What a wonderful trip we had! I drove to Memphis Thursday night, so we could fly out early Friday morning to Atlanta. Everything went off without a hitch! He had one of his Marines that lived in the complex drive us to the airport that morning, and we had plenty of time to wait before boarding. Flight got in early by about 15 minutes. Got to the hotel and there were no 1 bedroom suites available at that time. It was barely 10a, so that was expected. We decided to wait for one, and the front desk manager, Tony, directed us to a restaurant called the Flying Biscuit! YUM!!!! Good, good, good....and good for you too!!! I would have loved to go there again, but we were keeping an eye on the budget.
Our room was amazing! It was huge! Large bedroom with king-size bed. Living room, kitchen with all the accessories, and a balcony to boot!!! Pretty everything we planned to do was in walking distance, so I saw no reason to get a rental car. (Yes, we did utilize every part of the room...including the balcony!)
The first night was our only snafu. We went to dinner and to the movies. We had been drinking alcohol all day. He was drinking Vox and lemonade, and I was drinking Verdi sparkling wine. We each ordered a drink from the bar while we waited for our table. They make their drinks VERY STRONG at Copeland's Cheesecake Bistro in Atlanta! By the time we got to the table he was heavily involved in a text conversation. He told me a little earlier that it was one of the Marines regarding something at work. I believed him, but there was still a part of me that was a bit suspicious when it was going on 11p central time and these texts were still coming. My big problem was that, during the meal, he wasn't really talking to me between bites...he was texting!! No, I didn't hold my tongue about it either. I told him at least once that I was annoyed about it, yet nothing really changed. He went to sleep during the movie, which was expected. Unfortunately though, the last thing he did as he fell asleep was texting! Now, I could have taken that moment to look at his temporarily unlocked phone and see what the real story was, but I absolutely refuse to go down that road again!
On the walk home, I was very quiet and he finally asked me why. I told him straight on what my problem was and that I do not ever expect something like that to happen again. Frankly, it was flat out rude to say the least!!!
After that, his phone was a mere afterthought the rest of the weekend...as it should have been. We were completely into each other. We talked, we played games, we watched TV, we watched a movie, we napped midday. It was truly a blissful vacation for us both!
Already has me anxious to do it again!
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March 25, 2009
March 24, 2009
The Week in Review
So, I did make it to my trip with Dante. But of course, not without the usual levels of stress. I think this was even higher though. Probably because I had plane tickets this time, and I was so looking forward to it! Long story short, I got to go, but not without a few tense conversations with The Officer. At one point, I reminded her of the trip and she professed to have no idea what I was talking about!! I was livid. Then I felt like I was judged because the trip was more than Friday to Sunday. But, as usual, my mom calmed me down, being the peacekeeper she is. However, when we have our next family meeting, I will bring my feelings up to everyone then.
What feelings you ask? Just the fact that I never make them feel like they make me feel when I ask for something with the kids. I always have to hear the grumbling and semi-complaining, but they hear nothing of the sort from me when I am asked to take kids to the hair salon or wait an extra 20-30 minutes for someone to get out of band. Even worse, after The Officer told me that come heck or high water she was driving to Mt. Vernon this past weekend - and nothing was stopping her...she had the nerve to show up with the kids the next morning and tell me that she had to work that day til 530p!! What if I had plans??? She doesn't even ask!
Anyway, I got to go and had a blast. We really enjoyed each other's company this past weekend. Well, all except for that incident with cell phone and texting Friday night...
(Story later)
What feelings you ask? Just the fact that I never make them feel like they make me feel when I ask for something with the kids. I always have to hear the grumbling and semi-complaining, but they hear nothing of the sort from me when I am asked to take kids to the hair salon or wait an extra 20-30 minutes for someone to get out of band. Even worse, after The Officer told me that come heck or high water she was driving to Mt. Vernon this past weekend - and nothing was stopping her...she had the nerve to show up with the kids the next morning and tell me that she had to work that day til 530p!! What if I had plans??? She doesn't even ask!
Anyway, I got to go and had a blast. We really enjoyed each other's company this past weekend. Well, all except for that incident with cell phone and texting Friday night...
(Story later)
March 16, 2009
Misunderstandings
You know, it's amazing how a few words can throw things way out of proportion! I was talking to Dante yesterday about my father and how because of the fact that he pretty much never called me or came to visit me, I was more of a pursuer than one to be pursued. Then he made a comment about since I am not breastfully endowed (my words) or overly blessed in the rear that I would easily be overlooked by most men. He wasn't indicating that I wasn't attractive, but that's just what most men (black men in particular) look for. I tried to point out to him that I have no problem attracting men and never have... not by far. So when I meant pursuing men, I didn't mean the first one to make contact with the guys, I just meant I was calling more than they were calling me. But, it did kind of set in and bug me for a minute that he thought that. Sometimes our minds can really be overboard, can't they??
Then I see the BFF has a status message on Messenger that I know for fact is directed toward a comment I made the other day. But when I ask her about she just basically shuts me down saying she doesn't want to talk about it. SO I try to change the subject, and again I get shut down. Nothing else I can do right? Don't wanna make her more upset before her big interview.
STOP THE PRESSES!
This is what happens when you have a blog. People go back and read something and then you are on the hot seat for it. Most of the blogging I do is therapy-like. On the days when something's bothering me, I get it out then I'm done with it. She got upset at me because she read the blog about the weekend she was here. As I explained to her, perhaps I am the wrong thinker on this. Especially after my computer guy made mention of a similar situation yesterday, and his reply was leaning more so towards what she feels rather than me. So maybe it's me. I can concede to that. She was also bothered that I vented my frustrations about her not being available for me to talk to, because as of the past year it's been about her. My reply was that I will be frustrated, that's just how it is, but that doesn't mean that I'm angry at her or don't understand. I mean, for pete's sake, I've been the talker WAY more than she has! So it would be selfish of me not to understand that, but that doesn't mean I have to like it! :) I mean hey, that's life you know! I made it clear that if I have something I need to talk out, I have other options. Wayne has been invaluable, and I am very good friends with Dante as well so that I don't have a problem talking to him.
I do think we worked it out though. She has his desire that everything be easy and happy, and it's not always like that. But the fact that we can be adults and talk it out is most important to me!
Then I see the BFF has a status message on Messenger that I know for fact is directed toward a comment I made the other day. But when I ask her about she just basically shuts me down saying she doesn't want to talk about it. SO I try to change the subject, and again I get shut down. Nothing else I can do right? Don't wanna make her more upset before her big interview.
STOP THE PRESSES!
This is what happens when you have a blog. People go back and read something and then you are on the hot seat for it. Most of the blogging I do is therapy-like. On the days when something's bothering me, I get it out then I'm done with it. She got upset at me because she read the blog about the weekend she was here. As I explained to her, perhaps I am the wrong thinker on this. Especially after my computer guy made mention of a similar situation yesterday, and his reply was leaning more so towards what she feels rather than me. So maybe it's me. I can concede to that. She was also bothered that I vented my frustrations about her not being available for me to talk to, because as of the past year it's been about her. My reply was that I will be frustrated, that's just how it is, but that doesn't mean that I'm angry at her or don't understand. I mean, for pete's sake, I've been the talker WAY more than she has! So it would be selfish of me not to understand that, but that doesn't mean I have to like it! :) I mean hey, that's life you know! I made it clear that if I have something I need to talk out, I have other options. Wayne has been invaluable, and I am very good friends with Dante as well so that I don't have a problem talking to him.
I do think we worked it out though. She has his desire that everything be easy and happy, and it's not always like that. But the fact that we can be adults and talk it out is most important to me!
March 15, 2009
Challenges
This is very good! I got it off a community I belong to called morningcoach.com. They have a podcast available free on iTunes, as well as their online presence. This is absolutely awesome! Enjoy!!
Life is full challenges, and if we see those challenges as merely a fork in the road, you will understand that they represent either a "Breakthrough" or a "Breakdown". How you choose to interpret each of these forks, will determine your success in life.
Here is what we all need to understand, that you should expect to experience 3-9 critical turning points, or significant changes in your life. These translations can be happy experiences. Or unhappy times, such as job loss, divorce, financial setbacks, health problems, and the death of loves ones. It is during these times in your life that you make the conscious decision to focus on the positive, or the negative. These times are crucial for developing your character. Depending on how you handle these times, will determine your future success in life. You can either decide to look at your challenges and let yourself breakdown, or you can use the challenge and have a major breakthrough. One will give you victory, and the other will give you defeat. Let's look at it from another viewpoint.
I've found that there are really only two types of people in this world when it comes to dealing with discouragement: splatters and bouncers. When splatters hit rock bottom, they fall apart, and they stick to the bottom like glue. On the other hand, when bouncers hit bottom, they pull together and bounce back. Statistics have proven that 90% of those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit. That is what discouragement can do to you if you don't handle it the right way-it can cause you to quit. Since you will become discouraged at some point in life, the question is, Are you going to give up or get up? Make the decision to get up and bounce back today.
Life is full challenges, and if we see those challenges as merely a fork in the road, you will understand that they represent either a "Breakthrough" or a "Breakdown". How you choose to interpret each of these forks, will determine your success in life.
Here is what we all need to understand, that you should expect to experience 3-9 critical turning points, or significant changes in your life. These translations can be happy experiences. Or unhappy times, such as job loss, divorce, financial setbacks, health problems, and the death of loves ones. It is during these times in your life that you make the conscious decision to focus on the positive, or the negative. These times are crucial for developing your character. Depending on how you handle these times, will determine your future success in life. You can either decide to look at your challenges and let yourself breakdown, or you can use the challenge and have a major breakthrough. One will give you victory, and the other will give you defeat. Let's look at it from another viewpoint.
I've found that there are really only two types of people in this world when it comes to dealing with discouragement: splatters and bouncers. When splatters hit rock bottom, they fall apart, and they stick to the bottom like glue. On the other hand, when bouncers hit bottom, they pull together and bounce back. Statistics have proven that 90% of those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit. That is what discouragement can do to you if you don't handle it the right way-it can cause you to quit. Since you will become discouraged at some point in life, the question is, Are you going to give up or get up? Make the decision to get up and bounce back today.
March 14, 2009
Useless...Kinda
I feel like I am drifting along aimlessly. Like a dead ship floating in the vast ocean. Things are going horribly at the old job: mandatory 5-hour/week cuts, pay freeze, no 401k matching, no raises. Then to top it all off, they just found out that the company is shutting down the office they are in, so if they want to keep their jobs, they will have to drive to the main building which is a 40 minute from the current office! I am SO THANKFUL I am not faced with that dilemma, on top of the weird schedules they are offering with this new shorter workweek. So very grateful.
But on the other hand, I am just living off the state right now. May as well be a welfare mom at this rate! Yeah, I said it! What? I have 2 more months of unemployment left, then I am on my own. Sink or Float. What am I going to do?
I choose neither!!! Sinking is NOT an option, and floating ain't so grand either! I would rather get this engine roaring and take off full steam ahead!!!!!
As far as the title? I feel I am more of a liability than an asset right now. I mean what am I offering Dante right now but 5 additional mouths to feed? It's not like I have the means to contribute right now, so that burden would all be on him. Who the hell wants to sign up for that?? Really, I am no better right now than a welfare mom that lives to collect a check every month to sit on her Apple Bottom-covered ass! I want to be more. I desire to be more. I AM more. God put this burning desire in my heart, and nothing I do or don't do will quell that desire for my own business! Nothing left to do but pound the pavement.
The shoe company said it best:
JUST DO IT!
But on the other hand, I am just living off the state right now. May as well be a welfare mom at this rate! Yeah, I said it! What? I have 2 more months of unemployment left, then I am on my own. Sink or Float. What am I going to do?
I choose neither!!! Sinking is NOT an option, and floating ain't so grand either! I would rather get this engine roaring and take off full steam ahead!!!!!
As far as the title? I feel I am more of a liability than an asset right now. I mean what am I offering Dante right now but 5 additional mouths to feed? It's not like I have the means to contribute right now, so that burden would all be on him. Who the hell wants to sign up for that?? Really, I am no better right now than a welfare mom that lives to collect a check every month to sit on her Apple Bottom-covered ass! I want to be more. I desire to be more. I AM more. God put this burning desire in my heart, and nothing I do or don't do will quell that desire for my own business! Nothing left to do but pound the pavement.
The shoe company said it best:
JUST DO IT!
March 10, 2009
Bruzer's Birthday Recap
I decided since it was such a nice day that I would barbecue for the family. I took cupcakes that I bought at Sam's to Bruzer's pre-school on Friday - complete with Batman rings on each. So that was a big hit for him. While I was at Sam's, I ordered a cake for Saturday with Spiderman on it.
I dropped the kids off at Leigh's house- thanks to her for offering - while I did the last minute running around. It enabled me to get the cake plus a few extra items, and then hit WallyWorld for a gift. I got him a Batman Batcopter and the Batman play outfit. Turned out everyone was having such a good time at Leigh's house, including some of her inlaws that had stopped by, I just decided to cook everything at home and bring it over there! The great thing is we live about 3 minutes apart. I mean like, a song on the radio is halfway over by the time I get home. So it wasn't a great big deal to get everything together. Everyone had a great time!
Oh yeah! The other highlight of the day was that - on his 5th birthday - Bruzer lost his first tooth! It had been wiggly for a few days, but I knew that my brother-in-law would be the one to pull it. He's done that for pretty much all the kids, and I definitely wanted Bruzer to have to experience too! He was so proud to show me his little ziploc bag. How fitting that the 'tooth fairy' gave him $5 for that tooth on his 5th birthday! The one next to that one is loose also (front teeth on the bottom), so we'll have to go back down to the standard $1 for every tooth from now on!
Yep, I remember when it used to be a quarter too!
I dropped the kids off at Leigh's house- thanks to her for offering - while I did the last minute running around. It enabled me to get the cake plus a few extra items, and then hit WallyWorld for a gift. I got him a Batman Batcopter and the Batman play outfit. Turned out everyone was having such a good time at Leigh's house, including some of her inlaws that had stopped by, I just decided to cook everything at home and bring it over there! The great thing is we live about 3 minutes apart. I mean like, a song on the radio is halfway over by the time I get home. So it wasn't a great big deal to get everything together. Everyone had a great time!
Oh yeah! The other highlight of the day was that - on his 5th birthday - Bruzer lost his first tooth! It had been wiggly for a few days, but I knew that my brother-in-law would be the one to pull it. He's done that for pretty much all the kids, and I definitely wanted Bruzer to have to experience too! He was so proud to show me his little ziploc bag. How fitting that the 'tooth fairy' gave him $5 for that tooth on his 5th birthday! The one next to that one is loose also (front teeth on the bottom), so we'll have to go back down to the standard $1 for every tooth from now on!
Yep, I remember when it used to be a quarter too!
March 9, 2009
Strange Weekend
Well, the good news is that Bruzer's B-Day went well. I will expand on that tomorrow though. I'm pretty bummed right now. The BFF came into town this weekend...and surprise, surprise I didn't get to see her at all! I mean she came in Friday and left Saturday so it was a quick trip. She also had her new guy Armando with her too though. Wouldn't it have made sense for the BFF to meet the new beau??? She couldn't even stop by on her way out of town on Saturday.
Granted I let her off the hook on Saturday, but that's how I am. She sounded like she was in a dilemma about stopping off at my house on her back to the Chi, so I just saved her the dilemma by telling her no worries. Actually, it was more like 'I guess we'll just see you when we come up there in a couple of months'...to which she replied she would be back here in a couple of weeks....to which I dryly replied 'Well maybe I'll get to see you then.' I'm learning to be a very slow to anger person, something I am proud of. Until the anger hits! How does she really think I feel knowing that it was more important for her to see a two-year-old than her best friend?!?!?! This little kid wasn't the one she was calling at the crack of dawn most mornings when she needed to talk and no one else would understand. The kid was not the one that suffered in silence with her own issues because she demanded things be all about her for that time being. That was ME! And I would gladly do it again, because that's what friends do!! But am I a priority on the list for 10 minutes even when you come to my 'neck of the woods' to visit? NOPE!
So how am I supposed to feel? Can someone tell me that?
