Memorial Day

I know it's a little late but, whatever!

Remember the whole 'house is a mess' thing? Well considering my family was coming over, that had to change. So I spent Sunday cleaning, went to bed late, then woke up Monday morning very early and started again. I did a pretty good job, so I am pleased. So was everyone else who knows what my place usually looked like. My oldest sister walked in and said 'Wow' before she knew it. That was a complement.

No! I didn't just hide the stuff in a cabinet or closet! I actually cleaned. Then, I barbecued. Nothing spectacular, just hot dogs, hamburgers, and brats. I didn’t like the burgers I got from Wal-Mart, so I won’t buy those again. I also grilled a sliced pineapple, and cooked some garlic butter shrimp on the grill. I say cooked because I thought I had skewers to actually grill the shrimp, but apparently I didn’t. Maybe next time…

I had a house full, and it was fabulous. We did manage after not one but two trips to Sam’s to get a cake for DJ. The first time, on Sunday, the only cake they had that was marble had a very obvious and poorly repaired crack across the front of it. For some reason, all the Memorial Day cakes were white cake. So we went back Monday morning and got a very multi-colored marble cake.

The New Guy came over and spent some time as well, which I was excited about. No, I still don't know what the status is, but right now we both have too much going to really focus on it.

If I keep telling myself that, maybe eventually I'll believe it!

So Much for the Maternal Instinct

This headline was pulled off the Associated Press today:

 

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/05/29/children.killed.ap/index.html

 

Considering the youngest baby was 8months old, I’m going to guess at a severe and untreated case of post-partum depression. As sad as it is, that is my only solace. I would pray that it had nothing to do with her ‘estranged’ (hate that word) husband not being there. Because that takes my mind another way. You know, her feeling the desperation of her young age with 4 children,  having been a wife and mother from 18 years old, and then he leaves her? That might’ve have been too much.

 

Still, it is very sad and heartbreaking to thing what those children must’ve been thinking as their mother – their MOTHER – was doing this.

 

God help us, these are the worst times of our life.

I'm too Sexy for this Blog...

Told you I was gonna show you proof:

Booty Shot!

And now for the sultry look:

Here's one of my faves, which was a mis-shot actually:

Here's my other fave (so spiritual, isn't it?):
I am accepting my toes, Flinstone-esque and all:


A full view of Stiletto Love:

My first Picture Post! Yay!

PAR-TAY!

I went to the Kween's party last night at a club in E. St. Louis, Jessie's Place. That was monumental in itself, since I haven't set foot in a club since before the WonderTwins were born (circa 2002). The cool thing is that it was an over 30 set, so the grillz and gold teeth were minimal and the tees and jeans weren't allowed. The music was a nice mix as well. Translation: Minimal cursing and typical name-calling of women was virtually non-existent. Whew!

I got there rather early, because it started at 7pm, but most folks didn't show til after 10! I'm glad there was a nice turnout for her. I was almost a big girl and got a drink, but decided on cranberry juice all night instead. I tried to get the New Guy to come over, but he was visiting his friend (as usual). I checked with Cody, who's been dying to see me (no we still haven't seen each other in person since we reconnected), but he couldn't come out and play. Kween asked me about the Commander, and I knew that that wasn't his set - it was barely mine!! So I had decided to hang with her friend/my ex Roman for the evening (she knew and I knew he would be on me like a powder blue leisure suit), but he didn't show up! He came to the place Friday night - her actual birthday - and then was constantly on his way last night. He even told other people about it and kept reminding them all week and he didn't show. He along with many others who said they were coming but never showed just got on the wrong person's badside! As bad as I wanted to stay at home and do nothing, I went, and I'm very glad I did. It was a nice break from the everyday *blah* that has become my life.

The kids stayed at Leigh's house, and I got home and crashed about 130a. But not before me and the self-timer on my digital camera had our fun! I washed and flat ironed my hair and did my face. Then, as always, I threw something on at the last second and BAM!! Fierceness from head to toe! Just you wait, I'll have pictures up later today, and you'll see!

ps. you can reach my site by www.solo-mommy.com! Yay me!!!

(solo-mommy does a jump and kick; heard something POP; has to go lie down now)

TGIF - Memorial Day Weekend

Thank You God for 3-day Weekends!!!



So much is going in my life right now...it is unbelievable! Even I am wondering how I'm holding it together and I'm the one living it!



