I love my BFF to death. Let mr say that first. I couldn't imagine life without her. But sometimes she just goes way overboard on the reality of facebook status messages. Poor thing. I know we all have our quirks though. Lord knows I have mine too!

Interesting article...

Dating Tips: 9 Things Happy Couples Talk About

What you discuss can reveal the health of your relationship

By dating editor Denise Ngo for YourTango.com Photo: Corbis Updated: Apr 14, 2010

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, great minds talk about ideas; small minds talk about people. What do you and your significant other talk about? If you constantly hit the heavy stuff, you're probably happier than if you spend time gossiping about your neighbors or coworkers.

A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk. Seventy-nine college students had their conversations recorded and analyzed by researchers, who distinguished between chit-chat about the food or the weather and discussions about philosophy, education, or religion. Subjects who reported the greatest amount of satisfaction spent only 10 percent of their conversation on small talk, while the unhappiest subjects kept 28.3 percent of their talking time in the shallow end.

Among the scores of substantive topics people discuss, we've come up with nine that we believe couples should relish during heart-to-hearts:

1. Embarrassing moments. If you can't share the awkward, "American Pie"-worthy moments that occurred throughout high school with your partner, who can you tell them to? Don't be afraid to broach the subject, if you haven't already. We wouldn't be surprised if their stories are more horrifying than yours.

2. Political viewpoints. How do you feel about the new healthcare bill? You don't have to agree with each other, but you do need to keep an open mind. A good relationship allows both parties to discuss their own philosophies without taking the opposition personally.

3. Fears and insecurities. By fears, we don't mean your phobia of earthworms. We're talking about things that make you wake up with gray hairs. What worries you? What do you want to improve in yourself? What skeletons are in your closet? In being vulnerable, you risk judgment, but more importantly, you chance being understood.

4. Childhood. Ask your partner what he or she was like as a kid. Did she make friends easily? What kind of games did he like to play? Did he have trouble in school? Childhood memories make for fun conversations, but they can also lend insight into how your main squeeze became the person he or she is today.

5. Past relationships. This is a touchy one because no one wants to hear the person they're with spouting sonnets about an ex. There is, of course, a difference between longing for (or being bitter over) the past and simply acknowledging what happened. With enough practice, seasoned, happy couples learn how to address why past relationships ended without inadvertently comparing their current partner to an old flame.

6. Family life. Knowing a person's upbringing and relationship with his or her parents is paramount to understanding his current attitude toward family. If you're even slightly contemplating a future with this person, it might help to ask how well they get along with their parents. Why does she resent her mother? Why is he closer to his sisters than to his brothers? How does she handle family gatherings?

7. Current events. Thanks to the overflow of information, it's nearly impossible to stay up-to-date on everything going on around us. Here's where teamwork comes into play: Ask your partner about his interests, be they economics or regional politics, and see if you can't learn a thing or two. Who knows, maybe you'll help him develop an interest in international affairs or science news.

8. TV and movies. Compared to politics and personal fears, entertainment might seem pretty shallow, but discussions about movies can fall into the "deep" category if you focus on character motivations and plots rather than on, say, the cute leading actors.

9. The future. Talking about the future can be nerve-wracking. While we're not saying you should pressure your partner into talking about plans for marriage and children, we do believe that you should know their dreams, goals, and aspirations. What is he working toward? What drives her to succeed? Where does he see himself in five years? Someone who desires growth and is not afraid of the unknown is surely dynamic enough to deserve you.


* Goes to show, you can't believe everything you read. Dante and I had all these conversations on a frequent basis...and look how well things turned out for us!

Being with some new is ... different. I've been with Dante for so long, it takes getting used to just to be held by someone else. But nonetheless I am making the effort! I'm making time to be with someone who ONLY wants to be with me! Sure, right now it's still second choice. But you know what? Dante has had more chances than a cat has lives, and what has he done with them?!?!?!
I'm taking Charlie's advice (see previous post), plain and simple. Whether it turns into something or not, I'm willing to step out into something new. Something that won't keep breaking my heart over and over again.
So far, so good.