Granted I let her off the hook on Saturday, but that's how I am. She sounded like she was in a dilemma about stopping off at my house on her back to the Chi, so I just saved her the dilemma by telling her no worries. Actually, it was more like 'I guess we'll just see you when we come up there in a couple of months'...to which she replied she would be back here in a couple of weeks....to which I dryly replied 'Well maybe I'll get to see you then.' I'm learning to be a very slow to anger person, something I am proud of. Until the anger hits! How does she really think I feel knowing that it was more important for her to see a two-year-old than her best friend?!?!?! This little kid wasn't the one she was calling at the crack of dawn most mornings when she needed to talk and no one else would understand. The kid was not the one that suffered in silence with her own issues because she demanded things be all about her for that time being. That was ME! And I would gladly do it again, because that's what friends do!! But am I a priority on the list for 10 minutes even when you come to my 'neck of the woods' to visit? NOPE!
So how am I supposed to feel? Can someone tell me that?
March 5, 2009
Big Day Tomorrow
I have a whole house to clean tomorrow! I am planning a barbecue for Bruzer's birthday Saturday, so that gives me a perfect excuse! If I do what I am supposed to do tomorrow, it's likely that alot of stuff will hit the trash! I may just apply the "organizer's rule" to it all: If hasn't been worn/handled/dealt with in the last 1-3 years (depending on my mood), give it away!!
Meanwhile, I walked two miles today on the course. Nice brisk pace, no trouble with the lungs either. Now, I just have to work on my eating habits again. I ate the last mini Reese's cup tonight, and I even gave away my beloved Red Hot Riplets to the kids!! I gotta get back to the beach...South Beach, that is! Yes!! As in South Beach Diet! It really worked for me. This time I just have to keep at it after Phase 2, and not put all those bad carbs (non-wheat pasta, potatoes, junk food) back in the body after I get to my ideal weight!
I may try something drastic to "jumpstart" this whole process! I will keep you posted after a couple of days, if I decide to do it.
All in all, today was a good day.
Meanwhile, I walked two miles today on the course. Nice brisk pace, no trouble with the lungs either. Now, I just have to work on my eating habits again. I ate the last mini Reese's cup tonight, and I even gave away my beloved Red Hot Riplets to the kids!! I gotta get back to the beach...South Beach, that is! Yes!! As in South Beach Diet! It really worked for me. This time I just have to keep at it after Phase 2, and not put all those bad carbs (non-wheat pasta, potatoes, junk food) back in the body after I get to my ideal weight!
I may try something drastic to "jumpstart" this whole process! I will keep you posted after a couple of days, if I decide to do it.
All in all, today was a good day.
March 4, 2009
My First Day
I'm thinking I may start a solomommy fitness blog pretty soon, because I am serious about this. Those stats yesterday really smacked me hard, and I can't even tell you why!!!
I went walking today for about 20 minutes. I started late which is why I only walked one mile. I had to wait until it warmed up a little bit. But any morning it's nice enough for me to start at 830a, I will walk at least 45 minutes. I would love to find some walking trails that have a few inclines in them. But perhaps for a challenge in the next few weeks, I will incorporate walking the steps at Monk's Mound into my routine once a week.
I am really excited about this!!!
March 3, 2009
Getting back on track
Today was good. It was productive, and I didn't even stress when a setback occurred. UNLIKE yesterday, that is! I gave up on that new bank. I found out my old bank had closed my account. I went there and paid the balance due, and they allowed to reopen an account with them. Unfortunately I still have to wait for the much-needed debit card to come in the mail. But I did submit everything to the new travel host, and that's all they're waiting on.
I thought I could skate by with the old card and just update them with the new one, but they called me today to let me know they tried a preauth and it failed. OMG...just thought about it! Duh!! I can use my other debit card until my new check card comes in!!! I don't know why I didn't think of that!! I can't wait to call first thing in the morning! The good thing was, I didn't even stress about it.
In other news, I had my ultrasound today. They did the test two different ways, and found no fibroids. Yay! She also found no ovarian cysts. Yay! She did say there was 'junk' in my uterine lining, and I told her about the chemical D&C I am in the midst of. Her (the technician's) reply was she hoped it worked so I would have to have an actual one in the operating room. D&C stands for 'dilation & curettage'...which is where they basically scrape your uterine walls squeeky clean. Gonna try to avoid that one! I am starting to think that perhaps it is just hormonal. But I will wait to see if I get a call about abnormal lab results first, before jumping to conclusions. I'm just glad the ball is rolling on this!
And in the back of my mind I am wondering if this had anything to do with my tubes now being tied, and could reversal reverse these effects. Worth a thought...
I have decided after taking my blood pressure several times this evening on my new home monitor, that I can't keep taking chances. I want to be healthy and vibrant for a lot of years to come. Dig these cold hard facts from the Stroke Association's website:
Woooooow!!! Harsh, a little? Hell yeah! As it should be! Even on this new medicine for 6days now, I still am testing at Stage 1 Hypertension levels...AND getting dizzy at times too!! Excuses are bullshit, I've gotta get moving!! I've got a LOT to do, starting immediately and time is ticking!! I know, I know....I have said it all before. It may take me a minute, but it's finally sinking in now. I PROMISE!!
I thought I could skate by with the old card and just update them with the new one, but they called me today to let me know they tried a preauth and it failed. OMG...just thought about it! Duh!! I can use my other debit card until my new check card comes in!!! I don't know why I didn't think of that!! I can't wait to call first thing in the morning! The good thing was, I didn't even stress about it.
In other news, I had my ultrasound today. They did the test two different ways, and found no fibroids. Yay! She also found no ovarian cysts. Yay! She did say there was 'junk' in my uterine lining, and I told her about the chemical D&C I am in the midst of. Her (the technician's) reply was she hoped it worked so I would have to have an actual one in the operating room. D&C stands for 'dilation & curettage'...which is where they basically scrape your uterine walls squeeky clean. Gonna try to avoid that one! I am starting to think that perhaps it is just hormonal. But I will wait to see if I get a call about abnormal lab results first, before jumping to conclusions. I'm just glad the ball is rolling on this!
And in the back of my mind I am wondering if this had anything to do with my tubes now being tied, and could reversal reverse these effects. Worth a thought...
I have decided after taking my blood pressure several times this evening on my new home monitor, that I can't keep taking chances. I want to be healthy and vibrant for a lot of years to come. Dig these cold hard facts from the Stroke Association's website:
Heart disease and stroke are major health risks for all people. But African Americans are at particularly high risk. Consider this:
- Blacks have almost twice the risk of first-ever strokes compared to whites.
- Blacks have higher death rates for stroke compared to whites.
- The prevalence of high blood pressure in African Americans in the United States is the highest in the world.
- Among non-Hispanic blacks age 20 and older, 62.9 percent of men and 77.2 percent of women are overweight or obese.
- In 2001, 27.7 percent of black or African-Americans only, used any tobacco product. Heavy cigarette smoking approximately doubles a person’s risk for stroke when compared to light smokers..
- Black women have higher prevalence rates of high blood pressure, obesity, physical inactivity, and diabetes than white women.
Woooooow!!! Harsh, a little? Hell yeah! As it should be! Even on this new medicine for 6days now, I still am testing at Stage 1 Hypertension levels...AND getting dizzy at times too!! Excuses are bullshit, I've gotta get moving!! I've got a LOT to do, starting immediately and time is ticking!! I know, I know....I have said it all before. It may take me a minute, but it's finally sinking in now. I PROMISE!!
February 28, 2009
A Better Day!!!
Today I handled my first official paying client!!! I was so ecstatic when I really thought about what happened! He's a barber that's moved to a new location, and he requested a flyer to notify his clientele in the old area about the move. I was supposed to do it Friday, but since I was feeling horrible I could not. So I took the original to him earlier today, he approved it, I went and made copies and came right back! I charged him $20 flyer preparation (it only took me 20 minutes) and the cost of the color copies. He even called me later to thank me again!
A great contrast to the day I had yesterday!! Yay me!!
A great contrast to the day I had yesterday!! Yay me!!
February 27, 2009
A Bad Day
Talk about unproductive! Boy today was that day! I woke up with a slight headache, and it just progressed as the morning progressed. By the time I dropped the last kid off, I was barely making it. I stopped at Hardee's and got strawberry biscuits, then came straight home. I barely mustered through one of them, when I decided to lie down on the loveseat. I was trying to work on a flyer for a client - the guy who cuts Bruzer's hair now, and a friend of Viv. I sent him a text to say I was moving slow due to not feeling well and would try to get it to him this afternoon. He was so sweet though! He called me back immediately and told me not to worry about it today if I wasn't feeling well, and to make sure to take of myself. I thought that was nice. Wayne called to check on me, after I sent him a text saying I wasn't feeling well today too. He called back later to see if I was any better and asked me to call the doctor (which he knew I wouldn't do) to see if that was normal.
Meanwhile, I send Dante a text to say I wish he was here so I could lay on him because I wasn't feeling so well. His reply? 'Sorry'
Yes, he did lose a brownie point for that one!
Problem is, I went to the doctor yesterday and was put on a different hypertension medication. The last one was starting to make me dizzy a little too much...when I bothered to take it, that is. So, I knew that the debilitating headache today was due to my body trying to adjust to the new medication. That didn't make didn't with the discomfort any easier though!!
So, needless to say I got nothing done today. I finally peeled myself off the loveseat at about 2p. That gave me enough time to try and eat something, then head off to start picking up kids again.
SO that means, as long as I am feeling good tomorrow morning, I get to go do a few things I didn't do today. I have to pay something on my power bill ASAP. Since I have no news from the banker yet about everything being clear, I will have to deposit in the old bank so that I can get a new host agency ASAP. If necessary, I will change everything over later, but I can't wait past Monday to have a new host agency in place. Business calls!!
Meanwhile, I send Dante a text to say I wish he was here so I could lay on him because I wasn't feeling so well. His reply? 'Sorry'
Yes, he did lose a brownie point for that one!
Problem is, I went to the doctor yesterday and was put on a different hypertension medication. The last one was starting to make me dizzy a little too much...when I bothered to take it, that is. So, I knew that the debilitating headache today was due to my body trying to adjust to the new medication. That didn't make didn't with the discomfort any easier though!!
So, needless to say I got nothing done today. I finally peeled myself off the loveseat at about 2p. That gave me enough time to try and eat something, then head off to start picking up kids again.
SO that means, as long as I am feeling good tomorrow morning, I get to go do a few things I didn't do today. I have to pay something on my power bill ASAP. Since I have no news from the banker yet about everything being clear, I will have to deposit in the old bank so that I can get a new host agency ASAP. If necessary, I will change everything over later, but I can't wait past Monday to have a new host agency in place. Business calls!!
February 26, 2009
My Beautiful (pre) Valentine's Weekend
Okay, I wanted to go back and do this for real, since the last posting was done from my Treo!
I got my mom to come to my house and watch the children for me that weekend. The Officer was off work that day since her youngest was still kinda sick from asthma, so I got to leave even earlier in the day! She has a big enough vehicle to pick up the kids when they get out of school, so that was great! I was on the highway at about 130p I believe. I stopped at a town on the route to go to a um...ahem...adult store to get a special outfit. Okay, maybe not really an "out"fit, but it worked for its purpose!! I can definitely say I will be going back there! Not a sleazy place as many might imagine...very clean and well lit, and the ladies were so courteous and friendly!
I got there that early evening and came in with none of my luggage yet. I had already told him he would have to leave when I got there so I could 'get ready'. I walked in to a dark apartment, with candlelight illuminating from the bathroom and bedroom only, and 'our song' playing on a continuous loop on his laptop! He was not in sight! On the bed, he had rose petals laid out in a design. Pink petals were in the shape of a heart, and red petals were inside the heart in the shape of the letter 'K' (1st initial of my name). I know! It was just as cute as it sounds!! I looked in the bathroom and there was a large card and a gift set of perfume. Burberry Brit to be exact! What a perfect scent on me it is! He did good!!! The next most important factor is that it really turns him on!
If you disagree, you're not doing it right! Plain and simple.
I took the card into the bedroom and knew there was only one place he could be: the walk-in closet! He was coming out just as I was opening my card. It was a singing card too, which he is famous for! I got a couple of good kisses and thanked him for my card and gifts, then told him to scram so I could get prepared. I made sure he had driven away before I got my luggage and stuff out the car. I got him 3 large mylar balloons that had cords from floor to ceiling. I got him a couple of cards, and I set up strawberries, whip cream and champagne with cute little red valentine flutes on the night stand! I took a shower with my new shower gel, then my lotion, then my perfume! Then I put on my "out"fit, complete with fishnets and 4 inch heels! I left the song on a continuous loop, rearranged the heart to the shape of an 'O' around the 'K', and awaited his arrival.
He was very pleased with the look!! I have that look captured in my mental photo album! And the weekend was on to a great start from there! We did a lot of stuff that we had been wanting to do for a while! We both left each other on Sunday with a chessire cat grin! He actually had to work off and on this weekend, but boy did we make up when he showed back up! I love those kind of weekends with him! It's like a little mini-vacation! And...now that I have purchased the airline tickets for us to go to Atlanta, that's gonna be a vacation for real!! I am so excited!
Have I mentioned that I have fallen completely in love with this man? Completely!
I was trying to keep it on the shelf because I didn't really know how he felt, plus he was still technically married. But, once I heard those words (and have heard them a few times since) and as the marriage was officially dissolved, I have really let go a lot more than I was able to before. That's not to say that things are just going to magically fall into place for us. There are still a lot of unknowns on the table at this point. I mean, there's the possibility that he could get promoted and do 2 more years in Memphis! Right, my point exactly, where does that leave us? In a long distance relationship for another 2 years?? Can either of us really handle that?? We're not spring chickens anymore, you know. There's also the issue of the children that he wants. How the hell - other than me having my reversal (which I still don't really know how he feels about that whole idea) and us trying to conceive - will we get across that bridge??? What if he comes home in October/November this year for good, and then between work and school and family obligations not have too much time to invest in this as a serious relationship? Is he ready to get into a serious relationship again? Does he need time to make sure he has "explored all his options" first? Will he be ready to commit to marriage again in a couple of years (since I don't see the point of seriously dating 3+ years without a date set and a ring being worn)?
I'm rattling so I will stop now, but I had to get that out. There's not really anyone I can talk to about the stuff in the previous paragraph and expect anything from. Plus, noone can answer those questions for me anyway, outside of Dante, time and God. I just really needed to get them out of my head for right now is all. It's gotten a little too cluttered in there lately!
I got my mom to come to my house and watch the children for me that weekend. The Officer was off work that day since her youngest was still kinda sick from asthma, so I got to leave even earlier in the day! She has a big enough vehicle to pick up the kids when they get out of school, so that was great! I was on the highway at about 130p I believe. I stopped at a town on the route to go to a um...ahem...adult store to get a special outfit. Okay, maybe not really an "out"fit, but it worked for its purpose!! I can definitely say I will be going back there! Not a sleazy place as many might imagine...very clean and well lit, and the ladies were so courteous and friendly!
I got there that early evening and came in with none of my luggage yet. I had already told him he would have to leave when I got there so I could 'get ready'. I walked in to a dark apartment, with candlelight illuminating from the bathroom and bedroom only, and 'our song' playing on a continuous loop on his laptop! He was not in sight! On the bed, he had rose petals laid out in a design. Pink petals were in the shape of a heart, and red petals were inside the heart in the shape of the letter 'K' (1st initial of my name). I know! It was just as cute as it sounds!! I looked in the bathroom and there was a large card and a gift set of perfume. Burberry Brit to be exact! What a perfect scent on me it is! He did good!!! The next most important factor is that it really turns him on!
If you disagree, you're not doing it right! Plain and simple.
I took the card into the bedroom and knew there was only one place he could be: the walk-in closet! He was coming out just as I was opening my card. It was a singing card too, which he is famous for! I got a couple of good kisses and thanked him for my card and gifts, then told him to scram so I could get prepared. I made sure he had driven away before I got my luggage and stuff out the car. I got him 3 large mylar balloons that had cords from floor to ceiling. I got him a couple of cards, and I set up strawberries, whip cream and champagne with cute little red valentine flutes on the night stand! I took a shower with my new shower gel, then my lotion, then my perfume! Then I put on my "out"fit, complete with fishnets and 4 inch heels! I left the song on a continuous loop, rearranged the heart to the shape of an 'O' around the 'K', and awaited his arrival.
