thing is, we were just 2 cars passing on the road, but I saw him and he didn't see me. Still when the words left my so naturally saying, 'Wow, that was my father. I'm gonna have to go see him soon', I lost it!! Before I knew it, there were tears welling up in my eyes. I was breaking down fast.
I thought I was over that man. I thought just shutting him out of my life was working. Then when I found out he had throat cancer, I even accepted the fact that he would not be alive much longer. It was a bit of a relief because then I wouldn't have to deal with it for too much longer. But seeing him just brought it all back. The monumental disappointment and hurt and heartbrokeness that has evolved into anger after so many years...it's back. I can't even say I love him, I am so pissed at him for screwing me up the way he did! For making me feel never good enough. For showing me that I didn't mean more to him than someone else's child did. For us never having any kind of real relationship. Just anger is all that remains. So my logic is, if the mere existence of someone makesyou feel bad everytime you see them, then you cut them out of your life. Who wants to voluntarily be mad and hurt and disappointed, you know??
I now realize that God doesn't want me to just bury the pain, He wants me to be released from it. I now know that the only way that can happen is for me to confront him and tell him how he has made me feel all these years. That is probably going to be the hardest conversation I have ever had to have. But there is one thing I know for sure: I can all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
I have only one expectation out of this talk: that I will be free. I don't expect (or even believe) that the relationship can/will change between us. That worked for the bff...but she also got the (great) stepfather that I never did too, so I know better than to expect that. I just want to have said what I need to say to the person that caused me pain and then move on. If I decide to talk to him or still see him after that point, that will be fine too. Whatever God tells me to do, because that's the Father that I know has my best intentions at heart.
So I course I knew it was only God Who could've crossed our paths the next morning!
The sad thing is, we were just 2 cars passing on the road, but I saw him and he didn't see me. Still when the words left my so naturally saying, 'Wow, that was my father. I'm gonna have to go see him soon', I lost it!! Before I knew it, there were tears welling up in my eyes. I was breaking down fast.
I thought I was over that man. I thought just shutting him out of my life was working. Then when I found out he had throat cancer, I even accepted the fact that he would not be alive much longer. It was a bit of a relief because then I wouldn't have to deal with it for too much longer. But seeing him just brought it all back. The monumental disappointment and hurt and heartbrokeness that has evolved into anger after so many years...it's back. I can't even say I love him, I am so pissed at him for screwing me up the way he did! For making me feel never good enough. For showing me that I didn't mean more to him than someone else's child did. For us never having any kind of real relationship. Just anger is all that remains. So my logic is, if the mere existence of someone makesyou feel bad everytime you see them, then you cut them out of your life. Who wants to voluntarily be mad and hurt and disappointed, you know??
I now realize that God doesn't want me to just bury the pain, He wants me to be released from it. I now know that the only way that can happen is for me to confront him and tell him how he has made me feel all these years. That is probably going to be the hardest conversation I have ever had to have. But there is one thing I know for sure: I can all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
I have only one expectation out of this talk: that I will be free. I don't expect (or even believe) that the relationship can/will change between us. That worked for the bff...but she also got the (great) stepfather that I never did too, so I know better than to expect that. I just want to have said what I need to say to the person that caused me pain and then move on. If I decide to talk to him or still see him after that point, that will be fine too. Whatever God tells me to do, because that's the Father that I know has my best intentions at heart.
December 9, 2008
Fatigue
I have been so tired the last couple of days. I will drudge through the day and then be ready to pass out by late afternoon, only to get my second wind about 9p when I should be headed to bed!!
I made my "Hancock Spaghetti" last night for the kids, and they loved it! If you haven't seen the movie, Jason Bateman's character and his family have spaghetti and these monster-sized meatballs every Thursday for dinner. I told the kids I could probably do that, since they asked me to. Well, after about a week of stalling, I finally made it. The meatballs were good too! I mixed ground sirloin and ground turkey together, and that gave it a nice consistency. Dinner was followed by the most decadent piece of pie ever! I bought it at Sam's on Saturday, a Caramel Apple Nut creation! YUM!!