"Sometimes you have to learn to love what's good for you." - Charlie Swan (Bella's dad in New Moon)

If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.

SoloMommy is annoyed that people are still complaining about wanting to see Obama's birth certificate (in a lame a$$ attempt to prove he's really NOT a US citizen)! Look, if the rest of us put up with Bush all that time (especially after what happened in his brother's state with the voting)...then accept reality and move on!!! If u just can't take it, I'm sure Canada or Mexico has room for you!!

All I Ask...

I've come to the realization that it's not the time in my life for me to be married. I've accepted the fact that I may very well finish out my thirties single. I'm actually pretty okay with that. So the guy that I'm with doesn't have to feel threatened that I want to be "walking that aisle" by year's end.
HOWEVER, is it too much to ask for a man to just be with me...and not biding his time between 2 women? Is it too much to ask for fidelity? Is it too much to ask for exclusivity? He's got a lot to work through and figure out in his life, and so do I. So, I'm not expecting a ring or even a live-in. I would just LOVE for it to be only two of us in this relationship.

That's all I ask.




Yes. Yes. I know. It does appear I should seek that ELSEWHERE...because Dante is too content "having his cake and eating it too" right now to be what I ask for!

I finally ordered a wireless laptop USB card today! I am very excited! It was free and it costs $35 a month! Now I can be way more mobil while working and/or studying! Progress as Promised!

Gone...For Good

We had a talk today, and he finally made a decision. I feel like before, I made the decision for him by walking away. So I decided after things had been going so well for us, to really be more aggressive and show him that I was for real. I invited him to go away for V-Day weekend to KC with me. He told me he would have to see what she wanted to do first then let me know! BLOCKED SHOT!! I had pretty much nothing else to say after that. We had a text convo later which turned into an actual call after that.

I feel like he finally made a choice, and he told me directly that IT WAS NOT ME. I heard it loud and clear. Even though his actions and emotions betray his mind, he is choosing to be with her. He actually said he wants to give her a chance! What about the one who gave you her everything for two years and you never gave her a chance because you were so busy with these other ones?! Ain't that a bitch! So, I talked to the BFF. And I cried to the BFF. My eyes are still tight (ie, slightly swollen) from crying. But, you know what? I get it now. Just like I told him. What he said is that he doesn't want me. No that's not what his mouth said, but his actions did.

If he really loved me and cared for me as much and as deeply as he says (mouth and body), then he would be with me. Apparently (as I told him today) he cares for her more. He says no to that, but again: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!!

I'm tired. I am mentally tired. I am absolutely heartbroken. I am hurt to the core. But through it all... I AM STRONGER!! As much as I care about him, I don't want to want him anymore. I don't want to love him anymore. I don't want to need or crave him anymore. I don't want to remember how his kisses felt. I don't want to remember how it felt to be in his arms. I don't want to remember how it felt to make love to him and merge our very souls together. I want it all gone. I pray for it to be gone. Because I don't want a few weeks or a few months to go by and when things don't work out with her (long distance dumb ass, look what happened last time?!), I don't want to feel like I want him back! He doesn't deserve to have me again! I know I'm the queen of second and third and fourth chances, but this has to stop! All it gets me every time is heartbreak, while they move on to temporary happiness and maybe even marriage but after it all they're still wishing they had me!!

FUCK THAT!!!

I want the man that's gonna have me and realize his ass better act fast before someone else tries to steal this "good thing" he found!!! Not the one that is willing to fish around for something better, then when he realizes there IS NOT, comes back to my bay!! Screw that, I'm done with this bullshit! We are in our mid to late thirties...why the hell are so many men (read: black men) still playing games!!??

APPLICATIONS ARE BEING ACCEPTED. RACE NOT AN ISSUE.

We've been seeing each other again. What's sad is how I feel about him. Even after all that was done, I still want us to be together. I know he's afraid and I see it, but his fear is no different than most when it comes to love. I just want him to take the chance with me, he wouldn't be sorry. But he's got to let the fear go first. Fear makes you do things that you shouldn't do, like leave the one you truly for someone you kinda like. He's smarter and stronger than that. He just needs a reminder.

