These Three Words

My Punkin told me those magic words for the first time Thanksgiving night! I didn't say anything to him about it that night! I wasn't really expecting it from him. Plus, though I know him better than this, he had drank a little AND we were "in the middle of something". I say I know him better because he and I are alike in the way that we are always thinking. There is no "caught up in the moment" and then something just slips out that we don't mean. So when he said it, my first reaction was "What?" to which he repeated it again. I told him "I know" instead of saying "I love you too"!

I know! Retarded yes? I was caught off guard, sue me!!

If it's any consolation, I did say it the next morning to him. No he didn't say it back either! lol

So, fast forward to this morning, when I asked him about it. I coyly asked him if he said it due to the alcohol or due to being caught up in the heat of the moment! He said it wasn't the alcohol to which I replied it was just the heat of the moment. I asked him did he mean it, and he looked at me and said he did. He reminded that he wouldn't have said it if he didn't. So we talked about that and I got some things off my chest that have been bothering me lately. I realized that while I was talking to my BD and my BFF about it, I should have been talking to him. I feel better now for having told him how I feel. I do honestly know that, at some point during this year that we've been "together", he has "been with" someone else. Call it woman's intuition if you will, but I know what I know.

Recently I was in a situation that, for the first time since I had my last deluded thoughts of a relationship with Can't Get Right, caused me to question whether I was on the right path. I was actually getting confused and torn about which way to go. I still think I am a "rebounder" to the other person (though he disagrees wholeheartedly). But, I came to realize that while this person is local and wants to spend as much time with me and the kids as he can, and wants that relationship leading to marriage, and just (allegedly) loves me and wants to make me a top priority in his life.... I didn't want that from him! I WANT IT FROM DANTE!!

I also know that Dante has gone out on dates and things of that nature with other women since he's been in Memphis, and that's fine with me. Of course, I would rather it not go any further than that, but I have a bit of my mother's realism in me too. If he's not doing anything "extra" now, it's because he did it before. No, my actions have nothing to do with that theory. However, I was getting to the point that I didn't want to feel like I was the fool by saving all my love for someone who was keeping me around as a back-up while he searched for Ms. Right. Yes, that was dramatic, but it's who I am so deal with it!! And Yes also, I really did kinda feel that way at times. SO, by not wanting to put any pressure on Dante by talking to him about how I was feeling, I failed by allowing someone else into a door that's been closed for a long time now. Have no fear! I am much better now. I just have to remember my own advice to others about communication being the most important thing in a relationship. Especially important in this long-distance relationship as well!

We still have a ways to go before we can really get to that ultimate goal of marriage, but I can't think of anyplace else I want to be!

I Told Him

It was VERY hard to do, but I told Dante about the other guy. We had a very good talk as a matter of fact. But there's a part of me that's now wondering if it really was the right thing to do. I mean, he just finally told me he loved me for the first time a few days ago, and then I spring this on him!

Perhaps he will retreat to protect himself from being hurt?
Perhaps he will be a little more open to connecting with someone there now?

I let him know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, I had made my decision. That I wanted to be with him, and I liked the way things were between us. I honestly do.

I have already ended things with the other person. So while we will still be working together, it will be business only. If he cannot handle that, or if it will be a problem, then we can go our separate ways. Perhaps I can then concentrate on my own business again! Most of the things I am doing for him right now are as a friend. Also because I am good at this stage of business! Once someone else has begun the execution process, I can take the ball and run with it! But it's the execution process for me that is so difficult, so I find it easy to jump on someone else's bandwagon. May as well go get a job if that's how I want to be!!

Anyway, I'm glad I trusted my friend and kept our communication as it had been: Open. Yes, I am still a little worried about whether his reaction will change to unfavorable conditions. BUT, at first I was worried about not making the mistake of choosing the wrong person. Can't Get Right gave me the best advice about that: Do what's best for ME, not either guy. I want Dante mind, body, and soul! I am attracted to him for who he is, not what he wants to give me. I want him, I love him, I can't get enough of him!

Now, if only we can bring the kids into our little world more. Perhaps that will be a January visit to Memphis for us...

Getting Back in the Habit Is Hard!

So I was supposedly going to be really catching up with my blogging, huh? That worked out well didn't it? :-)

Thanksgiving was nice. We did the usual, potluck-style dinner that we always do. It was at my aunt's house this year. We rotate between houses, mine hasn't been on the list yet though. But man, when it is my turn... I'll be ready!

I have so much to say, I just don't where to start honestly! My business isn't any further along than it was before. I am still stuck mentally!! I have gotten involved with an old friend from high school's new business. He is opening a wrestling training center and fitness gym for those seriously interested in working out. He spent 5 years in the WWF (now known as WWE), plus has multiple World KickBoxing Titles to his credit. He definitely has the credentials and the heart, plus he also has God helping him fulfill this dream as well. Honestly I have been doing more running around helping him in the last couple of weeks than I have done for my own in the last several months!

Yes. It is really sad. I know.

I did design a new color brochure for my business. I am very pleased with it! I bought ink and paper, as I will be printing them off myself. Guess all that's left is distribution, huh?

Yeah, yeah....I'm almost there!

The Belle of the Ball

That’s right! SoloMommy was a grown woman for a change, and not just someone’s mommy or taxi driver!
Well, since it was held in Memphis, I was faced with the usual dilemma: babysitting! I thought I had it solved when Aggie volunteered her services…provided she could off the schedule at work. Unfortunately she works at a hotel and weekends are part of the deal. This particular weekend was a no-go. So back to the drawing board, but I was adamant about NOT asking Leigh to do it! After the restrictions last visit, it was just too much. So, I came up with a brilliant plan. DJ was to go with his paternal grandparents, Bruzer was going to stay with my mom, and the girls were going to stay w/ my sister The Officer. I don’t usually ask her, but I figured that would be fine since her girls are the same age and they could keep each other company.
YAY!!! It worked! I was able to leave on Friday and didn’t feel rushed to get back on Sunday! WooHoo! So on to the evening:
My Punkin was in San Diego last week, and was scheduled to arrive at 1140P. I volunteered to pick him up from the airport, so I was determined to be on the road by 7p. I made good time, and just as I was pulling into the cell phone lot at the airport, he called. We headed to his place to get settled in. The next day he had to go to rehearsal for the event. Meanwhile I had to go search for shoes, since I had none to match. When I got back, I started getting ready, and he came in shortly afterward. We kinda took it easy for a while, then started getting dressed. It was that ‘time of the month’, so no s-e-x was going on that weekend. Sucks, I know!!
We got to the event and had a great time. We took a couple of snapshots at the house, then we took formal pictures at the event. He took a separate one by himself, then we took a photo together. It was a nice ceremony and dinner as well. I ate my very first medium rare steak! It was bleu cheese and black pepper topped…very, very good! After the event, everyone went downtown to Beale Street to a club to hang out. A couple of people changed clothes before they came out but most stayed in their formal attire. We really had a great time.
We got home about 130a and he cooked some mussels for us and we played a TV game. Then we finally went to bed around 3a. We woke up around 7a and just kind of laid in bed watching TV and enjoying each other’s company. It was such a nice weekend, we are already planning my next visit…hopefully Aggie can watch them this time, since it will be so soon!

My Internet Has Been Restored!!

Ha! I made that sound like it wasn't the fact that the bill wasn't paid, didn't I? Well that's where I've been, so I know I've got some major catching up to do too!