Loving Life RIght Now!

I did it!!! StarrDom Travel is officially in business! I booked my first vacation for eight (yes 8!) to DisneyWorld for this summer! I met with the client and she is already talking about what she wants to do next year! WooHoo!
I am not out of the woods yet. I want to make sure this trip is memorable and pleasurable and as worry-free as possible, so that she will not only be a repeat client, but she will also tell her friends and family as well!

I do have more organizing to do at home, but I really know I can do this now! I'm excited to do this now! The fire has been lit!!

My First Real Contract!

My first real contract has been signed people!!! WooHoo!!!

I will be organizing the paperwork and personal files for a lady and her family. She has no problem with my rates, didn't even balk at them when I told her! That's what I'm talking about!! Even in this ever-talked-about 'down economy', people are still willing to pay for services they need. Now I just have to convince more people they need my services!

Moving Forward

So this week I have been working on creating a list of churches in the area. I have some postcards that were printed months ago specifically for travel for churches that I have yet to send out. I finished the list yesterday and printed the labels...AND labeled the postcards! Today I bought the stamps and tomorrow they get dropped in the mail first thing!

I also began printing my brochures today as well. I decided to do the work myself (since I've got the time) and just pay for ink as needed. I've already got the right paper, both matte and glossy as well. Tomorrow will be more printing and folding, while also compiling a list of businesses to target with these brochures. I am thinking about hand-delivering. But then again, I am tempted to write a quick intro letter to accompany it in an envelope with my business card. We'll see...at least I am gaining momentum!

I also put in for a couple of work at home companies today, as backups. I will also weave guru.com and elance.com into my everyday or weekly routine of bidding for projects. This feels like progress!!!

Getting back on track

Today was good. It was productive, and I didn't even stress when a setback occurred. UNLIKE yesterday, that is! I gave up on that new bank. I found out my old bank had closed my account. I went there and paid the balance due, and they allowed to reopen an account with them. Unfortunately I still have to wait for the much-needed debit card to come in the mail. But I did submit everything to the new travel host, and that's all they're waiting on.

I thought I could skate by with the old card and just update them with the new one, but they called me today to let me know they tried a preauth and it failed. OMG...just thought about it! Duh!! I can use my other debit card until my new check card comes in!!! I don't know why I didn't think of that!! I can't wait to call first thing in the morning! The good thing was, I didn't even stress about it.

In other news, I had my ultrasound today. They did the test two different ways, and found no fibroids. Yay! She also found no ovarian cysts. Yay! She did say there was 'junk' in my uterine lining, and I told her about the chemical D&C I am in the midst of. Her (the technician's) reply was she hoped it worked so I would have to have an actual one in the operating room. D&C stands for 'dilation & curettage'...which is where they basically scrape your uterine walls squeeky clean. Gonna try to avoid that one! I am starting to think that perhaps it is just hormonal. But I will wait to see if I get a call about abnormal lab results first, before jumping to conclusions. I'm just glad the ball is rolling on this!

And in the back of my mind I am wondering if this had anything to do with my tubes now being tied, and could reversal reverse these effects. Worth a thought...

I have decided after taking my blood pressure several times this evening on my new home monitor, that I can't keep taking chances. I want to be healthy and vibrant for a lot of years to come. Dig these cold hard facts from the Stroke Association's website:

Heart disease and stroke are major health risks for all people. But African Americans are at particularly high risk. Consider this:

• Blacks have almost twice the risk of first-ever strokes compared to whites.
• Blacks have higher death rates for stroke compared to whites.
• The prevalence of high blood pressure in African Americans in the United States is the highest in the world.
• Among non-Hispanic blacks age 20 and older, 62.9 percent of men and 77.2 percent of women are overweight or obese.
• In 2001, 27.7 percent of black or African-Americans only, used any tobacco product. Heavy cigarette smoking approximately doubles a person’s risk for stroke when compared to light smokers..
• Black women have higher prevalence rates of high blood pressure, obesity, physical inactivity, and diabetes than white women.

Woooooow!!! Harsh, a little? Hell yeah! As it should be! Even on this new medicine for 6days now, I still am testing at Stage 1 Hypertension levels...AND getting dizzy at times too!! Excuses are bullshit, I've gotta get moving!! I've got a LOT to do, starting immediately and time is ticking!! I know, I know....I have said it all before. It may take me a minute, but it's finally sinking in now. I PROMISE!!

A Better Day!!!

Today I handled my first official paying client!!! I was so ecstatic when I really thought about what happened! He's a barber that's moved to a new location, and he requested a flyer to notify his clientele in the old area about the move. I was supposed to do it Friday, but since I was feeling horrible I could not. So I took the original to him earlier today, he approved it, I went and made copies and came right back! I charged him $20 flyer preparation (it only took me 20 minutes) and the cost of the color copies. He even called me later to thank me again!

