The Good and the Bad

So, what I thought was the buddings of a great friendship between the Commander and me has now ended. I've tried to communicate with several times now, but get nothing in return. I send him an im, and he won't reply. Send an email, and...nothing. Nothing I can do about that. I can't change anyone's opinion. If that's how he feels, then that's how he feels. I actually thought we would be friends for the long haul, but perhaps it was just a season. I understand he's upset at what happened, and I am truly sorry, but what else can I do?

Yeah, I am kind of bummed about it. He was really cool people. We actually had things in common that I was really happy about. Entrepreneurship and full-time single parenthood were the two big ones. But apparently, that is no more.

Sigh


So, shall we move on then?

Things have been going great with the van. I can't wait to get some extra cash to get an oil change and tune-up. That will make me feel better. I am still in a huge financial bind, which will be partially alleviated when I sell this van -prayerfully- this week. I put an add on Craigslist and got responses back immediately. Hopefully one will pan out.

Fingers crossed.

You wanna know what's the deal with the New Guy? Well, me too to be honest with you. One day I think things are great (that would have been Sunday this time). After I dropped my best friend off at the airport, I stopped by his place since he's 10 minutes away. We took the WonderTwins to a park and let them play while we laughed and flirted and talked. He then followed me home, and we had a pretty good evening. Things were really great as a matter of fact.

Then, almost instantly, I'm back wondering again (Monday night). I know he really likes me, but I am starting to wonder if he is turning my condition into more than it really is as an excuse to back away...again. Subconsciously even, he may not truly know he's doing it. After our Sunday evening, I was actually starting to relax and let myself "go" a little more. Things had been so tense, I felt like I could allow myself the possibility of thinking about falling again. But, by Monday night, I was pushed back into LimboLand.

I don't like it here.

It's creepy.

I wanna go home.

Sigh.

Now I really understand the Anti-Relationship stance of my ex-compadre (since that's what he wants to be). It is EASY. I'm getting to the point that this relationship stuff just takes too much of my energy! I could be devoting that brain power to launching StarrDom! If I'm stressing and worrying and he decides to bail, what do I have to show for it? Another lesson learned? What--ever! I'd rather have a successful company to show instead!

(Yes, I am ranting. Yes, I am frustrated. Problem?)

There is a part of me (a really BIG part) that holds on to the hope of 'happily ever after' for the New Guy and me. We truly do have a real shot at it. But, when two days go by and I don't hear so much as an email or text message, that is NOT A GOOD SIGN.

Sigh...if this doesn't work, I'm done.