He was very pleased with the look!! I have that look captured in my mental photo album! And the weekend was on to a great start from there! We did a lot of stuff that we had been wanting to do for a while! We both left each other on Sunday with a chessire cat grin! He actually had to work off and on this weekend, but boy did we make up when he showed back up! I love those kind of weekends with him! It's like a little mini-vacation! And...now that I have purchased the airline tickets for us to go to Atlanta, that's gonna be a vacation for real!! I am so excited!
Have I mentioned that I have fallen completely in love with this man? Completely!
I was trying to keep it on the shelf because I didn't really know how he felt, plus he was still technically married. But, once I heard those words (and have heard them a few times since) and as the marriage was officially dissolved, I have really let go a lot more than I was able to before. That's not to say that things are just going to magically fall into place for us. There are still a lot of unknowns on the table at this point. I mean, there's the possibility that he could get promoted and do 2 more years in Memphis! Right, my point exactly, where does that leave us? In a long distance relationship for another 2 years?? Can either of us really handle that?? We're not spring chickens anymore, you know. There's also the issue of the children that he wants. How the hell - other than me having my reversal (which I still don't really know how he feels about that whole idea) and us trying to conceive - will we get across that bridge??? What if he comes home in October/November this year for good, and then between work and school and family obligations not have too much time to invest in this as a serious relationship? Is he ready to get into a serious relationship again? Does he need time to make sure he has "explored all his options" first? Will he be ready to commit to marriage again in a couple of years (since I don't see the point of seriously dating 3+ years without a date set and a ring being worn)?
I'm rattling so I will stop now, but I had to get that out. There's not really anyone I can talk to about the stuff in the previous paragraph and expect anything from. Plus, noone can answer those questions for me anyway, outside of Dante, time and God. I just really needed to get them out of my head for right now is all. It's gotten a little too cluttered in there lately!
February 25, 2009
So Check Out This Mess!!
So, the guy that I was helping start his wrestling and fitness business late last year is still causing me problems!
Let me tell you what's been going on. My ex-husband and I did the lump sum child support thing again this year (though he still owes me a grand by DJ's b-day). So with that money, I have paid up rent, the phone bill, the cell bill, the water bill, part of the power bill...I've been busy. Another thing I planned to do with that money was open up a new business and personal checking account at another banking institution. The guy and I went there in November or December and opened up a business checking account for the gym. Since he had $25 he still owed to another bank, he couldn't be a signer on the checking account at that time. So, he very reluctantly agreed to allow me to be the signer until everything was straightened out. I never thought any more of it. I mean it's a checking account, not co-signing for a loan or anything!
Yeah well, if it can happen to anyone...it will happen to me! I went there the day after President's Day to open my bank accounts, all documents in hand. What a surprise when the personal banker tells me he can't open my account until the other account that went into default/overdraft hell is cleared up. That balance was $90.67! I went ahead and paid it, then I called the guy and told him he will pay me back! His claim was 'that was supposed to be taken care of'! Yeah well it wasn't. I am still waiting for a) everything to clear at the bank so I can open my new accounts, and b) him to give me the money back!!!
To make matters worse I went the next day to a local well-known credit union to open savings accounts for me and each of the kids. To my surprise again: Couldn't do it because my SSN had been reported to Chexsystems as of the 12th of February!!!! Son-of-a-b&*^h!!! It is the 25th, and I am still waiting for everything to clear so I can open my new bank accounts!
Worse still, the sense of urgency is there because I have to get a new host agency for my travel company ASAP, because the one I was affiliated with is in Chapter 11 Bankruptcy!! BUT, I can't get a new host agency without a business bank account and check card for billing!! Challenges are just opportunities in disguise!
If I tell myself that enough times, perhaps I'll believe it!! (No seriously, I already do! Lord knows I've had enough challenges!)
I tell myself this was my mild punishment for once again putting someone else's dream ahead of my own. Now I've got clients that want me to check on travel for them coming out of the woodwork (okay not that many), and I am struggling to service them because of this issue! Thankfully, God is a God of second (and third and fourth and...) chances! Hallelujah!
Let me tell you what's been going on. My ex-husband and I did the lump sum child support thing again this year (though he still owes me a grand by DJ's b-day). So with that money, I have paid up rent, the phone bill, the cell bill, the water bill, part of the power bill...I've been busy. Another thing I planned to do with that money was open up a new business and personal checking account at another banking institution. The guy and I went there in November or December and opened up a business checking account for the gym. Since he had $25 he still owed to another bank, he couldn't be a signer on the checking account at that time. So, he very reluctantly agreed to allow me to be the signer until everything was straightened out. I never thought any more of it. I mean it's a checking account, not co-signing for a loan or anything!
Yeah well, if it can happen to anyone...it will happen to me! I went there the day after President's Day to open my bank accounts, all documents in hand. What a surprise when the personal banker tells me he can't open my account until the other account that went into default/overdraft hell is cleared up. That balance was $90.67! I went ahead and paid it, then I called the guy and told him he will pay me back! His claim was 'that was supposed to be taken care of'! Yeah well it wasn't. I am still waiting for a) everything to clear at the bank so I can open my new accounts, and b) him to give me the money back!!!
To make matters worse I went the next day to a local well-known credit union to open savings accounts for me and each of the kids. To my surprise again: Couldn't do it because my SSN had been reported to Chexsystems as of the 12th of February!!!! Son-of-a-b&*^h!!! It is the 25th, and I am still waiting for everything to clear so I can open my new bank accounts!
Worse still, the sense of urgency is there because I have to get a new host agency for my travel company ASAP, because the one I was affiliated with is in Chapter 11 Bankruptcy!! BUT, I can't get a new host agency without a business bank account and check card for billing!! Challenges are just opportunities in disguise!
If I tell myself that enough times, perhaps I'll believe it!! (No seriously, I already do! Lord knows I've had enough challenges!)
I tell myself this was my mild punishment for once again putting someone else's dream ahead of my own. Now I've got clients that want me to check on travel for them coming out of the woodwork (okay not that many), and I am struggling to service them because of this issue! Thankfully, God is a God of second (and third and fourth and...) chances! Hallelujah!
Just sent a post...
I just emailed a post that was done on February 17th when my home internet was interrupted.
I Hope This Is Correct!
I believe this is how I email a blog post. My internet services were...ahem...suspended -- so I am determined to try something else to post. Man do I have a lot to say!
My Memphis trip was great! Dante and I had a blast with each other! I went hiking...and survived (barely)! It was a 3-mile hike through the National Forest...up hills, down hills, across creeks, etc. The city girl survived! Believe it or not...I can't wait to go back and do it again!
I even got to meet his friend June, who went hiking with us. Yes, I was a big girl. A female friend who I was uncomfortable with at first seeing a pic of them together on her MySpace page. But I am better now. I actually like her. No, he wouldn't be the first man to be that damn bold...but I really have no indication that they are anything other than friends. So, we're good.
We celebrated Valentine's Day that weekend (the 7th) and wow did we do it up good!!! We were both grinning by the end of the weekend...from ear-to-ear!!! But enough about those details. I just hope this works!
February 3, 2009
A Quick Vent
Ok, I know when I worked from 930a-6p that my sisters picked up my kids from daycares, sometimes making 2 trips, and didn't ask me for a cent to do it. I know that was for about a year straight. But I never did the things they do now! I know I didn't!
Yes, they pay me about $50 every 2 weeks to drop off and pick up their children from school. This saves them latchkey fees and, in the case of the 7th grade niece, mother's peace of mind that child is not home alone. My sisters are so much worse worriers than I could ever be, over protective to the point of overbearing in my opinion.
But geez Louise, why is it always something new with them? I just got called at 944P to ask if I can pick up my almost 17year old niece from yet another school tomorrow because Leigh will be at the doctor. She will be going to the doctor every Wednesday now, basically until delivery (ie, on or around March 20) in St. Louis. Again, the 17year old gets picked up everyday because her mother is terrified that something bad could happen if she caught the bus everyday - like hundreds of other students do everyday in the area. Let's not forget that I wait 30minutes in the car for her 7th grader to get out of school, then on Wednesdays I wait another 15 on top of that for The Officer's 5th grader to get out of band practice. So, when I pick up Champagne at 245P, I'm usually not home again with all kids until 4P!! That is a big ass chunk of my afternoon! And still I'm getting asked for more and more.
This is why it gets easier to ask them for things that I want when it comes to babysitting, because they have no problem asking me if it's something they need to do!
(breathing slowly)
...and....exhale
Yes, they pay me about $50 every 2 weeks to drop off and pick up their children from school. This saves them latchkey fees and, in the case of the 7th grade niece, mother's peace of mind that child is not home alone. My sisters are so much worse worriers than I could ever be, over protective to the point of overbearing in my opinion.
But geez Louise, why is it always something new with them? I just got called at 944P to ask if I can pick up my almost 17year old niece from yet another school tomorrow because Leigh will be at the doctor. She will be going to the doctor every Wednesday now, basically until delivery (ie, on or around March 20) in St. Louis. Again, the 17year old gets picked up everyday because her mother is terrified that something bad could happen if she caught the bus everyday - like hundreds of other students do everyday in the area. Let's not forget that I wait 30minutes in the car for her 7th grader to get out of school, then on Wednesdays I wait another 15 on top of that for The Officer's 5th grader to get out of band practice. So, when I pick up Champagne at 245P, I'm usually not home again with all kids until 4P!! That is a big ass chunk of my afternoon! And still I'm getting asked for more and more.
This is why it gets easier to ask them for things that I want when it comes to babysitting, because they have no problem asking me if it's something they need to do!
(breathing slowly)
...and....exhale
Life Keeps Moving
This past week has been a little bit emotionally taxing for me, to the point I have to fight from being depressed. Why? Trouble with Dante? Not at all. As a matter, things on that front are so blissfully great I have to catch myself from waiting for the sky to fall!
What's got me down is being Cody's counselor everyday while he goes through the beginning stages of accepting his HIV+ status.
I have been urging him over the last few days that, along with finding the right doctors, he needs to make finding a counselor or support group top priority. There is only so much that a person without this virus can advise someone that has it. You can imagine that person's feelings to an extent, but that's it! There is only one person close to me that can imagine how I felt when I found out about having HSV, and that's Wayne. And that's only be he has it too! The BFF nor Dante nor Kween, nor my siblings or mother can imagine what that felt like. I felt like I was ruined for life, that noone would want to be with in a relationship with me, that I was a bad person, that I was stupid for catching this in the first place, etc. So, in that respect, I can empathize with Cody.
BUT, mine won't possibly shorten my life span either. That's where the differences set in. I have only had 2 people in all my many years and many partners say they didn't want to be with me because of it (New Guy and the New Guy of the same name but different color). Cody will have to deal with a lot of rejection once he tells a potential partner of his positive status. So I can't help there. He needs to talk to the people that know better than me.
He is still at the stage of wondering if it's worth bothering living. That virus inside of him is in his every waking thought of every day. To top it all off he lost the woman he was in love with because of it!? He has a lot going on, but I have to be careful. I can only pray and try to guide him in the right direction, so that he can talk to the people that have walked in his shoes, and are now in a happier, more peaceful place of just living day-to-day like the rest of us...instead of feeling like they should be in a leper's colony! I even directed him to a website where he can possibly find someone that is positive like him, so that won't be an issue.
For me though, I have to keep my emotions and stress level under close watch. The virus I have lives in the nerves, so-to-speak. So , when I become an emotional wreck and am anxious or deeply stressed out over a period of time...there it is! I don't want to see it anymore than I have to, which means almost never. If I can control it without daily maintenance drugs, then that's what I'll do.
Just keep praying for my friend. I hope he doesn't do anything drastic, I would like to think he is stronger than that. But then again, I can't imagine what this must really feel like inside to deal with, so I don't really know what he is capable of.
No love tip today, sorry. (I may edit it later)
What's got me down is being Cody's counselor everyday while he goes through the beginning stages of accepting his HIV+ status.
I have been urging him over the last few days that, along with finding the right doctors, he needs to make finding a counselor or support group top priority. There is only so much that a person without this virus can advise someone that has it. You can imagine that person's feelings to an extent, but that's it! There is only one person close to me that can imagine how I felt when I found out about having HSV, and that's Wayne. And that's only be he has it too! The BFF nor Dante nor Kween, nor my siblings or mother can imagine what that felt like. I felt like I was ruined for life, that noone would want to be with in a relationship with me, that I was a bad person, that I was stupid for catching this in the first place, etc. So, in that respect, I can empathize with Cody.
BUT, mine won't possibly shorten my life span either. That's where the differences set in. I have only had 2 people in all my many years and many partners say they didn't want to be with me because of it (New Guy and the New Guy of the same name but different color). Cody will have to deal with a lot of rejection once he tells a potential partner of his positive status. So I can't help there. He needs to talk to the people that know better than me.
He is still at the stage of wondering if it's worth bothering living. That virus inside of him is in his every waking thought of every day. To top it all off he lost the woman he was in love with because of it!? He has a lot going on, but I have to be careful. I can only pray and try to guide him in the right direction, so that he can talk to the people that have walked in his shoes, and are now in a happier, more peaceful place of just living day-to-day like the rest of us...instead of feeling like they should be in a leper's colony! I even directed him to a website where he can possibly find someone that is positive like him, so that won't be an issue.
For me though, I have to keep my emotions and stress level under close watch. The virus I have lives in the nerves, so-to-speak. So , when I become an emotional wreck and am anxious or deeply stressed out over a period of time...there it is! I don't want to see it anymore than I have to, which means almost never. If I can control it without daily maintenance drugs, then that's what I'll do.
Just keep praying for my friend. I hope he doesn't do anything drastic, I would like to think he is stronger than that. But then again, I can't imagine what this must really feel like inside to deal with, so I don't really know what he is capable of.
No love tip today, sorry. (I may edit it later)
February 1, 2009
Super Bowl Sunday
It's Super Bowl Sunday, and I am home alone with the kids!!! Doing laundry, no less!!!
I would like to be somewhere, but I don't have that many friends to have a place to go!!
Isn't that pathetic??
I would like to be somewhere, but I don't have that many friends to have a place to go!!
Isn't that pathetic??
Life in Full View
Boy has it been a week! The BFF has been going through hell with this guy. She's not still with him or trying to be with him (thank God), but it's just the fallout after the bomb that's going on right now. So still most of our conversations have been focused on her, and occasionally I get a word in edgewise. I had to take a hard look though and realize this is probably what it was like for her when I was the one going through all the mess! So that helped me get back to a point of understanding and being the much-needed listening ear for her. I mean, thankfully, I have other people to talk to about the day-to-day stuff, even when it's kinda major!
Speaking of major... I learned last week that a very good friend of mine found out he was HIV positive. It's my friend Cody...who I talk to daily...and who I also was involved with right after I moved in 2007 (but a while before Dante came on the physical scene). So naturally when he shared this with me, I was in a state of panic, because I couldn't remember the last time I had a test done! I know that he had to get tested every 6 months to be able to participate in this minor league wrestling organization. I knew that for all of 2008 and all of 2007 he was negative. Deep down, I knew that I was probably safe. But still...you know?
I called Wayne and totally freaked out. I didn't want to call the BFF while she was at a client on-site. I didn't want to bother Dante with my neurotics while he was working either. The plan was to go get tested the next day, but I wasn't looking forward to the waiting process. Then I found out from Cody about this thing called OraQuick, that has test results in 20 minutes. I found a place in St. Louis that did it for free and planned to go the next day. But, there were the snow days that kept the kids home for 2 days straight, so I had to wait til Thursday. I am negative, which by testing day I was no longer worried that I was anything but negative. So, since then I have been trying to help him deal with it. He told his girlfriend of almost a year on Friday, she tested negative that day, but she also told him that she is cutting off all contact with him. They have been up and down, back and forth for quite a while now. So it's not a big surprise to either of us that it ended this way. That doesn't make it hurt less though.
Speaking of major... I learned last week that a very good friend of mine found out he was HIV positive. It's my friend Cody...who I talk to daily...and who I also was involved with right after I moved in 2007 (but a while before Dante came on the physical scene). So naturally when he shared this with me, I was in a state of panic, because I couldn't remember the last time I had a test done! I know that he had to get tested every 6 months to be able to participate in this minor league wrestling organization. I knew that for all of 2008 and all of 2007 he was negative. Deep down, I knew that I was probably safe. But still...you know?