No, I am not going to go into it, but I know for sure one of two things is happening. I am either being attacked or I'm being dealt with! (Those who know and serve God know what I am talking about) I'm at a toss-up to which it is at this point. Lord knows I've done enough lately to be dealt with.

I've decided to have Memorial Day at my house this year, and will celebrate DJ's 10th birthday at that time. I pray to have the van sold by then. I just placed another urgent ad. Hopefully it will work, now that I've lowered the price yet again, and added no reasonable offer refused.

That means I need to clean this weekend. Oh joy. I mean really clean, including a little organizing in the garage as well. The slumlord sent his father-in-law to take down the fence that was damaged back in December, but he did half and it's still lying in the backyard. I'll move it myself of I have to, I just have nothing to say to them.

The New Guy is catching Hades right now too it seems. I try to send him a text to let him know he's on my mind and that I'm thinking of him. I sent him an ecard this week to put a momentary smile on his face. What's up with us? For now, I'll just be content with us being friends. I don't know what else to think, and now is not the time for either one of us to figure otherwise.

I cleared work almost 2 hours early, and had planned on going home but decided to go to my sisters' house and just hang out with them. I enjoyed it and so did the kids. We didn't get home til a little after 9p. I'll just have them shower in the morning. They will survive!

I think I have decided to actively pursue another job, though I know it will not solve my ultimate issue (wanting to make my own hours). But, I had no intention of going through the summer on this schedule, and yet here we are. Then I find out today that I am on a written warning so I cannot move from my position for the next 30-90 days (ie, whichever they see fit). The good thing about that is that I can move out the door at any given time! Everyday that you are out sick counts against you, even if they are consecutive. 3 days = 3 counts. Remember the week Champagne was sick? That was three right there. I've been sick a few times, as well as the Bruzer. And then anytime you are late over 4 minutes, that's a quarter of a count. Last week Monday, I logged in at 835, and that did it. Whatever! I am so over that place!

But I know I will never be truly happy until I am setting my own hours and not having to contend with such ridiculous rules. The big thing yesterday and today was changing everyone's email signature to the uniform one for the company. Even when there was weather-related travel delays and calls holding, this email thing was priority! That makes sense to you, doesn't it?

The highlight? We had a food day today. Although I probably ate enough calories for the next 2 days RDA!

Things That Annoyed Me Today

• Seeing a car pulled over by the police in Fairview Heights and knowing it was a black person driving.
• People who can barely speak or understand English - yet work for an American firm - calling to change their travel plans.
• People who cut me off mid-sentence to ask me a question I was in the process of answering if they would have just SHUT UP!
• Knowing that my "6pm coworker" has a very promising interview with AG Edwards tomorrow.
• The urge to eat uncontrollably when I'm at work.
• People who butt into your conversations and say stupid things.
• Having to watch Rosie O'Donnell be her usual boisterous, crass, overtly lesbian, big-mouthed, rude, fat, moronic self on cnn.com, while she was bickering was her co-host.
• Watching Ms. Single Mom kiss the manager's *ss this afternoon!
• The certified letter I received from my slumlords.

Now that I got that off my chest, I feel a little better!

Blah, Blah, Blah

So, today was a day.

Yesterday was a day.

The day before that was a day.

Nothing grand. Nothing disastrous. Just. Days.

Ever had that feeling? Well, I got it now.

It doesn't help that I'm pms-ing. I really hate that too. I don't know when it went wrong, but I believe it was when I got "fixed". That "monthly thing" for me takes about 2 weeks, with all the prefixes and suffixes I have to deal with.

Oh don't worry, I'm done with that subject. Any more will be reserved for my GYN!

My hair is suffering under my stressed mental state. I am going to need to cut about an inch and a half off, or get my hair braided up so you can't tell the difference. Considering the funds are way too limited for the braids I want ($125 and up), there may be some scissors in my near future! That's a big deal, because as a rule, black women's hair doesn't grow as fast as white, asian, or latina women. So, a haircut for us is a big deal! But I am at the point right now where I just want to look good more than anything else. I had some ends to break off and now I have a sheath of what I call "false length" that just needs to be cut.

So, just a whole lotta nothin' going on. More tomorrow...

Church Without Walls

That was my way of saying I didn't go to PTC (my church) today. But, I did at least get to watch two sermons on TV! Yeah, I know it's not the same thing, but it does count!!!