A great contrast to the day I had yesterday!! Yay me!!

A Bad Day

Talk about unproductive! Boy today was that day! I woke up with a slight headache, and it just progressed as the morning progressed. By the time I dropped the last kid off, I was barely making it. I stopped at Hardee's and got strawberry biscuits, then came straight home. I barely mustered through one of them, when I decided to lie down on the loveseat. I was trying to work on a flyer for a client - the guy who cuts Bruzer's hair now, and a friend of Viv. I sent him a text to say I was moving slow due to not feeling well and would try to get it to him this afternoon. He was so sweet though! He called me back immediately and told me not to worry about it today if I wasn't feeling well, and to make sure to take of myself. I thought that was nice. Wayne called to check on me, after I sent him a text saying I wasn't feeling well today too. He called back later to see if I was any better and asked me to call the doctor (which he knew I wouldn't do) to see if that was normal.

Meanwhile, I send Dante a text to say I wish he was here so I could lay on him because I wasn't feeling so well. His reply? 'Sorry'

Yes, he did lose a brownie point for that one!

Problem is, I went to the doctor yesterday and was put on a different hypertension medication. The last one was starting to make me dizzy a little too much...when I bothered to take it, that is. So, I knew that the debilitating headache today was due to my body trying to adjust to the new medication. That didn't make didn't with the discomfort any easier though!!

So, needless to say I got nothing done today. I finally peeled myself off the loveseat at about 2p. That gave me enough time to try and eat something, then head off to start picking up kids again.

SO that means, as long as I am feeling good tomorrow morning, I get to go do a few things I didn't do today. I have to pay something on my power bill ASAP. Since I have no news from the banker yet about everything being clear, I will have to deposit in the old bank so that I can get a new host agency ASAP. If necessary, I will change everything over later, but I can't wait past Monday to have a new host agency in place. Business calls!!

The Weekly Update

You know what's weird? When I have a lot on my mind, I tend to blog less! Isn't that interesting?
Everything has been going well for me. Just came off 2 days at home with 6 children due to snow days. Yes, it actually looks like it's winter now here in my neck of the woods! So they go to school tomorrow, then they have a scheduled day on Friday! Lucky me!!!!!

Meanwhile I added something new to my business. Concierge service! Am I not so perfect for that? That's what I thought too! I made up some nice flyers on Monday with the intent of copying them and distributing them in some well-off subdivisions on Tuesday. Then the snow and sleet came. And it kept coming until this morning!! So, now the plan is tomorrow...hopefully. It's gonna be cold and there will be a lot of snow to contend with, but I have to get while the gettin's good!

Kids did get to go out play in the snow for a while today. Because it was so cold, I set the egg timer for 20 minutes. Champagne was fine the first 5-10 minutes, but then her highness realized that snow is cold...and came in the house!! lol Starr only found one glove, but I told her stay out there and have her fun, since they had been bugging me for 2 days! DJ was his usual mellow self, but he was glad to go out. Bruzer was...well....Bruzer as usual. He was throwing snowballs, bellyflopping into the snow, running around the yard! He was in snow heaven all the way!! I took pictures of each of them so that whenever I make their individual photo albums, they'll have a pic of themselves in it.

Things are good with Dante and me. Nothing major or minor to report in actuality. Daily conversations and texts ans all that good stuff still occurs. I am getting back to that attitude of 'why would he want anyone but me?', cuz that's really how I feel. I know I'm not perfect (as noone is), but I'm a damn good woman. The men that had me were lucky and those that lost me were foolish! It's not the ideal situation he had in mind I'm sure - me with 4 children already. But you know what? I bet getting divorced or not having any children by age 37 wasn't in the plans either! So you know what? We learn to work with what we have been given, because honestly the result is usually that God knew what was better for us all along! I am the best kind of woman. I am the kind you can take to any function with complete confidence - family, work, hanging with friends! I am definitely the kind you want in your bedroom at night! AND, I love being the kind that's in the kitchen too!??! The things that aren't so good, I'm working on improving because I already see the problem. That's as close as hitting the lotto as you can get, isn't it?

Just had to toot my own horn there a bit. Something I neglected for a few too many years, and I have to get back to. Honestly, we should all do it a little more. We are so hard on ourselves.

Something really big happened yesterday, that has me questioning my own mortality and past choices. When I know for sure that all is well, I will be able to share. Right now, I am not panicking like I was yesterday (Wayne talked me off that ledge) because I know more info and believe that I am not under any risk. But, there's still that 'what if' part of you that you have to work through on your own. That's where I am now. But, it will all be ok soon.

Just you wait and see.

Today's Love Tip:

Leave a voicemail on your partner's work or mobile phone that says:

"Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you."

This will be appreciated especially on those really rough days.

Big Changes

Firstly, my contract with the elance company fell through! They changed their mind due to the economic situation. I was pretty bummed about it for a minute, but I am recouping.