I called Wayne and totally freaked out. I didn't want to call the BFF while she was at a client on-site. I didn't want to bother Dante with my neurotics while he was working either. The plan was to go get tested the next day, but I wasn't looking forward to the waiting process. Then I found out from Cody about this thing called OraQuick, that has test results in 20 minutes. I found a place in St. Louis that did it for free and planned to go the next day. But, there were the snow days that kept the kids home for 2 days straight, so I had to wait til Thursday. I am negative, which by testing day I was no longer worried that I was anything but negative. So, since then I have been trying to help him deal with it. He told his girlfriend of almost a year on Friday, she tested negative that day, but she also told him that she is cutting off all contact with him. They have been up and down, back and forth for quite a while now. So it's not a big surprise to either of us that it ended this way. That doesn't make it hurt less though.
January 28, 2009
The Weekly Update
You know what's weird? When I have a lot on my mind, I tend to blog less! Isn't that interesting?
Everything has been going well for me. Just came off 2 days at home with 6 children due to snow days. Yes, it actually looks like it's winter now here in my neck of the woods! So they go to school tomorrow, then they have a scheduled day on Friday! Lucky me!!!!!
Meanwhile I added something new to my business. Concierge service! Am I not so perfect for that? That's what I thought too! I made up some nice flyers on Monday with the intent of copying them and distributing them in some well-off subdivisions on Tuesday. Then the snow and sleet came. And it kept coming until this morning!! So, now the plan is tomorrow...hopefully. It's gonna be cold and there will be a lot of snow to contend with, but I have to get while the gettin's good!
Kids did get to go out play in the snow for a while today. Because it was so cold, I set the egg timer for 20 minutes. Champagne was fine the first 5-10 minutes, but then her highness realized that snow is cold...and came in the house!! lol Starr only found one glove, but I told her stay out there and have her fun, since they had been bugging me for 2 days! DJ was his usual mellow self, but he was glad to go out. Bruzer was...well....Bruzer as usual. He was throwing snowballs, bellyflopping into the snow, running around the yard! He was in snow heaven all the way!! I took pictures of each of them so that whenever I make their individual photo albums, they'll have a pic of themselves in it.
Things are good with Dante and me. Nothing major or minor to report in actuality. Daily conversations and texts ans all that good stuff still occurs. I am getting back to that attitude of 'why would he want anyone but me?', cuz that's really how I feel. I know I'm not perfect (as noone is), but I'm a damn good woman. The men that had me were lucky and those that lost me were foolish! It's not the ideal situation he had in mind I'm sure - me with 4 children already. But you know what? I bet getting divorced or not having any children by age 37 wasn't in the plans either! So you know what? We learn to work with what we have been given, because honestly the result is usually that God knew what was better for us all along! I am the best kind of woman. I am the kind you can take to any function with complete confidence - family, work, hanging with friends! I am definitely the kind you want in your bedroom at night! AND, I love being the kind that's in the kitchen too!??! The things that aren't so good, I'm working on improving because I already see the problem. That's as close as hitting the lotto as you can get, isn't it?
Just had to toot my own horn there a bit. Something I neglected for a few too many years, and I have to get back to. Honestly, we should all do it a little more. We are so hard on ourselves.
Something really big happened yesterday, that has me questioning my own mortality and past choices. When I know for sure that all is well, I will be able to share. Right now, I am not panicking like I was yesterday (Wayne talked me off that ledge) because I know more info and believe that I am not under any risk. But, there's still that 'what if' part of you that you have to work through on your own. That's where I am now. But, it will all be ok soon.
Just you wait and see.
Today's Love Tip:
Leave a voicemail on your partner's work or mobile phone that says:
"Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you."
This will be appreciated especially on those really rough days.
Everything has been going well for me. Just came off 2 days at home with 6 children due to snow days. Yes, it actually looks like it's winter now here in my neck of the woods! So they go to school tomorrow, then they have a scheduled day on Friday! Lucky me!!!!!
Meanwhile I added something new to my business. Concierge service! Am I not so perfect for that? That's what I thought too! I made up some nice flyers on Monday with the intent of copying them and distributing them in some well-off subdivisions on Tuesday. Then the snow and sleet came. And it kept coming until this morning!! So, now the plan is tomorrow...hopefully. It's gonna be cold and there will be a lot of snow to contend with, but I have to get while the gettin's good!
Kids did get to go out play in the snow for a while today. Because it was so cold, I set the egg timer for 20 minutes. Champagne was fine the first 5-10 minutes, but then her highness realized that snow is cold...and came in the house!! lol Starr only found one glove, but I told her stay out there and have her fun, since they had been bugging me for 2 days! DJ was his usual mellow self, but he was glad to go out. Bruzer was...well....Bruzer as usual. He was throwing snowballs, bellyflopping into the snow, running around the yard! He was in snow heaven all the way!! I took pictures of each of them so that whenever I make their individual photo albums, they'll have a pic of themselves in it.
Things are good with Dante and me. Nothing major or minor to report in actuality. Daily conversations and texts ans all that good stuff still occurs. I am getting back to that attitude of 'why would he want anyone but me?', cuz that's really how I feel. I know I'm not perfect (as noone is), but I'm a damn good woman. The men that had me were lucky and those that lost me were foolish! It's not the ideal situation he had in mind I'm sure - me with 4 children already. But you know what? I bet getting divorced or not having any children by age 37 wasn't in the plans either! So you know what? We learn to work with what we have been given, because honestly the result is usually that God knew what was better for us all along! I am the best kind of woman. I am the kind you can take to any function with complete confidence - family, work, hanging with friends! I am definitely the kind you want in your bedroom at night! AND, I love being the kind that's in the kitchen too!??! The things that aren't so good, I'm working on improving because I already see the problem. That's as close as hitting the lotto as you can get, isn't it?
Just had to toot my own horn there a bit. Something I neglected for a few too many years, and I have to get back to. Honestly, we should all do it a little more. We are so hard on ourselves.
Something really big happened yesterday, that has me questioning my own mortality and past choices. When I know for sure that all is well, I will be able to share. Right now, I am not panicking like I was yesterday (Wayne talked me off that ledge) because I know more info and believe that I am not under any risk. But, there's still that 'what if' part of you that you have to work through on your own. That's where I am now. But, it will all be ok soon.
Just you wait and see.
Today's Love Tip:
Leave a voicemail on your partner's work or mobile phone that says:
"Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you."
This will be appreciated especially on those really rough days.
January 21, 2009
Big Changes
Firstly, my contract with the elance company fell through! They changed their mind due to the economic situation. I was pretty bummed about it for a minute, but I am recouping.
Me and the kids went to Memphis this past weekend and invaded Dante's one-bedroom apartment. We left on Friday evening and didn't leave until Monday evening. How nice when you are not on someone else's time?? :-) It was a good weekend, and we even got to see the Lorraine Motel on Sunday (where Dr. King was murdered). I think he enjoyed the time with the kids too. It's the first time he has really got to spend such close time with them. I mean, I have great kids anyway, no temper-tantrum throwing brats in my brood...and they're really cute too!!! I ended up with a headache Saturday night after we got back from the drive-in, and was in bed by 10p. So that left him with the kids until they went to bed! He's awesome with kids, and I feel we have the same theories regarding child-rearing (for the most part), so I wasn't worried.
A couple things bothered me during the trip, and I eventually shared them with him the morning I got back here. He answered every issue I brought up to him, as I knew he would. Every issue had a good answer/perfectly logical solution...and I expected nothing less. Does that completely quell the intuition? Mostly, but a little part of me will still wonder. I mean, I know he and think alike, so I know that I would have had great answers as well. I do not feel that I have a reason not to trust him, and so I do. I trust that he won't put my health at risk. If there is someone warming his bed occasionally, they are protected. I trust that he won't blindside me and break my heart. If he gets involved with someone he cares for more than me (can't imagine, cuz how does it get more fabulous than me??), he will tell me before things get out of hand. I trust that he loves me like he has more freely began to express. I look into his eyes, I feel it when he holds me, I know it's there. This is where I choose to be. With him.
I do still have some issues reservations, yes. I can't say when those things may go away anytime soon. Some of it has to do with me and past situations. However, some of it also has to do with his actions too. There are things that he can do to reassure me that "I'm the only one." (his words) I may have mentioned this before, but I still sometimes feel like I am his little secret...or lately like I am an unknowing participant on a season of The Bachelor. Time will tell, and I will continue to love him. Fine, call me a fool if you want. With the b.s. that the BFF just dealt with with this serpent in Louisville, I could let that affect how I feel about Dante. They are completely different, in almost every sense of the word, so no contest! Sometime the hardest thing to do is make a decision.
I made mine. I am aware of the possible consequences, good and bad. I accept that and stand by my decision 100%. There, I said it!
p.s. Did I mention the insane amount of sex we had this weekend??!! Whew!! (yes, even in a 1BR apartment with 4 children present! SO I don't want to hear that BS from couples talking about they have no time because of the children)
Me and the kids went to Memphis this past weekend and invaded Dante's one-bedroom apartment. We left on Friday evening and didn't leave until Monday evening. How nice when you are not on someone else's time?? :-) It was a good weekend, and we even got to see the Lorraine Motel on Sunday (where Dr. King was murdered). I think he enjoyed the time with the kids too. It's the first time he has really got to spend such close time with them. I mean, I have great kids anyway, no temper-tantrum throwing brats in my brood...and they're really cute too!!! I ended up with a headache Saturday night after we got back from the drive-in, and was in bed by 10p. So that left him with the kids until they went to bed! He's awesome with kids, and I feel we have the same theories regarding child-rearing (for the most part), so I wasn't worried.
A couple things bothered me during the trip, and I eventually shared them with him the morning I got back here. He answered every issue I brought up to him, as I knew he would. Every issue had a good answer/perfectly logical solution...and I expected nothing less. Does that completely quell the intuition? Mostly, but a little part of me will still wonder. I mean, I know he and think alike, so I know that I would have had great answers as well. I do not feel that I have a reason not to trust him, and so I do. I trust that he won't put my health at risk. If there is someone warming his bed occasionally, they are protected. I trust that he won't blindside me and break my heart. If he gets involved with someone he cares for more than me (can't imagine, cuz how does it get more fabulous than me??), he will tell me before things get out of hand. I trust that he loves me like he has more freely began to express. I look into his eyes, I feel it when he holds me, I know it's there. This is where I choose to be. With him.
I do still have some issues reservations, yes. I can't say when those things may go away anytime soon. Some of it has to do with me and past situations. However, some of it also has to do with his actions too. There are things that he can do to reassure me that "I'm the only one." (his words) I may have mentioned this before, but I still sometimes feel like I am his little secret...or lately like I am an unknowing participant on a season of The Bachelor. Time will tell, and I will continue to love him. Fine, call me a fool if you want. With the b.s. that the BFF just dealt with with this serpent in Louisville, I could let that affect how I feel about Dante. They are completely different, in almost every sense of the word, so no contest! Sometime the hardest thing to do is make a decision.
I made mine. I am aware of the possible consequences, good and bad. I accept that and stand by my decision 100%. There, I said it!
p.s. Did I mention the insane amount of sex we had this weekend??!! Whew!! (yes, even in a 1BR apartment with 4 children present! SO I don't want to hear that BS from couples talking about they have no time because of the children)
January 14, 2009
Things are Moving Forward
So a few months ago, I signed up for elance.com and, within a few short weeks realized there's no real way for US-based companies to make money on there. Why? Well, it is a global marketplace and so places like India can bid for projects too. Look, everyone is budget conscious these days, and I get that. BUT, how are we in the US supposed to accurately complete with companies that can charge a fifth of what we would??!! So needless to say, my love affair with elance ended quickly after that.
I received an email from a company which I placed a bid for who told me they wanted me to start the project in December. Well, the month came and went and I didn't hear anything, so I counted it as a wash. Well, on Sunday I got official word from elance that my bid was accepted by that company! I checked my elance account and it gave me a phone number and extension to call. I replied that I would call on Tuesday at a certain time. No answer, but I left a message then sent an email later. I also replied through the elance system again, but I noticed they hadn't logged in since they accepted the bid on Sunday. I did some digging before I bid, and this is actually a reputable company that's been around for quite a while. So on that note, I am not worried...I'm pretty excited!
It has given me that little confidence boost to know that it can happen. On top of everything else, I really want my travel business to flourish. I really truly do. That's what's in my heart and God has never failed to give me the desire of my heart. I am still reading Your Best Life Now and loving every word of it! It is only serving to reinforce all that I fed myself in 2008. This is my spiritually-based 2009 kickstart!! I can have anything I want; I can do anything I want; I can be anything I want! God has no limits! The only thing stopping me...........is ME!!
Your Love Tip:
Leave a long-stemmed rose somewhere you know your partner will find it with a note that says:
'Thank you for coming into my life.'
I received an email from a company which I placed a bid for who told me they wanted me to start the project in December. Well, the month came and went and I didn't hear anything, so I counted it as a wash. Well, on Sunday I got official word from elance that my bid was accepted by that company! I checked my elance account and it gave me a phone number and extension to call. I replied that I would call on Tuesday at a certain time. No answer, but I left a message then sent an email later. I also replied through the elance system again, but I noticed they hadn't logged in since they accepted the bid on Sunday. I did some digging before I bid, and this is actually a reputable company that's been around for quite a while. So on that note, I am not worried...I'm pretty excited!
It has given me that little confidence boost to know that it can happen. On top of everything else, I really want my travel business to flourish. I really truly do. That's what's in my heart and God has never failed to give me the desire of my heart. I am still reading Your Best Life Now and loving every word of it! It is only serving to reinforce all that I fed myself in 2008. This is my spiritually-based 2009 kickstart!! I can have anything I want; I can do anything I want; I can be anything I want! God has no limits! The only thing stopping me...........is ME!!
Your Love Tip:
Leave a long-stemmed rose somewhere you know your partner will find it with a note that says:
'Thank you for coming into my life.'
January 12, 2009
Happy Monday!!
It's 8 days before the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States, Mr. Barack Obama.
Let me just say this as uncooth and politically incorrect as possible: I believe that this man has a fair chance at doing an excellent job running this country! I don't give a rat's ass about how little experience he has!! George W. Bush went straight from no political office to governor of Texas...to the White House! Look how well that catastrophe walking turned out!!!! One of the reasons I was so excited about Mr. Obama is that he hasn't been "tainted" by the quid pro quo bullshit in politics! And as far as the absolute morons who keep claiming Obama is the anti-christ:
Let me just say this as uncooth and politically incorrect as possible: I believe that this man has a fair chance at doing an excellent job running this country! I don't give a rat's ass about how little experience he has!! George W. Bush went straight from no political office to governor of Texas...to the White House! Look how well that catastrophe walking turned out!!!! One of the reasons I was so excited about Mr. Obama is that he hasn't been "tainted" by the quid pro quo bullshit in politics! And as far as the absolute morons who keep claiming Obama is the anti-christ:
GET A LIFE!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE DIRECTION THINGS ARE HEADED, EITHER MOVE TO CANADA OR MEXICO...OR SEND YOURSELF TO HEAVEN NOW!!! (that is, IF you're really going there)
Okay, now that that's off my chest, I feel much better! If I offended anyone...toughen up!!! Life is not for the weak at heart!!!!
In other news:
I am getting uber-excited about our trip to Memphis this weekend...me and the kids that is! This upcoming weekend is Martin Luther King Jr Memorial Holiday, so what better time than a 3day weekend to go? And, by taking my bunch with me...I completely bypass the whole issue of babysitting! Plus, they missed out on any road trips this summer due to mommy's financial status. They are totally excited about it too. All I need is gas money there and back basically. I know how to travel cheap! I can cook meals and we can drive around and sightsee and little bit for free. Then later, when it's warmer, I can take them back there with more money and really make a time of it.
Yes, yes...I am excited about seeing my punkin again. I got spoiled when he was home for a week and a half! I basically saw him everyday! I LOVED IT!!! To think this way, I will have 3 nights to sleep with him and wake up to him...heaven!!!
