More Good News

Things are looking up slowly but surely! I still have no money and an electric bill that is to be shut off next week, but I remain expectant!

I received my reinstatement of admission letter today for school! YAY!!! What a blessing that has been. Again, I will not let anyone or anything screw this up for me again. I don't care WHAT my personal relationship situation is, it's not bad enough for me to forgo my goal of a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration. Period.

Also, the onsite evaluation went so well yesterday that they set up a phone interview same day. The phone interview went so well that they set up an in person interview for Monday. They wanted today but I couldn't do it for two reasons: 1) Dante and I had an important lunch date planned (our first in a long time); and 2) I am riding on FUMES in my van and getting to the office is a LONG way away! So I insisted on Monday late morning. I also have an orientation with a temp company first thing Monday which I hope will have me working within days.

In the meantime, I need to seriously re-evaluate my standing and position with my online chat work. I've been so depressed and dejected still that I have been neglecting that more than I should. I had a great online conference with a group last night and, after seeing someone real check from working about 40 hours a week, I should be bringing in WAY more than I am. I'm doing what I usually do, not taking this seriously enough.

Better starts immediately. If I do not handle the minor things well, how can I expect God to bless me with the major ones?

AMEN!!

I got a Nibble

It's not the one I want, but I will take what I can get. We do what we can until we can do better, right?

RIGHT??

Noooo, not a guy (remember what I said this blog would be about?)! I'm talking about a job. With pay in the 2 digits per hour and actual benefits. BENEFITS. Medical, dental, paid vacation.

So why am I not more excited about it? Because its a 45-50 minute commute...WITHOUT traffic. Each Way. AND I probably wouldn't be working first shift hours, more like first and second shift mixed. That would suck, because I like to be able to pick up my kids. Period. SoloMommy gets very cranky when she can't tend to her own children.

We shall see. I will go there tomorrow, be early, and be my fabulous self. I will do well on the assessments they'll have me do and great in the mini-interview also. Then I'll wait. Not-so-patiently but I will wait. I NEED a job like a month ago, seriously. It's really bad right now.

My power bill is about to shut off in a few days and I have NO WAY to pay it. They also won't give me any type of extension either. Disconnect date is on or after the 19th and payday is the 22nd. I overdrafted my account (again) just to save my storage unit, so I can't bounce it for this. I need a miracle. Heck, I had to cash in our last bit of coins today to afford the bare minimum on the kids school supplies.

Yep, it's that bad. But my faith is not wavering. I am actually in a VERY expectant state right now. I know that any day now, God is about to blow my mind. He never lets me down, He is -as the Marine motto goes - Semper Fidelis!

Who knows, it could be the place I am going to tomorrow. There may be a package so good that I just can't pass it up, even for a 30-40 minute shorter commute. If I remember correctly from a few years back they were starting off at maybe $12-something an hour. Even with this economy, that starting rate should have gone up, and I am a lot more comfortable with the prospect of negotiating that starting rate, since I know it's usually a little flexible. Learned that the hard way a few times.

I would love to be more in the $14-17/hour range. Combine that with the child support that I expect by October or so, and I would be paying off bills left and right. I could still get some stuff done with maybe $13.50...but seriously for that drive, that's the lowest I can really go. I'm hoping though that the benefit package is great enough with them being a healthcare provider that that could kind of act as a raise too, over another job.

Family health premiums, even through employers are outta this world! At CWT, my health premium deducted every pay period was about $170...just for the medical! That didn't include dental and vision! Out of an 80 hour paycheck, that was like making $2.13 LESS than what I was making, just for medical insurance. Those are the things you have to look at. Never just get hung up on the number. There's more to it than that!

In other news, I got my Financial Aid Suspension lifted. YAY!!! Now I just have to get my Academic Suspension lifted and get me reinstated in school so I can start classes again by Fall 2 Term in October. The email was sent as requested today. I am now awaiting the reply...

Lots to pray and believe about right now!

