Tired and Tired

So I caved today and allowed my children to go trick-or-treating with my brother-in-law and neices. They even dressed in costumes.

Why is that caving? Because we as a family do not celebrate Halloween. I don't agree with what it stands for or what its origins were. My oldest two understand that, and even more so as they've gotten older. They still participate in their Halloween parties at school. I'm not that bad! But as far as spending money on costumes, never been my thing. But I guess it's not about me, is it?

Yes, for those of you that have wondered, I dressed up as a kid for Halloween. I enjoyed myself. Well, actually it mainly the candy I enjoyed. They get that too. DJ was a soldier dressed in fatigues. Starr was an angel, complete with halo. Bruzer was Winnie the Pooh. Champagne preferred to stay at my other sister's house with Cheyanne, her cousin of the same age.

I could have told my sister when she asked if they could go trick-or-treating 'No'. Knowing how I feel about it, she would have understood. DJ and Starr would have "understood" too. But how could any mother who cares an inkling about her children have done that? I know it may seem like a small thing to some, but I wouldn't have been able to look at myself in the mirror. Due to my scheduled work hours, I have already had to take my kids out of the only things they had going for them outside of school and family - scouts. They haven't even sang in the choir at church for a few months, because I'm getting off work when practice starts. So, as a solomommy would do, I beat myself up frequently for the things they don't get to do.

Because, you know, the world really is on my shoulders.

But, what matters most is that they had a good time. I've got enough candy to last until Valentine's Day, but they had a good time! My work here is done! (sigh in faux exasperation)

So, it's not about me, is it?