Time Off

I took Thursday and Friday off from work this past week. I must say, I could truly do that everyday. I know, I know. There are plenty of people who say they would be bored at home all day and blah, blah, blah. But I promise, if I could figure out a way to still pay all my bills and stay home everyday free to come and go as I please? Oh it would be on!! To put it another way: It's Saturday and I am already dreading Monday! That's how much I enjoyed being off!

South Beach is still going very well, no slips at all! The level of temptation is greatly decreased, mainly because I know it's all in my head. Most of my cravings are not physical...they are mental. So, my goal is to get to Phase 3 (before summer hopefully) and then get back to eating stuff I like in moderation. For example, I don't have to have an entire sleeve of Thin Mint cookies, I can eat 2 or 3 and be satisfied! I could have 1 Krispy Kreme doughnut, instead of 3 or 4 throughout the day. I can eat Red Hot Riplets in single servings at a time, not a whole bag! Those are some things I have been trying to monitor for a while now, my portion sizes. That single act, without cutting any foods from my diet, made me maintain my weight for several months. In other words, I wasn't losing any weight...but I wasn't gaining any either. When I get to 165, we'll see how I feel and if I want to go a little lower like 150 maybe. First steps first though.

Turns out my sister was trying to drive to Mississippi to see our cousin this weekend, so she couldn't commit to keeping the kids. I called Mom on Thursday and asked if she would be willing to come up and stay the night and she said agreed. My trip was on! I told Dante and he modified his flight plans. So I started packing and got ready Friday afternoon. Mom called to let me know she was running late and she would get there at 7p instead of 6p. I got on the road right around 7p, and cruised there at about 80mph. I was very careful while driving, and talked to Jerome on my cell (with my earpiece in) most of the drive.

I checked into the hotel about 30-45 minutes before Dante arrived, which was perfect. That gave me enough time to "prepare". I emailed him a couple of pictures earlier for him to choose what I was to wear that evening. Unfortunately, the one we both liked didn't fit as well as I though (too big, believe it or not) so I had to go with my second choice. I thought the whole concept was pretty cute though, kind of building up excitement until we see each other! I didn't look like a Victoria's Secret model in that outfit, cause I don't quite have that body, but hopefully he appreciated the effort! I showered and set up my laptop with speakers and a playlist for the evening. When he came in we had to kiss for a few minutes, just because! He went back to his truck and got his things so he could take a shower....more kisses! After he was nice and clean and dry, he was mine!!!

Put it this way, I should start at the Y next week for sure, because my entire body is sore! Wow!! It is ALWAYS worth the wait with him! Whether it's a few weeks, or a month, or a year...it would ALWAYS be worth the wait. This distance thing is a little difficult for him and for me, especially when all we want to do is cuddle up at night together. But in my opinion, whenever we do get together, it is so worth it.

What I realized also last night - and this morning - is that it's not all just a physical connection. I actually feel the emotions running like a current between us. I don't know how he truly feels about me, if there is love there or just a deep like, and I don't feel it's the right time to ask. Somedays I don't know how I feel about him, mainly because I am still in denial about my true feelings for fear of getting hurt in the end. But, when I feel what I felt on this trip, I know there is something there, just below the surface that neither one of us wants to acknowledge just yet.
If I think too hard, it can easily stress me out, because there's so much that goes along with that. I mean the majority of our interactions have just been the two of us. But, my reality is that there's not just me, there's four children as well. I don't know how he feels about that (mainly because I've a little too afraid to ask) as a long term prospect. Heck, I don't know how he feels about me as a long term prospect! So, I will only think so far about it, then just let it go and relax and enjoy our relationship just as it is.

Eventually the time may come to discuss it, but it's just not here yet, and I don't want to be the one to rush it.