These Three Words

My Punkin told me those magic words for the first time Thanksgiving night! I didn't say anything to him about it that night! I wasn't really expecting it from him. Plus, though I know him better than this, he had drank a little AND we were "in the middle of something". I say I know him better because he and I are alike in the way that we are always thinking. There is no "caught up in the moment" and then something just slips out that we don't mean. So when he said it, my first reaction was "What?" to which he repeated it again. I told him "I know" instead of saying "I love you too"!

I know! Retarded yes? I was caught off guard, sue me!!

If it's any consolation, I did say it the next morning to him. No he didn't say it back either! lol

So, fast forward to this morning, when I asked him about it. I coyly asked him if he said it due to the alcohol or due to being caught up in the heat of the moment! He said it wasn't the alcohol to which I replied it was just the heat of the moment. I asked him did he mean it, and he looked at me and said he did. He reminded that he wouldn't have said it if he didn't. So we talked about that and I got some things off my chest that have been bothering me lately. I realized that while I was talking to my BD and my BFF about it, I should have been talking to him. I feel better now for having told him how I feel. I do honestly know that, at some point during this year that we've been "together", he has "been with" someone else. Call it woman's intuition if you will, but I know what I know.

Recently I was in a situation that, for the first time since I had my last deluded thoughts of a relationship with Can't Get Right, caused me to question whether I was on the right path. I was actually getting confused and torn about which way to go. I still think I am a "rebounder" to the other person (though he disagrees wholeheartedly). But, I came to realize that while this person is local and wants to spend as much time with me and the kids as he can, and wants that relationship leading to marriage, and just (allegedly) loves me and wants to make me a top priority in his life.... I didn't want that from him! I WANT IT FROM DANTE!!

I also know that Dante has gone out on dates and things of that nature with other women since he's been in Memphis, and that's fine with me. Of course, I would rather it not go any further than that, but I have a bit of my mother's realism in me too. If he's not doing anything "extra" now, it's because he did it before. No, my actions have nothing to do with that theory. However, I was getting to the point that I didn't want to feel like I was the fool by saving all my love for someone who was keeping me around as a back-up while he searched for Ms. Right. Yes, that was dramatic, but it's who I am so deal with it!! And Yes also, I really did kinda feel that way at times. SO, by not wanting to put any pressure on Dante by talking to him about how I was feeling, I failed by allowing someone else into a door that's been closed for a long time now. Have no fear! I am much better now. I just have to remember my own advice to others about communication being the most important thing in a relationship. Especially important in this long-distance relationship as well!

We still have a ways to go before we can really get to that ultimate goal of marriage, but I can't think of anyplace else I want to be!