Lots of Discord

SO many things going crazy right now. School isn't going so well due to the stress of home-hunting and moving on the horizon. The home thing itself is enough to cause me to have an aneurism. And to top it all off, the relationship is sucking right now too. It may just be me, because I know I have some underlying feelings about him not coming home now. I'm mad and hurt and sad and disappointed and...

You get the picture!

I guess I'm getting to the point, after close to 2 years that I wonder "Is he the right one?" The next question to that, when I think that the answer is 'yes' is "How can we get closer when we're so far apart?". Then, on the days I think the answer is 'no' I wonder "Then why am I still here?"

I love him, and he tells me he loves me. I was in love with him, but he isn't in love with me. I say was, because I chose to no longer be in love with someone that wasn't in love with me. How can I do that, you may ask? I am a very complicated individual sometimes! I find myself sometimes putting my guard up, protecting my emotions from what I sometimes feel is imminent and inevitable heartbreak.

I've been pretty sure there were someone elses for a while now, but it's becoming more and more apparent to me. I feel that as time goes on, maybe he is also realizing that we are all we can ever be and is shopping around for what he thinks will satisfy him. I think pretty highly of myself, especially as a mate, and I'm not really thinking there's a better option but, such as life!

Maybe he's just playing his own emotions (which I rarely see) close to the hip because of the pain he's had to deal with the past few years, ultimately leading to his marital demise. Maybe he loves me more than he is willing to let on...even to himself. Maybe he'll look at the outside stuff (4 kids, not "financially stable", no 9-5 job) and let that be enough to tell him I'm not the right woman.

What a mistake that would be. Or maybe he's already found what he wanted in G.McElrath ("Good Morning Baby" text), and is just biding his time with me until he's sure about her.

It could be vice-versa too, though. Just a thought...


Gotta go! Going to see a man about a house! Fingers crossed!

School's Out!

Finals are over! Yay!! I did great on one (Spanish) and I am just praying for a 'C' on the other! I spent the day at Scott AFB taking the proctored (read: supervised) exams at their Park extension campus. Yes, many airmen. Yes, many men in their uniforms. Yes, there is something about a man in uniform. No, none of them looked as good to me as Dante does in his! I guess I really am sprung on this guy huh?

I am on break until mid-August, that's when my College Algebra and Intro to Human Resources will begin. I take Spanish II the second part of fall semester. Moving right along...I'll have all my credits before you know it! Then my family will caravaning to Parkville, MO to watch me graduate!

I plan to take this few weeks to read a few books I believe. Some fiction, some business-help books, defininely my new bible too! August will be here before I know it! Once the kids are in school, I do plan to kick my hours up quite a bit at Sears. I missed my hours yesterday because of trying to finish the term paper that, had I looked at my Park email I would've known, wasn't due until today!!! Originally, it was due Sunday by midnight. So, being the procrastinator that I am, I began writing Sunday evening. I finally went to bed at 4a, woke up at 630a and started over again! I finished about noon. Not bad for a 10-page paper complete with citations, a table of contents, plus reference and cover pages. Would have been better if I could've used that time to study more!!!

I'll let you know my grades when I know!

In a Good Place

I'm still in the same duplex, and I am fine with it. I looked and looked, I mean literally driving street to street. Nothing was fruitful. I was so stressed, it was all consuming. I talked to my neighbor one night coming home. She asked me did I have any luck yet finding a place. We basically shared each other's sentiment that there's nothing out there in a 3 bedroom in our budget and remotely close to our part of town. I know some may not understand it, but it's not easy to move when you have children and uproot them from their school. I thought I was stressed, she said she was having anxiety attacks about it. I knew at that point that I had to let it go and pray that whoever buys this place wants to fix it up a bit with the tenants still living here. That's my prayer and that's what I'm believing for.

School is going well. Finals are next week. I am a little nervous about it. I need to let the TV go for the next few days and really hit the books HARD. I get a few weeks break then I start back for fall semester.

