It's Not Looking Good

So maybe I am still depressed from yesterday. I am still pretty down. Because of New Man's choice...and the fact that I haven't heard from Dante since I told him Thursday evening...it's not looking real good right now.

Like I said before, I would rather get everything out now so that I can deal with pain all at once and then move on. I am surprised at Dante, because it wasn't so much a love connection between us in the first place. It was just someone to chat with and hang out with on occasion. Yes, if we both wanted something to happen in the interim, it would have. But dang, I thought we'd at least be friends!

I am exhausted at this point. Mentally and emotionally exhausted. This year has really been difficult. I can say for New Man, that at least he was straight-forward and came out and told the truth when I asked, instead of stringing me along for MONTHS like the New Guy did. That's why I have adopted the policy of telling somewhere toward the beginning, so it can be a clean break if necessary. But honestly, I have never had to deal with this much rejection in a relatively short period of time because of this condition. Basically everyone that I've ever told has been like, "OK, so we'll just be careful, no big deal." Let's not forget: married twice, live-in once, engaged (and VERY active) once....and as always, there was The One. Noone was that concerned. Now, all of sudden, nobody wants to deal with it. I'm not dying for pete's sake! I will not die from this, and neither will he! What's the bfd?????

Yes, I am moving past grief and sadness, into anger and frustration. What am I supposed to do? Stop dating......or stop telling people? Neither are options. I guess for now, I will just stick with what I have. Perhaps, eventually, the right one will come along that accepts all of me....and still thinks they're the luckiest person alive!

A girl can dream.