Funny How Things Happen

Never did talk to Dante that Monday night. He sent me a text early yesterday morning asking was I working. No. So he called a few minutes later. We talked a bit. I mentioned how he didn't talk to me all day and he said he was mad. Are you kidding me? You're getting messy and I call you on it, and you're mad? Of course he never admitted to wrong doing or having anyone there, but I refused to let my intuition be squelched. I do not discount my intuition, it's there for a reason. We had a discussion and he said very palinly that he wasn't looking to be in a relationship when and if he came home. Damn! Did I just get hit in the gut? So after almost two years I suppose he's just gonna be content "hittin' it" when he wants some and spending time if he feels like it?
Yes I did ask him that.
He replied that's not what he meant. I was feeling pretty crummy at that point because hey, he told me point blank he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. If I decide to stay in it, I can't bitch and moan at all because I made the choice to do so. Then I had the feeling of "what the hell have I been doing all this time but fooling myself?", which made things worse. He had to call his boss or something so we ended the conversation. I was holding back the waterworks at that point, not to let him know of course!
I talked to Leigh and was telling her about it, and we talked about a few other things. Then after we got off the phone I decided I wasn't going to spend the day moping. One way or the other, life goes on!
Dante called back and I was a lot more casual and chipper this time around. Wayne called but I ignored it. Then I got a knock at the door. I assumed it was the mailman with some package I had ordered. Well, I was half right! Wayne was at the door!
I told Dante I would call him back and then gave Wayne a hug. And I stayed there, with tears falling from my eyes, I just held on. That was exactly what I needed at that moment.
Confused? Let me explain.

Ever been in sad or crappy mood, or your favorite song comes on the radio? Even been smack dab in the midst of a pity party, and get a call from a good friend or a family member? Then you know how I felt when Wayne showed up.

Between the talk with my sister and the talk with Wayne, I was feeling pretty good again. I called Dante back after Wayne left and then continued the conversation from earlier. What I found out is that because he is determined not to do what he did with the ex-wife, it's blurring his vision on his current situation. You can't drive forward and look backward...and not expect to have an accident! It turns out, we are actually on the same page as far as if he comes home. I told him I'm not expecting us to move in together, him to spend every night here, or even for us to see each other every day. Apparently that's what he thought I expected. (Again, see ME, not the EX) However, I did tell him that what I absolutely will not tolerate is sharing him with other women. I do expect this to be a monogamous relationship, which includes the ceasing and desisting of the inappropriate text and "stuff" from other females that want to be with him.

However, since he still doesn't know if he will be coming home to live, we had another part to discuss. I told him that I've been a real trooper about our "long distance arrangement", though I have NEVER liked it. He agreed. I took a 'big girl pill' and told them that if he does stay there, I can't see us going any further than we are. Since we both agreed that we need to be in closer proximity to see if we have a viable chance at long term, the continued distance would be a death sentence to that. I told him I could not see being the way we've been for another 2 years. I told him that since we were friends first I would assume we would stay friends, but that I couldn't continue for too much longer in this relationship, knowing we were as far as we could go in our current situation.
It was a little tough, but just like he is all about doing what's best for him right now, so am I. Wondering if a mark is really a burn or a hickey; wondering why there are earrings on the living room floor; wondering about the shower cap in the bathroom when the occupant is BALD. Yeah, can't see doing that for the next two years. And if he can't see being completely monogamous even with the distance, it will not work for me.

Now we just have to wait and see what he decides about where he's gonna live for the next few years. I can only assume that since his lease will be up in October, he should be deciding by late September. We'll see.