The Funniest Shoe-Shopping Event Ever!!!

So, it’s BOGO time at Payless, and I literally could not stand to look at Starr’s shoes one more day. Seriously, when we got home I wouldn’t even let her take the old tennis shoes to her room! I told her to put them straight in the trash!

I ended up going to Payless 2 days in a row. No, I am not balling like that (it’s Payless remember)! I went for Starr and then the next day remembered Bruzer really needed shoes too. The first day, I picked Starr up from summer camp early so she and I could go together. DJ is staying this whole week with his father, he will be home tonight. So, she and I enjoyed time to ourselves, without the distraction of the WonderTwins.

The fun began on the second day when I went with WonderTwins in tow. My oldest sister is out of town this week (if I haven't mentioned that already) so my mom picked up the kids the last three days. Well, on Wednesday she took them to McD's for Happy Meals. By the time I get off work and out to the parking lot where they were, they had drank all their juice and were just finishing up their food.

You know where this is going...don't you?

One thing about me when I get in shopping mode, I don't like to be distracted. Yeah me...Ms ADD herself, doesn't like to be distracted! Honestly, I HATE grocery shopping with my kids for the most part, though it is usually not avoidable. Oh no no, don't get me wrong. I don't have those kids. They will literally get beat down in the middle of the store, with no fear of legal interference! Okay, not beat down (for all you sensitive folks). But, the rod of correction will NOT be spared! It's not always needed, but if it is, it is well used.

Anyway back to the shopping. Five minutes into the store, Bruzer has to go to the bathroom.

"Mommy, I have go potty." "Can you hold it?" "No." "Fine, come on!"

Yes, I am visibly annoyed, but I try to keep my composure. Okay, back to shopping.

Ten minutes later, I hear this: "Mommy, I have go potty so bad." Yes! Bruzer again, saying this through clenched teeth as he was using all of his 3 year old might to hold it in! Mind you, he really did use it when we went a few minutes earlier.

Sidebar to note: Champagne also had to go in between his two trips. Of course they didn't have to go at the same time! That would have made things easy for me!!

So after another six pairs of shoes today at about $40, added to the six pairs the day before totalling about $60. Yes, I even got two pairs! Starr ended up with 4 pairs. Bruzer got 3 pairs. Champagne got 2 pairs. DJ even got a pair in his absentia! We finally left without any more trips to the facilities. Starr? Nah! She's like her momma, she can hold it all day!

Since the kids had eaten I decided to stop at Lion's Choice for a serious roast beef sandwiches. I felt Bruzer kicking the back of my seat as I waited on my food. So I turned around and his face was contorted in a combination of agony, determination, and fear. I asked what was wrong.

"I have to go potty so bad, Mommy." Clenched teeth again. Still haven't gotten my sandwich yet...what to do???

There it was in the cupholder! An empty McD's cup I had recently taking from Champagne! I have limo tinted windows in the back of my van so I did what I had to do.

"Starr, undo your brother's seat belt!" "Okay, pull down the front of your shorts and underwear. No! Just the front, buddy!" The pee has seeped through the front of his soccer shorts now. "Okay just pull em down and here!"

Yes, he basically mooned his sister (Champagne) since his bottoms were pulled down to his ankles....and he was standing right in front of her! Me saying 'here!' was sticking the cup directly over his "stuff" to catch the pee!

Okay, thank goodness after he was done is when she handed me my food bag! I drove around the corner to a parking spot. I told Bruzer to take off the wet clothes, and psuedo-wrapped his bottom in his swim/beach towel! Then, after getting out to pour the liquid into the grass, I readjusted his seat straps and put him back in his car seat!

Thank GOD we didn't have an accident in the five minutes it took to get home! Can you imagine how awkward that would have been to explain? Yeah, I shudder and laugh at the same time just thinking about it!!!

So, everytime I look at their new shoes, I will think of my half-naked child peeing in a McDonald's cup in the Lion's Choice drive thru!!!!