Me and the kids went to Memphis this past weekend and invaded Dante's one-bedroom apartment. We left on Friday evening and didn't leave until Monday evening. How nice when you are not on someone else's time?? :-) It was a good weekend, and we even got to see the Lorraine Motel on Sunday (where Dr. King was murdered). I think he enjoyed the time with the kids too. It's the first time he has really got to spend such close time with them. I mean, I have great kids anyway, no temper-tantrum throwing brats in my brood...and they're really cute too!!! I ended up with a headache Saturday night after we got back from the drive-in, and was in bed by 10p. So that left him with the kids until they went to bed! He's awesome with kids, and I feel we have the same theories regarding child-rearing (for the most part), so I wasn't worried.

A couple things bothered me during the trip, and I eventually shared them with him the morning I got back here. He answered every issue I brought up to him, as I knew he would. Every issue had a good answer/perfectly logical solution...and I expected nothing less. Does that completely quell the intuition? Mostly, but a little part of me will still wonder. I mean, I know he and think alike, so I know that I would have had great answers as well. I do not feel that I have a reason not to trust him, and so I do. I trust that he won't put my health at risk. If there is someone warming his bed occasionally, they are protected. I trust that he won't blindside me and break my heart. If he gets involved with someone he cares for more than me (can't imagine, cuz how does it get more fabulous than me??), he will tell me before things get out of hand. I trust that he loves me like he has more freely began to express. I look into his eyes, I feel it when he holds me, I know it's there. This is where I choose to be. With him.

I do still have some issues reservations, yes. I can't say when those things may go away anytime soon. Some of it has to do with me and past situations. However, some of it also has to do with his actions too. There are things that he can do to reassure me that "I'm the only one." (his words) I may have mentioned this before, but I still sometimes feel like I am his little secret...or lately like I am an unknowing participant on a season of The Bachelor. Time will tell, and I will continue to love him. Fine, call me a fool if you want. With the b.s. that the BFF just dealt with with this serpent in Louisville, I could let that affect how I feel about Dante. They are completely different, in almost every sense of the word, so no contest! Sometime the hardest thing to do is make a decision.

I made mine. I am aware of the possible consequences, good and bad. I accept that and stand by my decision 100%. There, I said it!

p.s. Did I mention the insane amount of sex we had this weekend??!! Whew!! (yes, even in a 1BR apartment with 4 children present! SO I don't want to hear that BS from couples talking about they have no time because of the children)

Things are Moving Forward

So a few months ago, I signed up for elance.com and, within a few short weeks realized there's no real way for US-based companies to make money on there. Why? Well, it is a global marketplace and so places like India can bid for projects too. Look, everyone is budget conscious these days, and I get that. BUT, how are we in the US supposed to accurately complete with companies that can charge a fifth of what we would??!! So needless to say, my love affair with elance ended quickly after that.

I received an email from a company which I placed a bid for who told me they wanted me to start the project in December. Well, the month came and went and I didn't hear anything, so I counted it as a wash. Well, on Sunday I got official word from elance that my bid was accepted by that company! I checked my elance account and it gave me a phone number and extension to call. I replied that I would call on Tuesday at a certain time. No answer, but I left a message then sent an email later. I also replied through the elance system again, but I noticed they hadn't logged in since they accepted the bid on Sunday. I did some digging before I bid, and this is actually a reputable company that's been around for quite a while. So on that note, I am not worried...I'm pretty excited!

It has given me that little confidence boost to know that it can happen. On top of everything else, I really want my travel business to flourish. I really truly do. That's what's in my heart and God has never failed to give me the desire of my heart. I am still reading Your Best Life Now and loving every word of it! It is only serving to reinforce all that I fed myself in 2008. This is my spiritually-based 2009 kickstart!! I can have anything I want; I can do anything I want; I can be anything I want! God has no limits! The only thing stopping me...........is ME!!


Your Love Tip:

Leave a long-stemmed rose somewhere you know your partner will find it with a note that says:

'Thank you for coming into my life.'

Back To School...and to Reality For Me

SO the kids got to go back to school for one day before ice overnight shut down all the schools in the are today! So, here I was looking forward to being by myself again during the day. NOT!!!!! I made it through today just fine though, I got things done that I wanted to for the most part. The kids got to play a long while then clean up, then watched The Dark Knight while I worked on the computer and baked Chocolate Almond Brownies. Not quite "from scratch", since I tend to be more of a "semi-homemade" kinda girl! :-)

Tomorrow is the BFF's birthday, and she is travelling to San Francisco this evening. I sent her an e-card that she should get when she lands...if she turns her computer on that is! Otherwise, it will be the morning. She's doing okay lately. The guy is (I hope) really trying to make himself better. The things she tells me are completely different in tone from the things he said before when he was scamming and lying and stuff. I figure if God really did put them together, then it doesn't have to make sense to us mere mortals! I just want her truly happy in a productive relationship.