Alright, time for dinner...but I will have a fabulous update for you Wednesday!
edited to add:
Your Romance Tip:
Buy a small cardboard gift box , a sheet of colored tissue paper, massage oil, and a blank card.
Line the box with the paper, place the oil in the box and write this on the card:
I know a great masseur.
For an appointment anytime, call:
(Your Phone Number goes here)
In other news:
I am getting uber-excited about our trip to Memphis this weekend...me and the kids that is! This upcoming weekend is Martin Luther King Jr Memorial Holiday, so what better time than a 3day weekend to go? And, by taking my bunch with me...I completely bypass the whole issue of babysitting! Plus, they missed out on any road trips this summer due to mommy's financial status. They are totally excited about it too. All I need is gas money there and back basically. I know how to travel cheap! I can cook meals and we can drive around and sightsee and little bit for free. Then later, when it's warmer, I can take them back there with more money and really make a time of it.
Yes, yes...I am excited about seeing my punkin again. I got spoiled when he was home for a week and a half! I basically saw him everyday! I LOVED IT!!! To think this way, I will have 3 nights to sleep with him and wake up to him...heaven!!!
Alright, time for dinner...but I will have a fabulous update for you Wednesday!
edited to add:
Your Romance Tip:
Buy a small cardboard gift box , a sheet of colored tissue paper, massage oil, and a blank card.
Line the box with the paper, place the oil in the box and write this on the card:
I know a great masseur.
For an appointment anytime, call:
(Your Phone Number goes here)
January 9, 2009
FFM (family financial meeting) is in Session
So my sisters and mom and I decided we need to start back having our financial meetings again. These are meetings where we lay it out on the table, no secrets, no money-is-taboo attitudes, nothing holding us back from being real with each other about money. This past year, I have done so much better at being transparent in so many areas. I am glad we are doing this again...especially for the next generation. As I said tonight to my 16 year old niece (in front of my mother): "We want to pass on this financial knowledge to you now, because it wasn't told to us by our mother - but not because she didn't want us to know...but because she didn't know."
We want our children to be better equipped to handle things financially than we ever were. I want them to know the importance of credit. I want them to know how important it is to start off with good credit...as opposed to repairing bad credit!! We all warned her of the college credit card trap. Credit card companies literally throw cards at college students (knowing they have no income to pay them back) who are not truly aware that this isn't "free money" and they'll have to pay this back. So by the time they graduate college, along with possible student loans to contend with, they already have not-so-perfect credit due to poor revolving credit accounts.
Yes, you're right. That should be illegal.
I am in the process of repairing my credit. Having good credit was never a big deal to me, because I was never taught that it should be a big deal to me. I learned from my mother (mostly by actions) that I was just supposed to struggle and expect to pay high interest rates for stuff. It was just ... accepted as the norm!
Now do you see what I mean when I say changing mindsets and completely redoing my previous ways of thinking??? When I talked to my family at the meeting tonight about "my truck" and that the sticker price for the 2008 was about $59K before rebates, they could barely understand that concept! They want to be happy with just making do; keeping the bills paid, while having a savings, and occasionally splurging on a few extras. For the longest time I thought I was the wrong one for wanting more than that!! But, as the newest book I began reading (as well as numerous others in the past couple of years) by Joel Osteen titled Your Best Life Now reminded me: God wants to give us His very best, not a little...but in abundance!!!
On that note, today I went on a vision quest. I went to actually sit in "my truck" today at the dealership. I even started it up. OMG, it is so fabulous! I cannot wait to have that thing!!! It has a touchscreen navigation system, in the dash!! It has a power sunroof, power liftgate and glass in the back, a rear "backup" camera, factory remote starter, etc etc etc. It's literally everything I wanted and more!! 2010 can't come soon enough!!!
House first, then Denali XL. House first, then Denali XL. House first, then Denali XL. However...
...I did see a 2004 there for only $16,995.....
Joking!!!
Here's today's LOVE tip:
Research your partner's favorite hobby and identify a gift that is really useful for him/her. The more specialized the gift the more impact it will have on them. Talk to friends and family and use the internet to find the information you need.
p.s. I requested my operative notes from my tubal ligation surgery from the hospital today. That means I can find out exactly which procedure was done and how much (if any) of the tube was removed. That's very important for "my doctor" to know!! Yet another step in the right direction!!
We want our children to be better equipped to handle things financially than we ever were. I want them to know the importance of credit. I want them to know how important it is to start off with good credit...as opposed to repairing bad credit!! We all warned her of the college credit card trap. Credit card companies literally throw cards at college students (knowing they have no income to pay them back) who are not truly aware that this isn't "free money" and they'll have to pay this back. So by the time they graduate college, along with possible student loans to contend with, they already have not-so-perfect credit due to poor revolving credit accounts.
Yes, you're right. That should be illegal.
I am in the process of repairing my credit. Having good credit was never a big deal to me, because I was never taught that it should be a big deal to me. I learned from my mother (mostly by actions) that I was just supposed to struggle and expect to pay high interest rates for stuff. It was just ... accepted as the norm!
Now do you see what I mean when I say changing mindsets and completely redoing my previous ways of thinking??? When I talked to my family at the meeting tonight about "my truck" and that the sticker price for the 2008 was about $59K before rebates, they could barely understand that concept! They want to be happy with just making do; keeping the bills paid, while having a savings, and occasionally splurging on a few extras. For the longest time I thought I was the wrong one for wanting more than that!! But, as the newest book I began reading (as well as numerous others in the past couple of years) by Joel Osteen titled Your Best Life Now reminded me: God wants to give us His very best, not a little...but in abundance!!!
On that note, today I went on a vision quest. I went to actually sit in "my truck" today at the dealership. I even started it up. OMG, it is so fabulous! I cannot wait to have that thing!!! It has a touchscreen navigation system, in the dash!! It has a power sunroof, power liftgate and glass in the back, a rear "backup" camera, factory remote starter, etc etc etc. It's literally everything I wanted and more!! 2010 can't come soon enough!!!
House first, then Denali XL. House first, then Denali XL. House first, then Denali XL. However...
...I did see a 2004 there for only $16,995.....
Joking!!!
Here's today's LOVE tip:
Research your partner's favorite hobby and identify a gift that is really useful for him/her. The more specialized the gift the more impact it will have on them. Talk to friends and family and use the internet to find the information you need.
p.s. I requested my operative notes from my tubal ligation surgery from the hospital today. That means I can find out exactly which procedure was done and how much (if any) of the tube was removed. That's very important for "my doctor" to know!! Yet another step in the right direction!!
January 8, 2009
Sleep Deprived...without a newborn
I could keel over right now into a coma. No really, I could! Why? I was up reading until 348am, that's why???
It was book by AA author Omar Tyree, that Dante gave to me to read a few months ago now. Unfortunately when he gave it to me, I was only reading self-improvement nonfiction books. I tried to start reading it, but it just didn't keep my attention in the beginning. So, on my headboard it sat for several weeks..just under my Women's Bible and close enough so I could look at it and think of my sweetie. The shift came when I read 3 books by Karen Kingsbury (who I now love), which were all fiction novels. So I decided to go ahead and finish this book called Leslie that he gave me so long ago. The other day when I picked it up, I read about 80 pages in one sitting. Then I decided to go ahead and finish it last night.
Well, the problem came when I was lying on the bed reading with my back to the clock, and before I knew it it was 2am. I had less than a hundred pages to go and I was completely engulfed in the story line by then, so I decided 'What the heck?' and went for it!! When I looked at the clock when I was done, I was astonished. And so that he would believe me, I sent Dante a text message when I was done so he would know what time I finished too!!
The good news is that I did not allow myself to take a nap today. As a matter of fact, I wasn't home most of the day anyway. I worked on my business plan for a little while on the computer and drank coffee (my 2nd cup), then left to get stuff taken care of. I found out the status of my medical case, and it is still pending completion. Then I found my guy that manages the tire shop I have been trying to find. He went to a different store, though he said he is there for good now. So, I got 2 tires for $69 including tax! I still have to get 2 more on my next payday, plus he's holding a new wheel for me to use as a spare. That sure beats the $75 per tire estimate from Meineke!
Done for today! Here's the LOVE tip:
Share your food with your partner. When you go out for a meal, hold a forkful up to his/her mouth and say, "You've got to try this."
Sharing your food and even feeding each other is a great way to become closer as a couple.
It was book by AA author Omar Tyree, that Dante gave to me to read a few months ago now. Unfortunately when he gave it to me, I was only reading self-improvement nonfiction books. I tried to start reading it, but it just didn't keep my attention in the beginning. So, on my headboard it sat for several weeks..just under my Women's Bible and close enough so I could look at it and think of my sweetie. The shift came when I read 3 books by Karen Kingsbury (who I now love), which were all fiction novels. So I decided to go ahead and finish this book called Leslie that he gave me so long ago. The other day when I picked it up, I read about 80 pages in one sitting. Then I decided to go ahead and finish it last night.
Well, the problem came when I was lying on the bed reading with my back to the clock, and before I knew it it was 2am. I had less than a hundred pages to go and I was completely engulfed in the story line by then, so I decided 'What the heck?' and went for it!! When I looked at the clock when I was done, I was astonished. And so that he would believe me, I sent Dante a text message when I was done so he would know what time I finished too!!
The good news is that I did not allow myself to take a nap today. As a matter of fact, I wasn't home most of the day anyway. I worked on my business plan for a little while on the computer and drank coffee (my 2nd cup), then left to get stuff taken care of. I found out the status of my medical case, and it is still pending completion. Then I found my guy that manages the tire shop I have been trying to find. He went to a different store, though he said he is there for good now. So, I got 2 tires for $69 including tax! I still have to get 2 more on my next payday, plus he's holding a new wheel for me to use as a spare. That sure beats the $75 per tire estimate from Meineke!
Done for today! Here's the LOVE tip:
Share your food with your partner. When you go out for a meal, hold a forkful up to his/her mouth and say, "You've got to try this."
Sharing your food and even feeding each other is a great way to become closer as a couple.
January 6, 2009
I'm Already Planning A Road Trip!
Yes, I really am! Dante and I have already talked about possibly coming down MLK weekend. If I do, I think I'll just bring the kids this trip. That way, if I want to leave Friday evening or Saturday morning and come back Monday afternoon, I am on noone's time schedule but my own!
We were able to do something a little special while he was here. I called it a late Christmas present for him! He told me he was on his way over, and so I got in a mood! I jumped in the shower, then made the bed fresh and lit candles on the headboard. I had a glass of wine already, and some music playing, so that by the time he got there, I was good and ready. I think he had just planned to come in and watch some movies as we had been doing, and maybe get a little frisky before we fell asleep. I thought about not wanting him to feel that he was always the initiator (men HATE that), so I made sure this would not be the case tonight!
The special part was something that had been on his 'fantasy list' that in all this time he hadn't done yet. Don't act lost, you know you have a fantasy list of stuff you wanna do! No, no, no. Not a 'Bucket List', a fantasy list. Riiiight! Now you've got the picture!!! I will give no such details as to what that was, but I will say we had a fabulous time...and are both looking forward to doing it again!! I'm already thinking that I want us to go to this pool-in-the-room luxury suites property for our birthday in November, if we can wait that long!
Speaking of romance, since V-Day is coming up next month I decided to share a romantic tip with you everyime I blog! Here's one for today:
Create Love Coupons That Your Partner Can Exchange for Romantic Favors.
For example you could have a coupon that reads:
This coupon entitles the bearer to:
One Foot Massage
Use By 02/14/2040 (use a future date to suggest you two will always be together)
We were able to do something a little special while he was here. I called it a late Christmas present for him! He told me he was on his way over, and so I got in a mood! I jumped in the shower, then made the bed fresh and lit candles on the headboard. I had a glass of wine already, and some music playing, so that by the time he got there, I was good and ready. I think he had just planned to come in and watch some movies as we had been doing, and maybe get a little frisky before we fell asleep. I thought about not wanting him to feel that he was always the initiator (men HATE that), so I made sure this would not be the case tonight!
The special part was something that had been on his 'fantasy list' that in all this time he hadn't done yet. Don't act lost, you know you have a fantasy list of stuff you wanna do! No, no, no. Not a 'Bucket List', a fantasy list. Riiiight! Now you've got the picture!!! I will give no such details as to what that was, but I will say we had a fabulous time...and are both looking forward to doing it again!! I'm already thinking that I want us to go to this pool-in-the-room luxury suites property for our birthday in November, if we can wait that long!
Speaking of romance, since V-Day is coming up next month I decided to share a romantic tip with you everyime I blog! Here's one for today:
Create Love Coupons That Your Partner Can Exchange for Romantic Favors.
For example you could have a coupon that reads:
This coupon entitles the bearer to:
One Foot Massage
Use By 02/14/2040 (use a future date to suggest you two will always be together)
Back To School...and to Reality For Me
SO the kids got to go back to school for one day before ice overnight shut down all the schools in the are today! So, here I was looking forward to being by myself again during the day. NOT!!!!! I made it through today just fine though, I got things done that I wanted to for the most part. The kids got to play a long while then clean up, then watched The Dark Knight while I worked on the computer and baked Chocolate Almond Brownies. Not quite "from scratch", since I tend to be more of a "semi-homemade" kinda girl! :-)
Tomorrow is the BFF's birthday, and she is travelling to San Francisco this evening. I sent her an e-card that she should get when she lands...if she turns her computer on that is! Otherwise, it will be the morning. She's doing okay lately. The guy is (I hope) really trying to make himself better. The things she tells me are completely different in tone from the things he said before when he was scamming and lying and stuff. I figure if God really did put them together, then it doesn't have to make sense to us mere mortals! I just want her truly happy in a productive relationship.
I have been good the past day and a half from going on the 'baby doctor' website. I really wanna figure out how to get the money for it, while paying off all my other bills too! I even told Wayne that I was taking donations for my cause...to which he laughed of course! He told me his very recent ex-wife (from hell) told him she wants to have one more baby, and since he is the father of her other 2 kids she wants him to father this one too!! Poor thing, she was actually serious, which is scary all in itself. So that's when he had to let her know that he got 'fixed' earlier this year. He said she broke down and cried right there! Wow! As a woman, I can understand her frustration and hurt..but since I don't really like her, oh well!
Yes, you're right. I can be a bit mean sometimes!
Tomorrow I will finish working on my business plan. I decided to choose the software that I bought instead of the book I was using. Then when I get a few bucks, I need to get the Montana checked out so I can get to driving across the water when I need to get things done. Oh yes, don't think I don't know this is the enemy right now. I am well aware of it. Now that I am ready to go to the Women's Business Center in St. Louis, and to networking events all around the metro area, my car starts acting up!! Stumbling blocks are just stepping stones, that's all!!
There is a women's networking event I want to go to on the 23rd, and of course at this moment cost is a factor. But, I will find a way around that. Quick fast and in a hurry! You just wait! Anything that I want bad enough, I will always make it happen!!
Tomorrow is the BFF's birthday, and she is travelling to San Francisco this evening. I sent her an e-card that she should get when she lands...if she turns her computer on that is! Otherwise, it will be the morning. She's doing okay lately. The guy is (I hope) really trying to make himself better. The things she tells me are completely different in tone from the things he said before when he was scamming and lying and stuff. I figure if God really did put them together, then it doesn't have to make sense to us mere mortals! I just want her truly happy in a productive relationship.
I have been good the past day and a half from going on the 'baby doctor' website. I really wanna figure out how to get the money for it, while paying off all my other bills too! I even told Wayne that I was taking donations for my cause...to which he laughed of course! He told me his very recent ex-wife (from hell) told him she wants to have one more baby, and since he is the father of her other 2 kids she wants him to father this one too!! Poor thing, she was actually serious, which is scary all in itself. So that's when he had to let her know that he got 'fixed' earlier this year. He said she broke down and cried right there! Wow! As a woman, I can understand her frustration and hurt..but since I don't really like her, oh well!
Yes, you're right. I can be a bit mean sometimes!
Tomorrow I will finish working on my business plan. I decided to choose the software that I bought instead of the book I was using. Then when I get a few bucks, I need to get the Montana checked out so I can get to driving across the water when I need to get things done. Oh yes, don't think I don't know this is the enemy right now. I am well aware of it. Now that I am ready to go to the Women's Business Center in St. Louis, and to networking events all around the metro area, my car starts acting up!! Stumbling blocks are just stepping stones, that's all!!
