It's Hard But I Am Surviving

I keep a very light-hearted mood about it most of the time, but we all know breaking up is hard to do. Especially when both parties don't necessarily want to break up but it seems to be the best thing to do right now...cause one of the parties doesn't have her financial shit together and the other party has emotional ISSUES that won't let him do right by the woman who is willing to give him the world.

That's jacked up, ain't it?

I joke with him when I talk to him about him dumping me - which I found out today he doesn't like me to say. I have yet to find a better term. Let's see, you start another relationship behind my back, finally come clean when I blatantly TELL you I know something is going on, expect me to be OKAY WITH IT, barely want to hear about it when I express my displeasure at the situation, then because you can't bear to deal with the reality of the pain you caused by your selfish actions, YOU DUMPED ME. Sounding pretty accurate to me.

Honestly though, I don't do it to be malicious, it's just something I do. It's kind of like making jokes when someone has died. You do it to deflect the pain and sadness. I know that I'lll only be able to deflect these emotions for so long. Like tonight, he's on his way into town and he's not coming here. He will stop by tomorrow because I have some things to give him for something that's happening on Sunday. Something to do with his retirement. A family affair I'm sure. I don't know how much more I will see him after that. I don't know what to think really.

Maybe I should just make a clean break of it? Will that make it easier? The first morning he got back to Memphis I purposely resisted sending a text that morning. I almost had to sit on my hands.

Time heals all wounds, right?

Right??