The One

I will start this off by saying I am still very anti-relationship at this point in my life. It is just too much of a headache and distraction from the things I am meant to achieve.

However, I just don't understand why I feel the way I do about The One. Granted, it's not the same as it has been in the past decade between us. Yes, there is still that part that wants to marry him and live "happily ever after". But the reality is, I am no longer in a perpetual state of being 'in love' with him. Sounds weird, but I have been in love with that man since before Starr was conceived. It was something about him...and something about me...that just kept us getting back together. I can see myself as part of his family, because I know his family.

But, I digress. Things are different. It's not the same child-like, fairy-tale, everything-will-work-out-in-the-end, blindly illogical love that it was not too many months ago. I believe the phone situation was the catapult to break that "strange love" that held me captive for so long.

Now, if it ever really is meant to be, it has evolved into a mature and deep-rooted love for this person's soul and well-being. What I am so proud of is that he has decided to take his life off of autopilot, and start living and enjoying it for the first time since there was a '1' at the beginning of his age!

Tonight he came by to visit Starr and all of us, but soon after it was bedtime (way past it already). He is going to school now 3 days a week, so he doesn't get out til later in the evening. We had a wonderful conversation! Not about "us", or a relationship or anything. It was about LIFE, and how short it is and it being necessary to live each day to the fullest. I feel very encouraged after talking with him tonight. My prayers for him are being answered.

Thank God! He was literally working himself into an early grave. His health is looking better and he just sounds better. That gives me hope cause, if he can do it, I know there's hope for me too!!