There is a women's networking event I want to go to on the 23rd, and of course at this moment cost is a factor. But, I will find a way around that. Quick fast and in a hurry! You just wait! Anything that I want bad enough, I will always make it happen!!
January 4, 2009
A Great Christmas Break!
Well, this was the first time I can remember in a while of being home with the children during the entire winter break from school. On top of that, I had two extras here with me during the day!! They are all - for the most part- self manageable. They can dress themselves and make their own breakfast and lunches, so all was well. I didn't rag on mine children too much about chores, though they were not excused from doing them either. Once during Starr's week and once during DJ's week, I did the dishes for them. But other than that, everything else was all on them. I told Starr's dad that I want her to have a Nintendo DS for Christmas. DJ got one last year, and this year both the older nieces got one for Christmas. He said he will, but he also said he would get her a bike....and we know who got that for her!!!
Dante left to go back to Memphis earlier today. But not without me sending him off in grand style...thanks to Aunt Flo having packed her bags and left!!! I really would have been sick if he hadn't been able to physically connect that way before he left. It's just important to me, I take my job seriously!! I did the grocery shopping on Saturday, and we loaded it into the truck before he hit the highway. What I was so happy about, was he came over and got undressed and comfortable in the bed, then we watched a movie! Okay, okay...we watched some of the movie! I just didn't expect to get such unhurried time before he hit the road. No complaints!! Plus, I think I showed my gratitude pretty well. (grinning from ear-to-ear)
Tomorrow, school begins again for all the children! Yes, even Bruzer will be going back to his daycare tomorrow. I've been souping him up for it all break. I think he'll do okay, it's not like it's a new school where he has to make new friends or something. One of the main reasons I put him back into full-time schooling is because I need to get my time back so I can make things happen for myself. Noone is going to do it for me, and how attractive am I unemployed exactly??? Yeah, not a good look on me!!
My project for tomorrow is credit report and bill planning. I found this site called annual credit report.com, where you can get a copy of each of the 3 bureaus report for FREE once each year. They will charge extra for that much-coveted credit score, but all the information without the score is free. I need to see what is there, what can be paid within the next month, what I can perhaps strike a deal on. By March or April, I want to see major changes on that report. Getting so many things paid, should get me closer to 600 I am praying. I am also waiting on The Officer to get the number of the financial guy she used for her mortgage, so we can meet and I can get info on how to start the process. I want him to look at my credit reports as the expert, and tell me what need to be done and why (ie, what's the benefit to get to my goal)...and also to help me determine what records I need to keep when it comes time for income verification, since I am self-employed. I don't plan on it being 2010 when I buy a house, so I can't wait til I file 2009 taxes to provide that.
I need to line up my ducks now for when the money comes in that I am expecting, so I can pay things off, pay up rent and utilities, and focus on my client acquisition phase. Don't you worry, it's there right in front of me. I am no longer afraid to go and get it! I am not afraid of the 5br house I will have in the next 5 years, when my family may still be living in much meeker terms. I am not afraid of the Yukon XL Denali I will be driving in the next 2 years. I am not afraid of never being the borrower in my family again, to be the one to lend if necessary. I do not owe anyone aything, and the world owes me nothing! I do not have to self-sabotage myself into a meager existence out of some bass ackwards feeling of indebtedness to people who have never made me feel that way.
Off my soapbox now, my bad! Tuesday I will finish the parts of my business plan that I can complete, and hopefully by the end of the week I can go to the SBDC for help with market research and the like. 2007, I was waiting in the winding line for this ride. 2008, I was slowly making my way up the big hill, inching along in anticipation of what lies ahead. 2009, I am at the top of that hill...and this ride is ready to go forward at full speed ahead! I'm strapped in for mine!
How's your ride going?
Dante left to go back to Memphis earlier today. But not without me sending him off in grand style...thanks to Aunt Flo having packed her bags and left!!! I really would have been sick if he hadn't been able to physically connect that way before he left. It's just important to me, I take my job seriously!! I did the grocery shopping on Saturday, and we loaded it into the truck before he hit the highway. What I was so happy about, was he came over and got undressed and comfortable in the bed, then we watched a movie! Okay, okay...we watched some of the movie! I just didn't expect to get such unhurried time before he hit the road. No complaints!! Plus, I think I showed my gratitude pretty well. (grinning from ear-to-ear)
Tomorrow, school begins again for all the children! Yes, even Bruzer will be going back to his daycare tomorrow. I've been souping him up for it all break. I think he'll do okay, it's not like it's a new school where he has to make new friends or something. One of the main reasons I put him back into full-time schooling is because I need to get my time back so I can make things happen for myself. Noone is going to do it for me, and how attractive am I unemployed exactly??? Yeah, not a good look on me!!
My project for tomorrow is credit report and bill planning. I found this site called annual credit report.com, where you can get a copy of each of the 3 bureaus report for FREE once each year. They will charge extra for that much-coveted credit score, but all the information without the score is free. I need to see what is there, what can be paid within the next month, what I can perhaps strike a deal on. By March or April, I want to see major changes on that report. Getting so many things paid, should get me closer to 600 I am praying. I am also waiting on The Officer to get the number of the financial guy she used for her mortgage, so we can meet and I can get info on how to start the process. I want him to look at my credit reports as the expert, and tell me what need to be done and why (ie, what's the benefit to get to my goal)...and also to help me determine what records I need to keep when it comes time for income verification, since I am self-employed. I don't plan on it being 2010 when I buy a house, so I can't wait til I file 2009 taxes to provide that.
I need to line up my ducks now for when the money comes in that I am expecting, so I can pay things off, pay up rent and utilities, and focus on my client acquisition phase. Don't you worry, it's there right in front of me. I am no longer afraid to go and get it! I am not afraid of the 5br house I will have in the next 5 years, when my family may still be living in much meeker terms. I am not afraid of the Yukon XL Denali I will be driving in the next 2 years. I am not afraid of never being the borrower in my family again, to be the one to lend if necessary. I do not owe anyone aything, and the world owes me nothing! I do not have to self-sabotage myself into a meager existence out of some bass ackwards feeling of indebtedness to people who have never made me feel that way.
Off my soapbox now, my bad! Tuesday I will finish the parts of my business plan that I can complete, and hopefully by the end of the week I can go to the SBDC for help with market research and the like. 2007, I was waiting in the winding line for this ride. 2008, I was slowly making my way up the big hill, inching along in anticipation of what lies ahead. 2009, I am at the top of that hill...and this ride is ready to go forward at full speed ahead! I'm strapped in for mine!
How's your ride going?
January 3, 2009
Date Night!
So last night, Dante and I had a date night. After our talk on Thursday, I had a glimmer of hope that we would be okay. So I asked him by text on Friday morning if he had seen Twilight yet, to which he replied no. So I asked him to go with me. Kween's youngest daughter was recruited to babysit, and I picked up her up from her volunteer job. He wanted to go the earlier showing, which was at a theatre about 20min away from me. I agreed and he decided to meet me there since his mom's house was north (I think) from there. I bought the tickets - cause I asked, and that's the rule in my world...you ask, you buy - then waited out front for him. He told me he would be a few minutes late getting there, and I was just hoping not to miss any of the movie.
When I saw him walk up, I was still kind of apprehensive towards him. I honestly didn't know what to do. Inside I wanted to kiss him or hug him, but I didn't know how he would react to that. SO I played it very cool, and let him lead. After we handed the girl our tickets and walked toward the theatre, he grabbed my hand. Then I knew things would be okay and not awkward. We held during the movie, and laughed and talked. It was starting to feel normal again, you know. SO I was beginning to exhale again.
The movie, by the way, was awesome! The love story in there is fierce...especially since there was no sex, and maybe one kiss between them!! What was that line he told her?? Something like: 'I can no longer find the strength to stay away from you'. Damn!!!! That line totally took my breath away!
So after the movie, I asked if he was hungry. Hey, it was almost 7p and my Cinnamon Life had worn off a long time ago!! We went to Applebee's but the wait was not an option. So I remembered seeing a Ponderosa down the main drag a bit, and we met there. We had a great time at dinner, plus it was nice being out on a date too!! A bonus that it was with the man I love!
Per our conversation the night before, he had agreed to spend the night with me. Yes, I asked. I didn't think he was going to before he left, and I couldn't bear the thought of him going back to Memphis on such distant terms! He told me he had a few places to go and he would be there later. No problem was my reply, since I had to get the babysitter home. Turns out her mother still hadn't made it home from the wake she went to earlier, and the persons house she was over was in my town! SCORE!! I got directions and off we all went!
Strange thing about this night was that I saw Roy's younger sister there! Her twins, who are now 16 were there and she has a little boy who's 19months. I didn't even ask about Roy, because I really don't care. I asked about her mom, and she was happy to see the kids. I gave her my number as well. Her girls were happy to see me and excited to see the WonderTwins...and vice versa.
Do I expect I may hear from Roy in the next few months? Sure I do. Does it bother me at all? Not even a little bit. Just like last time he came through (with the standard "I wanna see my kids" speech) and then disappeared so suddenly, I'm running this show! If he wants a part, he's got to audition and earn it. You don't get in their lives just because "you're the father"...that right was forfeited when Bruzer was still an arm baby!
Anyhow, my Punkin did make it back over late like he said, but with movies in tow. So we sat up and watched Eagle Eye (awesome!)...okay, I sat up and watched it! He was snoring after the first chapter, with Eclipse laying on him sleeping too! I was on my cycle, so it's not like anything was gonna happen, you know? Why did I ask to spend the night then? Because I wanted us to be close to one another like we both enjoy so much. I just felt that was very important for us to get reconnected after what happened. We watched Batman Begins that morning, and I made a simple breakfast for all. Turkey Bacon and Orange Rolls. He left, and I felt so much better about where we were again. I hit the grocery store for both of us, as originally planned.
No, I didn't say anything about the sister comment from the text message. Everytime I thought about it, it wasn't the right time. Maybe I'll just let it go. Whatever is gonna happen, is gonna happen! I just have to trust God, and know that He has my back regardless!
He even surprised me not too long ago and stopped by out of the blue! I was watching The Dark Knight when he comes bamming on the door! A very pleasant surprise, and a lot of passionate kisses. Definitely meant all was good with us! I swear I could have stripped him naked right there in the door frame! But, really how much could I do with him??? LOL
He's leaving tomorrow, and I will surely see him for a little while before he goes. I tried to get him to stay the night last night, but he didn't have his stuff with him. It would have been way too far of a round trip drive for him to get it too.
All in all, this has been a great visit! Almost 2 whole weeks with my sweetie! What a great way to start the new year off!! Looking for better and brighter things to come - for us, and for every part of my life!
When I saw him walk up, I was still kind of apprehensive towards him. I honestly didn't know what to do. Inside I wanted to kiss him or hug him, but I didn't know how he would react to that. SO I played it very cool, and let him lead. After we handed the girl our tickets and walked toward the theatre, he grabbed my hand. Then I knew things would be okay and not awkward. We held during the movie, and laughed and talked. It was starting to feel normal again, you know. SO I was beginning to exhale again.
The movie, by the way, was awesome! The love story in there is fierce...especially since there was no sex, and maybe one kiss between them!! What was that line he told her?? Something like: 'I can no longer find the strength to stay away from you'. Damn!!!! That line totally took my breath away!
So after the movie, I asked if he was hungry. Hey, it was almost 7p and my Cinnamon Life had worn off a long time ago!! We went to Applebee's but the wait was not an option. So I remembered seeing a Ponderosa down the main drag a bit, and we met there. We had a great time at dinner, plus it was nice being out on a date too!! A bonus that it was with the man I love!
Per our conversation the night before, he had agreed to spend the night with me. Yes, I asked. I didn't think he was going to before he left, and I couldn't bear the thought of him going back to Memphis on such distant terms! He told me he had a few places to go and he would be there later. No problem was my reply, since I had to get the babysitter home. Turns out her mother still hadn't made it home from the wake she went to earlier, and the persons house she was over was in my town! SCORE!! I got directions and off we all went!
Strange thing about this night was that I saw Roy's younger sister there! Her twins, who are now 16 were there and she has a little boy who's 19months. I didn't even ask about Roy, because I really don't care. I asked about her mom, and she was happy to see the kids. I gave her my number as well. Her girls were happy to see me and excited to see the WonderTwins...and vice versa.
Do I expect I may hear from Roy in the next few months? Sure I do. Does it bother me at all? Not even a little bit. Just like last time he came through (with the standard "I wanna see my kids" speech) and then disappeared so suddenly, I'm running this show! If he wants a part, he's got to audition and earn it. You don't get in their lives just because "you're the father"...that right was forfeited when Bruzer was still an arm baby!
Anyhow, my Punkin did make it back over late like he said, but with movies in tow. So we sat up and watched Eagle Eye (awesome!)...okay, I sat up and watched it! He was snoring after the first chapter, with Eclipse laying on him sleeping too! I was on my cycle, so it's not like anything was gonna happen, you know? Why did I ask to spend the night then? Because I wanted us to be close to one another like we both enjoy so much. I just felt that was very important for us to get reconnected after what happened. We watched Batman Begins that morning, and I made a simple breakfast for all. Turkey Bacon and Orange Rolls. He left, and I felt so much better about where we were again. I hit the grocery store for both of us, as originally planned.
No, I didn't say anything about the sister comment from the text message. Everytime I thought about it, it wasn't the right time. Maybe I'll just let it go. Whatever is gonna happen, is gonna happen! I just have to trust God, and know that He has my back regardless!
He even surprised me not too long ago and stopped by out of the blue! I was watching The Dark Knight when he comes bamming on the door! A very pleasant surprise, and a lot of passionate kisses. Definitely meant all was good with us! I swear I could have stripped him naked right there in the door frame! But, really how much could I do with him??? LOL
He's leaving tomorrow, and I will surely see him for a little while before he goes. I tried to get him to stay the night last night, but he didn't have his stuff with him. It would have been way too far of a round trip drive for him to get it too.
All in all, this has been a great visit! Almost 2 whole weeks with my sweetie! What a great way to start the new year off!! Looking for better and brighter things to come - for us, and for every part of my life!
January 1, 2009
I Think We Still Have a Chance...
Actually, I pray we do is more accurate. I talked to him this evening. He called me. I didn't want to push, so I had decided earlier that I would let him call me. I am glad we talked. I know I did some serious damage to the trust in our relationship by doing what I did. I know I had my reasons for doing it, but they just don't seem all that important anymore. So we had a productive talk this evening, and it makes me feel better than I have been feeling since it happened. I didn't even get out of the bed today until well after 1p.
Thinking about all this with him has made me really consider something else. When I think back on people like the PsychoRev...I am so happy I had my tubes tied, because he surely wanted to knock me up. The only other benefit to it has been not worrying about contraception with Dante, we're ready to go at all times!
But that's the only good things. So, I have made a decision about my personal health. I'm getting my tubes untied! I know, huge news right?! I can't say when, but I am thinking about making it a 2009 goal to be honest with you. Dante and I may not even be together by the time I get it done, so I want to make it clear that I wouldn't be doing it just "for him". I mean like doing it to try and keep him...'cause I would surely do it if he asked me to. It would be for me. I would like to have the option again. I regret taking that decision away from myself so permanently. But, at that time, things were horrid in my life and I just didn't want to make it worse. So I made what I thought was the best choice at the time.
It just shouldn't have been a permanent choice is all. There were other options I should have considered first. I wanna give that gift back to myself: the gift of wholeness. No, I don't feel complete as I am right now. I feel inadequate and less than a woman by not being able to produce children. Hey, I'm just being honest!
But after looking at the testimonials and reading people's stories, I know I have hope. Some of their stories were way worse than I have...and some of them were a lot the same. Those are the ones that caught my attention, and how nice to see the 'happy ending' to it. I just have to set my mind to it, and start planning out a way to achieve this goal! It would be really nice if Dante was the one to be with me during this...so I'll throw in a prayer for that too!
Thinking about all this with him has made me really consider something else. When I think back on people like the PsychoRev...I am so happy I had my tubes tied, because he surely wanted to knock me up. The only other benefit to it has been not worrying about contraception with Dante, we're ready to go at all times!