I have decided that not only will I truly launch my travel company, but I will actively seek clients for my admin business as well. Hey, unemployment don't last forever you know. I believe down to the core of my being that this is what I was meant to do. Now is the time.

The relationship front is still what it is. We are still at our same point, where we have been for quite a while. Not really moving forward, but not moving backward either. I suppose that's good. Dante really does want to stay where he is in Memphis, which I understand completely. Selfishly I don't like it, but I realize that it's not only about me. This is his life to live. Either he will see the possibility in 'us' to want to take this further - whether he is back here at home or still in Memphis - or he will not, and we will both move on. See? No stress about it. I have made my point very clear to him. I even posted the question to him the other what will happen between us if he does stay in Memphis. I got no answer, which wasn't surprising. I know he's thought about in the back of his mind, and one day I will find out what he thinks. Until then, all is well.

Patience really does help with the blood pressure levels!

My First Choir Day

I've been awake now for half an hour. Getting ready to wake the kids for this very long day at church. This was definitely a larger commitment than I would have planned on. I like the idea of doing everything in one day...until you take into account the single mom with noone else to watch her children. They don't have childcare first service, so I will have to rely on my oldest two heavily.
One thing I am sure of, is that the Lord will completely work it out!

I have a very full day to day. The school semester is half over and because of a missed quiz in Spanish and a missed discussion in Management, my grades are in the toilet. I know I can pull it back up though. The good thing is that I'm not working today, so I can spend some time with my family then complete my schoolwork as well. This would be a great time to have that go-anywhere wireless card for my laptop.

Hitting the showers, will let you know how I do!

Did I Mention I Was Dramatic!!

Okay, okay. Let's blame most of the last couple of days on hormones, shall we? Thanks for understanding.

I talked to Dante finally this evening at about 7p, which was VERY shocking because that's totally not like him. I mean honestly, even if he was with someone else, most likely I wouldn't know because we'd be texting most of the day. So this was completely abnormal. I went from being pissed off thinking that all of a sudden he had completely switched personalities to become this rude and calloused player to being worried that he was perhaps moping because today was Father's Day and he was hoping to be a father by now. OR that something had actually happened to him.

It was the Father's Day thing. Plus the fact that he played in a softball tournament yesterday from 8a until almost 8p...in about 95 degree weather! He was completely drained from that, as was the rest of the team. He said they got together around 4p today to watch the US Open...cause that's what time most of them were waking up!!!

So I am much better now. I am planning one final trip down there at the end of July. He would be home about 3 weeks after that. I did mean the things I said about the other women and excessive texts and all that. While I will try to be patient enough to let him make it through this transition, I will let him know there are things that will no longer be acceptable. He'll have me as much as he wants (literally and figuratively). Therefore, there is no longer a need for conversations with anyone else that calls you baby, sweetie, lover, or any other pet name BUT ME!!!! Be friends from a distance, say 'hey' every now and again...but I expect those women to be phased out of his life. Not my girl June though, he can definitely keep her! She's cool as a fan. He definitely made me feel comfortable around her, and I love him for that. Heck, come to think of it, I love him for a lot of things!

I am really screwing up in school right now! Week 4 (ie halfway point) is starting now and I will be back on track!!! Nothing less than a 'B'. Nothing less than a 'B'. Nothing less than a 'B'.

Back to Work

Well, I passed my certification, so I am officially on the phones now! WooHoo!! My first day taking calls was today...not-so-great. My talk time was extremely high, which made me feel like a failure. I will continue to work on that. Classes are going okay so far. Finishing up training put my schoolwork on the back burner a bit. I should be ok though, gotta stay dedicated.

My Sweetie made it into town Thursday! It's his 20year high school reunion this weekend, so that was the main reason he was here. He also found out yesterday that he didn't get promoted like he had hoped, so he will be getting out of the USMC in a few months. I really felt for him and I wish I could have done more to cheer him up. We've been mainly just enjoying each other's company, it's really great.