Tonight I made chili with the remaining sirloin and turkey I had cooked last night. I put it in the crock pot this morning (or late last night), so it's been going all day. Made buttered rolls and topped with shredded cheddar for the kids, they loved it. Then we had pie again, but this time I warmed it and added Dulce de Leche ice cream on top! None for me though, I just had pure whipped cream on mine instead!
I am feeling a bit melancholy too. I know why though, and it will pass. Gotta get this business rolling. Need to start believing in myself and my business as much as I believe in others' business ventures!!!
Going to bed! Better days are around the corner, I'm sure of that!!
I made my "Hancock Spaghetti" last night for the kids, and they loved it! If you haven't seen the movie, Jason Bateman's character and his family have spaghetti and these monster-sized meatballs every Thursday for dinner. I told the kids I could probably do that, since they asked me to. Well, after about a week of stalling, I finally made it. The meatballs were good too! I mixed ground sirloin and ground turkey together, and that gave it a nice consistency. Dinner was followed by the most decadent piece of pie ever! I bought it at Sam's on Saturday, a Caramel Apple Nut creation! YUM!!
Tonight I made chili with the remaining sirloin and turkey I had cooked last night. I put it in the crock pot this morning (or late last night), so it's been going all day. Made buttered rolls and topped with shredded cheddar for the kids, they loved it. Then we had pie again, but this time I warmed it and added Dulce de Leche ice cream on top! None for me though, I just had pure whipped cream on mine instead!
I am feeling a bit melancholy too. I know why though, and it will pass. Gotta get this business rolling. Need to start believing in myself and my business as much as I believe in others' business ventures!!!
Going to bed! Better days are around the corner, I'm sure of that!!
December 4, 2008
The Last Month of 2008
It has begun...the last month of 2008 is officially here. Almost time to start anew again for 2009. Time to reflect on what was accomplished this year. Time to review what learned. Time to reveal the dreams of tomorrow.
Are you ready? I am.
My life has taken such turns this year, even I couldn't have predicted it! Who would've guessed that in the very middle of 2008 I would be laid off?? Who would've guessed that instead of my BD, ie. Can't Get Right, and I being together, we were more like best friends? Who would've guessed that a passionate but allegedly casual fling between Dante and I would be positioned to go to new levels? And on top of that, I have been enlightened so much this year about myself and about life and about what I want out of life and how to get it and....well I could go on and on.
Let me say that - though Thanksgiving is past - I am so grateful for this year! I may not be financially where I want to be but, this was definitely my skyscraper year! The foundation was laid last year when things were so very low for me. This year, the steel frame has been put in place. Next year, the rest of the structure will be added to the frame! By next year's end, I want the finishing touches to be "prettying up" the interior of this beautiful skyscraper that not I built, but that God built!! When this project is done, everyone will see God in the glory, not me! That is my prayer.
Are you ready? I am.
My life has taken such turns this year, even I couldn't have predicted it! Who would've guessed that in the very middle of 2008 I would be laid off?? Who would've guessed that instead of my BD, ie. Can't Get Right, and I being together, we were more like best friends? Who would've guessed that a passionate but allegedly casual fling between Dante and I would be positioned to go to new levels? And on top of that, I have been enlightened so much this year about myself and about life and about what I want out of life and how to get it and....well I could go on and on.
Let me say that - though Thanksgiving is past - I am so grateful for this year! I may not be financially where I want to be but, this was definitely my skyscraper year! The foundation was laid last year when things were so very low for me. This year, the steel frame has been put in place. Next year, the rest of the structure will be added to the frame! By next year's end, I want the finishing touches to be "prettying up" the interior of this beautiful skyscraper that not I built, but that God built!! When this project is done, everyone will see God in the glory, not me! That is my prayer.
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