The first I watched was Pastor David Crank of Faith Church St. Louis in Fenton, Missouri. I first learned about this church from my sister, the Officer, she frequently watches it on Sunday mornings. All three of us girls plan to go there one day soon. He is a very regular, everyday straight-talking fellow. He truly seems like he's in it to win souls for the Lord. When was the last time you saw a ministry service on TV where they weren't asking for a donation to receive a tape of that service? Yeah well, this place says for a FREE copy call the toll-free number or visit their website. It truly is a "come as you are" church, without all the "religiosity" that is ruining so many places of worship today.

Then, I watched Joyce Meyer on my computer. If you go to her website, you can pull up at least the last 14 broadcasts to watch on-demand. I have listened to her for over 10 years now. I have always enjoyed listening to her speak. Not because she makes me 'feel good' or says what I want to hear. It's actually the opposite in most cases. She usually says things to call me out on the carpet, as the saying goes, and then tells me what I NEED to hear, according to her real-life experiences and (most importantly) God's Word. A preacher can be dynamic and get you all fired up, but if they are not directing you to the Word of God -book, chapter and verse- to back up what they're saying...you're just listening to someone else's opinion. I really want to go to her Women's Conference in September. Registration starts tomorrow, and this year will feature TD Jakes and CeCe Winans. I'm gonna continue to pray on it.

We had a great day today. The picnic for my "nephew" was in the park, so the kids got to play and run and play and eat and play and... You get the idea. We were there from about 2p to about 7p. We came home and everyone (except Mom) got clean and ate a quick sandwich. Then, it was off to bed. I am not far behind myself!

Back to the work week tomorrow! Yay.

p.s. I'm gonna stop thinking so hard about the sitch with the New Guy. It's gonna be what it's gonna be. I can see a really good future for us. I can totally see us together for the duration. But, that doesn't matter. If God doesn't see it, then it won't happen. So, he and I both need to be working on a relationship (if that's what we have) that is pleasing not primarily to ourselves, but to Him.

See what happens when I clear clutter from my home??? I told you so!

Clearing Out The Clutter

Yes!!! I am working on it, finally!

What? The clutter of course! My house is usually a direct reflection of my state of mind - a "gift" I get from my mother. The worse my depression is or the higher my stress level, the worse my house looks. Guess how mi casa has been looking lately??

Yeah well, that's gonna end! I got a lot done today, just clearing out old papers and general stuff that's been sitting around forever. No really, FOREVER. Who keeps junk mail from December?

(Solo-Mommy raises hand.)

The breakfast bar in the dining room was an atrocity. I didn't even know that much stuff could fit up there! I am hoping to view the surface of my coffee table again soon. Then, perhaps I will tackle the whirlwind that is my room. Actually, it's not that bad, I just need to put away clean clothes and pack away winter clothes.

This feels really good...

p.s. Stay tuned for my Solo-Mommy Fitness Blog, coming soon! Yeah, this weight's gotta go. I actually feel fat now. No, not thick. Not P.H.A.T. Just plain old F-A-T, and that ain't me!!!

p.p.s Went to the drive-in this evening and got to see Spiderman 3 with all the kids, then DJ hung in there with me and watched Ghost Rider. I was so totally NOT disappointed!!!

I'm Still Lost

So, I was able to engage the New Guy in text messages for about 5 minutes today.

Yeah, real big news. We rarely have phone conversations anymore. I still remember we would talk basically everyday, usually by the evening before bed. Now, I may go 3 or more days without talking to him. I am not used to that, and I really don’t like it. But hell, half the time I can’t get him cornered enough to really talk about it!

I am starting to feel a real distance there, I can’t describe it any other way. I just don’t think he’s as interested as he thinks he is. We have a great time together, including when we’re with the kids. But, that is another area of concern. I am very worried about my kids getting too involved and then we don’t go anywhere. It is not my intention for my children to see everyone I date. When we’re together, his actions say one thing (the right thing), but when we’re apart the silence is deafening! I am so lost right now. I was able to get him to talk about the drive-in and his plans for the weekend. Then when I asked ‘In the words of Prince: How Come You Don’t Call Me, Anymore?’, I didn’t hear anything from him anymore.

At times like this, I get the feeling we missed our boat when he backed out the first time…

Today was the day I wanted to quit...