He did a very awesome thing tonight, which was take my four brats plus his neice and nephew to Dave & Buster's to eat and play! Told me he was giving me a break! Yes, I know!!!! SO SWEET! He will definitely be rewarded for that! (wink)

He out doing more reunion stuff now. I kinda felt weird that he didn't think to invite me to anything. I mean, if it was me, I would definitely invite the person that I am with. Maybe that's just me though. Perhaps he just didn't really think about it. You know I am slightly paranoid about our level of visibility as a couple (in his world at least). As a matter of fact, not too long ago we had a conversation that he felt lonely at the banquet because everyone else was there with spouses and SOs and he was there by himself. Then he said he would have asked but he knows how it is with me and babysitting! I assured him that he is a priority to me, this was a very important event, and I for damn sure would have found a babysitter! I made a gently firm request to never assume anything like that again.

I think we're clear now.

Summer's In Full Swing!

This has been a good week. Class is going well. Training is going well. I take my final this weekend and certification calls next Tuesday and Wednesday. The plan is to be making money by Thursday!

Monday I still want to go to the Y to check on scholarship options for me and the kids. I've been doing good the past couple of days eating healthy and very light. As a matter of fact, I went to McDonald's today and bought the kids meal, but didn't eat one single fry! That's right! I came home and made me a stir fry plate of eggplant, cabbage, broccoli, bell peppers, mushrooms, and asparagus instead! Then later on after that food settled (and honestly, I really felt full), I had some macerated strawberries (fresh sliced strawberries mixed with Splenda and a some balsamic vinegar) over a 1/4 cup of ricotta cheese.

According to my iPod Touch application called "Lose It!", I consumed approximately 421 calories today!

No, not hungry at all actually. Think I might keep this up for a while longer...

School's Out!

Champagne graduated kindergarten today. It wasn't a formal ceremony or anything. We just observed them showing off some of their academic skills for their parents/loved ones. Then each child in the class got a certificate for something, which I really liked. Bruzer went with me since his last day at school was Friday.

I made little cards for DJ and Starr with their name, phone number and email address on it to give to their friends. Then we came home and I got back online for training. The kids went out to play.
Now I'm off to do more studying!

Life is good!

My Baby Boy is a Graduate!

Well from Pre-K at least! Today was his very last day at pre-school. I was my usual non-chalant self. Just happy in the moment and snapping pictures and beaming from ear-to-ear. Well, that is until it was time for us to say our official goodbyes and walk out the door!

Yes I was a bit misty-eyed, I cannot tell a lie. I tried to be tough though...I don't think anyone saw! :-)

After all that school and I have gone through, I really do have great memories from Bruzer at all three houses. (The way the daycare is set up, it's actually 3 different houses: the baby house, the toddler house, and then the preschool once they're potty trained) In the nearly five years that Bruzer has been there, he's gone through a few teachers (mostly due to transitioning between houses) and I've gone through plenty of drama with payment issues. My "love notes" as I used to call them. "Love note" as in 'kids can't come back til the balance is paid' kind of writings! The woman who started the daycares over 30 years ago passed away last year, and her daughter now runs and owns the place instead of just being director at the preschool. In the past 3 years at the preschool, there have been many ups and downs. But I am glad I made the decision to keep him (and his sister) there through it all. It's made for some great memories, and a very bittersweet goodbye.

I'm not really an "end of an era" kinda girl. I don't cry when my kids go off to kindergarten, that's just part of life. I'm just so very blessed and thankful that we ended on such a great note.


After the graduation/bbq, we did our usual ritual of going up to Main Street to watch the annual Shriner's Parade. We made it home at about 1030p, and made everyone hit the shower before hitting the sack. Definitely counts as one of our great family days!

It Worked!!!

The school - make that my school - approved my waiver request!!! So on Thursday I will pay the standard 10% for the first semester of attendance (which confirms my classes), then I will go ahead and purchase my books online!

No! Of course I won't be purchasing them from the University bookstore! Who really does that?? ;-)

I have already scoped out half.com and amazon.com where I can get my two books valued at $347 for about $120! It runs in my genes...I can't take credit for thrifty skills like these!