I'm Such A Fool

Love can be beautiful, or it can be a horrible thing. It can makes fools out if even the smartest of us! Yes, this does refer to me.
I let him back into my bed. I just don want to let him out of my life, and the feeling is mutual too. So what's the problem, right?
He is still with her. He spent all of the last three major holidays with her. Thanksgiving and New Years in Memphis, and christmas here with HIS FAMILY! And yet, I still want him. I gave him up too easily. I didn't fight for him like I should have. I knew before the crap hit the fan that I had been slacking. Then I got way too complacent and confident when it came down to a choice between the two of us, and this chick was playing to win! I should have been too.
But, now what? Do I just move on and count this a lesson learned? Or, because I know he still wants to be here with me, do I go for it with all I know?

I'll let you know when I figure out what to do.

I heard his voice

I talked to him tonight. I guess I'm still so hurt and therefore guarded that it was not a relief. I have so much frustration towards him, and I hate not being able to get it out. But what's the use? He's not gonna change. He and Gwen, for reasons I will never understand based on the information I have, are together. That is HIS choice, it is HIS life, and it is HIS mistake. I cannot change it, nor save him from it.
I did not like the tension between us on the phone tonight. I don't know if he heard it or felt it, but it was surely there. I guess something that will change with TIME.

Meanwhile, there's me to worry about. I like that subject! I've made a few matches between eharmony and match.com so far. Not all local, but why not give it a shot? There may be some men out there that can actually be commited in a long-distance relationship. They may actually be willing to put forth the effort to bring the two of us closer, as opposed to pursuing additional relationships to fill the void. What a weird concept huh? lol


Yes, yes that was sarcasm...and lots of it too!!

I just realized something. I haven't talked to Dante on the phone - I mean actually heard his voice - in over a week. Wow how things change with time! There was a point not so long ago that I was addicted to that lovely voice...from the first time I ever heard it I was hooked.
It is no longer "my voice", and I'm finally accepting that deep down, so I no longer crave it like I used to. Yes, I said CRAVE! Like some crave chocolate, I craved all things Dante instead!! And it was just as satisfying. But as we all know, that 'good thing' is not always good for you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Yes!! It is 2010!! I made it and I made it smiling! For a while there I didn't think I would. Yes, sure I would have loved to been one of the people who kissed in the new year with that special someone. But hey, that is not for me right now, and I am so okay with that. That doesn't mean that I have to act like a nun and vow solitude, cause I am not! As a matter of fact, I am definitely taking advantage of eharmony's "Free Communication Weekend" until Sunday! Yes, I have been communicating with a few people too! Leave no stone unturned! ;-)

I am absolutely chomping at the bit to get started on all the things I am going to do this year! I know, I know. We all do this at the beginning of the year, and by February it's back to the same old same old. I am certainly guilty! And guess what? That's just it!! To paraphrase a popular saying: I've kept doing the same things, so I keep getting the same thing...nothing! Or, to be more specific: stress, worry, unrest, illness, heartache, financial straits. So, you know, I don't wanna get that anymore, which means it's time to apply the wisdom that these past lessons have taught me! Even more important than that, is I have to finally stand and believe and act on the promises God has given me!!! Once I truly accept that He wants me to have these things - these desires of my heart (that He put there) - then I will follow the necessary path to get them.

I really am one of those that wants wealth and prosperity to be a blessing to others. Not just so I can go out and buy all designer clothes for me and the kids and then buy them anything and everything they want. Yes, I would like to get more for them than I do. I mean hey, you know that when it comes to needs I hit the second-hand stores before I try to even bargain-shop at the "new" stores! So that would be something I wouldn't mind changing, more new instead of second-hand clothing for the children. But, the bigger picture is I would like to be more of a giver to charitable causes. I would LOVE to be a faithful and generous contributor to St. Jude Hospital! I just love what they do, what they stand for, and that NO CHILD IS TURNED AWAY (even if they don't have ability to pay). I feel a big tug on my heartstrings in that area, because I feel so blessed with the healthy children that I have. I would love to also be a more generous tither and giver at my church and in my community. I would love to have the funds to sponsor a youth league sports team annually too. SO many things, so little money.