I have been good the past day and a half from going on the 'baby doctor' website. I really wanna figure out how to get the money for it, while paying off all my other bills too! I even told Wayne that I was taking donations for my cause...to which he laughed of course! He told me his very recent ex-wife (from hell) told him she wants to have one more baby, and since he is the father of her other 2 kids she wants him to father this one too!! Poor thing, she was actually serious, which is scary all in itself. So that's when he had to let her know that he got 'fixed' earlier this year. He said she broke down and cried right there! Wow! As a woman, I can understand her frustration and hurt..but since I don't really like her, oh well!

Yes, you're right. I can be a bit mean sometimes!

Tomorrow I will finish working on my business plan. I decided to choose the software that I bought instead of the book I was using. Then when I get a few bucks, I need to get the Montana checked out so I can get to driving across the water when I need to get things done. Oh yes, don't think I don't know this is the enemy right now. I am well aware of it. Now that I am ready to go to the Women's Business Center in St. Louis, and to networking events all around the metro area, my car starts acting up!! Stumbling blocks are just stepping stones, that's all!!

There is a women's networking event I want to go to on the 23rd, and of course at this moment cost is a factor. But, I will find a way around that. Quick fast and in a hurry! You just wait! Anything that I want bad enough, I will always make it happen!!

A Great Christmas Break!

Well, this was the first time I can remember in a while of being home with the children during the entire winter break from school. On top of that, I had two extras here with me during the day!! They are all - for the most part- self manageable. They can dress themselves and make their own breakfast and lunches, so all was well. I didn't rag on mine children too much about chores, though they were not excused from doing them either. Once during Starr's week and once during DJ's week, I did the dishes for them. But other than that, everything else was all on them. I told Starr's dad that I want her to have a Nintendo DS for Christmas. DJ got one last year, and this year both the older nieces got one for Christmas. He said he will, but he also said he would get her a bike....and we know who got that for her!!!

Dante left to go back to Memphis earlier today. But not without me sending him off in grand style...thanks to Aunt Flo having packed her bags and left!!! I really would have been sick if he hadn't been able to physically connect that way before he left. It's just important to me, I take my job seriously!! I did the grocery shopping on Saturday, and we loaded it into the truck before he hit the highway. What I was so happy about, was he came over and got undressed and comfortable in the bed, then we watched a movie! Okay, okay...we watched some of the movie! I just didn't expect to get such unhurried time before he hit the road. No complaints!! Plus, I think I showed my gratitude pretty well. (grinning from ear-to-ear)

Tomorrow, school begins again for all the children! Yes, even Bruzer will be going back to his daycare tomorrow. I've been souping him up for it all break. I think he'll do okay, it's not like it's a new school where he has to make new friends or something. One of the main reasons I put him back into full-time schooling is because I need to get my time back so I can make things happen for myself. Noone is going to do it for me, and how attractive am I unemployed exactly??? Yeah, not a good look on me!!

My project for tomorrow is credit report and bill planning. I found this site called annual credit report.com, where you can get a copy of each of the 3 bureaus report for FREE once each year. They will charge extra for that much-coveted credit score, but all the information without the score is free. I need to see what is there, what can be paid within the next month, what I can perhaps strike a deal on. By March or April, I want to see major changes on that report. Getting so many things paid, should get me closer to 600 I am praying. I am also waiting on The Officer to get the number of the financial guy she used for her mortgage, so we can meet and I can get info on how to start the process. I want him to look at my credit reports as the expert, and tell me what need to be done and why (ie, what's the benefit to get to my goal)...and also to help me determine what records I need to keep when it comes time for income verification, since I am self-employed. I don't plan on it being 2010 when I buy a house, so I can't wait til I file 2009 taxes to provide that.

I need to line up my ducks now for when the money comes in that I am expecting, so I can pay things off, pay up rent and utilities, and focus on my client acquisition phase. Don't you worry, it's there right in front of me. I am no longer afraid to go and get it! I am not afraid of the 5br house I will have in the next 5 years, when my family may still be living in much meeker terms. I am not afraid of the Yukon XL Denali I will be driving in the next 2 years. I am not afraid of never being the borrower in my family again, to be the one to lend if necessary. I do not owe anyone aything, and the world owes me nothing! I do not have to self-sabotage myself into a meager existence out of some bass ackwards feeling of indebtedness to people who have never made me feel that way.

Off my soapbox now, my bad! Tuesday I will finish the parts of my business plan that I can complete, and hopefully by the end of the week I can go to the SBDC for help with market research and the like. 2007, I was waiting in the winding line for this ride. 2008, I was slowly making my way up the big hill, inching along in anticipation of what lies ahead. 2009, I am at the top of that hill...and this ride is ready to go forward at full speed ahead! I'm strapped in for mine!