But that's the only good things. So, I have made a decision about my personal health. I'm getting my tubes untied! I know, huge news right?! I can't say when, but I am thinking about making it a 2009 goal to be honest with you. Dante and I may not even be together by the time I get it done, so I want to make it clear that I wouldn't be doing it just "for him". I mean like doing it to try and keep him...'cause I would surely do it if he asked me to. It would be for me. I would like to have the option again. I regret taking that decision away from myself so permanently. But, at that time, things were horrid in my life and I just didn't want to make it worse. So I made what I thought was the best choice at the time.
It just shouldn't have been a permanent choice is all. There were other options I should have considered first. I wanna give that gift back to myself: the gift of wholeness. No, I don't feel complete as I am right now. I feel inadequate and less than a woman by not being able to produce children. Hey, I'm just being honest!
But after looking at the testimonials and reading people's stories, I know I have hope. Some of their stories were way worse than I have...and some of them were a lot the same. Those are the ones that caught my attention, and how nice to see the 'happy ending' to it. I just have to set my mind to it, and start planning out a way to achieve this goal! It would be really nice if Dante was the one to be with me during this...so I'll throw in a prayer for that too!
Happy New Year
Well, at least I'm trying to be happy. It's not working out so well right now. I've barely talked to Dante since the incident yesterday. If I didn't send him a text, I may not have heard from him anymore yesterday. I sent him a text at midnight saying "Happy New Year Punkin!"...and I got the generic "Happy New Year" in return.
Yes, I am overly sensitive...what's your point???
This morning was a little better. I sent him the standard "Good Morning Punkin" greeting and got the exact same thing back. I asked what he was doing today and if I would see him. I got an answer to the first question, but nothing regarding the second one. So I didn't push the issue.
Oh well, what else can I do? Wait and see what happens is pretty much my only option.
I've finally dragged myself out of the bed, and will attempt to get clothes on. I may wash my hair. At least I will try to look pretty, even if I don't feel so much that way. My youngest sister is in town from Atlanta, so I will go to Leigh's house to see her in a few hours.
Wish me luck with today, lord knows I need it. Fake it till you can make it, right?
Yes, I am overly sensitive...what's your point???
This morning was a little better. I sent him the standard "Good Morning Punkin" greeting and got the exact same thing back. I asked what he was doing today and if I would see him. I got an answer to the first question, but nothing regarding the second one. So I didn't push the issue.
Oh well, what else can I do? Wait and see what happens is pretty much my only option.
I've finally dragged myself out of the bed, and will attempt to get clothes on. I may wash my hair. At least I will try to look pretty, even if I don't feel so much that way. My youngest sister is in town from Atlanta, so I will go to Leigh's house to see her in a few hours.
Wish me luck with today, lord knows I need it. Fake it till you can make it, right?
December 31, 2008
20 Minutes till 2009!!!
I talked to the bff extensively today. I told her what I did and how I felt so horrible for it. I told her I still have questions towards Dante as to what we really are. I can't feel like I am "the only one" if there are still others I feel I have to contend with! PLUS, his retort to my fear statement has me completely thrown off kilter!! How am I supposed to feel secure with that!??
I would gladly go under the knife and anesthesia to give him what he desires so much. I loved everything about childbearing, from conception to carrying the baby to even my labor and deliveries. I would gladly do it again...and again after that. BUT, I wonder if the fact that I have 4 children, then plus any we would have may be a little too overwhelming for him. I actually wouldn't think so, but that's because I think very highly of his strength and character. Call me partial that way!
The bff also reminded me today that I perhaps have been selling myself short in this. I always focus on this one thing that I can't do that the others may be able to. But what about all the things I have going for me that would make any man fall at my feet??? She told me to remain open, so that in case he does have to come to me and tell me those dreaded words, I won't be back at square one. Do you have any idea how hard that is to fathom, when all I really want is him??? What she reminded me of with a story she told is the fact that I have his back no matter what. If I can do something or if I can help then I will do it. He knows that fact, as I have proven it plenty of times and will continue to do so. I know that counts in a man's mind, and it's not even an act for me...that's just who I am. I believe the thugs would call me a ride-or-die chick! LOL
I know he appreciates that about me. I know that makes me a lot more unique than a number of women out there. I am quite positive that all my numerous attributes far outweigh any drawbacks that are present! That's what I believe, that's the premise I will work from. My future husband - be it Dante or someone I have yet to know - will be bowled over by those very things!
In the Matchless name of Jesus....... (let everyone say) AMEN!!!!
I would gladly go under the knife and anesthesia to give him what he desires so much. I loved everything about childbearing, from conception to carrying the baby to even my labor and deliveries. I would gladly do it again...and again after that. BUT, I wonder if the fact that I have 4 children, then plus any we would have may be a little too overwhelming for him. I actually wouldn't think so, but that's because I think very highly of his strength and character. Call me partial that way!
The bff also reminded me today that I perhaps have been selling myself short in this. I always focus on this one thing that I can't do that the others may be able to. But what about all the things I have going for me that would make any man fall at my feet??? She told me to remain open, so that in case he does have to come to me and tell me those dreaded words, I won't be back at square one. Do you have any idea how hard that is to fathom, when all I really want is him??? What she reminded me of with a story she told is the fact that I have his back no matter what. If I can do something or if I can help then I will do it. He knows that fact, as I have proven it plenty of times and will continue to do so. I know that counts in a man's mind, and it's not even an act for me...that's just who I am. I believe the thugs would call me a ride-or-die chick! LOL
I know he appreciates that about me. I know that makes me a lot more unique than a number of women out there. I am quite positive that all my numerous attributes far outweigh any drawbacks that are present! That's what I believe, that's the premise I will work from. My future husband - be it Dante or someone I have yet to know - will be bowled over by those very things!
In the Matchless name of Jesus....... (let everyone say) AMEN!!!!
Happy New Year's Eve
Wow!! Do I need to clear my head up before tonight!!! What a "last night" and morning it has been! I am going to blame part of it on woman's intuition, and the other part on PMS to explain what happens next. Last night I did what I always advise others not to...I went digging. The saying goes: "Seek and ye shall find." I went looking for something on Dante's myspace page. Well between there and looking through his phone (gasp) while he was in the shower...I found it! What did I find you ask? Last night's stuff was purely circumstantial, a picture of him and another woman standing side by side (not even touching). It was the comments under the photo that helped my heart beat abnormally. She responded to someone else's comment about who he was and that's who she's been hiding by saying if they had went to her graduation then they would know who he was. As I said purely circumstantial stuff. But wait! There's more!!
Then today, his phone was left unlocked after he went to the shower and -completely AGAINST my better judgement- I looked through the text messages. Not much, but then I recognized a name as one I saw long ago, when I saw the "Are you okay baby?" text message when he spent the weekend with me and the kids. So I looked at the history of that conversation and was disturbed by the 'good morning pet name' messages I saw. Then it bothered me that, after asking me if I could get groceries for him before he heads back to Memphis and me agreeing, he tells this person when she asked about him needing groceries that his SISTER would be getting them for him on her link card! Yes, you are correct, that is suspect. That's when my pressure rose and I tried to begin calming myself down.
He came in the room and I couldn't even fake it. When he played 20 questions and found out the person I was mad at was him, he automatically knew it had something to do with his phone. I felt like shit for even admitting I had looked through it...because to me that's a huge breach of trust. He said he wasn't angry but I could tell he was pissed, I saw it in his eyes. I sincerely apologized for doing what I did. I told him what I found and asked about it (didn't tell him about the sister comment). He reminded me that I am well aware that he talks to other women and he has not hidden that from me. He reminded me that this vacation he has spent the vast majority of his time here with me, to which I agreed. Basically he turned the tables from me being mad at him to him being mad at me...or at least at the fact that I felt I had to do that. Yes, I know. That is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Yes, I did let it slide. No, I don't know why.
Why can't I be one of those women that get mad and holler and cuss and fuss? The men seem to looove them, and it seems to work too! But me? No. I'm way too classy for such antics and theatrics! The most you may get out of me is watery eyes and the knowledge that I am pissed off beyond all recognition.
So, I told him that it worries me sometimes. I told him that my biggest fear is that he will come to me one day and tell me 'I care about you, but I found someone else I want to be with...and she can have children.' You know what didn't help that baring-my-soul moment? Him saying that that was his biggest fear also...that he would have to say that to me one day! Wow, yeah..I feel sooooo much better now. Thanks Punkin! ;-) Honesty rocks! (seriously, I wouldn't want it any other way. better honest now than caught in a big ass lying mess later)
I don't know what the hell to do right now. But I know for damn sure that I will not come into the new year in a state of confusion! I am determined! I heard Kanye West's Stronger in the car on the way back from Wallyworld. That's a favorite pump up song of mine! Then when I got back home, I changed my yahoo status message to this:
Then today, his phone was left unlocked after he went to the shower and -completely AGAINST my better judgement- I looked through the text messages. Not much, but then I recognized a name as one I saw long ago, when I saw the "Are you okay baby?" text message when he spent the weekend with me and the kids. So I looked at the history of that conversation and was disturbed by the 'good morning pet name' messages I saw. Then it bothered me that, after asking me if I could get groceries for him before he heads back to Memphis and me agreeing, he tells this person when she asked about him needing groceries that his SISTER would be getting them for him on her link card! Yes, you are correct, that is suspect. That's when my pressure rose and I tried to begin calming myself down.
He came in the room and I couldn't even fake it. When he played 20 questions and found out the person I was mad at was him, he automatically knew it had something to do with his phone. I felt like shit for even admitting I had looked through it...because to me that's a huge breach of trust. He said he wasn't angry but I could tell he was pissed, I saw it in his eyes. I sincerely apologized for doing what I did. I told him what I found and asked about it (didn't tell him about the sister comment). He reminded me that I am well aware that he talks to other women and he has not hidden that from me. He reminded me that this vacation he has spent the vast majority of his time here with me, to which I agreed. Basically he turned the tables from me being mad at him to him being mad at me...or at least at the fact that I felt I had to do that. Yes, I know. That is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Yes, I did let it slide. No, I don't know why.
Why can't I be one of those women that get mad and holler and cuss and fuss? The men seem to looove them, and it seems to work too! But me? No. I'm way too classy for such antics and theatrics! The most you may get out of me is watery eyes and the knowledge that I am pissed off beyond all recognition.
So, I told him that it worries me sometimes. I told him that my biggest fear is that he will come to me one day and tell me 'I care about you, but I found someone else I want to be with...and she can have children.' You know what didn't help that baring-my-soul moment? Him saying that that was his biggest fear also...that he would have to say that to me one day! Wow, yeah..I feel sooooo much better now. Thanks Punkin! ;-) Honesty rocks! (seriously, I wouldn't want it any other way. better honest now than caught in a big ass lying mess later)
I don't know what the hell to do right now. But I know for damn sure that I will not come into the new year in a state of confusion! I am determined! I heard Kanye West's Stronger in the car on the way back from Wallyworld. That's a favorite pump up song of mine! Then when I got back home, I changed my yahoo status message to this:
"Just Love and Let Go. Sometimes it's worth the heartbreak!"
There is nothing else I can do in this situation but continue to trust God over all, and know that He has my best interest at heart...even when noone else does (including myself)!!!
December 30, 2008
Christmas Was Great
Merry Belated Christmas to everyone! I hope yours was lovely! This went went a lot smoother than last year in the whole trying to be Santa Claus part! I made sure they were sleep and got everything where it needed to be BEFORE I went to bed for the night! Dante came through big time (again) with toys for them, and I was able to buy them each something else from their Christmas lists that they wanted. Starr got the bike she has wanted for such a long time (that her father never got). So Dante gets BIG kudos from the family (and the bff) for that! He has such a big heart, I just wish sometimes I knew how much of me was in there. But that's another story...
Anyway, he got into town before Christmas and is able to stay until after New Year's so that's exciting! Though, because he says he's going to church, I won't be able to spend that night with him. It's been really great having him here though. We have spent a pretty good amount of time together. We went to the movies the other day while Leigh watched all the children for me. Then we came home and ate some Talayna's lasagna, which he absolutely LOVES. He has spent several nights here and we have just really enjoyed our time together. I haven't heard those three words again though. That sometimes makes me wonder, was it something he really meant to say...perhaps it really was the alcohol and "activities" that made him say it. Ah well, only time will tell I suppose.
Anyhow, we spent Christmas at The Officer's house, even though she had to work as usual. As a correctional officer, her schedule is M-F 645a-3p...PERIOD!! Regardless of what holiday it is. We had a great time there. It was really good this year. It sometimes make me sad, because seeing as Grandmother is 87 years old...I wonder how much longer we will have her at our gatherings. Blessedly, the women in our family can live to be pretty "up there", so we may have quite a few more years at this rate! :-) I really didn't do any shopping for anyone outside the kids this year. I just didn't really have it to spare, trying to make sure the bills are paid is what matters most. My phone was acting up, and I misconnected with Wayne that day, he wanted to come by and see Starr for Christmas. Oops! Mind you, he hasn't made it since then either!
New Year's Eve is just around the corner. I can say that, although I am not where I want to be right now (especially financially), I can definitely see the strides I have made since last year this time! For that I feel blessed. I have made some mistakes this year, of which I will forgive myself for and move on. Most importantly, I will allow myself to trust God more and follow His lead instead of my own. I believe that single decision will help me achieve my business goals in record time this year!
Because I have some things on my mind and heart right...and because I am PMSing...I will end this post now before it becomes very neagtive and depressing. God Bless and Keep you til the end of all time!
Anyway, he got into town before Christmas and is able to stay until after New Year's so that's exciting! Though, because he says he's going to church, I won't be able to spend that night with him. It's been really great having him here though. We have spent a pretty good amount of time together. We went to the movies the other day while Leigh watched all the children for me. Then we came home and ate some Talayna's lasagna, which he absolutely LOVES. He has spent several nights here and we have just really enjoyed our time together. I haven't heard those three words again though. That sometimes makes me wonder, was it something he really meant to say...perhaps it really was the alcohol and "activities" that made him say it. Ah well, only time will tell I suppose.
Anyhow, we spent Christmas at The Officer's house, even though she had to work as usual. As a correctional officer, her schedule is M-F 645a-3p...PERIOD!! Regardless of what holiday it is. We had a great time there. It was really good this year. It sometimes make me sad, because seeing as Grandmother is 87 years old...I wonder how much longer we will have her at our gatherings. Blessedly, the women in our family can live to be pretty "up there", so we may have quite a few more years at this rate! :-) I really didn't do any shopping for anyone outside the kids this year. I just didn't really have it to spare, trying to make sure the bills are paid is what matters most. My phone was acting up, and I misconnected with Wayne that day, he wanted to come by and see Starr for Christmas. Oops! Mind you, he hasn't made it since then either!
New Year's Eve is just around the corner. I can say that, although I am not where I want to be right now (especially financially), I can definitely see the strides I have made since last year this time! For that I feel blessed. I have made some mistakes this year, of which I will forgive myself for and move on. Most importantly, I will allow myself to trust God more and follow His lead instead of my own. I believe that single decision will help me achieve my business goals in record time this year!
Because I have some things on my mind and heart right...and because I am PMSing...I will end this post now before it becomes very neagtive and depressing. God Bless and Keep you til the end of all time!
December 21, 2008
It's Almost Here
Yes, in a few days it will be Christmas! I finally put up the tree this evening! Still needs decorating, but it's a prelit tree, so that kinda helps! I even put a few red velvet bows on the outside railing, so now me and my duplex-mate match! I also rearranged my living room today as well. Oh no, this was not a minor switching-of-the-couch-and-loveseat kinda change. This was an everything-that-can-be-moved-will-be-moved kinda change! I am well pleased with it.
Whaddaya mean "Who helped me"?!?!?! Did you not see the name of this blog?
SOLOMOMMY, thankyouverymuch!
Okay, okay...the kids helped a little. They moved the toys that were in the corner out of the living room, and DJ sweep-vac'd the floor (which is his daily job anyway). But all the furniture moving and carrying of 32" TVs (old school, not flat-panel) from one room to the next was ALL ME!! Why yes...I am very proud of that!
