The Weekend in Review

Well, the resident family mechanic looked at my van. He replaced the transmission filter, but could not repair the seal, since all three need to be replaced, and one requires dropping the tranny. That's a 2-day job so probably won't be tackled until after the new year.

My family got to see the fridge that was sent up yesterday. In all fairness (or maybe because I believe in the good in most people) the landlord has not seen the refrigerator. He was at his FT job while all this transpired. I didn't even have the desire to call about it yesterday. I will however be looking for my own fridge today.

My nine-year-old niece got the shock o f her life yesterday when, while playing in her dad's pickup truck, she popped it out of park and it rolled down the driveway into the street! She was fine and no cars were coming. She was sent inside and told to sit down on the couch by her mother, where she stayed until they left several minutes later. She was bawling by the time I got in there, and Mom was talking to her. Then her dad came in a few minutes later and she started again. She's definitely not the cry-baby type of kid either. I explained to her that nobody else there knows how she was feeling more than Tee-Tee because it happened to me at that age too. I told her I know she was terrified, but be thankful that nothing bad happened because I had to be immobile for two weeks for busting my knees wide open. I am 33 years old and still have the scars til this day.

I didn't get to relax my hair this weekend. So if it all falls out, you will know why.

The New Guy came over last night and didn't leave until about 2a this time. What we do is he comes over after I have put the kids to bed, that way they don't have to see him yet. Not until I am ready for them to ideally, which may be a few weeks from now. I am still on the fence about this one. Here's why. He's a bit larger than I am used to. I would not call him fat. I would say more like 'some extra pounds'. Losing 40 pounds wouldn't be too much. Never mind the woman in the picture (a staff member at Urban Network Magazine) this is good comparison to The New Guy's size:

That man, by the way, is the late Gerald Levert. Just passed this November at the tender age of 40 years old. The same age as The New Guy, I might add.

So, I don't what is holding me back here besides possibly fear of repetition. Maybe it's that intuition thing telling me to be wary. Or maybe I am just being paranoid about this one because of the last one. Everything else is there. We can laugh, we can talk, he has a real relationship with his children, he seems to be very involved at church and have a relationship with God, he has a great smile, and is handsome to me. He already seems to adore me, and has gone more out of his way in the first weeks of this relationship than most of the men in my past ever did. I can honestly say that if, when I first met him, he were smaller, I would be denying myself the ability to tell him I was falling in love with him.

Am I that shallow? I thought my vanity had toned down significantly over the years. But maybe it hadn't. I am not unattracted to him either. We have definitely gotten into some passionate kissing and even a wandering hand (or two). I wasn't grossed out or anything close to that. It was exactly the opposite, actually (blush). Maybe I feel like because he is not in better physical shape that I am settling for "less than the best"? But for pete's sake, is all the things I've never had before at the same time, in one man still not enough to trump one thing?

What the hell is wrong with me?!

Will work for free therapy sessions...