Did I have a bad day at work, you ask? Actually...no, I didn't.

Work was the usual stuff. Not overly busy, not freezing (as it is frequently), noone was crabby. There was one interesting thing I learned, but I'l hold that for a few minutes.

So why was it a bad day? Because I need to be there to pick up my own d-a-m-n kids!!!

Whew! That felt good. Okay, now that I'm calm I'll tell you what happened.

My oldest sister, Leigh, picks up DJ, the Bruzer, and Space Cadet in the evenings. Well, she waited until last night when I picked them up to tell me that she was going on a field trip with her daughter and could Agnes (the one who drops her kids off in the am) pick them up from the after-school program. Well she told this morning that was fine, she could pick them up. I forgot to tell her that Bruzer needed a ride too, from the other side of town at his daycare. So, I called her cell phone and left an urgent message before 3pm. I called her again sometime in the 4 o'clock hour, again on her cell. My sister called me at a little after 5p to ask if Agnes was picking them up, to which I responded yes to older 2 but not Bruzer. She said they may get back early, so she may be able to. Here's where the frustration begins...

Agnes called me at 540P! From. her. home. phone. "You called me earlier?" I called my sister, who was at the mall, right by me! Leigh said if they got done at the mall she would try to get there to pick him up. She called back at 558P, wanting me to call the daycare and let them know she would be a little late. Nevermind! I am off in 2 minutes!!!

I talked the worker at the school who was totally ok with it. Bruzer's so cool, he was helping her clean up. Thank goodness I don't have one of those whiny kids! I felt so bad though, like the worst mommy ever!

I was so frustrated and kinda ticked off, I literally wanted to cry. So, I called and vented to my best friend, then I vented to the Major.

The walls of my world are closing in on me, while I am already drowning in sea of financial burdens. This just wasn't what I needed to deal with. I also know that as anxious as I am to talk to the New Guy about the State of the (alleged) Relationship, my mind is not right.

And about the job? Yeah, the other girl that works 6p with me has been getting off early everyday this week. I finally asked why today. There's a lady in the process of selling her house, and so she wants the morning to clean. So she offered this girl - with a husband - to switch shifts with her INDEFINITELY until her house sells!!!!

I can surely say this, it is no secret to anyone there about my struggles with my schedule as far as someone else picking up my FOUR children. But, I won't be mad, it wasn't for me.

What I will do is add this job information to my resume and get it back into circulation!

To end on a high note: When I picked up the kids, we went to an event where DJ could pick the instrument he wants to play in band next year. He did pretty darn well at the trumpet, so I am well pleased! I plan to pick it up at the shop within the next month. Of course, I'm gonna shop for a used one online!! I am still that girl!

Jet-lagged...without the jet??

That's what I'm feeling. I still haven't quite recovered from this weekend's massive driving. Let's not forget the extreme sleep deprivation on top of that. But it was fun!!

So, what have I been doing since my boss is away? Well actually, the same as any other time. It's just that now when someone complains about crap that goes on the company, he's not all up in your grill trying to defend it. Plus, I've been burning music on my laptop as well. Still been working though, and trying to figure out ways to work better hours.

I am checking our internal postings daily for new positions that are opening up in our location. The postings should be up within the next week. Don't know when the new business will be headed our way, but the company needs to hire 10 agents to fill it. Hiring in new people means the old people will have seniority which means better hours for me if I am selected! Ms. "Single Mom" said she wants to know who the manager is before she would consider it. Whatever, I can get along under basically any manager...as long as they are not micromanaging. Let me do the job I was hired to do...and leave me the heck alone!

Me and the kids were pleasantly suprised to find the New Guy at my house last evening. We took the kids to O'Charleys, which we all enjoyed. I am still wondering where we are! We will have to talk about that. Soon. Patience is wearing thin.

I will keep you updated...

While The Cat's Away...

My boss is out of the office on a cruise with his boyfriend (or "partner") this week!

YAY!!

Okay, I'm fine now.

Mama was a Rolling Stone...

I am back! and -if I may say so- very proud of myself! Why? Because I drove to Holly Springs, MS from St. Louis.
And....I drove from Holly Springs, MS to St. Louis.
And....I drove all points in between.
Grand Total?

980 miles this weekend!