Went to church this morning, then to Aldi to pick up a few things. That was all I could manage, considering it was like 13degrees outside with a windchill of -10 degrees to go with it!! Church was great this morning, I am really getting into it there. Last Sunday I arrived just in time to completely miss praise and worship, so I was a bit bummed about that. But I made it in time today, plus got to hear the message about "The Indescribable Gift of Christmas is Jesus Christ".
Came home and kind of lounged. There is an actual ton of laundry to do, but since I have to go outside to access the basement where the washer and dryer are there was none done today!! I'm also in the process of giving this place a good once-over clean & clutterwise too. I have quite a bit to see the goodwill tomorrow already, and will likely have more.
I did a little Christmas shopping with my sister Leigh yesterday. I ended scoring stocking stuffers and decorations mostly. Plus, I got Starr the art set she wanted and a couple of paper pads too. The "real" paper pads, like one specifically for watercolors and the other that's best for "dry media". She really is a good artist, and I want to continue to feed that in her. As far as toys go, what a blessing for Dante to have gotten so many things from their Christmas list this year! I hardly have to buy anything, which is a plus cause I won't have money til the day after Christmas! lol
He was even able to procure Starr a bike from a local bike drive they had. Yes, in case you are wondering, these gifts came from the US Marine Corps Toys for Tots program. No, I don't feel bad or like I'm abusing the privilege because of who he is. Honestly, had it not been for him, my kids Christmas wouldn't be so great at all. So, what I do feel is divinely blessed to have him in my life to do this for my children. But, I'll tell you a little secret. My prayer to God was that I could be a giver next year instead a receiver. And you know what? I believe God grants us the desires of our hearts, as long as it follows in line with His perfect will for our lives.
My Punkin will be here in a few days, and I can hardly wait! Just being in his embrace after a little time away is like a cold glass of water after a terribly long drought! Or better yet:
Take a deep breath in and hold it for a second. Now exhale slowly and completely, letting your shoulders and body relax in the process.
Feel that?
That's what's it's like in my Punkin's arms for me!
I really am falling, aren't I?
Whaddaya mean "Who helped me"?!?!?! Did you not see the name of this blog?
SOLOMOMMY, thankyouverymuch!
Okay, okay...the kids helped a little. They moved the toys that were in the corner out of the living room, and DJ sweep-vac'd the floor (which is his daily job anyway). But all the furniture moving and carrying of 32" TVs (old school, not flat-panel) from one room to the next was ALL ME!! Why yes...I am very proud of that!
Went to church this morning, then to Aldi to pick up a few things. That was all I could manage, considering it was like 13degrees outside with a windchill of -10 degrees to go with it!! Church was great this morning, I am really getting into it there. Last Sunday I arrived just in time to completely miss praise and worship, so I was a bit bummed about that. But I made it in time today, plus got to hear the message about "The Indescribable Gift of Christmas is Jesus Christ".
Came home and kind of lounged. There is an actual ton of laundry to do, but since I have to go outside to access the basement where the washer and dryer are there was none done today!! I'm also in the process of giving this place a good once-over clean & clutterwise too. I have quite a bit to see the goodwill tomorrow already, and will likely have more.
I did a little Christmas shopping with my sister Leigh yesterday. I ended scoring stocking stuffers and decorations mostly. Plus, I got Starr the art set she wanted and a couple of paper pads too. The "real" paper pads, like one specifically for watercolors and the other that's best for "dry media". She really is a good artist, and I want to continue to feed that in her. As far as toys go, what a blessing for Dante to have gotten so many things from their Christmas list this year! I hardly have to buy anything, which is a plus cause I won't have money til the day after Christmas! lol
He was even able to procure Starr a bike from a local bike drive they had. Yes, in case you are wondering, these gifts came from the US Marine Corps Toys for Tots program. No, I don't feel bad or like I'm abusing the privilege because of who he is. Honestly, had it not been for him, my kids Christmas wouldn't be so great at all. So, what I do feel is divinely blessed to have him in my life to do this for my children. But, I'll tell you a little secret. My prayer to God was that I could be a giver next year instead a receiver. And you know what? I believe God grants us the desires of our hearts, as long as it follows in line with His perfect will for our lives.
My Punkin will be here in a few days, and I can hardly wait! Just being in his embrace after a little time away is like a cold glass of water after a terribly long drought! Or better yet:
Take a deep breath in and hold it for a second. Now exhale slowly and completely, letting your shoulders and body relax in the process.
Feel that?
That's what's it's like in my Punkin's arms for me!
I really am falling, aren't I?
December 17, 2008
A Mellow Day
Didn't do my usual running today. Bruzer and I hit a couple stores, then ate Chick-Fil-A at the mall (on an entertainment book coupon, of course). We were home by 1p, where I lounged at the computer until it was time to pick up the kids. They get out half an hour early on Wednesday...every Wednesday. I am pretty good at remembering though, it just means I have to cut my day a little shorter than usual.
CGR and I had a great talk today. Seems things are going better for him and the girlfriend. Even though she's not my favorite person, as long as she makes him happy I'm okay with her. I even admitted to him today that I can say I leaning toward the "in love" category when it comes to Dante. Yes, I did say it just that cryptically!! I just feel a lot more comfortable letting myself go knowing that he is doing the same. I know it's not all the way yet, but it is definitely different than before. And I am most assuredly enjoying it too!!
I've been watching old episodes of Bones this evening, between cooking dinner and chatting with Jerome. I don't mention him much on here, but I talk to him pretty much every day. He's really a sweet guy, not much into the club scene or for being around a lot of people. He usually has a wandering eye, but this woman he's involved with now definitely has his heart. What I do know for sure is if he would have strayed, he would have told me! I'm basically the closest thing he has to a best friend! They have been together for almost 9 months now, and it hasn't been easy but they keep trying. No knock-down, drag-out fights or infidelity or anything like that. They're just trying to work through subtle differences, as we all do when we truly desire couplehood.
I ordered more books from Karen Kingsbury last night on Amazon. Don't worry, no spending frenzy alert needed. My total -with shipping- was $13 for 3 books!! I went into the Christian bookstore at the mall today and got 3 books by Michelle McKinney-Hammond. I am very excited to read those, and will give reviews as I do.
That's it for today, I'm headed to the bath now and bed later!
CGR and I had a great talk today. Seems things are going better for him and the girlfriend. Even though she's not my favorite person, as long as she makes him happy I'm okay with her. I even admitted to him today that I can say I leaning toward the "in love" category when it comes to Dante. Yes, I did say it just that cryptically!! I just feel a lot more comfortable letting myself go knowing that he is doing the same. I know it's not all the way yet, but it is definitely different than before. And I am most assuredly enjoying it too!!
I've been watching old episodes of Bones this evening, between cooking dinner and chatting with Jerome. I don't mention him much on here, but I talk to him pretty much every day. He's really a sweet guy, not much into the club scene or for being around a lot of people. He usually has a wandering eye, but this woman he's involved with now definitely has his heart. What I do know for sure is if he would have strayed, he would have told me! I'm basically the closest thing he has to a best friend! They have been together for almost 9 months now, and it hasn't been easy but they keep trying. No knock-down, drag-out fights or infidelity or anything like that. They're just trying to work through subtle differences, as we all do when we truly desire couplehood.
I ordered more books from Karen Kingsbury last night on Amazon. Don't worry, no spending frenzy alert needed. My total -with shipping- was $13 for 3 books!! I went into the Christian bookstore at the mall today and got 3 books by Michelle McKinney-Hammond. I am very excited to read those, and will give reviews as I do.
That's it for today, I'm headed to the bath now and bed later!
December 14, 2008
Still a bit melancholy
Time to get myself in line with what God wants me to do. I can't be any other way. My way doesn't work. Period. I get caught up in the wrong things and it takes my focus off what I should be doing. Where does that get me?
Nowhere!
Well, I say No Mas!! I have to start taking the advice I am giving out to everyone else right now. This is the only life we get, we need to live it to the fullest with as few regrets as possible!
My turn.
I am going to try to set a schedule for my blogging of Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. We'll see if that will keep me consistent like I want to be. Time will tell, right?
p.s. Can you tell I am REALLY melancholy right now?? More to come...
Nowhere!
Well, I say No Mas!! I have to start taking the advice I am giving out to everyone else right now. This is the only life we get, we need to live it to the fullest with as few regrets as possible!
My turn.
I am going to try to set a schedule for my blogging of Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. We'll see if that will keep me consistent like I want to be. Time will tell, right?
p.s. Can you tell I am REALLY melancholy right now?? More to come...
December 11, 2008
I Saw Him Today...
My father that is. I was reading a wonderful book by a Christian author named Karen Kinsgbury titled One Tuesday Morning last night. I was just finishing up, and was very emotional. Then one of the characters said something about seeing his father that he hadn't seen in years because life is too short, I thought about mine.
So I course I knew it was only God Who could've crossed our paths the next morning!
The sad thing is, we were just 2 cars passing on the road, but I saw him and he didn't see me. Still when the words left my so naturally saying, 'Wow, that was my father. I'm gonna have to go see him soon', I lost it!! Before I knew it, there were tears welling up in my eyes. I was breaking down fast.
I thought I was over that man. I thought just shutting him out of my life was working. Then when I found out he had throat cancer, I even accepted the fact that he would not be alive much longer. It was a bit of a relief because then I wouldn't have to deal with it for too much longer. But seeing him just brought it all back. The monumental disappointment and hurt and heartbrokeness that has evolved into anger after so many years...it's back. I can't even say I love him, I am so pissed at him for screwing me up the way he did! For making me feel never good enough. For showing me that I didn't mean more to him than someone else's child did. For us never having any kind of real relationship. Just anger is all that remains. So my logic is, if the mere existence of someone makesyou feel bad everytime you see them, then you cut them out of your life. Who wants to voluntarily be mad and hurt and disappointed, you know??
I now realize that God doesn't want me to just bury the pain, He wants me to be released from it. I now know that the only way that can happen is for me to confront him and tell him how he has made me feel all these years. That is probably going to be the hardest conversation I have ever had to have. But there is one thing I know for sure: I can all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
I have only one expectation out of this talk: that I will be free. I don't expect (or even believe) that the relationship can/will change between us. That worked for the bff...but she also got the (great) stepfather that I never did too, so I know better than to expect that. I just want to have said what I need to say to the person that caused me pain and then move on. If I decide to talk to him or still see him after that point, that will be fine too. Whatever God tells me to do, because that's the Father that I know has my best intentions at heart.
So I course I knew it was only God Who could've crossed our paths the next morning!
The sad thing is, we were just 2 cars passing on the road, but I saw him and he didn't see me. Still when the words left my so naturally saying, 'Wow, that was my father. I'm gonna have to go see him soon', I lost it!! Before I knew it, there were tears welling up in my eyes. I was breaking down fast.
I thought I was over that man. I thought just shutting him out of my life was working. Then when I found out he had throat cancer, I even accepted the fact that he would not be alive much longer. It was a bit of a relief because then I wouldn't have to deal with it for too much longer. But seeing him just brought it all back. The monumental disappointment and hurt and heartbrokeness that has evolved into anger after so many years...it's back. I can't even say I love him, I am so pissed at him for screwing me up the way he did! For making me feel never good enough. For showing me that I didn't mean more to him than someone else's child did. For us never having any kind of real relationship. Just anger is all that remains. So my logic is, if the mere existence of someone makesyou feel bad everytime you see them, then you cut them out of your life. Who wants to voluntarily be mad and hurt and disappointed, you know??
I now realize that God doesn't want me to just bury the pain, He wants me to be released from it. I now know that the only way that can happen is for me to confront him and tell him how he has made me feel all these years. That is probably going to be the hardest conversation I have ever had to have. But there is one thing I know for sure: I can all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
I have only one expectation out of this talk: that I will be free. I don't expect (or even believe) that the relationship can/will change between us. That worked for the bff...but she also got the (great) stepfather that I never did too, so I know better than to expect that. I just want to have said what I need to say to the person that caused me pain and then move on. If I decide to talk to him or still see him after that point, that will be fine too. Whatever God tells me to do, because that's the Father that I know has my best intentions at heart.
December 9, 2008
Fatigue
I have been so tired the last couple of days. I will drudge through the day and then be ready to pass out by late afternoon, only to get my second wind about 9p when I should be headed to bed!!
I made my "Hancock Spaghetti" last night for the kids, and they loved it! If you haven't seen the movie, Jason Bateman's character and his family have spaghetti and these monster-sized meatballs every Thursday for dinner. I told the kids I could probably do that, since they asked me to. Well, after about a week of stalling, I finally made it. The meatballs were good too! I mixed ground sirloin and ground turkey together, and that gave it a nice consistency. Dinner was followed by the most decadent piece of pie ever! I bought it at Sam's on Saturday, a Caramel Apple Nut creation! YUM!!
Tonight I made chili with the remaining sirloin and turkey I had cooked last night. I put it in the crock pot this morning (or late last night), so it's been going all day. Made buttered rolls and topped with shredded cheddar for the kids, they loved it. Then we had pie again, but this time I warmed it and added Dulce de Leche ice cream on top! None for me though, I just had pure whipped cream on mine instead!
I am feeling a bit melancholy too. I know why though, and it will pass. Gotta get this business rolling. Need to start believing in myself and my business as much as I believe in others' business ventures!!!
Going to bed! Better days are around the corner, I'm sure of that!!
I made my "Hancock Spaghetti" last night for the kids, and they loved it! If you haven't seen the movie, Jason Bateman's character and his family have spaghetti and these monster-sized meatballs every Thursday for dinner. I told the kids I could probably do that, since they asked me to. Well, after about a week of stalling, I finally made it. The meatballs were good too! I mixed ground sirloin and ground turkey together, and that gave it a nice consistency. Dinner was followed by the most decadent piece of pie ever! I bought it at Sam's on Saturday, a Caramel Apple Nut creation! YUM!!
Tonight I made chili with the remaining sirloin and turkey I had cooked last night. I put it in the crock pot this morning (or late last night), so it's been going all day. Made buttered rolls and topped with shredded cheddar for the kids, they loved it. Then we had pie again, but this time I warmed it and added Dulce de Leche ice cream on top! None for me though, I just had pure whipped cream on mine instead!
I am feeling a bit melancholy too. I know why though, and it will pass. Gotta get this business rolling. Need to start believing in myself and my business as much as I believe in others' business ventures!!!
Going to bed! Better days are around the corner, I'm sure of that!!
December 4, 2008
The Last Month of 2008
It has begun...the last month of 2008 is officially here. Almost time to start anew again for 2009. Time to reflect on what was accomplished this year. Time to review what learned. Time to reveal the dreams of tomorrow.
Are you ready? I am.
My life has taken such turns this year, even I couldn't have predicted it! Who would've guessed that in the very middle of 2008 I would be laid off?? Who would've guessed that instead of my BD, ie. Can't Get Right, and I being together, we were more like best friends? Who would've guessed that a passionate but allegedly casual fling between Dante and I would be positioned to go to new levels? And on top of that, I have been enlightened so much this year about myself and about life and about what I want out of life and how to get it and....well I could go on and on.
Let me say that - though Thanksgiving is past - I am so grateful for this year! I may not be financially where I want to be but, this was definitely my skyscraper year! The foundation was laid last year when things were so very low for me. This year, the steel frame has been put in place. Next year, the rest of the structure will be added to the frame! By next year's end, I want the finishing touches to be "prettying up" the interior of this beautiful skyscraper that not I built, but that God built!! When this project is done, everyone will see God in the glory, not me! That is my prayer.
Are you ready? I am.
My life has taken such turns this year, even I couldn't have predicted it! Who would've guessed that in the very middle of 2008 I would be laid off?? Who would've guessed that instead of my BD, ie. Can't Get Right, and I being together, we were more like best friends? Who would've guessed that a passionate but allegedly casual fling between Dante and I would be positioned to go to new levels? And on top of that, I have been enlightened so much this year about myself and about life and about what I want out of life and how to get it and....well I could go on and on.
Let me say that - though Thanksgiving is past - I am so grateful for this year! I may not be financially where I want to be but, this was definitely my skyscraper year! The foundation was laid last year when things were so very low for me. This year, the steel frame has been put in place. Next year, the rest of the structure will be added to the frame! By next year's end, I want the finishing touches to be "prettying up" the interior of this beautiful skyscraper that not I built, but that God built!! When this project is done, everyone will see God in the glory, not me! That is my prayer.
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