But I am believing God that this too shall pass. I have been working on my foundation for a few years now. Watering my bamboo seed faithfully everyday. I believe God's Word that it is about time for that tree to shoot out of the ground and grow to 60 feet this year!! And my prayer is the same for any who read these words! Amen!!

I never thought it would end like this...

I hope he gets himself together one day. I would love to get my friend back.

Something that gives me great comfort:
One of the differences between Dante and me is that I would never bail on/sell out my friends for a piece of ass. Guess that's another part of the "fiercely loyal" part of my zodiac sign I take seriously (that he apparently does not). It's all good though! Can't worry about his path anymore, I've got my own. And we all know they are obviously NOT going in the same direction.

I CANNOT Start the New Year Out Like This...

With the choices I have in men at this moment, I would definitely be better off by my damn self! Perhaps I should go ahead and pay the fees and see what some of these matches on eharmony or match.com may have for me! Surely it has to be better than what I have now!!

Wayne had one simple task, see his daughter on Christmas so she could give him his present. Well, it's the day after Christmas and I haven't talked to him since the eve of Christmas Eve! Won't respond to a phone call or even the generic Merry Christmas text I sent. When do I expect to hear from him? Probably Monday when he is back on the mail route, with some dramatic ass excuse as to why he's been MIA the last few days. Been in the hospital, was sick, got majorly depressed...the usual suspects no doubt.


Dante has his little woman in town for Christmas, so he had to sneak over to see me on Christmas Eve. Yes, you heard me right. SNEAK! To see ME! 'Cause SHE is in town! W-T-F??? He's so busy trying to make nice with her for whatever reason unbeknownst to me that she doesn't even know he and I are still friends. I'm sure he feels it's better that way, because if she's smart (or just not totally stupid) she would be suspicious that perhaps we are more than friends (which we currently are). So instead, he's left his "friend" ( a term I am using with the utmost sarcasm) high and dry while this chick is in town. I sent him a generic Merry Christmas text also. Do you think he responded? Am I supposed to be stupid enough to believe he didn't have his phone with him all day?? Yeah right! More like she saw the text from me and he had to play like he had no idea why I would send it, and definitely WOULD NOT text me back (especially with her watching/snooping)! What upsets me most is that supposedly we both wanted to preserve our friendship even if the relationship faltered. I am apparently the only FOOL that's still honoring that request! Because if you can't even respect me as a friend enough to stand up to your long-distance girlfriend for, then we have N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!! We are supposed to be friends, yet he's got me feeling so like the "other woman" right now, that when I was the other woman in past relationships, I didn't even feel this way!! I wasn't banned or blocked from texting or calling...and these were people that were actually MARRIED!!! When do I expect to hear from him? When he is on the road driving to Memphis tomorrow, since he'll be in the car by himself (assumably).

It's time for me to do some serious revisions in my life, because I'm tired of giving 100% to people and getting 30% back. I am worth more, and you can best believe I deserve more. But if I don't demand it and accept nothing less, then I'll never get it. Perhaps this is that pruning season that everyone is always talking about. I have to be willing to walk away from people I care about, which is hard. But I care about ME more than I care about them in my life. And right now, I am the only one suffering.

I'm so sick of being let down by men who claim they love me!!

The Eve of Christmas Eve

That it is. I have basically finished what little shopping I am doing this year. I already told the Delightful Children it would be a lean Christmas this year. But I had a great day with my big sis, Leigh today. Dante and I are currently in the Friends with Benefits category currently, mainly because I'm greedy. Sure, he thinks it's him but this is all about me and what I want. We have been having good conversation, mainly as friends because that's all we are. He has a girlfriend, and it's not me.

