Happy Saturday!

My punkin is out in the field again this weekend. I talked to him last night as he was getting ready to leave. I picked out the perfect card for him on Monday and mailed it, positive it would be there by his return from New Orleans on Wednesday. Well, he didn't return until Thursday...and the card didn't arrive til Friday!! What can you expect for 42 cents, right?
I put a lot of effort into getting the right card, I took a few minutes searching. I would read the outside of one and it would be perfect, exactly what I wanted to say about our relationship. Then open it up and BAM! There is the L-word! Exactly NOT what I wanted to say. So apparently third time was the charm, cause when it happened the third time, I said a little prayer then opened it up and....it was perfect!

Even better is that he really liked it and appreciated the sentiment. Yay me! I have sent him an e-card before, but I didn't want to seem like a complete cheapskate so I decided to send a real one too.

Remember those card-making kiosks?


I had a good talk with The One today. No, not about relationship stuff or anything about "us". It was more about life in general, a very positive conversation I must say. The second one in a row. But as much as my bff wants us to get together, I just don't feel it. I feel more for the New Guy still than I do for The One. I think we (me and The One) will just be good friends eternally...but I don't see us getting together or married or anything like that. I have seen what a good man and a good relationship is supposed to be and, it's just not possible to go back to what I have always known from him. When I call, he answers...or if he doesn't, he calls back within hours at the most. If he says he's coming by, he actually shows up. If we make plans to do something, I can count on him not to cancel at the last minute. He backs up his words with actions. You know, little things like that! I can truly thank the New Guy for these expectations (and Dante is reinforcing it). Unfortunately, I don't think his experience with me gained such positive reviews. Such as life, you live and you learn, and try not to repeat the same mistakes again.

I chatted with the New Guy the other day. I try to check in with him every now and then. Not for relationship purposes, but just cause he's an okay guy in my book. I guess he felt the need to confirm with me that he was seeing someone, but I already knew (I asked whether it was serious or not, and it is). He is not the type to be alone for too long, just like me. We just want to be loved, we just weren't the ones to do it for each other apparently. How mad could I be? I mean, I am seeing someone too, right? Yeah, it does bug me a bit, because hindsight is 20/20 and I see the errors of my ways. I could have been a hell of a lot more understanding of what he was going through at the time, and just backed off for a while. But noooooo, I thought I had been patient enough waiting for an answer to the "Am I still desirable to you, or am I unworthy because of my condition" question....and I wanted to know NOW!!!

There is absolutely no guarantee that had I been more considerate this would have taken a different turn, but I can always imagine. We are our own worst enemies and critics though aren't we? Part of it is my usual love-can-conquer-all self, thinking he would have chosen me over fear of this condition. But that's not very realistic now is it? I had a good run of guys not being that concerned about it and trusting me and the facts they read about it. So it was bound to happen sooner or later, I suppose. I mean, in reality, you can't win 'em all.

It just sucks that -out of all the others- he was the one I lost.

Life goes on, and it wasn't meant to be. That's right, two-two-two cliches in one!!!