How's your ride going?

Getting Back in the Habit Is Hard!

So I was supposedly going to be really catching up with my blogging, huh? That worked out well didn't it? :-)

Thanksgiving was nice. We did the usual, potluck-style dinner that we always do. It was at my aunt's house this year. We rotate between houses, mine hasn't been on the list yet though. But man, when it is my turn... I'll be ready!

I have so much to say, I just don't where to start honestly! My business isn't any further along than it was before. I am still stuck mentally!! I have gotten involved with an old friend from high school's new business. He is opening a wrestling training center and fitness gym for those seriously interested in working out. He spent 5 years in the WWF (now known as WWE), plus has multiple World KickBoxing Titles to his credit. He definitely has the credentials and the heart, plus he also has God helping him fulfill this dream as well. Honestly I have been doing more running around helping him in the last couple of weeks than I have done for my own in the last several months!

Yes. It is really sad. I know.

I did design a new color brochure for my business. I am very pleased with it! I bought ink and paper, as I will be printing them off myself. Guess all that's left is distribution, huh?

Yeah, yeah....I'm almost there!

IDK

I didn't really have a title for this one, so I used text-speak instead. IDK means 'I Don't Know', in case you were wondering.

Man you guys, I am jonesing for a change in my life. I am in the mood to really shake things up. But I don't know where to start. My friend Maggs from work sent me a text yesterday wanting to know if CWT asked me back what would I say. I didn't reply yet, but not because I didn't know the answer. I figured the old manager was present at the moment, and I didn't want him to see anything. I looked myself in the mirror and thought 'No way Jose!'. I am happier now than at any point since I was in San Diego almost. I may have been struggling out there, but I was happy. I felt free!

That's how I feel now. FREE. I even have my routine down in the morning with the kids. I can't imagine going back into those kinds of confines working full-time outside the home with so little flexibility. I like picking up my kids after school. I like knowing that my biggest stress in the morning is that THEY get to school on time, not me to work. I will tell you honestly, I was not a nice person in the mornings before! I am determined not to be that woman ever again. For my kids' sake...and for my own!

Starr had a bad week apparently at school. Her teacher met me and talked to me about her freaking out it she didn't get a perfect score. She would just completely shut down and be in tears, and to the point that she had to leave class. It happened 3 out of 4 days this week. I talked to her about it last night. I know I have high expectations, but I didn't think I was that bad! Maybe I am and didn't really know it though. Something for me to watch out for.

Champagne has been doing well in kindergarten. The greens are continuing! They have been writing their name and working on letters. You remember that brown lined paper don't you? I know you do! Well I bought a whole tablet of that for her to write in here at home for practice.

I've been working all eves this week due to schedule problems. Too many people, not enough hours offered kind of problems. But, it's been working out so far. I cashed in my little 401K so I can pay some bills, it should be here next week. If I had it this week, I would ask someone to watch the kids for me while I spent the night at Dante's. (yes, even though it is cycle time!) I do plan to go down there in the next few weeks though honestly. All I need is gas money and a babysitter, and I am gone!! As long as I can keep up with my bills, I am happy. That's really all that matters right this second. BUT, I have to get focused on the next phase of my life, where I am completely self-sufficient. I just have to get out of the fear that I can't do it, or I might fail...or I might win actually. Then, I am 100% sure I will reach every goal I set! The belief is there, I just have to put it into action is all.

Pray for me...I surely need it!

Gaining Clarity

So I have been in a bit of a funk the past couple of days. I feel kinda lousy because I talked to the bff about it, and I think I may have thrown her off-kilter too! Things still aren't quite right there either.
Sometimes it's best to keep your utter confusion to yourself, noone else needs that kinda crap in their life! :-)

Here's the deal: I am torn in a thousand different ways by just about everything in my life right now. I have been really enjoying my time not doing the full time thing, but I believe my vacation is over now. No, no, no...that doesn't mean I am going to make myself miserable and go get another j.o.b. That means I am about to get to work! I want to help people make the best of their lives. There are two ways I can do that. One is by helping them plan vacations and trips to get away from the stress of it all, and by arranging business trips that keep them moving at the 'speed of business'. (I love that phrase) Two is by assisting small businesses and sole proprietors with the day-to-day admininstrative tasks that keep them from doing the work they love. Most importantly, I just have to stop being such a "fraidy cat" about getting out there and making my self known!

Okay, so that's issue #1. Issue #2 is a little more delicate! Yes, matters of the heart.