This weekend was my official Summer Road Trip kickoff! My mother kept offering to drive, but I told her I was okay. Truth be told, she was the financial reason I was able to go. As a matter of fact, I wasn't going to go because my funds are so out-of-whack, but she insisted and told me she would take care of it. So, we went and I drove both ways.

Holly Springs is about 40min from Memphis, TN. Me and the kids will be road tripping there this summer. It would be about the same as driving to Chicago (also a road trip destination), which is where my best friend is. Which is also a Road Trip destination - the next one, according to her. Also about the same as a drive to Kansas City, which is on my Road Trip list. Other included places are Indianapolis and Louisville. The criteria is basically somewhere interesting that I can drive to in less than 6 hours. Get up early, hit the road, get there early, and leave later the next day.

The only thing that sucked about going with my sisters is that for the Officer, the world stops on Sunday. She has to be back so she can get ready for the week ahead.

I don't mean to be funny but hey, we're travelling out of town. You 've got 2 kids (well, 3 now including the foster baby), how hard is it to iron something for them when you get home and put them to bed?? But that's just me.

Yes, she is more organized than I am!

Anyway, though we don't talk much I am very proud of my cousin. She is married with 4 children and works full-time. It took her awhile -as it did both of my sisters- but she did it. Ms. Brainiac hasn't done it yet! I had originally wanted to start again in summer this year, but it looks like we are up to fall now.

Didn't get a chance to do much communication this weekend online. I talked to the Commander before I left. We had a good conversation on Friday while I was at home. It was cut short and then I missed his call the next morning, while we were driving to Ole Miss for the graduation. I was able to answer questions that will hopefully get our friendship back on track (the friendship that I screwed up, for the record).

I also got to chat online with the Major. We've been misconnecting by phone lately in the evenings. We did talk for a while yesterday afternoon, when he called to wish me a happy Mother's Day.

I did talk to the New Guy for a few minutes yesterday. He sent me a text to wish me Happy Mother's Day and to tell me to be safe on the road. But by the time I got that message, I was already at my aunt's house and enjoying dessert! So I called him and we talked for about 10 minutes or so.

You know what I miss? I miss talking on the phone with the New Guy.

Sounds weird, doesn't it?

We chat alot online but, if we are supposed to be sorta-like 'courting', it doesn't feel like it most times. Before, when we were seeing each other, we would talk on the phone. He would regularly call me and I would regularly call him. Now, a couple of days can go with no communication. Sometimes a week can go by before I actually talk to him on the phone. I like the phone, it is much more personal.

Honestly, it makes me wonder alot where he and I really are. I know he's still thinking about dealing with my condition long-term, and there's other stuff he's debating as well (such as the total package, including kids, etc). He adores the kids, don't get me wrong. But at this point, I am just feeling lost as to what we are, if we are anything, and where we are going. I know he's busy with everything right now, but it is hard considering how attentive he was "last time". Considering how "last time" ended, I am a little concerned that perhaps he's just not that interested.

I know, I know. Dramatic, but it is a true feeling I have -- that I DON'T like having.

(sigh) The saga continues...

Travelling Woman

So, I was a big girl yesterday. I drove from my hometown to Holly Springs, Mississippi. My mom was in the passenger seat, and I had a van full. So that was cool. We arrived at 430a or somewhere around there. We got up at 7a.

Yes. I said Seven. AM.

No really. I'm okay.

(Nods off)

And.....I'm back!

Then, I am totally happy to find out that my cousins have a wireless network at home so....
Here I am!

Isn't technology beautiful?

When will the End Come?

I know we all do things and make sacrifices for those we care about. I am no exception. I have reason to talk or complain, considering all FOUR of my children are being picked up 4 days a week by both of my sisters. Having said that...

Boy, will I be glad when this morning arrangement is over!!!

When you don't have to be at work until 930a, and your oldest kids don't have to be at school til 830a, do you know how ANNOYING it is to have to be up at 530A!!!??

I do. I am hoping this is the last month, since school is out at the end of May. Now I know how my sisters must feel, cause this has gotten really old. I mean, believe me, I am the biggest advocate of changing my schedule so that I can get back to picking up my own children, thus relieving their burden.

But at least they're not awake against their will.

Okay, I'm done complaining about that.

I got the expected response back from my manager about changing our shifts. Of course, they couldn't do it!