I've been okay with most of it as of late, but it wasn't an easy road getting here. It was a VERY dark and painful process, and I am not out of the woods yet. BUT, I am 90% better than what I was. Ask anyone close to me. Wayne was scared because of how I was acting and sounding. Dante was scared because of how I was acting and sounding and (gasp) even crying. The BFF was concerned. My mom was concerned. My sis was concerned. Yeah. It was that bad! But I tell you what, men just don't understand when you put your ALL into a person and then watch it crumble right before you. They don't understand what that does to a woman. I was broken ALL THE WAY DOWN. I thought this was IT, despite the roadblocks that lay ahead of us...This Was IT!

I. WAS. WRONG.

I made myself snap out of it by reminding myself that it was his FLAWED thinking that made him choose Gwen (hereafter known only as SHE/HER) over me. If he can't see that - in spite of a few fixable things - I am the best woman for him, then that's HIS PROBLEM NOT MINE. It will ultimately be his loss. I mean, I know this FWB thing can't go on forever. Honestly, it really needs to stop now. I mean, he came over yesterday and spent some time with us. We watched a movie and he barbecued shrimp while I made noodles to go with it. We had an enjoyable day.

I thought I was okay with everything. I knew she was coming in town for Christmas and I thought I was okay with it. Until today. I talked to him this morning for awhile and then he called me this evening just to chat. I asked when she was expected in, I guess thinking it would be tomorrow. It caught me off guard when he said probably in about an hour. I put up a brave front on the phone for the next little bit that we talked. After I got off the phone however, I did my best to blink away every tear that tried to fall. I succeeded. But I was feeling pretty crummy for a bit. So let me get this out for the record:

It f-ing SUCKS! He is sending such mixed signals right now! It's like on the one hand you're saying and showing how much you care for me, BUT then what are you telling her??? The same thing perhaps??? I don't wanna think that, but his actions leave me no choice! He told me that he doesn't bring anyone to meet his family unless that person is important, that's what his mama taught him. Well then, I guess she's important huh?? Much more important than me apparently!! I hate that I feel this way. He's the one that screwed me over and broke my heart, yet I'm the one single and sleeping alone every fucking night while he still has someone to call his girlfriend to take home to meet the family. How am I supposed to be happy with this!

Maybe the best thing would be for me to just walk away for awhile. I know that he's kinda hoping I'll be waiting around after he finishes with her, and that I will be gainfully employed with my tubes untied by then I guess. But, a big part of me is hoping the opposite. I like him and I love him, and I'm still in love with him. But I love me too, more than I love him. I want to be happy and in a relationship just like he does. I'm for damn sure NOT gonna wait around on him to figure out what's best for him. If he comes to his senses and comes back AND I'm still available, then we'll see what happens. No guarantees though. This shit hurts. Nobody likes feeling like second best.

On a positive note, Wayne just called, so hopefully he'll be smart enough (if he does really want me like he claims he does) to get over here and pick up where Dante left off while he's up in Mayberry with his 2nd string chick. All options are open at this point. I've even made myself available again for online dating as well.

What God has for me, it is for me.

Where are the men who truly APPRECIATE REAL LOVE from a GOOD WOMAN?!? I am still waiting for that! Men want to be treated like kings and for you to show them that you're committed to them with actions, WITHOUT doing the same for you?!? WTH??? I distinctly remember love being a TWO-way street! So that means if you want to be treated like a king, you must trust your woman like a QUEEN!

What's kinda sad is that Dante got a little upset the other day when I told I was not going to be his Punkin ever again. Umm, really? You choose another (LESSER) woman over me ( who you CLAIM to love like no other), have told her she's welcome to come for Christmas and New Year's ( can we say famiy time), and you still want ME to be your emotional/sexual fix (read as:chick on the side or having your cake and eating it too) like everything is OK?!?!? Its NOT ok!!! I'm better than that, you KNOW I'm better than that, AND I deserve better than that!

This Just In!!!

I AM SINGLE...AGAIN.