So Starr's father and I had a talk the other day. Yes of course there are still feelings there. There probably always will be, so that's a non-issue. The question is do we want to give one last college try to see if we really have a shot at this working out? Seems simple doesn't it? Yeah well...wait, there's more! He is with someone, and she is currently wearing a ring that he put there. I am still with Dante and, although I say I don't know what we are or where we are going, I can't imagine giving him up. BUT!! (famous last words) What if Dante and I really are all we are ever going to be?? What if CGR and I pass on this opportunity now that we are older and (allegedly) wiser, and miss what was really meant to be? What if we both end our other relationships, get together, find out it doesn't work, then realize we were already with who we were supposed to be with??


Your head would explode if this was you, wouldn't it???

Honestly, I can see things both ways. I can see him and me getting together, moving away with the kids to start our life (back in San Diego likely), and growing old together. I can see us being truly happy. BUT, then again. I can also see us being friends forever and nothing more. AND, I can see myself getting preggers at least 2 more times and having children with Dante. (Or Dwayne Johnson, I haven't decided which yet) He really is an awesome guy, and I've told Can't Get Right that...on more than one occasion. He pointed out to me that I am more attached to Dante that I am letting on...even to myself. I know there is truth to that, but I am still in protective mode when it comes to that situation. This could be his way to kill time until his divorce is actually final, then I'm all lovestruck and he's like "Thanks for the ride Lady!" (No, I absolutely do not think in any way something like that would happen. I am just being dramatic for effect!)

I am not fond of the person Can't Get Right is with, never have been really. But it has nothing to do with him, she and I went to the same high school....and I didn't like her then!!! Just one of those people that never rubbed me the right way. However he loves her and she treats him well and that will have to be good enough for me.

So why are we trying to mess with fire? To put it exceptionally mildy, the love is strong within us both. However, I just don't think it's enough to be willing to hurt others for our selfish whims. We are not those type of people, we never will be, and we would never feel right about it if we tried to be. So likely, he and I are all we ever will be, unless some serious Divine intervention happens and gracefully removes these others from our lives. Considering they have 2 children together now, that ain't likely to happen!

But, what if....

2nd Week...Still Going Strong

You're waiting on me to crack aren't you? Waiting on me to break down under the pressures of my Solo-Mommy world and the economy and the gas prices and the food prices, and freak out about not having a job aren't you?

AREN'T YOU???

Well, I hate to tell you this, but it's gonna be a looooooooong wait!

God always provides us the desires of our heart. I am not stressed about working full time, so I am happy. I do not have a sufficient income yet with Arise whereas if I didn't have unemployment, I may be a bit worried. However, I do. That is my "cushion" to help me prepare for life after unemployment, so I don't have to feel like a failure again by running out there to get a job! Little by little, I am making it happen everyday. You'll see!

Just wanted to add, by the way, that Can't Get Right is definitely NOT The One!!! Why do I say this, you ask? Because he sucks big time. He is a lousy father, and my daughter deserves better. He has never treated me with the level of consideration that I deserve or command, and I deserve better too. Yep I figured it out. Are you ready? This is my psycho-analytical breakthrough of the decade (and it didn't cost me an hour or a dime in therapy sessions)! He is the man in my life that most closely resembles my father! Not in looks, but in actions. Actions toward me, actions toward his daughter, or his children as a whole for that matter. He's never rude or mean, actually very charming and quite personable. But when it comes to building real relationships, he remains aloof and careless with others emotions...mainly because he is too wrapped up in himself!

I know, I have said it before. I even meant it when I said it then. But I realize this is a process that can take a while. I am willing to put in the work. 100%

In other news, I selected a new host agency today for my travel business! I have been debating on this for months and months, and then they came with a 3 months fee-free trial offer, including deferring set-up for 3 months! Couldn't beat that! I also kinda think that was God nudging me out of my state of analysis paralysis! You know what I think about all these online travel agencies (aka MLM or scams or card mills, take your pick)?? There's some of them out there that are supposedly making good money getting people to book on their websites and setting up partial-service groups for them. Well then, if they can thrive doing thing half-ass, then surely there is plenty of clients for those like me!

Know what else? I'm going to get those clients too! I am putting the plan and the tools in place as we speak. No distractions. No BS. NO FEAR!!!

What would you do if you knew you absolutely could not fail?

First Full Week!

You'd think I'd be blogging more since I have so much extra time, huh?

This week was fine, it was kinda hectic since I am still on scavenger hours. But next week's schedule is a little more comfortably set, though still quite a few evenings. The following week's schedule is absolutely fabulous! I couldn't have asked for better! I set my own schedules, by the way. But for the week of the 20th was the first time since I've been working this client that I have been there the minute the new shifts were offered! It's a date every week from now on!

I did receive my unemployment papers in the mail yesterday. I will not be making terribly much less than I was making working 40 hours a week! Go me!! I didn't go to the "free food and medical" office like I said I would early this morning, and so I have to wait until Monday morning. Gotta go first thing, because I have to be on the phones at 10a. Otherwise it will be when I am off the phones at 11a.