So, I did what I said I was going to do when that happened. I requested to be on the other team. I found out the one lady (with less seniority than me) is working 8a-430p. Yep, I could bump her out of it, no doubt. Don't know if I would though, honestly. Due to the aforementioned situation, I would not be able to help my friend if I worked 8a-430p.

Sounds crazy, I know. I just complained about it, and can't wait for it to be over. But, I would possibly decline an earlier shift just so she wouldn't be left out in the cold. Yep. With the laundry list of selfless things she has done for me, this is the least I could do to help.

So anyway, back to the job, I then made a request to my manager about being moved to that other team. Being the 'sensitive' man that he is, he asked if my hours were the only reason. I replied that was absolutely correct.

You do know what I mean by 'sensitive', don't you? Yep, that's exactly what I mean. There are a LOT of gay men in travel. Let me put it a different way. If I meet a man at work who's an agent and he's not gay, I am surprised.

So, he sent an inquiry to the workforce coordinator, as to if there was an opening on the other team. He also noted that I wanted to change to that team and the only reason was my hours. I pretty much know how that's gonna turn out! Yeah, yeah, sure. I could be pleasantly surprised.

We will see.

Okay, I better get going, they are down there acting like hoodlums this morning. I have to remind them that, though they are dressed and fe d when they get here, my children are not even awake yet. They have been very loud this morning, especially the little boy. He's like the Bruzer, only times 25!

No. Really.

My thoughts about war in Iraq

I pulled up yahoo.com a few moments ago and, after seeing the box office smash of Spiderman 3 ($148 million), I noticed another title. 12 U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq

Here's the article link:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070506/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq

You know what? I skimmed the article, didn't read the whole thing. But this has gotten ridiculous! We have gotten ourselves into a mess. To merely pull out now would show signs of weakness and defeat to the terrorists and insurgents. But, to stay indefinitely would show stupidity to our own U.S. citizens. Or at least that's my opinion. We're fighting for someone else's "freedom" and we are hardly free ourselves.

Sorry, I don't buy the "Fighting the War on Terror" BS line George W. keeps spouting. The woman next to me at work does though, poor thing. She feels that as long as our soldiers are over there being killed and mamed (okay, my words not hers)fighting the terrorists, that she and her daughter will be safe here at home.

Whatever! I keep asking her does she realize that they are already here. Do you?

I say figure out a way to turn the control over to the Iraqi military within the next year through training. In the meantime, stop new deployments and re-deployments to the danger zone. Then, start bringing our people back to their families and their home. But unfortunately, we have gotten ourselves stuck between a rock and a hard place. Let's not forget who our "leader" is.

Can you tell I'm not a fan?

Meanwhile, they're still dying...

Saturday and all is well

I am very excited and I forgot to mention this yesterday!

The Commander talked to me!! Well he emailed me and we chatted later in the evening. I am very excited and happy about that! Perhaps we have a chance after all!

I have been doing hair today. The girls hair, not mine!

What? You forgot who comes first?

I only have to flat-iron Starr's hair, which I'll do in the morning. Yes, I am thinking positively, and being overly ambitious. One day, I'll show you her hair post-wash, post-blowdry, then flat-ironed. Only then will you understand!

We got out the house for a little while today. Mainly went to get something to eat and just get out into the sun for a minute. I stopped at the bread store and bought fruit and cereal bars for breakfast next week.

What? You don't know what the bread store is? It's what Hostess calls a bakery outlet. What it doesn't mean is that they sell bread right at or past its expiration date. Or hard or stale bread. Basically, what it means is that you pay a heck of a lot less for the same bread than someone who buys it at the grocery store. Let's say Wonder at Shop n Save is $2.19. At the bread store, it would be 99 cents. I cannot in good conscience buy bread at the grocery store. I would go without than pay that price!

Okay, enough rambling. Gonna go visit with the Major. Haven't seen him the last couple of times he was in town, not since his birthday. So, we wanted to make a point to be able to chat face-to-face this time.

Thank The Good Lord for Fridays!!!

I'm telling you the truth...if I had to work one more day this week, you would have seen it on the news!!!

It's been a heck of a week. My foot was feeling better by the next day. I have had a similar sensation before, but never that severe. Yeah, I know, I was acting all tough about it. But I was a little scared. Wonder if it has anything to do with my cycle? Maybe I should track that, and see what happens next month. MamaMilton, thanks for the mothering! Sometimes, we just can't help ourselves, can we? :)

What's going on at work? Well, the other team in the office with us will be getting a new schedule come Monday. They had agents working til 7p. Now noone will be working later than 530p. WTH???