I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!

Happy May!

The countdown to school being out has begun! My baby boy will be graduating from pre-K in a couple of weeks! (tear) Who knows? In a year or two I may get to do it all again...twice! Meanwhile, things are ramping up for me quite a bit!
I got selected to train for an at-home customer service position with a major retailer. It's through the company I contract through. The training costs, so I have paid that already. Class begins on the 18th of May. I am very excited, because that will be money coming into the house when unemployment insurance runs out. Plus, I've been trying to get back into a client with them since I lost the other last year. I learned my lesson!!
In addition to that, I am scheduled to start class online at Park University on June 1st, in pursuit of my Bachelor's Degree (then my MBA). Due to their open registration format, I am registered all the ways through Spring 2010. By then, I will be well into my junior year! My graduation estimate is May 2011! Only 2 years away!!! (On my way to MBA by 40!) I am so excited, it's about all I can think about!
There is also the matter of my travel business. I am making positive strides in that direction as well! I've committed to purchasing local leads online. I also would like to approach the children's principal about a flyer insert for the parents. I need to wash my van (if it ever stops raining long enough to matter) so that I can put my letters on it. My travel magnets are wearing away so I have removed them. Better not to be there than to look completely tacky, right? In it's place, I want lettering on the van I believe (still kinda debating).
I'm getting more and more positive that I can live my life the way I want to live it. I am not that hung up on a job. I have come to realize in my life that my peace and happiness is worth something too. I mean really, for the money I would be getting right now at CWT - less 10 hours per pay period due to the mandatory reduction in hours - I would be under a tremendous amount of stress right now. It's not like I would be crazy enough to feel secure in my job! On top of that, I would be looking at an additional 35-50 minutes on my one-way commute beginning in a couple of weeks to go to the main office. All that stress and LESS money too?? No Thank You! I would rather put forth the effort to build my business and clientele, hopefully while going to school full-time, so that StarrDom will support me and my family better than any job ever has!

Is that so hard to believe? Why are there so many that are programmed to think that a job is the be all and end all? I just found out in July of last year that that is completely BOGUS!! Wouldn't I be a little crazy to keep banging my head on that same wall?

I rest my case!

I Moved

Yes!!! Be excited for me…I am out of the slumlord’s house!!

 

As with all change, I am worried that I jumped from the frying pan into fire. But that’s a natural ‘What if I made the wrong decision’ reaction.

 

My rent is lower which makes me happy. The kids – for the most part – are pleased with the move. Yes, they have some adjusting to do.

 

Bruzer was caught in the act by his auntie of fighting the teacher at school yesterday! Yes the Officer caught him hitting the teacher! My child! Hitting a teacher!!! In preschool!!!!

 

This is when that annoying little voice in the back of my head says “You should have stopped at 3!” LOL

But Hell, what fun would that be?

 

I called and talked to the teacher to get the skinny on what the heck happened. Apparently he had a bit of a meltdown after I left, and decided to go lay at the front door of the daycare center on the mat (can we say EWWWWWW?) sucking his beloved thumb. When the teacher discovered him and tried to get him back to the classroom, he went into full-on rage. This is right about the time the Officer was walking up. Yeah, it was on!

 

I talked to him last night and this morning. Okay threatened really, but hey whatever works, right? My mom even told him that if behaved that way again, he wouldn’t be able to buy a motorcycle when he got big. That was H-U-G-E to a 3 year old with an obsession with motorcycles!

 

I did also explain to his victim…err, teacher….that we just moved this weekend and the past few weeks since summer started I have been slacking on bedtimes. Trust me, these are not excuses but actual reasons. His behavior is completely unacceptable to me, and I don’t cut much slack on such behavior.

 

I won’t have my internet at home for another couple of days, so by the weekend, I will have several update posts that I’ve been writing at home offline.

This one I emailed from work. Ain’t technology beautiful!?