Speaking of phones, I finally got my second line installed on Wednesday...by Starr's grandfather!! The same person I was trying to get to come and do it in his off time! Whatever, it's done! They are not the most reliable, even I know that! We talked, I gave him a picture of Starr when I first did her hair that I printed out, all was well.

Haven't put exercising into my schedule yet like I want to, but it's coming! It has to, since it is a very vital piece of the reducing my blood pressure goal.

Off to cook dinner before I am back on the phones at 9p. Just think, at this rate, my business may be in the black by the end of the month!

My Independence Day (Very) Extended Weekend -- in Review!

Long title huh?

So Thursday was mainly about just enjoying the day off, then going to "find" money to pay rent. I did it, it's done. I will pay for it later. BUT! Me and my children have a secure roof over our heads...and that's all that matters! And by enjoying the day off, I mean my punkin came to town and we had a kidless house in which to make up for lost time!!

On July 4th, we reluctantly went down to my grandmother's, who had just 2 days before insisted she was doing nothing for the holiday! Mind you, the day of, she calls everybody to find out what time they're coming down! lol Saying no isn't really an option.

The kids bugged me like crazy because they knew we were going to Leigh's house for fireworks, as we do every year. We were able to locate a place that had fireworks for sale, and I bought some. DJ was with his dad, but insisted he would be there for fireworks. Indeed he was too!! I got there to see the last half of I Am Legend, which I hadn't seen since Dante and I saw it at the theatre in Memphis.

There was a grand turnout this year for the festivities! Lots of adults, and even more kids! No injuries whatsoever, some very cool fireworks, and a great time had by all. My sister even said she would watch all the kids overnight, just cause they wanted to stay. It was past midnight when I left though, and I told her I'd be back by 830a. So I sent Dante a text message that said: 3 words - kidless til morning! Unfortunately I didn't see him til morning, but as always it was worth the wait! He was very excited because he was going to a Cards/Cubs game at Busch Stadium that day with his uncle. He is a HUGE Cards/Rams fan...complete with the front license plate thingy to prove it! He hadn't been to a game since 2006, before his (prayerfully last) deployment to Iraq. So I was excited for him!

I got to Leigh's and the kids weren't even up yet, so we talked for a couple of hours. I left there at noon and headed to the Officer's house to watch her bunch while she went to one of the home stores. Yes, that's right...she finally got moved into her place! I am very happy for her!

I got home on Saturday only to discover why my car had been bouncing so badly! My front driver-side tire was missing whole chunks out of it!! Considering I had been on the highway, it was an absolute blessing that I didn't have a blowout on the road!! The bonus is, I got another tire for a decent price installed...AND I found someone to install my brakes! One of the workers there does other mechanic work on the side. So, he lived not too far from my grandmother, so I arranged to go down on Sunday before work to have that done. No more squeaking! Woohoo! I can put my car magnets on now!!

I didn't do so good last night with work because one of the systems I use kept freezing up my whole computer! But I have learned the trick to get past that now! Today was pretty good though! I went to file my unemployment insurance claim this morning, first thing. I scheduled a technician to come out Wednesday to install the jack for my 2nd line. I went to Applebee's and enjoyed a very moderately-priced lunch. I bought a calcium/magnesium supplement to take 3 times daily to help naturally reduce my hypertension.

I am excited about what lay on the horizon for me honestly! I have a few more appointments to make for the next week or so, like WIC and food stamps. Yep, that's right! My taxes pay into that system...isn't now the time for me to get some kind of ROI?? Also SCORE and Women's Business Dev. Cntr in St. Louis. I want to look into becoming a certified MBE/WME (women- and minority-owned).

Thanks to God again for making me "Get Outta The Boat!"

GREAT WEEK!!!

Watched The Secret last night, then re-watched the parts that watched me last night this morning! It wasn't boring...I was just sleepy. Will probably watch that every other day, just to make sure I am keeping my focus! One of my favorite quotes ever is from Henry Ford: "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are usually right." For a long time, I had convinced myself that I couldn't. What a surprise! I was right! Now I am actively working everyday to say I can, and believe I can....then I will!!

I feel so accomplished, which is a feeling I haven't really felt in a long time. My weight is maintained right now...though I have been slacking with my South Beach a little. I am still happily fitting my size 12 jeans and fitting into clothes that I haven't worn in a long time. It's almost like I went shopping and I'm wearing new clothes! But, before I do too much, I am going back to Phase 1... plus fruit though. I would still like to see 175 on the scales. This week was a little crazy and rainy, plus I was doing business stuff on my breaks, so I didn't get to walk outside like I usually do.

I got my business banking account opened yesterday. The banking rep was so nice and helpful. I ordered my administrative services business cards and my car magnets yesterday also. Plus I will get lettering put across the back window giving the phone number and website for the travel business. I need to find out about dba so I can do travel and admin a bit separately and not get into trouble.