You know I'm very pissed, right? I actually had a mini meltdown at work yesterday about it. Noooooo, I wasn't crying! Are you kidding? Never let 'em see you sweat! I was, however, using way more profanity than I am used to (anymore, at least). What did I do about it? I sent the Manager an email today to ask why them and not us, especially since they are loads more busy than we are. He replied that he asked that same question when he found out, and is awaiting an answer. If he gets an answer that I don't like, I'm going to ask to be switched to that team. Nothing would change, except I would be taking different calls and working in a different computer system. I'm giving him a week, tops.

Still haven't sold the van. Put another ad on craigslist today. Dropped the price to $1100. Thinking about doing a weekend sale on ebay motors. Listing on craigslist is free, but ebay is like $40. It's not due up front but still, it's a thought. Here's my craiglist ad, in case you know anyone:
http://stlouis.craigslist.org/car/324195324.html

After tomorrow, rent will be officially late for month #2. Slumlord called today, but I didn't answer. I'm sure he'll call again. I'm going through the house trying to figure out what I can sell...and not totally regret it later. It donned on me earlier this week that I am almost like a homeowner, except for the tax benefits and equity being built in my name. I have been saying, "I can't afford to buy a house right now. If something goes wrong, as tight as my finances are, I wouldn't have the money to fix it. I like leaving that expense up to the landlord to handle."
Well guess what?
Everything that has gone wrong in this house, I HAVE GOTTEN IT FIXED!!! AND...I'm paying a heck of a lot more a month than if I was paying a mortgage. So, I am thinking about significantly downsizing for the next year's lease, so that I can pay bills off and then purchase in 2008. It would suck cramming into a 2 bedroom, but sometimes you have to step back to move forward.

I grow weary, but my faith is still strong. That's what keeps me going every day.

I just realized something. I don't talk about the kids much, do I? Does that make me a bad mom? It probably does, among the many other things I do poorly as a mom so, oh well! Can't win them all huh?

Okay, that was my sarcastic way of joking. There is a piece of news to report on the kid-front:
Bruzer stopped up and overflowed the toilet with toilet tissue at my sister's house this evening! My sis had to fish it out, and she said the wad of tissue was amazingly huge! What's so amazing is that he totally fessed up to it. He is oddly honest, which makes me wonder when that's gonna wear off!

I dislike Corporate America

There...I said it!

Today, I sat at my desk pretty much all day, except at lunch. There is something wrong with my left foot. It is slightly swollen and hurts to the touch. To the touch, and even when I think about touching it, it hurts then too. As I'm sitting here typing, the subcutaneous pain is sliding up my ankle and calf.

Big word...I know. Old habits die hard.

That's what it feels like, though. It's just under my skin. Kind of a pain, more of a burn kind of feeling. I've been limping all day, that's all I know.
Of course I won't be going to the doctor!

So why the title of this blog? Well, today was just a reminder that I need to get the ball rolling so that I can control my own destiny. Some simple little nothing happened today that instantly gave me a headache. Trust me, that doesn't happen often at work. Blood pressure went straight up, but then I had to calm it down. Firstly, I am not fond of my manager. He is so "by the book", unless it's for his friends, that he will let nothing slide. Now, I'm not the kind of person that does many things, if any, that are against the rules but expect someone to overlook it. I am the kind of person that as a single mother, and a good reliable worker, wouldn't mind my manager going the extra mile for me. But, when you don't have kids you can't understand. So today was just an example of what I am tired of.

But, as I told my mother the other night: Don't panic, I'm not in any danger of quitting my job!

What it has made me do, though, is want to focus even harder on finding the right host agency, and getting the word out about my business.

On top of that, things are so tight for me financially right now, I am barely treading water.

Okay, I'm drowning. But I have faith in God, and that is what He wanted. I made that mistake to "forget" about him in the day-to-day, thinking I had it all together myself. I didn't. He waited patiently and knowingly on me to screw it all up. What a surprise, I did!

My prayer for myself now is that I never lose that again. My challenge now is to tend to little so I can be blessed with much. It's not a new challenge, but I am hard-headed, so sometimes it takes God a minute to get through!

Promise to keep you updated...