"I don't have a daddy"

My first son, Dominique, was conceived by me and my first husband. I waited until marriage to get pregnant and have children, only to have him leave me three months into a high-risk pregnancy for another woman. My oldest daughter, Alyssa, was conceived by me and the love of my life - who to this day is known by my best friend as "Can't Get Right." The man knows he has my heart forever (and I have his), no matter what I do with anyone else. I still have my fingers crossed for "someday...", but that's another story. My two youngest, herein after referred in plural as the "Wondertwins" (aka Kyla and Chandler), have the same father. No, they are not twins. They are actually 16 months apart, though the baby boy is bigger than his older sister (and has been most of their lives)!

For Dominique, there was a divorce decree and child support and visitation done fromthe very beginning. But, as time has gone by, his dad sees him when its convenient for him. Sometimes this may be every couple weeks. But for the most part as of late, this means every few months. Did I mention we have lived less than 10 minutes apart for the last year, at least? Location excuse: negative. He works for a car manufacturer, so he drives a new car every 2 years or so. Poor transporation excuse: negative. Just plain lousy and incredibly selfish: ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!! But there is contact there.

For Alyssa, she was usually the one all felt sorry for because her dad was so caught up in his own life's mess - that he created - he really couldn't be a father to her at all. He is just now slowly trying to change that. S-L-O-W-L-Y. There is still a long way to go on that one.

For the Wondertwins, their story is more complex. Their father is a lying, cheating, stealing, untrustworthy sort of character. I wouldn't trust him to watch my dog (if I had one), let alone two of my children. Yes, they are biologically his children, but he is not anything else. After a very tumultuous 2+ year relationship, I finally kicked him to the curb. But not before hundreds of dollars in bounced check fees ("borrowing" my debit card from my purse), a $600 calling card bill on my home telephone and a car reposession. So when he left, I was sure he'd stay gone. Why was I sure? He was too wrapped up in himself, anyone like that can't be a good parent. Unlike the other two fathers, however, I did not feel my children would be safe in his care. Not like "have-them-in-the-middle-of-a-drug-deal" unsafe, more like "leave-them-with-so-n-so-and-they-get-molested" unsafe. There were some very unsavory characters in his life that he trusted for one reason or another. I got a bad -actually terrifying- feeling one day about their safety. That's all it took.

I will tell all who will listen that my job as a mother is to protect my children to the best of my ability, even if it means from their father. As long as there's a valid reason behind it, EVERY mother should be that way.

So after the recent breakup of me and my ex-fiance, who Kyla on her own adopted as 'Daddy", things have been a little difficult for her. She forgot about her biological father and remembered my ex only. So when I explained to her that he wouldn't be 'Daddy' anymore, she started to regress. I now deal with bed-wetting at home and at daycare a few times a week. And the other day, she told her cousins at my sister's house 'I don't have a Daddy'. My sister was heartbroken and explained to her in my absence that everyone has a daddy. So, when we got home I talked to her about what her father's name is and was even able to show her a picture of him holding her when she was a baby. That helped, and it's a start. But honestly, it kind of makes me feel like a failure. I know I am protecting her in one way, but that same protection is hurting her in another. I pray that one day she understands. I also pray that one day she'll have a super stepdad that will show her that fatherly love that every little girl needs. Something I never had.