Poor Girl With The Four Children

Or apparently that's what people think I think about myself. My family to be specific.


It's not.

I am just keenly aware that I have more children than only one person I know (my oldest friend, Moira, has 6). When most of the people I know have two children, I just think it's a lot to ask someone to babysit 4. I have absolutely no problem watching other people's kids cause hey, I've already got 4....what's 2 more!? Or at least that's the way I see it.

But both my mother and my sister seem to think I am singing this sad song that I should be the victim or something because I have four children. So I had to set them both straight this weekend about what I mean when I say that. My kids were my choice, and my dream, I never ever want sympathy for them. When I was younger and before I had children, I always said I wanted "2 sets of two". Twins would have been awesome, because I was so fascinated with them....but it just didn't happen. The part I forgot to be specific about, was the loving husband there with me every step of the way.

Whoops! My bad. Careful what you ask for.

Leigh told me that watching my four is no bigger deal than watching the Officer's two, and that really made me feel better. I told her how hard it was to ask her to watch the kids so I could go to Memphis to visit Dante, and she said she knew that. As bad as I wanted to go, it was equally as difficult to ask anyone for such a favor. But, I realized something today. I need to watch what I say. If my family has heard me say that and that's how they think I feel, then perhaps my kids think that way too. No more of that, then!

Dante and I are hoping for another trip to Memphis soon...and I would love for it to be in January sometime. So, since it's not as big a burden as I have made it out to be, then I will ask again when I'm ready to go back! Not saying I will be careless, and start asking folks all the time, but I will not be like I have been about it. So hopefully when we are ready to take our getaway trip (to who knows where), the family will be fine with watching my bunch.

You know, honestly, I can't imagine not having any of my children. Everyone is unique, and their personality is priceless (good and not-so-good). Even right now, it's ok that DJ is not here, cause I know he's with his father and that side of his family. But imagining him gone on permanent basis....not even possible. I don't regret a minute of the drama I was put through with any of their fathers for the children God gave me. They are not burden. They are the joy of my life and -many times I feel- my reason for being. I named my businesses after them, so I am always reminded of who I am and why I do what I do.

Lord, thank you for DJ, Starr, Champagne, and Bruzer....Your gifts are not lost on me. I couldn't thank You enough for the privilege of being their mother. For without them, there would be no

Solo-Mommy!