I opened my ING direct savings account, and set up auto payments every pay period for that. I bought a new all-in-one printer with wireless capability, so I can replace both of the other printers now. I think I will list some movies on ebay too, since I replaced them with DVDs recently. Never did sell the Tivo or double stroller, but I will try again though this weekend. Bought a microwave cart for the kitchen, but it's still in the car...waiting on my BD to come help me get in the house.

I have also started researching my next vehicle, and so far so good. I was initially interested in the 2008 GMC Yukon XL Hybrid, but according to the dealer they were very limited in production. I will keep abreast of production info for the 2009 models. Otherwise, I found a beautiful 2007 GMC Yukon XL Denali in Silver that would be perfect. I am not really into buying brand-new vehicles anyway just because of the dealer markup on them. So buying one a couple of years old will be perfect. That is my goal for 2009. I even did pricing and financing options. I know how much I want to put down, plus my van (which should be paid off by this time next year) as a trade in...my payments will be very manageable!

On the relationship front, I haven't focused very much on that. Just didn't want that clouding my head right now. Can't Get Right has decided he wants me...again. (yawn) Dante is so very caught up in work right now that we hardly get to really talk anymore, which can sometimes make the distance even harder. No worries though, he still has my heart (whether he knows it or not), so I try to be here for him when he needs me. Hopefully though, there will come a time soon where we can truly decide what we are, and if there is more on the horizon for us. Like I said, with him working so much, it just makes sense for me to focus completely on business. That way I won't go nuts wondering if we're still just a casual fling or if there's more in store.

But for now, it's all about the business baby!

Every Day Is A Blessing

Just remember that. Every now and then, I will actually look at the news on cnn.com just to see what's going on. Honestly, I started out trying to check on the New Hampshire caucus to see if Senator Obama was the frontrunner, as he was in Iowa. The headline at the very top of the site was the just published autopsy results for slain hiker Meredith Emerson, and that caught my attention. They think she was alive for three days before the nutcase killed her with blunt force trauma to the head...oh yeah, then decapitated her!! Sick bastard! But, he only agreed to tell them where the body was after the DA's office promised not to seek the death penalty. Now, watch they hold up their end of the bargain, and he gets to sit up in prison and get free degrees and free cable and free meals and free gym memberships...ON MY DIME!!!
What I hope happens is, the other cases that they may link him to (like the fact that a couple in another were killed hiking and this killer was seen in the guy's jacket AND was using the couple's ATM card), they find him guilty and give him the death penalty on one of those!!

From there, I clicked on a link that says this: Suspect: God made me kill,cook girlfriend

WTF!!!!!! This 25-year old killed his 21-year old girlfriend, mutilated her body, then...are you ready for this....cooked and ate part of her body!!!!! I can't even say anymore about that one, because it is so deplorable, but here's the cnn link.

There is just no time for being fearful. There is no time for proscrastinating. There is no time for self-doubt. There is no time for insecurity about your abilities to create a better world and life for yourself. Tomorrow could be it for you, then what?? Will you have everything accomplished? If not, there's no time like the present! Here's something you may not have known.

You ready for this mind-altering piece of info? You sure? Okay...don't say I didn't warn you:

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY!!!

Whether you like it or not, you will die. Everyone you know and love will die. There is no getting around it. There is no sense fearing the inevitable. I mean sure, we all want it to be when we are old, but the reality is....that's not the case for everyone. Now that you know that, you have a choice. You can be afraid of dying to the point that you are crippled with fear, or you can accept the fact that you will die...and start LIVING. Guess which one I decided to be? Have you seen the previous posts noting how many times I could have died?? Go here and here for a refresher. I lived in fear for awhile of leaving my four children to be orphans, and yes it was sometimes crippling. It had even contributed to my depression. Guess what? A lady at work lost her 36 year old sister within the last month, and she left 8 kids behind! That was a swift kick in the ass for me to get over myself, and enjoy the gift of life...we only get ONE SHOT. Make it count.

So, I have a conference call at 8p, on how to become unstoppable. I have a few more conference calls throughout this month. I will be emailing the chapter president of my host agency to find out about meetings or networking events or whatever information she can give me to further my travel agency business. I will also get my materials together to start getting me some business clients for StarrDom. I will meet with SCORE for help in business plan creation, marketing, and anything else I may need.

When I die, I want it to be on my feet (and in motion), NOT on my knees! (paraphrased from The Kingdom)

It's Almost Vacation Time!

I work a full day tomorrow and Monday, then I will be on vacation the rest of the week!

Woo!!!

Started reading an awesome new book entitled Millionaire Women by Jeanne Torrence Hauer. Did you know the founder of Two Men and a Truck is a woman? The "two men" were her sons making money throughout high school! How completely cool is that? And the icing on the cake? She was a solo-mommy too!!!

Told you single motherhood has it's privileges!